But mine was still worse.
He might not have called me a poof or a fag, but he’d done nothing. He’d packed up my stuff and wiped me from his life like I’d never even existed. That was worse. Adrian might have said all the wrong things, but my father treated me like he wished I was nothing more than a stain on the sheets. Nothing could ever make that better.
“Pull in here!” Ryan instructed, sitting up in his seat, pointing at a dirt road that led into the clearing between the trees.
Slamming on the brakes, I did as he asked, more than a little confused. Slowing the car, we came upon an abandoned building which, if I was being honest, looked a little frightening in the dying light. Like one of those abandoned houses kids sneak into in the middle of the night and try and scare the crap out of each other. Coming to a halt at the bottom of the steps, I looked up at the intimidating building. It was obvious at some point it’d been a diner or a shop, but now it just looked sad.
“Come on. I want your opinion on something.”
Before I could ask, Ryan was out of the car and taking the steps two at a time. Digging a bunch of keys from his pocket, he slipped one in the lock and pushed open the door. With a creak and a groan, the door gave way, despite the cobwebs and dust.
“What is this place? And why do you have a key?” I asked as I ran my hand over the scarred wooden counter and looked around. A spider the size of my palm hung casually in its carefully crafted web in the archway. Spiders were so not my thing. They made my skin crawl. Wishing I had a can of bug spray handy, I headed away from the terrifying arachnid.
“It’s Zoe’s.”
“Zoe’s?”
“Yeah. I didn’t even know it was here until last time we came home. She showed me around. It was her parents’. It’s been closed up for years.”
I sneezed loudly, sending a cloud of dust up in the air. “That’s for sure.”
“What do you think?”
“What do I think of what?”
“This place? Is it salvageable?”
“Salvageable?”
“Can you fix it up?”
“Ryan…”
“I’m not asking you to…”
“Sounds like it.” I folded my arms over my chest and rested my ass on the corner of a chipped laminate table.
“I’m not. I just want to know if this place could be saved.”
There was something in the way he said it which had me looking at this dirty, disused place in a different light. There was passion and sadness in his plea. Ryan was a shit head. He knew exactly how to play me to get what he wanted. I was certain this wouldn’t be the last time he’d have me on my hands and knees trying to make him smile either.
Twenty minutes later, by the torch light on my phone, I’d had a look around and figured out while it wasn’t exactly in bad shape, it’d take a lot more than some elbow grease and a bucket of disinfectant to get the doors reopened. But it had good bones. It could be done.
Climbing back in the car, we were out on the highway and headed home again after the detour. “What are you thinking about doing, Ryan?”
“I don’t know, really. I kinda just wanted to know if it could be done.”
“You taking on another project?” A lump formed in my throat as I asked the question. He’d already committed to finishing the ute sitting in the shed, and now he was looking at a rundown building. The thought crossed my mind that he was giving some serious consideration to moving back home. I’d seen how happy he was there, even with all the drama. When he held baby Robin in his arms, I’m man enough to admit even I was a bit clucky.
“Nah. I haven’t got the time. Not to mention the drive every weekend would be exhausting. Just toying with some ideas. That’s all.”
He wasn’t giving much away, which did absolutely nothing to calm my mind. I wasn’t about to call him out on it. Instead, I directed my line of questioning to the other thing that’d been plaguing my mind.
“So, wanna explain the ‘boyfriend’ comment?”
The pink that flushed Ryan’s cheeks was adorable. If I hadn’t been driving I would have reached over and kissed his nervous lips until they were bruised and swollen. The thought alone had my dick sitting up and paying attention.
“I…I…it just slipped out.” Frazzled Ryan was my favourite. Watching him squirm was seriously turning me on, but we didn’t have time to pull over in the closest rest area and alleviate my bubbling frustration.
Reaching over, I took hold of Ryan’s hand, tangling my fingers with his, effectively stopping him from white knuckling his phone. “Ryan. Stop. Even though we haven’t talked about labels, it doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about them.”
“You have?” he asked, unable to mask the shock in his voice.
