After the Fall

by Brad Graber

  “Well, I do,” Rita announced as she tossed the salad with olive oil and vinegar. “And I think a lot of other parents would.”

  “It’s 2005, Rita. No one cares.”

  “President Bush cares,” Rita argued. “Last year he called for a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage. So, even in 2005, nothing has changed,” Rita said confidently. “Americans don’t approve of homosexuals. You mark my words. People like that,” and she pointed a paring knife in Rikki’s direction, “will get their comeuppance if they don’t mind their p’s and q’s.”

  Rikki rolled her eyes. What were “p”s and “q”s?

  ◆

  “It’s okay, Harry,” Lil said as she gathered up her clothes. “You’re just not in the mood. I get it. It happens to everyone now and then.”

  Harry remained in bed, turned on his side away from Lil.

  “I have this strange effect on men,” she admitted. “In the beginning, it’s always terrific, and then, I guess, I just wear on them.” She slipped on her jeans.

  Harry turned onto his back.

  Lil searched for her Danskin. It was on the floor by the dresser. “You can’t help the way you feel. We’re both old enough to know that it’s just the way it is.”

  Harry sat up and slid backward, leaning against the headboard. “Lil, you can’t take it so personally.”

  Lil wiggled into her athletic top. “I’m not,” she said.

  He was unconvinced. “It’s me, not you.”

  Lil laughed. “Oh, Harry, if I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard that one . . .” She slipped into her pink Nikes. “You men are all alike. Doesn’t anyone have an original line?” She turned to look in the mirror that hung above Harry’s dresser. “Dear God, I’m a mess,” she said as she pulled her hair back from her face. “A mess.”

  “No, you’re not,” Harry said. “You’re beautiful, Lil. Really beautiful.”

  “Am I?” she asked, turning to him. “Do you really think so?”

  “Oh, yes,” Harry said. His voice was warm and loving. “You truly are.”

  “Then tell me one thing, Harry.” She sat on the edge of the bed, near him. “Why is it that a smart lady like me is unable to take a hint? Why is it that when I see what I want, I just push forward?”

  Harry took Lil’s hand. “It’s not such a bad quality.”

  Lil’s eyes filled with tears. “It must be, because I’m still alone after all these years,” she stammered, a hand to her forehead. “Still a very single lady.”

  Harry pulled her close. “Oh, Lil,” was all he managed to say before she kissed him with a depth of intensity that eliminated all resistance.

  8

  “Has he been coughing a lot?” Dr. Newbar asked as Beetle squirmed on the table.

  “The same,” Harry answered, worried that Beetle’s heart had enlarged even more.

  Newbar listened intently with a stethoscope. “Good strong beat. I’d say the medication is working. Have you been counting breaths?”

  “Twenty-two,” Harry answered.

  “That’s good,” Newbar affirmed. “As long as he’s not in congestive heart failure, I’d say we’re managing him well. And when things begin to change, we’ve got some other medications to try.”

  Harry nodded as Newbar went into the minutiae of the diagnosis. All the medications that Beetle might take, the ups and downs, reasons to hold off on any change. Harry listened patiently as Newbar lectured, finally lifting Beetle off the exam table. Beetle calmed down in his arms.

  “I don’t think I’ll need to see you for another two months,” Newbar said as he left the exam room.

  Harry hoped Newbar was right.

  ◆

  Rita was lying down on the canvas sofa as Rikki finished packing for Christmas break. It’d be cold in Ohio in December, not much different than the weather in Queens, and still Rikki wondered if the sweaters she’d included might be too heavy. Finished, she placed the roller bag by the front door of the apartment, along with a knapsack that she’d stuffed with reading material for the train ride.

  Rita lifted her head. “All set, then?” she asked.

  “Yes,” Rikki answered. “How’s your headache?”

  Rita raised herself up on one elbow. “It hurts.”

  Rikki checked her watch. “I better get going. I told Mr. Winer that I’d meet him downstairs. We’re going to need plenty of time to get into Manhattan.”

  Rita sat up. “I’m not sure this is such a good idea. Hanukah is the same day as Christmas this year. That’s two holidays we’ll miss spending together.”

