With some weird murmuring and mumbling, Zoe’s heavy eyes flitted open and she wiped the drool from her chin. “Are we there already?” she asked groggily.
“Not quite.”
I stepped out of the car and into the sunshine. It would have been a beautiful, warm day if not for the icy wind that was biting. It whipped the fallen leaves on the ground into a frenzy and scattered dust. In these sorts of conditions, you had to be careful you didn’t leave your mouth open any longer than you had to or you’d be feasting on bugs.
Behind me, I heard the car door shut and Zoe’s gasp. “Why are we here?”
“Because I needed a break. I have a bloody headache I can’t get rid of.”
“Need me to drive?”
“Maybe.”
“Okay. Just let me know.”
Zoe yawned loudly and stretched her arms up high above her head, causing her shirt to rise and expose the sliver of skin just above the waistband of her jeans. When she caught me looking at her, she dropped her arms and yanked her shirt back into place. With the filthy look she was shooting in my direction, it’s amazing I didn’t dissolve into ashes. Zoe stomped away, attitude radiating off her in waves, so I kept my distance. When she bent down and scooped up a rock at her feet, hurling it at the heavy wooden door, I headed towards her.
“What are you going to do with this place?” I asked, genuinely curious.
Part of me loved it. I don’t know why. It was run down, and damaged, and needed a hell of a lot of work to restore it to its former glory, but I wanted to. Not even for me. I think I just wanted to see it as something more than it was. Even if you gutted the place and rebuilt the inside, it’d make for an incredible home.
“Depends. Some days I want to fix it up and move here.”
“And others?”
“I want to watch it burn to the ground.”
Wow! Zoe really was fucked up. I watched her as a single tear made a run from the corner of her eye and down her rosy cheek before she swatted it away and wrapped her arms around her chest protectively.
“If money’s an issue…”
“Ryan! You have no idea how much money I have, do you?”
With Zoe looking directly at me, a weird half smile on her face, I shrugged. The truth was I had no idea how much she was worth. I didn’t even know if she owned the house we lived in, or if she rented it. As far as I was concerned, it was none of my business and I wasn’t going to ask.
“Trust me, money isn’t the issue.”
“Then what is?”
“What?”
“If it’s not money, what’s stopping you from fixing it up and turning the lights on again? You could move home…”
“I can’t.” Her words came out as barely a whisper.
“Why? Everyone you love is here. Jenna. Derek. Mia. Josie. Nate. Payton. They can help you, Zoe. You won’t have to do this alone if you come home.”
“Please, Ryan.” Now the tears were running completely unhindered down her face. “Please, don’t.”
“You need to think about it, Zoe. And what’s going to happen next. I know you’d like to think you’re superwoman…” I knew I was pushing her. I should have just shut my mouth and let her be, but I couldn’t. She mightn’t like what I was saying, but she needed to hear it. “…but you’re not. You’re going to need help. Sooner rather than later. And as much as I’d love to be the one—and you know I’ll do everything I can—you’re going to need more than me. You’re going to want more than me. And that’s okay.”
“Ryan…” Her word was strangled and it sounded like it got caught in her throat.
“Just promise me you’ll think about it.”
I accepted her soft, barely there nod as agreement and took hold of her hand, yanking her into my arms and squeezing her.
Leaving her with her deep and obviously painful thoughts, I turned the radio up a little, not even bothering to try and tune it in properly to get rid of the frustrating crackle, and focused on driving. Less than an hour later I’d deposited Zoe on a surprised Derek’s doorstep, and after five minutes of berating her on the veranda, he let her inside and promised to take care of her. I had no doubts. When I eventually bumped down the driveway, my migraine had eased to a dull headache, and I was dying for a nap. I knew Holly would still be at school, and hopefully Connor was off chasing a cow and the house would be silent.
Shutting off the engine, I grabbed my bag from the backseat and slipped in the front door. I didn’t even bother stumbling upstairs to one of the spare bedrooms. Instead I filled a glass with water before curling up on the lounge and closing my eyes, only for them to pop open at the sound of a door slamming.
