Married in Name Only

by Jules Bennett

  Paisley smoothed her hand down her red sheath dress and headed for the dressing room to start gathering up the gown rejects.

  “That’s what most of my job consists of, believe it or not. Moms always see their daughters as little girls playing dress up, so they have their own idea of what the gown should be. But the bride has been dreaming of this moment for her entire life and she has her own idea.”

  Paisley smoothed the heavy drapes aside and entered the oversize dressing area. There were only three gowns that needed to be put back. These were all the mother’s top picks, unfortunately.

  “Did you have dreams with your mother?” he asked, following her inside.

  The slam of emotions hit her hard, and Paisley’s hands stilled on the zipper. She drew in a deep breath and swallowed the lump in her throat.

  “I’ve always had a dream about my wedding,” she replied, going back to the task and not turning to face him. “My mother would’ve agreed to anything I wanted. She only wanted to see me happy.”

  If her mother could only see her now.

  “She’d be proud of you,” he told her. “She’d admire you for what you’re doing to find the truth.”

  “If she’d told me the truth years ago, I wouldn’t be in this position.”

  She realized how her words sounded the second they came out. Paisley spun around. “I didn’t mean that.”

  Lucas shrugged. “You did, but it’s okay.”

  “Fine, I did.” No need in lying. “But I’m still grateful for all you’ve done so far. I know you’ll get to the truth.”

  “I appreciate the faith.” Lucas stepped in and glanced at the gowns. “Are these all worth thirty-thousand as well?”

  Paisley groaned. “No. These are all under ten.”

  “Still sounds absurd for a dress,” he muttered.

  She turned back around and zipped the final dress in the protective bag. “Spoken like a true man.”

  A man who could buy every single dress in her shop and still not feel a dent in his bank account.

  “I like that one,” he said, pointing to the strapless fitted gown with intricate beading around the waist.

  Paisley ran her hand over the bag. “That was my favorite out of the ones she tried on, but I can’t tell my customers that. I can only guide them.”

  “Maybe you should’ve worn this.”

  Paisley glared at him. “Are you always going to bring up my wedding attire?”

  He chuckled and took a step closer. “Not always. But when we renew our vows, you can get this one.”

  Paisley nearly choked on her breath. “Renew our vows? Are you insane?”

  Lucas shoved his hands in his pockets as one corner of his mouth quirked up in a naughty grin. “Is our one-year anniversary too soon?”

  “We’re not renewing our vows. Ever.”

  Would they even be married in a year? She honestly didn’t know if her sanity could hold out that long...or her heart. Yes, she was falling for him, but that didn’t mean he felt the same. As much as she wanted this to turn to something real, she couldn’t stay married if their union was loveless.

  She still had some traditional values, even if she went about things in a nontraditional way.

  “You don’t want to have a chance to wear the gown of your dreams?” he asked, inching closer.

  “Who says I won’t have that chance?” she countered. “If this marriage ends, I want to find love.”

  Something akin to pain flashed in his eyes, but was just as quickly replaced by desire.

  “You keep saying there’s an expiration.” Lucas reached up and tucked her hair behind her ears, trailing his fingers along her jawline. “I’m starting to think you don’t like me around.”

  On the contrary, she liked having him around too much. And each day that passed only reminded her of what they could’ve had, what they could’ve been, had his father not intervened.

  But she had nobody else to blame but herself. She should’ve stood her ground, fought for the life she and Lucas had dreamed of.

  Perhaps this was her penance, being in a loveless marriage based on blackmail and revenge. She had to assume that was part of his angle. Revenge on her for leaving him the way she did.

  Paisley reached up and eased his hands away from her face.

  “Last night changed things,” she told him. “I’m not sure where you stand, but you need to know that when you do things for me, and I’m not talking sex, it makes me remember how we were. It makes me remember the dreams we shared and how we never thought anything could come between us.”

  Lucas remained silent and she had no clue what he was thinking, so she used this momentum bursting through her to continue her honesty.

  “When I left you that note before,” she started, then swallowed as emotions clogged her throat. “Um...”

  Lucas shoved his hands back in his pockets and stepped back. “There’s no need to revisit the past.”

  “Our past has been the third party in this marriage and I think we do need to revisit it,” she insisted, because now that she’d started, now that they’d grown closer, she needed him to know. “There’s a resentment and anger in you that wasn’t there before. I know all of that is my fault. I know I should’ve handled things differently. But I need you to understand—”

  “That you handed me a damn note?” he yelled. “A note, Paisley.”

  He never called her by her real name unless he was upset. Bringing up their past upset her as well, but until they resurrected that time and talked about it, she didn’t know how she could keep going. It was getting too difficult—the emotions, the memories. Her mind screamed at her to keep her distance, to not let this arrangement get any more complicated or emotional. But her heart, well, it had a mind of its own and had never fully closed back up from the gaping hole Lucas had left.

