Breaking Free (Meet the McIntyres Book 4)

by Rebecca Barber

  Bending down, I went to lift her off the ground. It was only when my hands were under her armpits did my shoulder scream in pain as the reminder that my collarbone was broken came back.

  “Fuuuuuuuucccccccccccck,” I cried in agony as I set her back down.

  I wanted to drop her. Desperately. I wanted to let her go and make the pain go away. There was no way I ever would, though. After setting Zoe’s head down as gently as I could, I turned to Connor. “Can you carry her inside?”

  “No.”

  What the actual fuck? How could he say no? What was he going to do? Leave her out here in the dirt until she came around? I knew Connor could be an asshole, but I’d never imagined he could be heartless.

  “We can’t leave her here,” I reminded him as I patted Zoe’s face gently. She was breathing, at least. I could feel the warmth of her shallow breaths against my fingers. “Come on, Zoe! I need you to open those pretty little eyes for me. I need you to help me get you inside.”

  “Get out of the way!”

  Without waiting for me to move, Connor moved me before scooping Zoe up bridal style and carrying her towards the shed. “Where the fuck are you taking her?”

  He didn’t answer.

  He just kept walking. Even though Zoe was lying there, completely out of it in his arms, he barely even noticed the added weight. I shouldn’t be surprised. Connor was the one around here who did all the manual labour. The heavy lifting and dealing with stubborn animals was his job. Carrying Zoe shouldn’t present much of a challenge.

  Following along like a sad puppy, I watched him set her down gently in the middle of his bed. I was stunned. His room was spotless, almost like he was expecting company. The bed was made, and the navy comforter tucked in. It even smelt nice in here. Maybe he had a lady friend coming to visit. And I use the word ‘lady’ extremely loosely when Connor was involved. Yeah, that was it. It had to be it. Nothing else made sense. Usually this place smelt like ass or feet, but this was different.

  While I was inspecting Connor’s room, he’d disappeared into the tiny bathroom and reappeared with a damp wash cloth. When he sank onto the bed beside Zoe’s head, I was almost tempted to leave. It looked like I was intruding on a private moment. Hell, it felt like I was. As he dabbed at the blood, the cut revealed itself. It wasn’t big or deep, and thankfully wouldn’t need stitches. Zoe was terrified of needles, so telling her she was going to get stitched up almost guaranteed drama.

  “She’s going to have one hell of a headache tomorrow,” Connor said as he rinsed out the cloth and came back to repeat the process. This time though, he was wiping her neck, cheeks, and hands, talking softly to her. Who knew that big bad Connor, the guy who threatened to kick Jack’s ass if he even looked sideways at Holly, the guy who took up stripping as a second job just to give Holly some extra spending money, could be so gentle. “Come on, pretty girl. Time to open up those beautiful eyes.”

  Cradling my elbow, I sat on the edge of the chair and waited. With each minute that passed, the more the worry grew. She shouldn’t be in this condition. Another minute ticked past. Then another. I was staring at my watch, praying for time to slow down. Everyone knew the longer someone was unconscious, the more danger there was of permanent damage.

  “Come on, Sleeping Beauty. Time to wake up now.” I could tell Connor was as worried as I was.

  Just when I dug my phone from my pocket, ready to ring emergency, Zoe’s eyes fluttered and a pained moan past through her lips.

  “Zoe.”

  “Spencer?”

  “No, Zoe. It’s me. Connor. Come on, open your eyes and look at me, please.”

  It took a breath, but then there they were. Her beautiful, ocean blue eyes staring up at me full of fear. It was like a punch in the gut.

  “Wh-what happened? Where am I?” she asked as panic set in and she tried to sit up.

  Connor reached out and held her down with one hand. Even though we both knew he was doing the right thing, if she sat up too fast she was likely to pass out again, she didn’t like it one little bit.

  “It’s okay, Zoe, I promise. You blacked out for a minute. You’re safe. You’re on Connor’s bed. We’re both here with you,” I explained softly, wrapping my hand around hers.

  Zoe’s eyes frantically darted around the room. They swung past Connor and then back again. This girl was seriously starting to do my head in. She was struggling to focus on anything at the moment.

