After the Fall

by Brad Graber

  She closed her eyes as the present moment faded. She was a small child traveling from Michigan to New York to visit Rita. She and her mother made the trip twice a year, during the Christmas holiday season and in summer when school was out.

  “Honey,” she heard her mother call to her as they waited for their flight, “please come back over here and sit down.”

  “But Mommy, there’s a puppy in that lady’s travel bag. A white poodle.”

  “Yes,” Elle said, all smiles as Rikki obeyed. “Very sweet, my darling. Maybe we can get a dog, too. Is that something you’d like?”

  “I’d love it,” Rikki gushed.

  “Oh, I nearly forgot. Uncle Bill bought something for you,” she muttered as she searched through her work bag, filled to the brim with papers.

  Rikki giggled. Her mother never seemed able to find anything in the oversized black bag.

  Elle looked up and laughed along with her daughter. “I’m impossible,” she said. “I seem to lose everything in this darn bag.” Her eyes shimmered.

  Rikki leaned in for a hug. “It’s okay, Mom.”

  Elle refused to give up. “I know it’s here somewhere,” she said as she returned her attention to the overstuffed bag. “Aha. Here it is.” She pulled out a book titled A Case of Bad Stripes. “Hmm,” she said, giving her daughter a conspiratorial look as she tugged on Rikki’s chin. “Perhaps I should read this instead of reviewing the floor plans for Marsh and McClennan’s redesign.”

  The memory flooded back with such clarity that Rikki was afraid to move. She closed her eyes and savored the moment. She could still smell Elle’s perfume, feel her mother’s touch upon her face. It was as if Elle were still alive. A moment of pure ecstasy.

  And then Rikki opened her eyes. A West Highland terrier let out a yip as it scurried through the crowd. The spell was broken.

  ◆

  Lil didn’t think much about meeting Edward until that Wednesday morning yoga class. As the students entered their final pose, the image of the two men in different stages of undress flashed before her. Lights dimmed, participants on their backs, Lil ran through the scene from days before. The awkward look on Harry’s face. The strange stare from Edward. She’d somehow interrupted. That was clear. But interrupted what?

  If I waited for Harry to call, I’d wait forever, she thought as she calmly instructed the class. “Breathe in, breathe out. Feel the relaxation flowing through your very being. Release the tension you’ve been holding.”

  Sitting, with her legs crossed, she was unable to quiet her own mind.

  Harry is such a beautiful man. And so attentive in bed. Almost gentle, she thought, remembering how he had held her after achieving orgasm. Most men she’d known would have rolled away, disengaging once their needs had been met. But not Harry. He’d been—and she took a deep breath as she searched for the exact word to describe him—tender. Yes, that’s it, she thought as she once again addressed the class.

  “And as I count to three, you’ll come back to the present, refreshed and awake and ready to start the day.”

  Edward appeared, his sinewy musculature emblazoned in her mind.

  “And open your eyes,” she said, though her eyes remained closed, lingering on the memory of Edward’s slender body.

  “And sit up,” she murmured in a low, almost indecipherable voice.

  She took one final deep breath, opening her eyes and pressing the palms of her hands together as she gently leaned forward, imagining Edward and Harry kissing, before saying “Namaste.”

  ◆

  With little time to spare at O’Hare, Rikki and Barney rushed along to their connecting gate, arriving just as the flight to Phoenix was finishing the boarding process. “It’s a good thing I picked up that cheese Danish at that Starbucks back in Detroit,” Barney said as he stashed their carry-on luggage in the overhead compartment, before taking the aisle seat next to Rikki. “Are you okay?”

  Rikki nodded. “Just a little out of breath.”

  “No wonder. Can you believe how far we had to go from gate F15 to G21? It sure doesn’t sound that far.”

  Rikki agreed as she buckled her seatbelt. The woman in the window seat, reading a book, barely looked up as Rikki turned to offer a quiet “hello.”

  Barney rubbed his palms together. “Well, now we’re on our way to Phoenix.”

  “I was just thinking of Evelyn. She’s so alone.”

