Kenilworth

by Walter Scott

  CHAPTER IX.

  Far in the lane a lonely hut he found, No tenant ventured on the unwholesome ground: Here smokes his forge, he bares his sinewy arm, And early strokes the sounding anvil warm; Around his shop the steely sparkles flew, As for the steed he shaped the bending shoe.--GAY'S TRIVIA.

  As it was deemed proper by the traveller himself, as well as by GilesGosling, that Tressilian should avoid being seen in the neighbourhood ofCumnor by those whom accident might make early risers, the landlord hadgiven him a route, consisting of various byways and lanes, which he wasto follow in succession, and which, all the turns and short-cuts dulyobserved, was to conduct him to the public road to Marlborough.

  But, like counsel of every other kind, this species of direction is muchmore easily given than followed; and what betwixt the intricacy of theway, the darkness of the night, Tressilian's ignorance of the country,and the sad and perplexing thoughts with which he had to contend, hisjourney proceeded so slowly, that morning found him only in the vale ofWhitehorse, memorable for the defeat of the Danes in former days, withhis horse deprived of a fore-foot shoe, an accident which threatened toput a stop to his journey by laming the animal. The residence of asmith was his first object of inquiry, in which he received littlesatisfaction from the dullness or sullenness of one or two peasants,early bound for their labour, who gave brief and indifferent answers tohis questions on the subject. Anxious, at length, that the partner ofhis journey should suffer as little as possible from the unfortunateaccident, Tressilian dismounted, and led his horse in the direction of alittle hamlet, where he hoped either to find or hear tidings of such anartificer as he now wanted. Through a deep and muddy lane, he at lengthwaded on to the place, which proved only an assemblage of five or sixmiserable huts, about the doors of which one or two persons, whoseappearance seemed as rude as that of their dwellings, were beginningthe toils of the day. One cottage, however, seemed of rather superioraspect, and the old dame, who was sweeping her threshold, appearedsomething less rude than her neighbours. To her Tressilian addressed theoft-repeated question, whether there was a smith in this neighbourhood,or any place where he could refresh his horse? The dame looked him inthe face with a peculiar expression as she replied, "Smith! ay, truly isthere a smith--what wouldst ha' wi' un, mon?"

  "To shoe my horse, good dame," answered Tressiliany; "you may see thathe has thrown a fore-foot shoe."

  "Master Holiday!" exclaimed the dame, without returning any directanswer--"Master Herasmus Holiday, come and speak to mon, and pleaseyou."

  "FAVETE LINGUIS," answered a voice from within; "I cannot now comeforth, Gammer Sludge, being in the very sweetest bit of my morningstudies."

  "Nay, but, good now, Master Holiday, come ye out, do ye. Here's a monwould to Wayland Smith, and I care not to show him way to devil; hishorse hath cast shoe."

  "QUID MIHI CUM CABALLO?" replied the man of learning from within; "Ithink there is but one wise man in the hundred, and they cannot shoe ahorse without him!"

  And forth came the honest pedagogue, for such his dress bespoke him. Along, lean, shambling, stooping figure was surmounted by a head thatchedwith lank, black hair somewhat inclining to grey. His features had thecast of habitual authority, which I suppose Dionysius carried with himfrom the throne to the schoolmaster's pulpit, and bequeathed as a legacyto all of the same profession, A black buckram cassock was gathered athis middle with a belt, at which hung, instead of knife or weapon, agoodly leathern pen-and-ink case. His ferula was stuck on the otherside, like Harlequin's wooden sword; and he carried in his hand thetattered volume which he had been busily perusing.

  On seeing a person of Tressilian's appearance, which he was betterable to estimate than the country folks had been, the schoolmasterunbonneted, and accosted him with, "SALVE, DOMINE. INTELLIGISNE LINGUAMLATINAM?"

  Tressilian mustered his learning to reply, "LINGUAE LATINAE HAUD PENITUSIGNARUS, VENIA TUA, DOMINE ERUDITISSIME, VERNACULAM LIBENTIUS LOQUOR."

  The Latin reply had upon the schoolmaster the effect which the mason'ssign is said to produce on the brethren of the trowel. He was at onceinterested in the learned traveller, listened with gravity to his storyof a tired horse and a lost shoe, and then replied with solemnity, "Itmay appear a simple thing, most worshipful, to reply to you that theredwells, within a brief mile of these TUGURIA, the best FABER FERARIUS,the most accomplished blacksmith, that ever nailed iron upon horse. Now,were I to say so, I warrant me you would think yourself COMPOS VOTI, or,as the vulgar have it, a made man."

  "I should at least," said Tressilian, "have a direct answer to a plainquestion, which seems difficult to be obtained in this country."

  "It is a mere sending of a sinful soul to the evil un," said the oldwoman, "the sending a living creature to Wayland Smith."