  “What happened?” she asked slowly.

  “We were kinda hoping you could tell us. One minute you were walking to your car, next thing you’re lying on the ground.”

  “Oh.”

  “Yeah, oh.”

  “I remember I wasn’t feeling well. I was a bit dizzy…”

  “Well, why the fuck didn’t you say something? You were about to drive!” Connor lost it. I don’t know if the day was catching up on him or what it was, but he was tugging at his hair and pacing back and forth across the room.

  “Connor…”

  “No, Ryan. Zoe needs to know she was being stupid. You don’t drive if you’re dizzy. It’s not fucking rocket science.”

  “I know,” Zoe admitted meekly as she curled herself into a ball and touched her head tentatively. When she pulled away her fingers, they were pink with blood.

  “It’s just a small cut. You won’t even need stitches. It will be fine,” I assured her.

  “I’m tired.”

  “I know.”

  “Ryan, I’m so, so tired.”

  “Are you up to walking?”

  “I think so.” She might think so, but she wasn’t convincing anyone.

  “Well, why don’t you and I walk over to the house and you can have a nap? My old bed is there and you can stay here.”

  “Derek…”

  “Derek will be fine. We’ll call him and let him know what’s happened. He can come out and see you if he wants,” I promised her. The truth was, right now, the way the lump on her head was growing with every passing second, I would’ve promised her the world if it made her look a little less miserable.

  “Okay. Let’s go.”

  “Like fuck you’re going over there!” Connor, who’d been oddly calm for a second, snapped. “Zoe, you can sleep right where you are. There’s clean sheets on the bed and…here,” Connor announced, digging through his drawers and pulling out a worn grey t-shirt, “put this on and climb under the covers. I’ll wake you in two hours.”

  “I…I…I’m not sleeping here. And I’m not wearing your clothes, Connor.”

  “Over my dead body are you sleeping in some other man’s bed. Even if it is my gay brother. Sorry, Ryan. I’m taking care of you, princess. You might have a concussion. You’re going to sleep here where I can keep an eye on you.”

  Holy. Fuck.

  That, right there, that’s what I wanted. Someone to go caveman on my ass and make the decisions and put me first.

  Zoe looked at me, then looked at Connor, then back to me. All I could offer her was a nod. I knew if I left her with Connor she’d be safe. He’d never let anything happen to her. And truthfully, her crashing out here tonight with him was probably for the best. My arm was aching and I had no idea what kind of reception I was going to walk into when I finally made my way back inside. I was exhausted. It’d been a big day. First the old roadhouse, then coming out, now Zoe…it was no wonder I was ready to crash. And it wasn’t even dark yet.

  “Ryan…” Zoe needed me to tell her it was okay. I knew it from the scared, confused look in her big blue eyes. Eyes that were begging for her to lay her head down and sleep for a week.

  “Connor’s right. You get some rest, and I’ll call Derek. Do you need anything from the car?” I knew her overnight bag was still out there. Connor had given her something to wear, and knowing that determined, stubborn look on his face, even if I brought in her favourite pyjamas, she was sleeping in his ratty old shirt tonight.

  “Just my toothbrush. But I can get it…” Zoe was a pain in the
ass sometimes. She moved to stand. Before I had a chance to kick her ass though, Connor had yanked back the covers and dropped her back in the middle of the bed. “Connor!” she whined as he began to untie her shoes. While his intentions were good, obviously his bedside manner needed work.

  Chuckling to myself, I headed for the door. “Back in a second.” I’d give those two a couple of minutes. It wouldn’t surprise me if when I walked back in, one or both of them were be dead on the floor. Either that, or they’d be ripping each other’s clothes off.

  I reached the car and grabbed our bags. Dropping mine off on the bottom step, I heard screaming from inside. “He’s still your son! He’s still Ryan!” Beau boomed.

  “No son of mine is a poof!” Dad was back. And from the way he was slurring his words, drunk as a skunk. Not a bad effort for an hour and a half.

  “You can’t say poof!” Gage replies, sounding tired.

  “I can say whatever the fuck I want!”