  “Hanukah!” Rikki said with surprise. “Since when do we celebrate that?”

  “Well, we could,” Rita added. “If it’s important to you.”

  Rikki smiled. Rita was nothing if not consistent.

  “You’re going to have to sit up all night in coach. That’ll be a rough trip. And the train will be packed. Christmas Eve is tomorrow.”

  Rikki ignored her. “Maybe I should wait downstairs? Mr. Winer said he’d buzz on the intercom, but since I’m ready, I’ll just go downstairs.”

  “Rikki, I’m sorry,” Rita said softly. “I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel uncomfortable. I only wanted,” and tears began to flow down Rita’s cheeks, “to protect you.”

  “From what?” Rikki asked, aware she had the upper hand.

  “You’re so young. I just didn’t want you to suffer through the trauma of the loss all over again.”

  Rikki’s anger flared. “So you tried to erase the memory of my mother?”

  “It’s more than that,” she struggled to explain. “There are things you don’t know.”

  Rikki bit her bottom lip. The intercom buzzer interrupted them. “I’ve got to go. It’s time,” she said as she grabbed her luggage and rushed from the room. Rita followed closely behind. Pressing the button on the wall unit that allowed her to speak, Rikki called out. “I’ll be right down.”

  “Don’t go like this,” Rita pleaded. “Not mad.”

  “Rita, I’ve got to go. My ride is here. I’ll be back a week from tomorrow just in time for New Year’s Eve. Enjoy your week,” she said, before hurrying out the door.

  ◆

  “I’m still working on those pages,” Harry said, as he fiddled with the pencil on his desk. Years ago, he’d written everything in long hand. Those days seemed a million years away.

  “What? I can’t hear you.” Edward leaned into the screen.

  “Geez,” Harry called out. “Back up. I don’t need to see every one of your nose hairs.”

  Edward chuckled as he straightened up. “Sorry about that, Harry. But I think I’m having some trouble with my laptop. For some reason I’m catching a lot of interference.”

  Harry broke into a smile. “That isn’t interference. Beetle’s asleep. He’s snoring.”

  “Are you telling me your dog is making that racket?”

  Harry laughed. “That, and more. I’m kind of used to it. Can’t work without it.”

  “Then why are you short those pages?”

  Lil had occupied an increasing amount of Harry’s time. Under her influence, he’d started hiking in the morning, going to the top of Squaw Peak, which offered a thrilling view of the valley.

  “I’ll get it done,” Harry said. “I just need some more time.”

  Edward frowned. “It’s not like you, Harry, to be so consistently late. You know there are other writers who’d be glad for my time. Maybe we should hold off for another two months until you’re ready.”

  “But I’m in the middle of the project,” Harry complained. “If we stop now, I’ll never get this damn book done.”

  Edward rubbed his eye. “Well, then, maybe it’s not the right time to do the project. Here we are, coming up on the holidays, and you’re so unfocused.”

  “No,” Harry insisted. “I’m going to get it together. I’m sorry, Edward. I promise. You’ll get the pages in the next few days.”

  “So you’ll b
e in Phoenix for Christmas?”

  “Where else would I be?”

  Edward sat back in his chair. “You’re not spending the holidays alone, are you?”

  “Of course not,” Harry answered. “I have Beetle.”

  “But you do have plans, Harry. Dinner with friends. Holiday parties.”

  Harry sighed.

  “Oh Harry, you shouldn’t be alone. Really. It isn’t healthy.”

  “As long as I have Beetle, I’ll be just fine.”

  ◆

  Pennsylvania Station on the Friday afternoon of Christmas weekend was packed with people as Rikki trailed behind Barbra and her father. The distinctive, sooty smell of the place clung to the top of Rikki’s palate as she waited patiently with the luggage while Barbra’s father purchased the tickets. After a sweet goodbye, she and Barbra were finally alone as they made their way to the platform.

  “He’s awfully nice,” Rikki said about Barbra’s dad.

  “He’s nothing of the sort,” Barbra complained. “If he was nice, I’d be going with him on that cruise.”

