Breaking Free (Meet the McIntyres Book 4)

by Rebecca Barber

  I waited for Zoe to demand I pack my shit and get out of her house.

  Instead I got nothing.

  Zoe set the tray of drinks she was carrying on the coffee table, that evil ass coffee table which attacked my shins violently at least once a week, and turned to face me. I sucked in a deep breath and braced myself. Here she went.

  “Want a drink, Ryan? Holly?”

  Wait! What? Huh?

  I must have had a dumb, confused look on my face, because everyone was staring at me like I’d grown a second head.

  Wham!

  Something slammed into my shoulder, unbalancing me.

  “What the fuck?”

  Spinning around, I came face to face with Holly. She wasn’t looking one bit confused. Instead she was smug and had ‘told you so’ written all over her. Smart ass. She’d keep. Payback would be a bitch, and I wasn’t a fan of instant gratification. I could wait on this until the time was just right, then strike when she least expected it. Maybe that’d teach her. Okay, it probably wouldn’t teach her a damn thing, but at least I’d get my revenge.

  “Zoe asked you a question, Ryan. Do. You. Want. A. Drink?”

  Not bothering to answer, I stomped away from them towards the kitchen. I’d get my own stupid drink.

  “I’ll take a Coke, thanks, Ryan,” Holly called out to my retreating ass.

  Reaching the empty kitchen, I stood at the sink, my fingers digging into the stainless steel as I stared down the plug hole, pondering my life. I felt like I was spinning. Like the whole world around me had come unhinged and was off balance. What’s worse, I had no idea how to set it right again. Turning on the tap, I let the cold water flow before scooping some up and splashing my face. I hadn’t had enough sleep to deal with this today. The painful hangover might have lifted, but the fog certainly hadn’t.

  The last thing I needed right now was someone to come looking for me. Checking up on me. Making sure I hadn’t done something stupid. Quickly I grabbed some glasses from the cupboard and poured drinks. Returning to the group of people waiting for me was harder than it should have been. All sorts of thoughts were running around in my mind, flirting dangerously with my frayed emotions.

  “About time!” Holly teased as I hand her a glass and sunk to the floor beside her.

  “Anyway, as I was saying…” Mia continued, offering me a slight smile. “I’m not in a rush or anything, so I don’t have to take the first offer, but if you’re happy with it, Zoe, I think it’s time. I’m not coming back for it. I want to let go and move on to the next chapter. See what else is out there waiting for me.”

  “Any idea what that is?”

  “Nope. Not a freaking clue. But that’s okay too.”

  “You’ll be fine.”

  “Of course, she will be,” Derek declared like it was a forgone conclusion. “We’re going to travel a bit and see what the world out there looks like.”

  “We are?” Mia squawked in a painfully high-pitched sound that hurt my ears.

  Derek had this shit-eating grin on his face, one I’d seen a few times over the last couple of months. Usually he was up to no good, and either Beau or Connor were standing right beside him egging him on. It was comical in a way. Derek wasn’t a McIntyre. He was the town’s local cop who married Mia the spitfire. There was a deep, dark backstory with Zoe, which everyone seemed to know at least some elements of, but very few knew all the sordid, painful details. I had to believe Mia did, though. Otherwise how could she possibly be okay with the way Derek and Zoe acted when they were together? They were closer than brother and sister and loved each other fiercely. Even Holly and I didn’t have that, and as Forrest Gump would say, we were like peas and carrots. Even though he wasn’t one of us, at least by name, he’d been adopted into the crazy. While Beau and Connor took the role of the devil on his shoulder, always encouraging him to take the joke just one step further, Gage was always sitting on the other, providing some much-needed balance. It wasn’t like he was going to do anything illegal or dangerous. He just toyed with the idea of silly and mischievous.

  And he was hot as hell.

  I’d be blind if I couldn’t see it.

  Derek Cartwright epitomised tall, dark, and handsome. Add in that blue police uniform with a pair of shiny silver handcuffs dangling from his belt he was definitely spank bank material. Another thing I had to make sure I kept to myself. I could almost guarantee that if Mia ever found out, or god forbid Zoe, they’d never let me live it down.