“Of course I have. But I’m older than you. I want you to be my boyfriend. I haven’t seen anyone else since we first hooked up. I’m ready for that step when you are. I’m not going to push you for anything more than you’re ready to give me.”
The silence left me hanging. I hated it. I felt like I was standing out here on a limb alone. Feeling like I’d just made a complete ass out of myself, I tried to tug my hand out of Ryan’s grasp, but he was holding tight.
“O-okay.”
“Okay?” I was fucking confused now.
“I want to be your boyfriend.” His declaration came out as barely a whisper, and I’d never been more grateful to the break between songs on the radio so I heard it. I doubt he was in a hurry to repeat it.
“Then you are.”
Suddenly hating the seatbelt holding me in place, I brought our joined hands to my lips and kissed the back of Ryan’s warm hand. It wasn’t what I wanted to do, but it was all I could do in that moment.
“That was…surprisingly easy.”
“Are you calling me easy?”
“Well, are you?” Ryan replied, his eyes alight with mischief.
“For you…always.”
It was like my words unleashed the demon Ryan was fighting to restrain. Without saying a word, Ryan wriggled his shoulders from the seatbelt before reaching out to palm my cock through my pants. It’d been half hard all day, but as soon as Ryan stroked the outline, like any good soldier he was standing to attention.
“Ryan,” I growled in some half-assed protest. The problem was I wasn’t one hundred percent sure what I was protesting. Did I want him to stop? Or did I want him to not stop until I’d blown my load down his throat?
“Shut up and drive!”
We’d been mucking around for months, and this was the first time Ryan had taken the lead. Don’t get me wrong, he was always more than happy to go along with my plan, but this was the first time he’d been in the driver’s seat. There was no way I was missing this. Leaning over, I hit the stereo, muting out the sound. If what I thought was about to happen, what I hoped was about to happen did, then I wanted to hear every slurp.
As Ryan continued to stroke me, my hips started moving on their own. I wanted more. I needed it. Sensing my desperation, or maybe his own was taking over, Ryan unsnapped the button on my jeans before unzipping me. I heard every snap of the metal teeth as they parted, giving my swelling cock the space it needed. Going commando has its advantages, but when I’d tugged on my jeans sans underwear this morning, I had no idea I’d be driving down the freeway, Ryan’s warm breath on my cock.
When he finally untucked me, I couldn’t help but sigh with relief. My cock was weeping, and when Ryan’s pink tongue snuck out and licked the crown, the car veered, hitting the white ripple strip, sending a vibration through the car. Not a completely unpleasant sensation.
Moving into the left lane, I slowed down a smidge and clicked on the cruise control. With the cheekiest grin I’d ever seen, Ryan looked up at me as I slid my seat back and adjusted the steering wheel. If road head was on Ryan’s agenda this evening, then I was going to do absolutely nothing to stop him. All I could do was sit here, keep the car on the road, and enjoy the ride.
Whe
n his hand cupped my balls and squeezed in exactly the way I liked, I groaned. The chuckle that bubbled up Ryan’s throat and past his lips, vibrating past my cock, didn’t do a thing to calm me down. I was doing damn anything I could to keep from blowing my load. Thinking about the paperwork waiting for me at home. About stripping the paint. About the abandoned shop Ryan’d just shown me. Anything except the way he was licking my cock like it was a popsicle on a warm summer’s day.
“Oh, shit, Ryan!” I growled as I buried one hand in his hair and tugged on his soft strands.
“Enjoying yourself?” he mumbled, looking up at me with mischievous eyes.
Without giving me a chance to answer, he hollowed out his cheeks and sucked me all the way until I touched the back of his throat. For someone with very little experience, he was fucking phenomenal.
White knuckling the steering wheel, I held on as my hips’ instinct took over. I couldn’t help myself. I’d turned into an animal. I pumped harder and harder, Ryan taking everything I dished out.
“Fuck! I’m gonna…” I didn’t even get my sentence out before I exploded straight down Ryan’s throat. After licking me clean, he adjusted himself in his seat, a smug, satisfied smirk on his face. After tucking myself back in, I spied a rest stop barely five hundred metres ahead. Sending a cloud of dust up into the air, I skidded the car to a halt, barely missing the huge maroon truck parked just off the road.
