Lil's Bus Trip

by Judy Leigh

  Cassie exhaled slowly. ‘I’ll go and see him, shall I? I expect he’s in his room, reading. I’ll tell him that you two would like some space and I’ll sit next to him on the bus – so that he doesn’t feel totally ostracised.’

  ‘He doesn’t deserve anyone to be so nice to him after he’s been a randy cheat,’ Maggie spluttered.

  ‘Too right,’ Denise agreed.

  ‘I’m thinking of all the passengers and Tommy, who organised this trip, and Emily, who probably doesn’t need anything to upset her equilibrium.’ Cassie put out a hand, touching Sue’s arm. ‘I’ll make the peace, you two can sit together on the bus and Ken won’t feel outnumbered.’

  Maggie was alarmed. ‘He might try to seduce you too, Cassie – be careful.’

  ‘I think that boat has already sailed,’ Cassie suggested. She saw Maggie’s alarm and added, ‘His charm doesn’t work on all of us.’

  ‘Has he tried it on with you too?’ Sue was aghast. ‘The scoundrel!’

  Cassie shook her head. ‘He’s just a lonely man.’ She examined her fingers thoughtfully. ‘Why don’t you all go out and have some lunch? I’ll pop to Ken’s room and have a chat with him, clear the air.’

  ‘Be careful,’ Maggie warned, her brow wrinkled with anxiety.

  ‘Oh, no, Ken better be careful.’ Lil grinned, raising her coffee cup. ‘He’d be wise not to cross our Cassie.’ She turned to Sue and Denise, her face triumphant. ‘Ken’s a Lothario, hanging around her room with a bottle of champagne and two glasses. But my Cassie’s no pushover. If she says she’ll talk to him, you can believe he’ll get a good talking-to – and nothing more.’

  Sue and Denise exchanged glances, puzzled.

  ‘So, we have a plan.’ Cassie smiled. ‘Could you bring me a sandwich back, please, Lil?’

  ‘Of course I will, love. Right, let’s go and have some lunch.’ Lil stood up, ready to go. ‘Maggie and I will treat you – a girls’ lunch together. Sue, Denise, we’ll go and grab a pizza somewhere and you can tell us all about Ken. After all—’ she winked at Cassie ‘—I may need to pick up a few tips.’

  The luggage was safely stowed at the back of the minibus and the passengers in their seats. As they had promised, Sue and Denise sat together near the front. Jake and DJ were quietly at work, sketch pads on their knees, earbuds in, listening to music. Emily was reading. Ken leaned his head against the window halfway down the bus, a book in front of his face, while Cassie sat next to him scribbling in her notepad. Maggie was across the aisle and Lil was reading the last chapter of her novel, I, Sex Robot, the treasured photo of Frankie pressed between the pages. Roberta Bott was in her time capsule on her way home, having come to the scientific conclusion that men throughout history hadn’t changed that much at all. In front of Lil, Albert was dozing, a smile on his lips, a spare seat next to him. Duncan sat in the seat next to Tommy at the front.

  Tommy was wearing a Belgian football shirt that was at least two sizes too small. He called out, ‘Right, we’re leaving Honfleur and we should be in Cherbourg by half past three. We’ll whizz through customs and on to the ferry. It’s a three-hour sail then, once we’re off the ferry, it’s about five and a half hours, but we’ll have a stop. That means we’ll be getting home quite late. You should all have something substantial to eat on the ferry and try to get some sleep.’

  ‘I’m not looking forward to that long drive back,’ Lil grumbled. ‘I’ve got cushions but I’ll get ever so stiff in my hip.’

  ‘Lil?’ Maggie was concerned. ‘What did he mean, we’ll whizz through customs?’

  ‘They won’t care about a bunch of British tourists in a minibus,’ Lil explained. ‘They’ll just check our passports. It’s not as if we’re drug smugglers.’

  ‘Oh, right.’ Maggie caught her breath and glanced at her handbag.

  Cassie gazed up from her writing. ‘We’ll have dinner on the boat and a walk around, stretch our legs. We’ll stop for a coffee on the way back to break up the journey.’

  ‘And we’ll need plenty of toilet visits too,’ Lil added.

  Maggie hugged her handbag anxiously, her mouth drooping. ‘I’m not looking forward to this at all.’