  Zoe snickered. She knew. This hadn’t come as a shock to her at all. And that didn’t surprise me. She’d probably picked their destination for them. They were that tight. And I was just lucky Zoe had let me into her life and her inner circle. Maybe one day we’d be close like that. Until then, I wasn’t giving up the friendship we shared. I had this gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach that I was going to need her now more than ever.

  Derek and Zoe exchanged strange glances over Mia’s shoulder as Derek tucked her into his side, holding her there. When he nodded, Zoe let the cat out of the bag.

  “You leave for the Maldives in three weeks, Mia.”

  Fuck. Me.

  Instantly my migraine was back in full force. Mia’s childish squeals deafened me and hurt my head. God, I needed a nap.

  After hugs were exchanged, Derek explained they had to get on the road so they could be back for tomorrow. He had to work and Holly had school. Even though I knew this, I didn’t like it. I didn’t want them to go. I needed more time. The miserable look on Holly’s face showed she was on the same page. Seeing her once only every couple of months wasn’t going to work for us. Especially not now. Now I wasn’t hiding the truth about who I was from her, I wanted her here beside me. Even though I’d love to have her here with me, living in the city, taking in everything Melbourne had to offer, I had no intentions of disrupting her life once again. She’d only just found her feet. I wasn’t fucking that up for her. Holly needed stability and happiness in her life. And right now, I had no clue what direction mine was even headed in. Everything could implode at the drop of a hat. There was no way I was letting Holly get caught in the crossfire if it did.

  I grabbed her backpack and carried it out to Derek’s truck. It weighed a tonne. God knows what she was carting around in there, but whatever it was surely it wasn’t good for her back to be hauling that kinda weight.

  “Will you come home soon?” she asked innocently.

  There were fat tears balanced precariously on her long lashes and her bottom lip trembled. “Absolutely,” I agreed quickly, doing anything I could to avoid seeing those tears leave salty streaks down her pink cheeks.

  “Love you, Ryan.”

  As I wrapped Holly in my arms, I breathed her in. She smelt like home. I don’t know what it was, some weird ass combination I couldn’t quite put my finger on, but it was definitely home. A wave of homesickness washed over me and I had to remind myself why I’d left just to stop me sliding into the backseat beside her. “Love you too, Hols. See you soon.”

  “Promise?”

  “Promise.”

  Letting her go, Holly scrambled into the car, adjusted her seatbelt, and shut the door. With one final hug, Derek whispered something to Zoe before he too climbed in and they drove away. Both Zoe and I stood there watching the tail lights fade into the distance before we moved. When they were no longer a speck on the horizon, we headed back inside to clean. It didn’t take long before the washing up was done, counters wiped over.

  Letting out a huge yawn, the lack of sleep and the speed my mind had been spinning all day was catching up on me. I needed a nap. I was going to be worse than useless all week unless I got some sleep and soon.

  Like she was reading my mind, Zoe turned to me. I don’t know how I’d missed it, but she looked like I felt. Tired. With deep, black bags under her eyes and she’d lost weight. Zoe had never been a big girl, at least in the time I’d known her. She’d always been fit. I guess managing a gym will do that for you, but now she
looked skinny. Maybe a little too skinny. I knew better than to call her out on it, though.

  Instead, I took the coward’s way out and pretended I hadn’t noticed. I might have kept my mouth shut, but that didn’t mean I didn’t make a mental note to keep a closer eye on her. “I’m going to go have a nap. I’m stuffed.”

  “That’s what they all say.”

  “Excuse me?” I thought I heard what she’d said, but I wasn’t sure. Zoe had never been sassy to me before, but this sounded exactly like it.

  “Didn’t you hear me?”

  “No. I didn’t. Mind repeating it?”

  “I said, that’s what they all say.” Gone from her face was any signs of fatigue. It had been replaced by sneakiness and mischief. This was how I loved to see her. Young and free and completely uninhibited.

  I couldn’t hold back the booming laughter that spewed from me. It was the funniest thing I’d heard in weeks. Considering all the heavy this morning, I mean how the fuck was I supposed to know I’d run into Alex while I was out having breakfast with Holly? Then for her to uncover everything in barely a breath. I hadn’t prepared for that. Hell, I’d only had two cups of coffee. And coming out, especially to your family, needed more than a couple of cups.