  Barney pulled out a packet of cinnamon Dentyne from his pocket. “Evelyn must have friends. She doesn’t strike me as someone who’d be lonely.”

  “Yes,” Rikki agreed. “But she is alone.”

  “Aren’t we all?” Barney answered. “In one way or another?”

  Rikki wondered if that was true. “I guess,” Rikki agreed. “But it scares me,” she said, slipping her hand into Barney’s palm. “I hadn’t realized that adults can be alone. I thought once your life was under way, there were always people around.”

  “Maybe some people just like to be alone,” Barney countered. “I know some deserve to be alone.”

  “Not me,” Rikki said with certainty. “I want a family. And one day, I’m going to have one. And I’m going to love them. I don’t want to wind up like Rita. Bitter and angry.”

  “Then I wish that for you,” Barney said with a wide grin. “But in the meantime, until that first baby arrives,” he teased, “what are you hoping to find out in Phoenix?” Barney unwrapped a piece of gum and popped it into his mouth. He held out the pack to Rikki. “You want some?”

  She took a piece of Dentyne, rolling it between her fingers. “I’m not sure,” she started, uncertain how to explain. “I don’t really know. But whatever I learn has to be better than knowing nothing. Why is everything such a damn mystery?”

  Barney stretched his arms, reaching overhead and playing with the on/off switch for the reading light. “I guess that’s how old people roll. Maybe they don’t want to face their mistakes. They don’t want you to know how they messed up. That allows them to be the victim or the hero of their own story.”

  Rikki wondered if he had a point. “Okay. But there is no victim or hero. I have no information at all. Remember Dreiser’s An American Tragedy?”

  Barney nodded.

  “Clyde was ashamed of his parents. The poverty, lack of education . . . the religious fervor. Well, I don’t know anything about my family. I don’t remember my mother. I know nothing about her life. But I do remember Evelyn crying.”

  “That’s new. When did you start remembering?”

  “It’s beginning to come back to me,” she acknowledged. “Slowly.”

  “That’s a good sign.”

  “But I never went to my mom’s funeral,” she stated clearly. “It’s as if my mom never existed. She just suddenly disappeared. Now how can that be? How can she be there one day and gone the next?”

  Barney rubbed his face. “How old were you when your mom died?”

  “Eleven.”

  “And you don’t remember anything?”

  “I remember the pained look on Evelyn’s face that morning,” Rikki admitted. “I knew something terrible had happened. The rest of it all seems a blur.”

  Barney slipped an arm about her shoulder.

  “I don’t know,” Rikki admitted, thinking about the trip ahead. “It’s just a feeling. If I was named after my uncle, my mom must have had a close relationship with her brother.”

  Barney spit out the gum into a leftover wrapper. “Boy, that’s intense,” he said. “Practically burns your tongue. So who is this guy we’re looking for?”

  Rikki retrieved the slip of paper from her pocket on which she’d written the name given to her by Bill Allington of H&L.

  “Harry Aldon. His name is Harry Aldon,” Rikki said just as the pilot announced over the loudspeaker that they had completed the boarding process, requesting that the flight attendants prepare the cabin doors for departure.

  ◆

  Elle bit her bottom lip. Before her was a cup of cof
fee and a slice of Entenmann’s cheese Danish. Both untouched. “I’m sorry, Mother. I know this isn’t what you expected.”

  “How could you?” Rita said, exasperated. “I never thought a daughter of mine would be having a baby out of wedlock.”

  Elle folded her hands. “Well, Mother, it really wasn’t the plan, but it happened.’

  “Things like this don’t just happen,” Rita said adamantly. “You’re not a child.”

  Elle had no interest in the back and forth. “I’m not here to ask your permission,” Elle clarified. “What’s done is done.”

  “And what about the man who did this to you?” Rita asked. “Where’s his responsibility in all this?”

  Elle sighed. She had no intention of discussing the father with Rita any more than she did her sex life. Why is it, she’d thought, when an unmarried woman becomes pregnant, it means she’s promiscuous? But when she’s married, it’s a celebration of new life? “He doesn’t matter,” she explained to her mother. “He’s not interested.”