  Ken leaned over kindly, offering an opened bag of toffees. Cassie took one, Lil delved in and pulled out two wrapped sweets, handing one to Maggie. ‘Here, Maggie, you look a bit worried. Chew on this. It’ll cheer you up.’ Seeing her friend hesitate, Lil added, ‘Go on – it won’t turn you into Ken’s concubine.’

  Cassie winked at Ken, who looked very embarrassed and offered her another toffee.

  Two hours later, as Lil gazed out of the window at the drizzle, she saw a sign for the ferry port and frowned. There were things she wanted to talk to Cassie about, important things. She glanced over towards her daughter, who was shaking her head in refusal as Ken offered her another sweet. Maggie leaned over, taking two. Lil tapped her friend’s knee. ‘Maggie, would you let Cassie sit next to me, just for a while?’

  ‘All right.’ Maggie nodded good-naturedly, unclipped her seat belt, struggled across the aisle into the seat Cassie had just left, and plonked herself down next to Ken. She glanced a little nervously at his crisp blazer and cravat and clutched her handbag firmly against her chest.

  Lil tucked an arm through the crook of Cassie’s. ‘I want to buy some new books to read, Cassie. Will you help me?’

  ‘Of course.’ Cassie closed her eyes. ‘What sort of thing do you want?’

  ‘Romances – something about tender feelings. And strong characters, especially the women.’

  ‘No more bonking books, then?’

  ‘No, I’ve had enough of them for the time being.’

  Cassie hugged her. ‘We’ll get you some nice new books – there are some very moving romances, some great stories about realistic relationships.’

  Lil took her opportunity. ‘The thing is, you see, I was wondering…’

  ‘About Albert?’

  ‘I’m becoming very fond of him, love. He’s very nice.’

  ‘I know he’s nice, Lil…’ Cassie took a breath. ‘But…?’

  ‘But I like Herman too. I mean, he’s a long way away. I know a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush so – do you think Albie would mind if I kept Herman just for the holidays?’

  ‘You’ll have to ask him,’ Cassie suggested. ‘Why don’t you wait and see how you feel when you get home?’

  ‘Good idea.’ Lil closed her eyes, thinking about herself in an embrace with one man and then the other. She kept her lids shut and murmured, ‘Nothing for years, no love at all, and now I’m old, I’ve got two…’

  Cassie sighed. ‘You’re never too old, Lil.’ For a moment, she saw herself at her mother’s age and wondered what the future would bring. She thought fondly, she might still be living with Jamie. He was in her thoughts most of the time now. They had arrived at the ferry port and the minibus had slowed down; they were in a queue.

  Across the aisle, Maggie had put on her sunglasses; she was still hugging her handbag, staring ahead. She thought that if she didn’t make eye contact with the passport officer, she might be safe. Then she felt the need to talk, so she nudged Ken gently. ‘I’m looking forward to seeing my husband, Brian, when I get home. We’ve patched things up.’

  Ken coughed lightly. ‘You must have missed him while we’ve been away, Maggie.’

  ‘Oh, I have. And I think he’s missed me. I’ve made a list of everything I want him to do from now on. Lil has been wonderful – she persuaded me to go on holiday so he’d realise how much he loves me.’ Maggie noticed Ken was holding out the sweets again. She took the whole bag. ‘So – I’ve got him a present.’

  ‘That’s nice,’ Ken said politely. ‘What did you buy for him?’

  ‘It’s in my handbag.’ Maggie turned anxious eyes in his direction. ‘In fact, I’m a bit worried about what I’ve got. It’s very special. I’m not sure I’m allowed to take it home…’

  ‘How do you mean?’

  Maggie leane
d close to Ken. ‘Well, I’ve heard that the customs don’t take kindly to people bringing some things through – alcohol, cigarettes and the like.’

  ‘What did you buy him?’ Ken allowed himself a smile, finding Maggie’s concern endearing. ‘A bottle of Dutch gin?’

  ‘No.’ Maggie’s voice was low and confidential. ‘It’s something completely different. I’m not sure I should have bought it at all. A nice young man in the street in Amsterdam sold it to me. It cost me a lot of money but he said it would make Brian a very, very chilled-out man…’

  33

  The customs officer was already on the minibus, checking passports. He was short with a large stomach, a dark blue shirt, sparse hair and a clean-shaven face. His eyes were small and penetrating as he stopped to check Sue’s and Denise’s passports. The customs officer then paused in front of Lil and Cassie, held out a hand and said, ‘Passports.’