  "Peace, Gammer Sludge!" said the pedagogue; "PAUCA VERBA, Gammer Sludge;look to the furmity, Gammer Sludge; CURETUR JENTACULUM, Gammer Sludge;this gentleman is none of thy gossips." Then turning to Tressilian, heresumed his lofty tone, "And so, most worshipful, you would really thinkyourself FELIX BIS TERQUE should I point out to you the dwelling of thissame smith?"

  "Sir," replied Tressilian, "I should in that case have all that I wantat present--a horse fit to carry me forward;--out of hearing of yourlearning." The last words he muttered to himself.

  "O CAECA MENS MORTALIUM!" said the learned man "well was it sung byJunius Juvenalis, 'NUMINIBUS VOTA EXAUDITA MALIGNIS!'"

  "Learned Magister," said Tressilian, "your erudition so greatly exceedsmy poor intellectual capacity that you must excuse my seeking elsewherefor information which I can better understand."

  "There again now," replied the pedagogue, "how fondly you fly from himthat would instruct you! Truly said Quintilian--"

  "I pray, sir, let Quintilian be for the present, and answer, in a wordand in English, if your learning can condescend so far, whether there isany place here where I can have opportunity to refresh my horse until Ican have him shod?"

  "Thus much courtesy, sir," said the schoolmaster, "I can readily renderyou, that although there is in this poor hamlet (NOSTRA PAUPERA REGNA)no regular HOSPITIUM, as my namesake Erasmus calleth it, yet, forasmuchas you are somewhat embued, or at least tinged, as it were, with goodletters, I will use my interest with the good woman of the house toaccommodate you with a platter of furmity--an wholesome food for whichI have found no Latin phrase--your horse shall have a share of thecow-house, with a bottle of sweet hay, in which the good woman Sludge somuch abounds, that it may be said of her cow, FAENUM HABET IN CORNU;and if it please you to bestow on me the pleasure of your company, thebanquet shall cost you NE SEMISSEM QUIDEM, so much is Gammer Sludgebound to me for the pains I have bestowed on the top and bottom of herhopeful heir Dickie, whom I have painfully made to travel through theaccidence."

  "Now, God yield ye for it, Master Herasmus," said the good Gammer, "andgrant that little Dickie may be the better for his accident! And for therest, if the gentleman list to stay, breakfast shall be on the board inthe wringing of a dishclout; and for horse-meat, and man's meat, I bearno such base mind as to ask a penny."

  Considering the state of his horse, Tressilian, upon the whole, sawno better course than to accept the invitation thus learnedly made andhospitably confirmed, and take chance that when the good pedagogue hadexhausted every topic of conversation, he might possibly condescend totell him where he could find the smith they spoke of. He entered thehut accordingly, and sat down with the learned Magister Erasmus Holiday,partook of his furmity, and listened to his learned account of himselffor a good half hour, ere he could get him to talk upon any other topic,The reader will readily excuse our accompanying this man of learninginto all the details with which he favoured Tressilian, of which thefollowing sketch may suffice.

  He was born at Hogsnorton, where, according to popular saying, the pigsplay upon the organ; a proverb which he interpreted allegorically,as having reference to the herd of Epicurus, of which litter Horaceconfessed himself a porker. H
is name of Erasmus he derived partly fromhis father having been the son of a renowned washerwoman, who had heldthat great scholar in clean linen all the while he was at Oxford; a taskof some difficulty, as he was only possessed of two shirts, "the one,"as she expressed herself, "to wash the other," The vestiges of one ofthese CAMICIAE, as Master Holiday boasted, were still in his possession,having fortunately been detained by his grandmother to cover the balanceof her bill. But he thought there was a still higher and overrulingcause for his having had the name of Erasmus conferred on him--namely,the secret presentiment of his mother's mind that, in the babe to bechristened, was a hidden genius, which should one day lead him to rivalthe fame of the great scholar of Amsterdam. The schoolmaster's surnameled him as far into dissertation as his Christian appellative. He wasinclined to think that he bore the name of Holiday QUASI LUCUS A NONLUCENDO, because he gave such few holidays to his school. "Hence," saidhe, "the schoolmaster is termed, classically, LUDI MAGISTER, because hedeprives boys of their play." And yet, on the other hand, he thoughtit might bear a very different interpretation, and refer to his ownexquisite art in arranging pageants, morris-dances, May-day festivities,and such-like holiday delights, for which he assured Tressilian he hadpositively the purest and the most inventive brain in England; insomuch,that his cunning in framing such pleasures had made him known to manyhonourable persons, both in country and court, and especially to thenoble Earl of Leicester. "And although he may now seem to forget me,"he said, "in the multitude of state affairs, yet I am well assured that,had he some pretty pastime to array for entertainment of the Queen'sGrace, horse and man would be seeking the humble cottage of ErasmusHoliday. PARVO CONTENTUS, in the meanwhile, I hear my pupils parse andconstrue, worshipful sir, and drive away my time with the aid of theMuses. And I have at all times, when in correspondence with foreignscholars, subscribed myself Erasmus ab Die Fausto, and have enjoyed thedistinction due to the learned under that title: witness the eruditeDiedrichus Buckerschockius, who dedicated to me under that title histreatise on the letter TAU. In fine, sir, I have been a happy anddistinguished man."