I never thought we’d get here.
I never actually believed we’d make it.
I wasn’t entirely sure who the casualty would be, but I was almost certain there’d be at least one.
I hoped it wouldn’t be me.
I prayed it wouldn’t be me.
But I wasn’t stupid enough to imagine, not even for a second, that there wasn’t a fair chance I’d end up burned.
We did it, though. And even more surprising, everyone was all still standing.
Standing out the front of the small church, sweating my balls off in this monkey suit Selena had insisted I wear, I kept my eye out for Ryan. With each passing minute I clenched and unclenched my fists stuffed deep in my pockets. He should have been here ten minutes ago. He said he would be. So, where the fuck was he?
Next to me stood the shell of my former brother. He was sweating bullets. He wasn’t exposed to the torture I was. He didn’t have balls to sweat off. He’d happily handed them to Selena months ago. Now if she’d show up in that poofy white dress she’d been so excited about, we could get this show on the road.
Around us, people bitched about the heat as they filed into the church. Women in heels that they couldn’t quite walk in and handbags tucked under their arms that I still didn’t understand the point of, really. They were so bloody small they couldn’t even fit their sparkly, rhinestone covered phone inside. Sometimes I didn’t understand women. Actually, that was a lie. I’d never understood women. Probably explains why I was standing here watching every car door that opened, waiting for my boyfriend to arrive.
I don’t think I was quite used to calling Ryan my boyfriend yet. Part of me wondered if I ever would be. We’d been together for months, and through so much already, but it was only two weeks ago at Shane’s bachelor party when my idiot older brother dropped the ‘b’ word. Although Ryan had dropped it once, we hadn’t used it again. Terrified that Ryan would panic, I looked to him and he just shrugged it off like it was no big deal. And I guess it wasn’t. Labels hadn’t bothered me right up until the moment I had one. Now I did, I couldn’t stop using it. Ryan was my boyfriend.
An elbow nudged me in the ribs and I turned to retaliate before I noticed Shane was pointing in the direction of a maroon SUV, which was pulling away from the footpath. Left standing there holding a silver box with the bow bigger than the box itself was the sexiest sight I’d ever seen. Behind my dark glasses, I watched as Ryan nervously wound his way through the guests towards us.
“You excited to have Ryan here?” Shane asked, interrupting my perv.
“Yeah.”
“But?”
My response must not have been enthusiastic enough. “But Mum and Dad will be here.”
“Ah.”
Nothing more needed to be said. Shane had witnessed firsthand the pain and suffering my lifestyle choices had inflicted. To say I hated my parents was an understatement. I don’t even know why I still called them Mum and Dad, if I was being honest. They weren’t my parents. Parents supported their kids. They loved them unconditionally. Mine definitely didn’t do that. If anything, they effectively reduced their family by one the moment they found out who I truly was. I thought I’d gotten past it. Moved on. At least I wanted to. But as Ryan approached, tears filled my eyes and dread turned my stomach.
; “Hey Shane! Ready to strap on the ball and chain?” Ryan asked, shaking my brother’s hand.
“Absolutely.”
“Where is Bridezilla? I…sorry, I mean the blushing bride?”
“Had it right the first time,” Shane muttered under his breath. The last couple of months had been hard on him. He’d gone from his easy, bachelor carefree lifestyle to stepdad and husband almost overnight. As the wedding approached Shane more frequently seemed to appear on my front doorstep, six pack in hand. “She’ll be here…”
“Gentleman. It’s time to take your places,” the priest in his long robes interrupted.
Ryan and I eyed each other. He looked fucking hot. The way his pants clung to his thighs and the white shirt tucked in to his narrow waist. I’d never seen him in tie before. The urge to wrap it around my fist and yank him towards me was making my own dick twitch. And the absolute last thing I needed right now was to be sporting wood in a church.