After killing the ignition, I unlatched my seatbelt and grabbed Ryan by the scruff of the neck before plunging my tongue halfway down his throat. I could taste myself on him, and even though I’d just emptied the motherload, I was ready to go again. That was the effect he had on me. Although Ryan was slow on the uptake, soon enough he was giving as good as he was getting, fisting my shirt and tugging me closer.
When we eventually came up for air, the windows were fogged and we were both panting like we’d just run a marathon.
“That was…”
“I don’t know what came over me,” Ryan confessed, looking more than a little embarrassed. Fuck! He had absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. If he wanted to suck my dick like that, then he was more than welcome to it. Day or night. I’d take one for the team. Very fucking happily.
“Fucking incredible!” The questioning look on his face confused me, but I let it go. I wondered if he regretted it, or maybe it was being so forward he wasn’t entirely comfortable with it. “We should get home. We’ve both got a big day tomorrow.”
“Yeah.”
As darkness settled in, the kangaroos came out to play. It was one of the drawbacks of travelling on Australian country roads. As I slowed down yet again to let another one bound across the road, I couldn’t help but look at how dumb they were. I’d been driving for more than ten years, and all three of the incidents I had with the stupid animals were a result of the kangaroo hitting me. And unfortunately, this time of night, this is when it was the worst.
Beside me, Ryan napped peacefully. His snore echoed and his neck was lying at a crooked angle. He’d regret that when he woke up. The quiet time gave me the space to think. I knew it was too soon to be imagining a future, but I couldn’t help it. I was getting old. I didn’t want to be alone my whole life. I wanted a family. One who loved me for exactly who I was, even though I wasn’t entirely sure what that family looked like. Did it have kids? Did it not? I hadn’t decided either way, but I knew I wanted something. Something more. And seeing Ryan with his, the way his brothers teased him mercilessly; the way Holly looked at him like he was her hero; the way Ryan cradled baby Robin in his arms, protecting her from the big wide world; there was definitely some merit in giving it some thought. I doubted I’d erase those images from my head anytime soon.
Up ahead, the lights of Melbourne appeared. Life seemed so different from a distance. Everything was slower. It gave me time to dream. It gave Ryan the courage I always knew he had, but he wasn’t so sure. Maybe there really was something to this country living after all.
Reaching out, I shook his shoulder gently, bringing him back to the land of the living. He mumbled something I didn’t quite catch, if it was in fact actually English, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and scrubbed his face down his hands.
“Hey.” Ryan smiled sleepily as he sat back up, rolling his neck from side to side.
“Have a nice sleep?”
“Yeah. Sorry about that.”
“Don’t worry about it. So…” Suddenly I was nervous to ask. “You coming to my place or am I dropping you home?”
“Umm…home, if that’s cool. I wanna check on Zoe and I need some clean clothes.”
Even though his reasons made sense, I couldn’t help but be disappointed. Maybe I was getting too clingy. Or maybe I had both feet in this relationship while Ryan just had his toes testing the water. Rejection flooded me, and even though I tried not to let it show outwardly, Ryan must have seen it.
“Hey! It’s nothing. I just need a shower and some clean clothes.”
“And Zoe?”
“Yeah, Zoe too. I need to check in with her. Make sure she’s doing okay.”
“Are you ever going to tell me what’s going on with her?” I asked more pointedly than I’d intended. Zoe intrigued me. Something was obviously going on in her life, something serious that had Ryan checking his phone every five seconds. But so far, other than the fact he was worried, he hadn’t let the reason slip. Not even a hint. It was annoying the shit out of me.
“It’s not my story to tell. But I’m sure she’ll tell you when she’s ready.” He patted my leg, and I knew that was the end of conversation. For now though, I just had to trust him. And I did. For the most part, at least.