  “I guess it’s an adult thing,” Rikki innocently said, not giving much thought to her words.

  Barbra’s temper flared. “Are you going to defend him, Rikki? Is that the kind of friend you’ve turned out to be?”

  Rikki was flabbergasted. “What did I say?”

  “You know what? I’m not so sure that you’re a very nice person.”

  Rikki stopped dead in her tracks as the girls faced each other. Yes, Barbra had been aloof at school. But now they were alone in Manhattan at Pennsylvania Station, waiting to board a train to stay with Barbra’s relatives. Surely, this was not the best time to get into a fight. “I’m sorry. Whatever upset you, I take it back.”

  But Barbra was not about to let Rikki off that easy. “You stole my boyfriend,” Barbra said, accusingly.

  Rikki took a breath. “I know how you feel about Barney, but honestly, I didn’t do anything.”

  Barbra raised an eyebrow. “You mean to stand here and tell me that you didn’t work behind my back to get him to like you?”

  Rikki shrugged her shoulders. “Is that even possible?”

  A vein popped in Barbra’s forehead. “You know darn well it is.”

  “Barbra, I don’t know what to say or how to make it up to you,” Rikki admitted as they boarded the Amtrak coach.

  “You can stay away from him,” Barbra suggested.

  Rikki took a breath. How could she? Over the last few weeks Barney had become too important to her.

  “This is ridiculous,” Rikki insisted as they made their way down the aisle in search of seats. “Barbra, it’s not like I’ve ever said anything to Barney, one way or another. Really. I don’t know why he has chosen me over you. Honestly. I have no idea.”

  The train lurched forward as Rikki grabbed for the handle atop a nearby seat. Unable to maintain her grip, she fell forward into Barbra, as Barbra reached for and grabbed the arm of a middle-aged man seated nearby who was holding an infant in his arms. “Hey,” the man yelled, as he struggled to hold the baby. He glared at Barbra. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

  Barbra turned to Rikki. “You did that on purpose, didn’t you?”

  Rikki was flabbergasted. “Of course not.”

  “You’ve told Barney terrible things about me, haven’t you?” Barbra’s voice escalated.

  “Absolutely not,” Rikki defended herself. “You’re my best friend, Barbra. I’d never do that.”

  “I don’t believe you,” Barbra said. “Real friends don’t betray each other’s trust.”

  “Well, it’s true,” Rikki insisted. “What can I do to make you understand?”

  Barbra’s eyes flashed. “You can begin by getting the hell away from me.”

  Rikki panicked. The train was picking up speed. “What do you mean?” she asked as Barbra took a window seat, placing her bag on the aisle seat. “We’re going to be together for a week.”

  “No, we’re not,” Barbra answered emphatically. “You’re not coming with me.”

  Rikki could hardly believe her ears. She held tight to the top of the aisle seat as the train accelerated. “Well, I’m on the train. I must be going somewhere.”

  “Maybe,” Barbra sarcastically answered. “But not with me. I don’t want to spend one more moment with you.”

  “But your aunt and uncle will be expecting me for Christmas,” Rikki said, trying to reason with her as the floor beneath her feet vibrated with a steady rhythm. “You can’t just decide at the last minute that I’m uninvited.”

  Barbra glared at Rikki. “I’ll just tell them that you got sick and were unable to come, after all.”

  Rikki could hardly believe her ears. “Oh, Barbra, you wouldn’t.” The car lurched forward and sideways. The motion was becoming too much. She needed to sit down, “And what will you tell your father?”

  Barbra offered a callous smile. “They don’t care about me . . . I truly doubt they’ll be concerned about you.”

  “But they’ll surely ask questions.”

  “I’ll just tell them that you got homesick and took the next train back. You already have a return ticket. Just tell them at the station that you want to use it now. Problem solved.”

  Rikki’s stomach rolled from the motion. “Oh, Barbra, you should have told me all this before. You’re not being fair.”

  Barbra didn’t answer. She just turned her head to look out the window.

  ◆

  Two cars away from Barbra, Rikki finally settled into an empty coach seat. Barbra’s words echoed in her head as she tried to figure out what to do next. The whistle of the train signaled a tunnel up ahead as the interior lights suddenly came on and the outside world turned black. All Rikki could see was her reflection in the glass. The troubled look of a young girl.