It’d taken a lot just to get him here today. Partly it was my fault. Probably mostly, if I was being honest. I’d fucked up, and when he’d stopped returning my messages and sending my calls to voicemail, I became that clingy, whiny bitch no one liked. After one particularly annoying conversation with Shane about bringing Ryan as my date, I’d caved and sent him a text, asking him to be my plus one. Wasn’t my smartest idea, and not the way I should have asked, but with Shane badgering me half to death, it was the quickest way to get him off my back.
After a couple of days of being ignored and having way too much to drink, I’d had enough and gone looking for him. There was no way in hell I was about to let Ryan ghost me out of his life. If he wanted out, then he had to man up and tell me to my face. But when I’d arrived on his doorstep, the car was gone and the house was locked up. After a few sneaky texts to Zoe, she’d told me they were headed home for the weekend. Without even packing a bag, I climbed in my car and followed them down the highway.
Somehow, I managed to make it to his brother’s place before Ryan did. Holly was surprised to see me, but hugged me like I was family anyway. After a beer with her boyfriend Jack, I headed out to the shed. Being inside that house, being inside any house at the moment, was suffocating. When I found myself staring at the now finished ute, I realised just how fucking deep I was in this thing. Sure, I’d been an insensitive prick, and I deserved to be put in my place, but walking away wasn’t an option. Anxiety coiled in my gut with each passing minute. Out here there was no noise, and I was convinced I could hear my own heart pounding in my chest.
When Ryan finally arrived, he looked exhausted, both physically and mentally. I couldn’t blame him. I didn’t need a mirror to see I was in the exact same state. I watched as he pulled the car to a halt and headed straight inside. Closing the bonnet of the restored beauty he’d worked so hard on, I found a rag on the bench and wiped the grease from my hands.
Turning to head inside, I made it exactly four steps before Ryan rounded the corner, looking a sexy combination of surprised and pissed.
“What are you doing here, Alex?” he asked, exasperated.
I could have answered his simple question. I should have. But after days of radio silence, then my frustrations building with every kilometre I covered on my way here, I was not in the mood to talk. Instead I covered the distance between us and slammed my mouth over his. It took him a second to catch on, but then his tongue was duelling with mine, giving as good as he was getting.
Ten minutes later, after I’d bent him over the bonnet of the ute he’d so painstakingly restored and fucked him until both of us were panting, sweaty, and our legs quaking, I stepped back and fixed my jeans. Our making up had been so fast and furious that we hadn’t even bothered to kick off our shoes and the metal belt buckles clinked on the ground in time with the sound of our flesh slapping together.
Even now, standing in a church, the memory of seeing my palm print on Ryan’s pale ass when he’d tried to be smart, and the hickey I’d left just below his ear made me smile widely. From my position on the steps at the front of the church, I spotted Ryan sitting in the back row. If it wasn’t for Shane’s heavy panting beside me, I would’ve marched down the aisle and demand Ryan sit at the front in the family section.
Turning to Shane, I noticed he was looking more than a little green, and sweating like a pig. “You all right?”
“You’ve got the rings, don’t you?”
Now would have been the perfect time to put the fear of God through him. Pay him back for all the bullshit he’d put me through over the years, from stealing my Lego when we were kids to insisting on the lovely Catherine giving me an overly enthusiastic lap dance at his bachelor party. Damn, it was tempting. I couldn’t do it to him, though. Not only was I slightly concerned he was about to puke all over my very shiny, too tight shoes, but there was the very real possibility he would forget he was in a church and knock me out.
Patting my jacket pocket, I replied, “Of course.”
“Okay.”
“You ready?” I whispered, hoping like hell he wasn’t getting cold feet. That was drama I wasn’t in the mood to deal with.
“Where is she?”
Before I could answer, the organ started and the congregation rose.
***
After the formalities I was more than ready to ditch the jacket and grab a cold beer. Although Selena had made sure there was an esky for the photo shoot, the drinks were barely cool. Ryan had texted me a couple of times, keeping me updated with the drama going on at the reception. Already one girl had broken her heel, and another was in the bathroom crying because she should have been getting married, not Selena.