  “Gay joke?” I asked between snorts. Yep, I was real classy today. Snorting and everything.

  Suddenly Zoe froze. She held her side and seriousness took hold of her. “I…I’m sorry, Ryan. I didn’t mean…I…I…” Poor girl looked like she was about to vomit all over the carpet. And I was not cleaning that shit up.

  Placing my hands on her shoulders, I gave her a gentle squeeze and waited ‘til her eyes met mine. I needed her to hear me. Not just half listen, but really hear me. “Zoe, it’s okay. I’m okay. We’re okay.”

  “But…but…you’re…”

  “I’m gay.” I finished for her.

  This was only the second time I’d said it out loud, and somehow it already felt easier. I knew that wouldn’t always be the case, I wasn’t that dumb. Telling Dad would be anything but easy, but saying it to Zoe, someone I hoped wouldn’t judge or disown me, made me feel a little lighter.

  “Yeah.”

  “Wanna come lay down and watch some trashy TV with me?” I offered. I knew I wouldn’t keep my eyes open for long once I put my head down, but I wasn’t ready to be on my own just yet either.

  “Sure.”

  I led Zoe to the lounge room and grabbed the remote. Nothing was different. We’d done this a hundred times. Spooning on the lounge. I always assumed it was ’cause sometimes you just needed human contact. A hug to reassure you that everything was all right and you weren’t alone. At least that was the answer in my case.

  I started flicking through the channels, and when I landed on the Kardashians, Zoe stole the remote and sat up, her elbow digging into my stomach.

  “Nope. No fucking way. You might be gay—hell, you might like to wear a dress, but there’s no excuse for the Kardashians in my house. I don’t care if you’re gay, straight, or somewhere in between. I draw the line at their trash!”

  I couldn’t help it. Without knowing it, Zoe had said exactly what I needed to hear.

  Clicking on an old episode of Will and Grace, we settled against each other and watched in silence. Well, I watched in silence. Zoe was snoring in my arms before the first ad break.

  “Never. A-fucking-gain.”

  I looked over at Shane and shook my head. Baby. He’d dropped to his hands and knees in the sand, puffing and panting like he’d just run a marathon. He hadn’t. All he’d done was jump out of a plane over the bay. It was pretty fucking cool, if I say so myself. I’ll admit I wasn’t so cocky as the tiny ass plane shook and rattled its way through the air, but once we levelled off and were getting ready to jump, it was kinda neat. Shane didn’t think so, though. From the moment I’d mentioned sky diving, his skin took on a greenish tinge. One that didn’t fade until his feet were back firmly on the ground. They untangled him from his shoot and he emptied his stomach.

  “Oh come on, it wasn’t that bad,” I taunted as I watched him suck in deep breaths.

  “Not that bad! Not that bad! I jumped out of a perfectly good fucking plane. It wasn’t going to crash. It wasn’t falling apart. It wasn’t even out of those tiny little packets of peanuts. Yet you…you made me jump out!”

  He was on his feet now and ranting like a mad man. It was funny as hell. At least it would’ve been if he’d quiet down a bit and stop attracting attention. Glancing around, there were people stopping to watch him chew out my ass. It would have been hilarious if it was happening to someone else.

  “Oh, come on, you big baby. You didn’t even jump. Your poor instructor, Simon, had to talk you into it, and even then, he was the one that jumped. Only reason you ended up even going through with it was you were strapped to him, and when he stepped out, you had no choice but to scream like a girl.”

  Shane’s face turned beet red. He was furious. I don’t know if he was pissed at me for making him do it, or because I’d called him out as a chicken shit. Either way, I was amused. His jaw locked, his fists clenched, and for half a second, I wondered if he was going to knock me into the middle of next week. It wouldn’t be the first time he let his fists do the talking. Over the years we’d had more than a couple of blow ups that ended up with a split lip and some spilt blood.

  “Shut up!” he growled, as he dusted the sand off his knees and ass and tried to stomp angrily across the beach. It would have worked too, except he didn’t take into account the soft sand beneath his feet, which made his angry steps look more like a drunken wobble.