  The void had been with her for years and now that she had him back, he filled that spot so perfectly. She’d always known there was nobody else, but how did she manage to hang on to what they had now? There was so much damage, so many variables out of her control.

  She’d hurt him by leaving that note. But he had to understand, she’d ripped her own heart out as well.

  “I couldn’t do it face-to-face,” she cried.

  When he only stood there staring at her, Paisley grabbed the last gown and marched from the dressing room. With shaky hands, she hung it back on the rack and attempted to regain her composure.

  “I never took you for a coward.”

  Lucas’s low accusation had Paisley gasping and spinning to face him. “Maybe I was a coward, but maybe I was trying to put your needs ahead of my own. I know you don’t want to believe that, but I could never forgive myself if I was the reason you didn’t go after your dreams.”

  That bright blue gaze held her. “Did you ever think maybe you were my dream? Did you stop to think that had you told me what happened, I would’ve found a way to make things work between us? Who says I had to give up anything?”

  Maybe bringing up all of this was a mistake. Even after all these years, the hurt wrapped all around her heart, squeezing out every single emotion she’d felt back then.

  Paisley had thought discussing old feelings and tending those wounds would help for their present and their future, but clearly she’d made a mistake.

  “You know what? Forget it.” She held up her hands, admitting defeat because she simply couldn’t do this. “I just wanted you to know where I came from. I thought since we were...well, married, that maybe I should try to get you to understand. I can’t blame it all on your father for confronting me. I know I made the choice to break things off. But you have to know I did it because I loved you and I was scared.”

  She started walking by him, but he reached for her arm. Paisley came to a halt, but didn’t turn to look at him.

  “I did
n’t come here to fight,” he murmured. “I really came to take you out to a nice dinner.”

  A piece of her heart melted. Maybe they couldn’t rehash the past. Maybe at this point, all they could do was focus on who they were now and leave that young couple alone.

  What if Lucas wasn’t working another angle? What if his sole purpose was to get her to give him a child? Could that be all? Granted that was a huge deal, but he could’ve turned her away in his office and found another woman to start a family with. A successful, wealthy, sexy man like him would certainly have his choice.

  “Where are we going?” she asked, trying to salvage their evening and end an argument.

  Lucas smiled and her heart fluttered. “I have a surprise for you.”

  Thirteen

  “I think these turned out rather great.”

  Lucas held up the colorful strip of photos and admired them. Well, they were a little off center, but what else did he expect from a shopping mall photo booth?

  “Let me see.” Paisley laughed as she reached for them. She took one look and laughed even harder. “Half of my face is missing from this one and the bottom picture looks like our mug shots.”

  He shifted to look over her shoulder. Honestly, he didn’t care what they looked like. The intensity of their discussion at the bridal shop had made him change his mind on where they were going. He’d had reservations at his favorite steak house, but they both needed to unwind and do something utterly silly.

  So they’d come to the mall.

  “We didn’t have wedding photos done, so these will have to do.”

  Paisley snorted. “Why not? Our wedding was tacky anyway, might as well have a photo booth as our photographer.”

  “These will look great on my desk,” he told her, taking the photos back. He slid them into his shirt pocket and grabbed her hand. “Let’s go grab something to eat.”

  “Wait,” she said. “You’re putting those on your desk?”

  With a shrug, he led her toward the food court. “Why wouldn’t I? Most people have a photo of their spouse at their office.”

  “We’re not most couples and I don’t know anyone who uses a photo booth to get a picture of his loved one.”

  That stopped him. Lucas kept his hold on her hand, but turned to face her. Love couldn’t enter this marriage. At least not from her. She couldn’t profess any such thing because, while he might not believe in love, it was clear she did and he didn’t want her to be under any illusion that this would develop into what they once had.

  Paisley’s eyes widened as if she just realized the words she’d uttered. With a shaky smile, she shook her head and kept going.

  “You know what I mean,” she said in a rush. “I don’t actually think you love me, but I’m at least hoping you don’t hate me.”

  Was that what she thought? That he hated her? Despite the hurt he’d felt years ago, even at his darkest time after she’d left, he could never hate her.

  Lucas stared at her another minute before turning to face her fully and taking her other hand. People milled about them in the busy area, but he didn’t care. This was so much more important.

  “I’ve never hated you,” he corrected. “I wanted to, but I never did. Hate would’ve been easier to deal with.”

  Her eyes searched him, as if she wanted to hear more, but he had no more to give. That was all he could divulge about his feelings and still remain in control. The slithering guilt about using her to get to Sterling gnawed at his conscience.

  “Well, that’s something,” she finally murmured. She tipped her chin and smiled. “So, are we really eating here?”

  Lucas pushed aside everything outside this moment and let out a fake gasp. “You mean you don’t want a salty pretzel with cheese dip or questionable pizza?”

  “Hey, I’m always up for junk food. I just didn’t think someone like you would eat in a place where you technically serve yourself.”

  Lucas squeezed her hand and headed toward the pretzel stand. “Did you just call me a snob?”