When I was finally allowed in, I found Ryan sitting at a glitter covered table in the corner, his head buried in his phone. “Is this seat taken?”
Looking up, he smirked at me. That one that had me wanting to grab hold of his tight ass, drag him to the nearest closet, and ravish him. “Sorry, I’m waiting for my boyfriend.”
Without missing a beat, I said, “He’s a lucky guy.”
“Bet your ass he is.”
I couldn’t stop myself even if I wanted to. I bent down and kissed him. It wasn’t the sort of kiss I wanted to give him, but it would have to do. For now anyway. Keeping things PG while kids ran around chasing the balloons that clung to the ceiling was a requirement.
Dropping into the seat beside him, my hand found its way onto his knee as it bounced in time with the crappy music the DJ was playing. Talking with Ryan, the rest of the room fell away. I told him about Shane’s repeated freak outs right up until the moment Selena fell through the door in a fluffy bauble of satin and silk. She was a stunning bride. Shane was definitely batting above his average. And from the looks that those two had been exchanging from the moment the priest announced them husband and wife, I wouldn’t be surprised if the getting lucky started sooner rather than later. Fuck it. I was jealous as hell.
“Am I interrupting?”
A heavy hand landed on my shoulder, making me turn away from Ryan, something I wasn’t a fan of. Truthfully, I felt slightly guilty about inviting him then leaving him on his own. Being the best man, I was stuck with duties. Photo shoot. Sitting with the bridal party and making sure that news of anything that didn’t go according to Selena’s meticulous plans didn’t reach the happy couple’s ears. Knowing it was going to be like this, I tried inviting Zoe too, so he’d at least have someone to talk to, but neither of them were having it.
“Actually…”
“Nope. Not today, little brother. Come on. It’s time.”
Groaning, I rubbed my temples, trying to ward off the oncoming migraine. These days, Shane and I didn’t fight much, not real fights, anyway. Sure, we gave each other shit at every opportunity, but that was just brothers. That was until he asked me for this moment, right here. It was his wedding day, I would have given him anything. But this. This was too much. He was asking me for something I couldn’t give. Not wouldn’t, couldn’t.
“Time for what?
” Ryan asked, oblivious.
Instantly Alex morphed into someone I’d never met. He was like Bruce Banner who’d just morphed into full-on Hulk mode. A moment ago we’d been laughing and gossiping about the bridesmaid who’d been caught with her dress tucked into her underwear. There was one at every wedding. And the night was still young. Plenty of time for more people to make idiots out of themselves. That fact alone was why I was sticking with Coke straight up, forgoing the bourbon, which sounded like a great idea. I was getting a refill when a lady older than my mother sidled up to me at the bar and helped herself to a handful of my ass.
“Time for what?” I asked, feeling off balance.
I was secretly hoping whatever it was that seemed like it was about to take Alex away from me wouldn’t take long. We were having fun. Fun I’d like to continue. Fun I was hoping would end up in our hotel room upstairs sooner rather than later. Damn, he was hot. I mean, I knew he was. He rocked a pair of worn jeans that hugged all the right places, but seeing him in a suit had me raring to go. Then, being the teasing asshole he was, he’d gone and ditched the jacket and rolled up the sleeves. Talk about arm porn. He had me seriously considering sneaking under the table and taking him in my mouth just to have a taste. The only thing stopping me was public indecency. It was knowing that one taste wouldn’t be enough.
“Family photo.”
“Oh.”
Now I understood. Alex’s relationship with his parents was even more toxic than mine had been with my own dad. And that was saying something.
“It’ll take two minutes, Alex.”
“Fine,” he spat through gritted teeth before reaching for my drink and downing it in one gulp. “That was just Coke.”
“Yeah?”
“I’m going to need something stronger.”
“You go do the photo and I’ll head to the bar.”
“No,” Shane’s objection came loud and clear.
Breaking Free (Meet the McIntyres Book 4) Page 20