  Doors slam, words are spoken that I can’t really make out before the TV is turned on. Needing to get away, I delivered Zoe’s bag. As expected, she’s tucked in under the covers wearing Connor’s shirt. He says nothing as I set the bag by the door and wave him good night.

  I wasn’t ready to head back to the house. I didn’t want to be anywhere I wasn’t welcome. Instead, I took off in the other direction.

  When I made it to the cattle yards, I climbed up on the fence and sat down. On the horizon the sun was setting. It’d be cold soon. The wind was already whipping up a chill, but the moment the sun sank behind the hills, the temperature would plummet. Not that it mattered. I’d head back when I was ready. Maybe.

  After calling Derek, something that took much longer than it should have, I finally convinced him Zoe was okay and sleeping. Tomorrow we’d bring her into town for him to see with his own eyes. Everything I knew about those two meant I knew neither Derek nor Zoe would be completely satisfied until they’d seen the other. They had this incredible, unshakeable bond. One I was envious of.

  Finishing the call, I was surprised by the quiet. I mean, I shouldn’t be. I grew up here. I’d lived here my whole life. Three months in the city sure did change your perspective. There were no cars buzzing by. No people out on balconies yelling for their kids to turn it down. No loud music blaring, rattling the windows. I didn’t know if I missed it or not. Something just didn’t feel right being here anymore. I didn’t feel like me.

  Just when I was beginning to question everything, who I was, where I belonged, you know the usual, my phone buzzed in my hand, causing me to drop it to the ground below. And as luck would have it, right smack bang in the centre of a fresh cow turd.

  “Fucking fantastic!”

  Seeing Ryan’s text shook me. I didn’t know what we were to each other, and if I was being brutally honest, I’d been so caught up with Shane and his drama to give it any thought. Sure, we had fun together when we’d hooked up, but I was getting tired of waking up alone every Sunday. If this was all Ryan could offer, then we were going to have to have a discussion about it. I wasn’t interested in playing games.

  Ryan: I need help.

  The problem was, that wasn’t the kind of text anyone could ignore. At least I couldn’t.

  Alex: What’s up?

  It took a while for him to reply. While I waited, I cleaned out the fridge and wrote a grocery list. Seriously, I can’t even remember the last time I wrote a fucking grocery list. I usually just wandered into the supermarket, filled the trolley with whatever, and leave. Being on edge wasn’t a fun place to be.

  Thankfully Ryan didn’t make me wait too long.

  Ryan: Thanks for answering.

  Ryan: Didn’t know if you would.

  I’ll be honest, that stung a little. He wasn’t wrong, but it still hurt. Ignoring the bite, I replied.

  Well, fuck me sideways with a shovel. That was not what I was expecting him to ask tonight. My story, well, it wasn’t one I was about to have via text. Over tequila shots, absolutely. Via text, nope.

  Alex: Where are you?

  Ryan: Home. Why?

  Alex: When are you back?

  Ryan: The way things are going, I’d leave now if I could.

  Alex: That bad?

  Ryan: Not sure it could get worse.

  That did not sound good. My own story was something that haunted me to this day and I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. It wasn’t fun. Telling the people who were supposed to love you no matter what who you really were, it was supposed to be full of relief, not pain.

  Alex: What happened?

  Ryan: Nothing I didn’t expect.

  Alex: I’m sorry.

  And I truly was. No one should have to suffer just to be themselves.

  Ryan: Can I call you when I’m back?

  Did I want Ryan to call me? Yeah, I did. More than I probably should. The problem was I wasn’t sure what role I wanted him to play in my life at the moment. But I couldn’t abandon him now. I didn’t know who in his family had failed him, but I wasn’t going to be yet another person in his life to let him down. Even if we just ended up as friends, Ryan was a decent guy. A little young and naïve, but basically a good guy.

  Instead of messaging him back, I hit dial.

  “Hey,” I don’t know why I sounded breathless.

  “Hi. I’m not ruining your night, am I?”

  “Not at all. Just hanging on the couch debating whether to order Chinese or pizza.”

  “Sounds like a hard decision.”