  As the train emerged from the darkness, Rikki took account of her situation. She had $300 in cash, courtesy of her prize winnings. Rita had insisted that the other $200 go into her savings account. She slipped a finger in her right jean pocket to confirm it was still there, nicely folded. Rita had provided a Visa card in case of emergencies. Rikki felt confident that the cash and the credit card would carry the day.

  She checked her watch. It was 4:30 p.m. In approximately sixteen hours she’d arrive in Toledo. It would be early morning. She’d then have to figure out how to get back to Queens. It crossed her mind that she might still be able to work it out with Barbra. That was worth a try. But she couldn’t imagine how she could persuade Barbra to change her mind. No, she thought, remembering Barbra’s angry face. I think I’m going to just have to go back to Queens.

  She unzipped her backpack and pulled out a sandwich Rita had made for the trip. BLT—her favorite. The first bite eased her mind as she savored the salty bacon. The sights of New Jersey’s plants with their plumes of smoke shooting high in the air passed by as she realized that this was the first time she’d ever been on her own. She felt a sudden inner confidence growing. The first taste of adulthood. It was exciting. She could do as she pleased. Whatever decision she made, it would be her choice.

  As the factories faded and the New Jersey suburbs came into view, a heavy-set man with a cane tottered up the aisle. His face ashen, his movements unsteady from the train’s motion, he appeared to struggle with every step. His mouth, crooked, evidenced a slight droop. Rikki looked away when he smiled at her.

  “Is this seat taken?” he asked, his speech slurred as he poked his cane at the seat.

  Rikki removed her backpack and placed it by her feet. The man sat down as Rikki returned to the passing view of rolling fields and red barns.

  “Lovely, isn’t it?” the man said, pulling her attention away from the scenery.

  “Yes,” she agreed.

  “I was raised on one of those dairy farms.”

  She said nothing as she examined the man’s face. His eyes, slightly bloodshot, seemed kind.

  “Of course, that was back in Iowa. Many years
ago.”

  Rikki smiled politely and then looked away again.

  “Are you alone?” the man asked.

  Rikki thought to lie as she continued to look out the window. “No. I just thought I’d sit by myself. My family is in the other car.”

  The man nodded. “You know, it’s interesting what you can learn living on a farm.”

  Rikki was beginning to feel nervous. She didn’t want to talk to the man. She couldn’t help but wonder why he’d opted to sit next to her. As she looked about, there were other seats. Perhaps he was lonely.

  “The closest I’ve ever come to a farm,” she admitted, “was when I lived in Michigan.”

  “Yes,” the man said as he suddenly, and most inexplicably, placed the palm of his hand on Rikki’s knee. “There are quite a few out that way.”

  Rikki froze.

  The man straightened up. His hand slowly began to slide up the inside of her thigh. “I especially like the cows. Have you ever tasted cow’s milk fresh from the udder?”

  Rikki was horrified. She started to stand but the man pulled her back down.

  “Now, young lady, I think you might be in need of some company. Perhaps some adult supervision.”

  “Get away from me,” she said, “before I start to scream.”

  “You’re not going to scream,” he said, as he leaned in close. “If you were going to scream, you would have already.”

  “Hey, creep,” a voice called out as a hand grabbed the older man by the back of his jacket. “What are you doing?”

  It was Barney. Barney was standing in the aisle, pulling the man right out of the seat.

  The old man stumbled, landing hard in the aisle.

  “I wasn’t doing anything,” he said as he struggled to his feet and scrambled away.

  ◆

  “Oh, my God, Barney!” Rikki said as she broke into tears. “What are you doing here?”

  Barney put his arm around her shoulder as she pressed her face into his neck.

  “I was thinking it might be fun to go to the Midwest for Christmas,” he said. “And I remembered which train you were taking and boy, am I glad I did. I didn’t know you liked older men,” he gently teased, eliciting a smile from her. “Besides, I didn’t want to spend the holidays alone. It’s a good thing I made that decision.”