  Rita’s voice registered revulsion. “Oh, Elle.” She shook her head in dismay.

  “No!” Elle shouted. “No more! I support myself, live on my own. It isn’t what I planned, but I’m certainly not going to sit here and let you make me feel bad about it,” she said, pointing an angry finger at her mother.

  “But will they let you keep working?” Rita asked. “And how will you take care of the child once it comes?”

  “Mom, I’m not going into all these details with you. Those are my issues to solve. Bill Allington has assured me that the firm will be there. He’s been so good to me. Like a father.”

  Rita offered her daughter a jaundiced look. “Really?”

  “Yes,” Elle emphasized.

  “Maybe too good,” Rita said. “And maybe not good enough.”

  Elle shook her head. She was not going to engage in her mother’s nonsense.

  “What about an abortion?” Rita asked. “Will Mr. Allington allow that?”

  Elle stood up. “Mother, this conversation is now over.”

  12

  As the plane taxied to the Phoenix gate, Rikki ran a brush through her hair. It had been a long morning. After take-off from Chicago, Barney had slipped off to sleep, leaving Rikki to worry alone about Phoenix. She tried to distract herself with the Inflight magazine, but was too anxious to concentrate. Instead, she scribbled in her diary—filling the pages with questions. Questions about the future and how her life might turn out.

  “You’re nervous, aren’t you?” Barney asked, after letting out a yawn.

  “A little,” Rikki admitted, though it was more than just that. It was as if she was standing on the precipice of a great discovery, one that Rita had worked hard to conceal. She hoped to soon learn all the secrets that Rita seemed intent on hiding. But what exactly were those secrets? Could they be so terrible that perhaps she was better off not knowing? And what if this Harry Aldon didn’t want to even talk with her?

  The pilot’s voice came over the loudspeaker. “Ladies and gentleman, welcome to Phoenix, Arizona, where the sun always shines. We’d appreciate it if you’d pull down your window shades so that we might maintain the temperature on the plane while we’re on the ground. Thank you.”

  Barney shifted about in his seat while Rikki remained lost in thought. Perhaps they should have stayed in Michigan until she’d been able to make phone contact. But time was running out on the Christmas holiday. It was already Wednesday and she’d have to be back in Queens soon. He has to be here. Please, God. Let him be here. Don’t let this trip be a wild goose chase.

  “Cheer up,” Barney said as they shuffled off the plane in single file, Rikki ahead of him. “It’ll be fine. Imagine. First Toledo, then Michigan, and now Arizona. I don’t know about you,” he said enthusiastically as she turned about to see his dimples flashing. “I’m having a great time. This has been a lot of fun.”

  Rikki wasn’t so sure she agreed. Visiting Evelyn had been one thing. She’d been a next-door neighbor, someone who Rikki had actually known. But Harry Aldon was a complete stranger. She didn’t even know what he looked like.

  Her courage started to falter. “I don’t know,” she said, grabbing Barney’s arm in the terminal, stopping amid a sea of people. “This just doesn’t feel right.”

  “What are you talking about?” Barney said, arching a brow. “You’re about to meet someone who knew your uncle. An uncle you’ve never met. Now, that is really cool.”

  “Yes,” Rikki agreed, “but what if he doesn’t want to talk with me. What if he hates my family? Hated my mother?”

  “You mean hated your grandmother.”

  Rikki nodded.

  “Well, you’re not them,” Barney said pulling her into an embrace.

  “But why should he help me? I’m a total stranger.”

  Barney gently rocked her as she started to cry. A little boy dressed in an elf outfit passed by and slapped her leg. The boy’s mother tugged on his arm and apologized as the little boy looked up at Barney and Rikki and let out a mischievous giggle. Both Barney and Rikki laughed at the little boy’s impish joy at his misdeed.

  “Feeling better?” Barney asked, running a thumb down her cheek. “I bet you needed that cry.”

  She wiped her eyes. “A little.”

  “Good. Now let’s get out of here,” he said.

  Dutifully she followed Barney as he led her out through security, down the escalator and through the sliding glass doors, into the fresh air where a taxi waited.