  Taking one last look across the bay, I was mesmerised by the wakeboarders dancing seemingly on air as the breeze lifted them up into the sky before effortlessly dropping them back on the crest of a wave. On the sand, kids chased seagulls that squawked. Dogs ran after sticks thrown into the white wash, and ladies reclined on their towels, books in hand. It really was a beautiful Melbourne moment. One I was glad to be a part of.

  “Are you coming?” Shane snapped, interrupting the peace, and regretfully I turned and trudged towards the car.

  When I reached him back on the concrete footpath, he seemed to have calmed down. Maybe it was because he was back on solid ground again. “You’re buying me a beer.”

  “Fine.”

  I’d buy him a beer, but there was no way in hell I was drinking today. The thought of another beer made my stomach turn over uneasily. I was sticking to water. At least until I shook the last lingering effects of this hangover.

  Three hours later, Shane was half pissed and talking out his ass. Idiot. He was almost thirty. You’d think by now he would’ve learnt he can’t hold his booze. For the last twenty minutes he’d told me all about Selena. Things I didn’t want to know. Things I wish I didn’t know. When he mentioned the diamond ring he’d bought last week, the one burning a hole in his pocket, I was stunned. Until today I hadn’t even known Selena had existed. Not once had he brought her to a family function or mentioned her name. Then he dropped the bomb that she had a son. A seven-year-old terror, James, who had Shane wrapped around his little finger.

  “You go to the football with him?”

  “Why’s that so hard to believe?”

  “You hate the football. Unless it’s your beloved Tigers, you’re not wasting an afternoon sitting in the grandstands. Not to mention you hate being caught in the cold or rain,” I teased mercilessly.

  “James follows the Storm. What can I say? You do what you gotta do.” Shane shrugged it off as if it was nothing. It was not nothing. It was so far from nothing I couldn’t even imagine what nothing would look like. “I gotta piss.”

  Classy. Manners were not Shane’s greatest asset. Actually, from where I was sitting, I couldn’t see anything that would be deemed an asset. Shane was half pissed, stumbling around the bar and talking shit on a Sunday afternoon.

  While he went to the bathroom, I grabbed us another round. Beer for him, mineral water for
me. I was tired and ready for my afternoon nap, but I knew I wasn’t going to be getting one any time soon. I was on babysitting duty for the afternoon. At least it was entertaining, not to mention educational.

  Shane staggered back, his eyes bloodshot. He slumped on the stool and almost fell off the other side. This had to be the last round. Otherwise I was going to have to drag his unconscious ass home. And he was too damn heavy.

  “When you gonna do it?” I enquired curiously.

  “Do what?”

  If he wasn’t as sloshed as he was, I’d kick his ass for playing dumb. Lucky for him, I knew how many pots he’d already downed this afternoon, so I cut him slack. “You know, drop to one knee and go with the big dramatic proposal?”

  “Shit!” He scrubbed a hand over his terrified face.

  Part of me, the asshole younger brother part of me, hoped he held off for a while. Giving him shit was way too much fun for it to be over so soon. Then again, from the fear written all over his face, for Shane’s wellbeing, he needed to do it ASAP. He’d drive himself crazy if he tried to wait.

  “What?”

  “Selena’s gonna want something big, isn’t she?”

  “How the fuck would I know?” I laughed honestly. That may very well be the dumbest question he’s ever asked me. I’ve literally spent ten minutes with her and he was asking me for personal advice. Not to mention I was gay and had no clue what a chick wanted in a marriage proposal. In fact, I had no clue what women wanted. I wasn’t one of those guys who, just because I was gay, was obsessed with fashion and gossip.

  Shane picked up his beer and drained it in one long gulp. Dude was freaked out, and it was funny as fuck. This was going to be gold for years. “Let’s go,” he announced, slamming his empty back on the table between us. Taking one last sip from my own drink, I followed him out the door, taking care to stay barely a step behind him to catch him when he stumbled. Not if, when. The gutter was looking more than a little dangerous right now.

  We were halfway to his place, I was driving, and although I loved the power, I didn’t like the ‘look at me, look at me’ vibe it gave off. Every time I pulled up at a set of traffic lights, people in the car beside us would turn and stare. The bright red car, combined with Shane’s awful rendition of Bon Jovi’s ‘Shot Through the Heart’ was enough to embarrass anyone. Today, it just happened to be my turn.