  “The hardest.” Small talk seemed pointless, but I was letting Ryan lead this conversation. Regardless of my own feelings about the whole thing, he had to be in charge. Chances are, he’d already had a lot taken from him today, if I could give him this, then that was something I’d do.

  “Go for the pizza.”

  “Pizza hey.”

  “Yeah. Better option for breakfast tomorrow.”

  “You’ve got a point.” While Ryan was on speaker, I clicked on the app…yep, I’m that pathetic that I have the local pizza shop app stored, including my credit card details, and placed an order. “Any idea when you’re heading back?”

  “Probably a couple of days. Need to wait for the dust to settle and see where I stand, I guess.”

  “Was it that bad?”

  “Not all of it. My brothers were, let’s go with shocked. Holly was cool. She already knew anyway.”

  “But…”

  “But Dad…he didn’t… he couldn’t…”

  “Give him time. It probably came out of nowhere and he didn’t know how to react.”

  “That’s no excuse to call your son a poof though.”

  Even though I wasn’t the one who been called that today, it still made me want to punch something. I couldn’t believe that in this day and age, people even used that word. And directed at their son.

  “No. It’s not,” I agreed, not sure what else to say. There wasn’t anything. Not really. Nothing would make it better. I’d been there. Survived it. Barely.

  “What’d your brothers say?”

  “They’re okay with it now. I think once they were able to wrap their head around it, they realised they already knew. Even Connor. He took longer than the others, but he hasn’t punched me yet, so I’m taking that as a good sign.”

  Shit! My family had been assholes, but physical violence was never a concern. “Was that really an option?” I asked nervously. Maybe Ryan had a right to be nervous.

  “Yeah. But not in the way you’re thinking. Connor would never hit me cause I’m gay. He’d knock me on my ass for not telling him sooner. He’s good like that.”

  “Sounds like the sort of guy you need in your life.” Even as I said it I wondered just how much alike Connor and Shane were.

  “Yeah.”

  “Where are you now?”

  He scoffed. “Sitting out at the cattle yards.”

  “On your own?”

  “Yeah. I just needed time.”

  “I get it. You
got somewhere to sleep tonight?” I felt like I had to protect him. Even from this far away, knowing he was safe was important to me. I couldn’t explain it, but it was what it was.

  “Yeah.”

  He was lying. I heard it in his voice. The way it wavered as he said it made me wonder what he had planned. I couldn’t help but to call him out on it. He needed to be somewhere safe. It didn’t matter where, just somewhere he felt free to be him. “Bullshit!”

  “I’ll be fine.”

  “You sure?”

  “Yeah. I’ll figure something out.”

  I heard someone coughing and figured Ryan was no longer alone. “Sounds like you’ve got company.”

  “Yeah, my sister-in-law has just found me. Hey Alex, I’m going to have to go. Payton’s trying to climb her pregnant ass up on the fence, and Beau will have my balls if I let her.”

  When he chuckled, the heaviness of our conversation lifted. I’d never seen this Payton chick. I had no idea if she was two weeks pregnant or about to pop, but in my head this woman was likely to go into labour any day, was waddling instead of walking, and was now trying to climb a fence. I wholeheartedly agreed with Ryan. He needed to make sure that didn’t happen.

  “I’ll let you go then. Let me know when you’re back and we’ll catch up.”

  “Sounds good. Thanks,” Ryan replied before I heard him curse, “Fuck, Payton, I’m getting down. Just wait there.”

  “Call me if you need me.”

  “Will do. Thanks, man.”

  “Anytime.”

  Feeling drained, I dropped my phone on the table and scrubbed my face with my hand. I wouldn’t wish what Ryan was going through on my worst enemy. Even just talking to him brought back excruciating memories I wish I didn’t have. I’d never forget the things my own parents said and the way they erased me completely from their lives. I don’t regret it now, but back then…back then I would have given anything for things to be different.

  A knock at the door sounded. I jumped up and paid for the pizza. Dropping it on the coffee table, I went and grabbed a beer. Three quarters of a pizza and half a dozen beers later, I was ready to roll off the lounge and fall into a cheese coma.