  Lil noticed that he seemed very serious. She wondered whether to offer him a chocolate triangle, then she glanced down at his belt and saw the holster and the pistol and decided against it. She handed over her passport and waited while he stared at her for a moment and returned it without a word. Cassie passed her document to the man and smiled. ‘Voici, monsieur, mon passeport.’

  The customs officer glanced at her, returned the passport and turned to Maggie and Ken. Lil noticed he had the words Douane on the back of his shirt in large white letters. Beneath his arms were dark sweat patches. Ken handed over his passport and murmured, ‘Merci.’

  The customs officer turned to Maggie. ‘Madame, your passport?’

  Maggie had started to tremble. Her hands had become large and cumbersome, and they refused to do as she was asking them to do. As she whisked off her sunglasses, fumbled in her handbag and tugged out the passport, she pulled with it a wrapped package that flipped into the air in a somersault and landed in the aisle at the feet of the customs officer. Maggie gasped and started to babble.

  ‘I’m sorry. Sorry. It’s not mine. It fell into my bag by accident. I don’t know where it came from. It’s just funny tobacco. I didn’t buy it in Amsterdam. It’s not illegal, is it, officer?’

  The customs officer picked up the package and stood up very straight, leaning back on his heels so that his stomach protruded. He held the package to his nose and inhaled deeply. He glared down at Maggie, his brows lowered, and he sniffed the package again. He leaned over her imperiously. ‘Est-ce le vôtre, ce paquet?’

  Maggie was confused; she’d started to perspire. She wiped sweat from the top of her lip and raised her voice. ‘It’s not mine. I don’t know how it came to be there. I don’t want to go to prison.’ Her face crumpled.

  Ken pressed her hand gently. ‘Leave it with me, Maggie. I speak a little French.’ He gave a little cough and addressed the customs officer. ‘Excusez-moi, monsieur – le paquet est à moi – je l'ai acheté pour… la médecine.’

  The customs officer frowned. His voice was very stern. ‘Venez avec moi, s'il vous plaît, monsieur.’ He turned to Tommy, whose hands were frozen at the wheel, horrified. ‘Vous tous, restez où vous êtes.’

  The customs officer’s hand touched his holster; he stood back as Ken slid past Maggie and moved to the front of the minibus and down the stairs. The customs officer followed him, turning to growl at the passengers, ‘Vous tous, attendez. Je reviendrai,’ before he disappeared.

  There was no sound in the bus for several seconds. Everyone held their breath and exchanged glances, then Maggie said, ‘Oh dear. Was that my fault?’

  ‘What on earth happened?’ Tommy gasped. ‘What did he say? What’s going on?’

  Cassie stood up. ‘Ken’s just talking to the customs officer…’ She exhaled. ‘We have to stay here and wait.’

  Sue was distraught. ‘What’s happening to Ken? Has he been arrested?’

  ‘What was in the package, Maggie?’ Cassie asked quickly.

  Maggie’s lip trembled. ‘Special wacky tobacco. It cost me a lot of money. I bought it for Brian from a young man I met in the street in Amsterdam when I was shopping. I told him my husband smoked, so he said this was especially good and he could roll his own cigarettes with it – he said it was a wonderful present and it would make him chilled out and happy.’ Maggie started to cry. ‘I had a funny idea it might be something I shouldn’t have bought when he told me to keep it safe in my handbag and not tell anyone where I’d got it – and now Ken’s in trouble.’

  ‘Why is Ken in trouble if it’s yours?’ Denise asked.

  ‘Is it cannabis?’ asked DJ.

  ‘Marijuana.’ Jake added.

  ‘One of them, both even, I think.’ Maggie wiped perspiration from her brow. ‘Oh dear… poor Ken. I feel so awful.’

  Lil handed Maggie a handkerchief from her cat-whisker handbag.

  ‘Ken told the customs officer it was his and he’d bought it for medicinal purposes,’ Cassie explained.

  Duncan was flabbergasted. ‘Why ever would he do that, the idiot?’

  ‘Because he wanted to save Maggie,’ Denise explained. ‘He’s being heroic.’

  ‘And now he’s in trouble,’ Sue wailed.

  ‘Lil, can you sit next to Maggie and look after her?’ Cassie grabbed her bag. ‘I’m going out to talk to the customs officer. I’ll explain it’s all been a mistake.’

  ‘We might miss the boat,’ Tommy muttered, gazing at his watch.

  ‘That’s the least of our problems, I reckon,’ Duncan mumbled. ‘Ken’s going to prison for drug trafficking.’