  She fell in step with him and gave him a nudge with her shoulder. “More like...choosy.”

  Lucas stepped into the line and sighed. “You know, we may have grown up in a different type of household, but that doesn’t mean I think I’m better than anyone and I sure as hell know good food.”

  Paisley laughed. “I wouldn’t call a pretzel that’s been sitting in a warmer cube good food.”

  Lucas pointed to the surrounding concessions. “We’ll grab something from each one and then we’ll judge whose food is the best.”

  “Where were you really taking me tonight?” she asked as they moved up in the line. “Because I’m sure you had fancy reservations that required you to wear a jacket and tie.”

  Which was why he’d shed them in the car before they’d arrived. He’d wanted her relaxed, he’d wanted to see her smile, and he’d figured the mall was probably as far removed as possible from what he had planned at an upscale restaurant.

  “Plans change,” he replied. “I wanted something simple, maybe like we used to have. There’s so much going on. We both needed a break.”

  The smile she offered was like a punch to his gut, and Lucas wondered if he should’ve kept the stuffy old reservations. But thankfully the line moved and broke the moment.

  They’d only been married a short time, but he realized then that Paisley wasn’t that different from the young girl he’d once known.

  She might own the poshest bridal boutique in the area, but she was a humble woman with big worries. He didn’t want to feel guilty for his actions and he didn’t want to get caught up in her again because all of this was so shaky. He had no clue how this was all going to end. At this point, he had to take this marriage like he did all of his cases. One day at a time.

  “Maybe we could go to the movies after dinner?” she asked, her smile wide and hopeful.

  Yeah, there went that punch to the gut again. Nobody ever affected him like Paisley...and he knew nobody ever would.

  “I’m choosing the movie,” he replied with a flirty wink. “Just try to keep your hands to yourself if we sit in the back row.”

  Paisley laughed. “My husband is the handsy one.”

  “Very true,” he agreed. “So you better keep those moans to a minimum.”

  * * *

  Paisley set the dish on the table and stood back to survey her work. Lucas had told her he’d be working late on another case he had to wrap up and his cooking duties weren’t going to happen tonight. As soon as she’d closed up the boutique, she pulled up her cooking app and headed to the store.

  She’d seriously considered re-creating the junk from the mall a few nights ago just as a joke, but opted to make a nice meal instead. He’d been working so hard on not just her case, but those of his other clients. She’d caught him sneaking out of bed in the middle of the night and poring over the rest of the boxes she’d brought from her home. The boxes were the last of her mother’s belongings and they’d just been too painful for Paisley to search through.

  At first, she’d started going through them, looking for any clue that would lead her toward Sterling, but nothing had stood out and emotions had always consumed her.

  Warped as it might sound, Lucas had been amazing during this process and she wanted to show him how much she appreciated his hard work.

  So here she stood two hours after getting home from the store, praying she’d managed a meal that was edible. She wanted to impress him, she wanted him to see her as something other than a painful past or a way to grow his lineage.

  Damn, that sounded so absurd even in her own thoughts, but it was true. Part of her wanted him to start to feel more for her...because if she was having all of these feelings emerge, she certainly didn’t want to be alone.

  Yes, they’d been in love in the past, but that was where all of those e
motions remained. Everything she felt now stemmed from the present. Being with him again only showed her that maybe he truly was the one for her. Life and obstacles had pulled them apart, but maybe they were meant to be together. Maybe they needed this growth, these trials to realize just how special they were.

  Or maybe she was a complete and utter fool and a hopeless romantic. Lucas didn’t believe in love. He’d basically put up an invisible barrier around his heart...not that she could blame him.

  The bell sounded from the elevator and the nerves in her belly quickened. So silly. She shouldn’t be worried about what he thought; she should be more concerned about him finding the truth about her father. That was the sole reason that led her to his office only a few short weeks ago.

  Instead, she glanced to the living room where she’d de-Paisleyed the throw pillows and tried to incorporate more of his boringness.

  Wasn’t marriage all about balance?

  The elevator slid open, and Lucas stepped out. The moment the door closed behind him, he pulled off his black Stetson and hung it on the peg near the door.

  Paisley waited until he glanced up and she caught his attention. His eyes scanned the table behind her before he drew his brows in and crossed the penthouse.

  “No naked chef tonight?” he asked.

  “That was a onetime thing,” she admitted. “I’d hate for you to think that was the norm.”

  “Such a shame.” He moved right into her, utterly invading her space and wrapping his arms around her waist. “You didn’t have to cook, but I’m glad you did. I skipped lunch and my last client wanted me to head for drinks after we wrapped up, but I bowed out. I’m beat.”

  He’d never really discussed his work with her, except that little bit that involved her mother. Maybe he did want to pull her a little more into his world.

  “Well, I didn’t test it first,” she warned, placing her hands on his shoulders. “But I know you like steak, so I went from there.”

  He gave her a quick kiss on the lips before stepping around her and letting out a low whistle.