As the freeway came to an end, I turned into the dimly lit suburban streets and realised we were home. There was no escaping the problems and issues that awaited me. The ones I’d gratefully left behind when we’d taken off for the weekend. Anyone who claimed running a business was easy was full of shit. In my case, building the house, fixing the walls, rewiring, gutting a bathroom—that was easy. Making sure the insurances were up to date, doing the wages, paying the suppliers, lodging the government approvals—that was the hard part. And all of that was still easier than chasing up clients to pay their bills. But I’d tackle all of that tomorrow. Tonight, I was going to do some laundry, check in with Shane, who’d been blowing up my phone all afternoon, and have an early night.
I pulled into Ryan’s driveway and shut off the engine. For a moment we both just sat there staring at the softly lit house.
“I…”
“Thanks…”
We both started at the same time. After such an awesome weekend, including my favourite part, our newly allocated label, suddenly we were being awkward. It was bullshit.
“Thanks for inviting me,” I offered pathetically. It wasn’t what I wanted to say. The problem I had was I couldn’t find the words to express exactly what I wanted. Instead, I made myself sound like an idiot and babbled ridiculously. “I had a lot of fun.”
“Fun, hey?”
“Yeah. Some parts more than others,” I answered with a wink.
“Bet I could guess which parts they were.”
“The ones with you involved,” I growled, before grabbing Ryan by the scruff of the neck and claiming his mouth. When my lungs were burning as I craved air, I reluctantly looked back. I couldn’t stop my grin as I looked at Ryan’s swollen lips, flushed cheeks, and lust-filled eyes. Knowing I’d been the lucky bastard to put that look on his face had me puffing my chest out like I was Superman.
“Alex…” When Ryan struggled to find words, it made me climb even higher. He’d crept so far under my skin I was struggling to remember where I ended and he began. Without warning, Ryan had quickly become a part of me. Possibly my favourite part.
When the outside light flickered on the front porch, I knew that was a sign. If I didn’t let him go now, I was going to struggle to let him go at all. “Call me later?”
Caught off guard, R
yan opened the door and climbed out. With a simple, “Uh huh,” he was gone.
Stepping through the door, the whole house reeked of lemon. Zoe had obviously been on one of her cleaning frenzies. Again. This was becoming a problem. She’d turned into a hermit. A shut-in. Since she’d cut back her hours at the gym, only visiting once a week, and she’d transferred her office to the spare bedroom, she barely saw sunlight. Unless she had an appointment she couldn’t talk her way out of, she didn’t leave the house. I barely made it two steps inside before tripping over boxes piled high with saucepans and unused kitchen appliances. Hell, I didn’t even know we had a chocolate fountain in the house!
“Zoe?” I called out, trying not to frighten her.
“Kitchen!” the reply came.
Dropping my bag, I edged around the piles of rubbish and made my way into the kitchen, hoping to find her sitting at the bench sipping a cup of tea and munching on a chocolate biscuit. Even though I was hoping to find her relaxing, that was way too much to hope for. Instead she was on her hands and knees, wearing hideous bright yellow rubber gloves, with the entire contents of our fridge on the bench while she scrubbed the shelves with a toothbrush. I kid you not. She had a fucking pink toothbrush in her hand and she was scrubbing each shelf until it was better than brand new.
“Hey sweetie.” I tried to be nice as I stepped up behind her. I’ll admit she’d done an amazing job, but seriously! Whose fridge needs to be that clean? “How’s it going?”
“Well, I just started, but so far I think it looks better!” she declared proudly.
Just started, my ass. Without a word, I picked up the milk carton, feeling the temperature. There’s no way she’d just started. She’d been going at this for hours. Without arguing, I reached down and grabbed her by her underarms, hauling her to her feet. After pushing the jars of pickles and mayonnaise to the side—why the hell anyone needed three different types of mayo I’ll never understand—I set Zoe down on the bench and took a good look at her. She looked like shit. I loved Zoe, and thought she was a beautiful person both inside and out, but right now she looked like she’d been caught in a storm a week ago and hadn’t bothered to even try to clean herself up. Her hair hung around her face in long, oily strands. Her clothes were speckled with dirt, bleach stains, and what I was hoping was chocolate. Her face was blotchy and tiny blackheads had popped up. But what worried me most were her eyes. They were sunken and ringed by dark black circles.
Breaking Free (Meet the McIntyres Book 4) Page 18