  Cassie pushed cushions round Lil and Maggie. ‘Are you comfortable?’ They nodded and she announced to the passengers. ‘Right – I’ll be as quick as I can. I’ll explain it all and hopefully they’ll let us go.’

  ‘Be careful, Cassie,’ Maggie blubbered. ‘The customs man – he had a gun.’

  Cassie winked and headed towards the steps. As she descended, the breeze blew her white hair in a cloud around her head. Out of the window, they could all see Ken standing opposite the customs officer and another, taller man in identical uniform. Cassie went up to the men and spoke directly to them and they turned, suddenly interested. Cassie was waving her hands, speaking forcefully. The shorter, burly officer put his hands on his hips and began to shout.

  ‘Oh dear,’ Lil sighed. ‘I don’t think it’s going well.’

  Albert eased himself up and moved to the empty seats across the aisle from Lil, sinking into a chair and reaching out an arm to hold her hand. Maggie was now sobbing onto Lil’s shoulder, wailing about everything being her fault and how she’d spoiled everyone’s holiday. Lil was making soft noises to comfort her as Emily rushed forward, pushing a bar of chocolate into Maggie’s hand, promising her that everything would be fine.

  Sue’s voice echoed around the bus, over everyone else’s excited chatter. ‘They might try to keep Ken here and lock him up. He’d be convicted for smuggling. He’d go to prison.’

  ‘We’ll explain that he’s not responsible, Syoo. We’ll stand by him.’

  ‘But then we’d get Maggie into trouble – we can’t put her in the firing line, Denise.’

  Maggie began to sob harder. Lil wrapped her arms around her friend, promising that Cassie would sort everything out. Tommy was suddenly concerned. ‘The next thing they’ll do is drag us all off the bus. They’ll strip-search everyone. They search for drugs everywhere on your naked body, you know – and I mean, everywhere.’

  ‘They won’t put their hands on my naked body,’ Lil affirmed. ‘That’s definitely not happening.’

  ‘Nor mine,’ Maggie wailed.

  ‘Perhaps they’ll bring the sniffer dogs out?’ Duncan gasped.

  ‘I don’t like fierce dogs.’ Maggie’s sobs grew even louder. Albert took the bar of chocolate with shaky hands and divided it into three, pushing a third into his own mouth.

  DJ said, ‘It’s only a bit of dope. It’s not much – just a bit for personal use. They’ll let us off.’

  ‘They might not.’ Jake wrapped an arm a
round him. ‘We’re the young ones here – I bet they’ll blame it on us.’

  DJ put a hand to his forehead. ‘I’ve been stopped on suspicion before and I’d done nothing…’ He thought for a moment. ‘Poor Ken.’

  ‘Think positively.’ Emily smiled warmly. ‘We’ll all be on our way soon. Cassie will sort it out.’

  Tommy folded his arms. ‘We’d better hope so. We should be on the boat by now.’

  Another customs man strode onto the bus, standing at the top of the steps, his hands on his hips. ‘Vous tous, descendez maintenant.’ He waved towards the door.

  ‘What did he say?’ asked Tommy.

  Emily sighed. ‘He said we all have to get off.’

  The ten remaining passengers clambered out of the minibus and stood in a circle. It had become cold outside; although the rain had stopped, there was an icy wind from the ocean. Ken was led into an office by the two other customs men. Out of nowhere, two more uniformed customs officers, a man and a woman, with two Alsatian dogs on leads, clambered onto the bus. The group huddled closely as Tommy wailed, ‘They are searching the entire bus for drugs.’

  Cassie walked over to Lil and Maggie grabbed her arm, distraught.

  ‘Are we going to be stripped?’ Her grip increased. ‘Are they going to search us?’

  ‘There’s no need to panic.’ Cassie rubbed Maggie’s shoulder affectionately. ‘I think we can sort this out. I’ve said there is nothing else on the bus – they are just checking.’

  DJ’s face fell. ‘This is serious.’

  ‘Cassie – what’s happening to Ken?’ Denise asked worriedly.

  Cassie sighed. ‘I’m hoping they’ll believe that Ken bought it to help with a medical problem he’s pretending to have.’ She shrugged. ‘We’ll see what they say.’

  ‘He didn’t say it was all my fault?’ Maggie grasped Cassie’s arm in desperation.

  ‘No, it’ll be fine, Maggie.’ Cassie offered a smile. ‘When we get out of this one, though, you’ll owe him a huge bottle of something special.’