  ◆

  When the phone rang, Rita was making the bed. Trudging back and forth, she straightened the sheets and blanket. Such foolishness, she thought. Every day I make this bed, only to mess it up again. But she couldn’t help herself. She liked the way the bedroom looked with the spread on. It was welcoming. Ready for company. Even though, with Rikki gone, no one beside Rita had set foot in the apartment. Still, it mattered. I’m just a solitary soul, she thought as she reached for the receiver, the blue satin spread still requiring a tuck about at the corners. Who needs other people? They just wear you out.

  “Hello,” she said, slightly out of breath and annoyed by the interruption.

  “Hello,” the female voice answered. “Is this Rita Goldenbaum?”

  “I’m not interested in buying anything,” she warned, ready to hang up.

  “Rita, this is Evelyn. I’m not sure if you remember me. I was a friend of your daughter’s.”

  Rita remembered. “Why are you calling me?” she asked, her tone snappish.

  “I want to talk with you,” Evelyn said.

  “After all these years, there’s nothing to say. Absolutely nothing.”

  The voice on the other end sighed. “I think there is, and I think what I have to say you’ll want to hear.”

  Rita plunked herself down on the edge of the bed as she listened in disbelief to Evelyn’s explanation of her granddaughter’s journey to the Midwest. “I don’t understand,” she kept repeating, even as it was intensely clear exactly what had happened. “But I was certain Barbra’s family was expecting her . . .” She muttered on as if that had anything to do with the present circumstance.

  “I should have called earlier,” Evelyn said.

  “Yes, you should have,” Rita agreed. “Your behavior is simply irresponsible. I should call the police and have you arrested for child endangerment,” she said, not quite certain if that even applied.

  The phone went silent as Rita weighed her options. She had to know where Rikki was. There was no point in shutting down her only source of information. With her free hand, she clutched the front of her housecoat tightly into a fist and softened her tone. “Well, no harm has been done, and you’ve called me. I guess the only option is to go after her and bring her back.”

  “Yes,” Evelyn agreed.

  “And to do that, I will need to know exactly where she is.”

  Evelyn sighed. “That was the whole point of my calling.”

  ◆
/>   Harry sipped his coffee as he tried to refocus on his novel. Edward’s visit had proven a distraction. With Edward’s notes by his side, he was at loss on how to fix any of the issues. Harry struggled to concentrate. Monday and Tuesday had been a complete washout. With Edward gone, he’d been unable to write. Intention didn’t translate to accomplishment. If only . . .

  He leaned back in his swivel chair and stared out the window. A dull emptiness filled the space left by Edward. Increasingly frustrated by his inability to engage with his work, he slid down to the floor to stroke Beetle, resting his head against his dog’s. The sleepy terrier looked up and offered a lick to Harry’s nose before dropping back down into a tight curl. Harry continued to provide long, loving strokes, strokes that calmed him.

  The phone rang but he didn’t pick it up, preferring to screen the caller. It was Lil. Could she stop by?

  Hell, no, he thought. I’m writing.

  Another call. “I have to see you.”

  Harry clenched his teeth. He was in no mood for company. He had a lot to do and no intention of being upset by mindless interruptions.

  Another message. “I’m on my way over.”

  ◆

  Rikki huddled up against Barney as the cab pulled away from the airport curb. “It’s pretty here,” she said as she spotted the mountain peaks surrounding the Valley of the Sun.

  “Still nervous?” Barney asked as the meter clicked away.

  “Not so much,” Rikki admitted, comforted by his attentive presence.

  Barney looked at her and smiled. “I’m glad. Really. What’s the worst thing that could happen?”

  Rikki tilted her head and gave it a moment’s thought. “He doesn’t open the door.”

  Barney grinned. “Yup. That would be bad.”

  Rikki shifted, sitting perfectly straight. “He tells us to leave.”

  “If he’s home,” Barney pointed out.

  She ran her fingers through her dark mane, pulling it tightly behind her head into a knot. Her lip curled up into a shy, awkward smile. “He calls the police.”