  "Long may it be so, sir!" said the traveller; "but permit me to ask, inyour own learned phrase, QUID HOC AD IPHYCLI BOVES? what has all this todo with the shoeing of my poor nag?"

  "FESTINA LENTE," said the man of learning, "we will presently came tothat point. You must know that some two or three years past there cameto these parts one who called himself Doctor Doboobie, although it maybe he never wrote even MAGISTER ARTIUM, save in right of his hungrybelly. Or it may be, that if he had any degrees, they were of thedevil's giving; for he was what the vulgar call a white witch, a cunningman, and such like.--Now, good sir, I perceive you are impatient; but ifa man tell not his tale his own way, how have you warrant to think thathe can tell it in yours?"

  "Well, then, learned sir, take your way," answered Tressilian; "only letus travel at a sharper pace, for my time is somewhat of the shortest."

  "Well, sir," resumed Erasmus Holiday, with the most provokingperseverance, "I will not say that this same Demetrius for so he wrotehimself when in foreign parts, was an actual conjurer, but certain itis that he professed to be a brother of the mystical Order of the RosyCross, a disciple of Geber (EX NOMINE CUJUS VENIT VERBUM VERNACULUM,GIBBERISH). He cured wounds by salving the weapon instead of the sore;told fortunes by palmistry; discovered stolen goods by the sieve andshears; gathered the right maddow and the male fern seed, through use ofwhich men walk invisible; pretended some advances towards the panacea,or universal elixir; and affected to convert good lead into sorrysilver."

  "In other words," said Tressilian, "he was a quacksalver and commoncheat; but what has all this to do with my nag, and the shoe which hehas lost?"

  "With your worshipful patience," replied the diffusive man of letters,"you shall understand that presently--PATENTIA then, right worshipful,which word, according to our Marcus Tullius, is 'DIFFICILIUM RERUMDIURNA PERPESSIO.' This same Demetrius Doboobie, after dealing with thecountry, as I have told you, began to acquire fame INTER MAGNATES, amongthe prime men of the land, and there is likelihood he might have aspiredto great matters, had not, according to vulgar fame (for I aver not thething as according with my certain knowledge), the devil claimed hisright, one dark night, and flown off with Demetrius, who was never seenor heard of afterwards. Now here comes the MEDULLA, the very marrow,of my tale. This Doctor Doboobie had a servant, a poor snake, whomhe employed in trimming his furnace, regulating it by justmeasure--compounding his drugs--tracing his circles--cajoling hispatients, ET SIC ET CAETERIS. Well, right worshipful, the Doctor beingremoved thus strangely, and in a way which struck the whole country withterror, this poor Zany thinks to himself, in the words of Maro, 'UNOAVULSO, NON DEFICIT ALTER;' and, even as a tradesman's apprentice setshimself up in his master's shop when he is dead or hath retired frombusiness, so doth this Wayland assume the dangerous trade of his defunctmaster. But although, most worshipful sir, the world is ever prone tolisten to the pretensions of such unworthy men, who are, indeed, mereSALTIM BANQUI and CHARLATANI, though usurping the style and skillof doctors of medicine, yet the pretensions of this poor Zany, thisWayland, were too gross to pass on them, nor was there a mere rustic,a villager, who was not ready to accost him in the sense of Persius,though in their own rugged words,--

  DILIUS HELLEBORUM CERTO COMPESCERE PUNCTO NESCIUS EXAMEN? VETAT HOC NATURA VEDENDI;

  which I have thus rendered in a poor paraphrase of mine own,--

  Wilt thou mix hellebore, who dost not know How many grains should to the mixture go? The art of medicine this forbids, I trow.

  "Moreover, the evil reputation of the master, and his strange anddoubtful end, or at least sudden disappearance, prevented any, exceptingthe most desperate of men, to seek any advice or opinion from theservant; wherefore, the poor vermin was likely at first to swarf forvery hunger. But the devil that serves him, since the death of Demetriusor Doboobie, put him on a fresh device. This knave, whether from theinspiration of the devil, or from early education, shoes horses betterthan e'er a man betwixt us and Iceland; and so he gives up his practiceon the bipeds, the two-legged and unfledged species called mankind, andbetakes him entirely to shoeing of horses."

  "Indeed! and where does he lodge all this time?" said Tressilian. "Anddoes he shoe horses well? Show me his dwelling presently."

  The interruption pleased not the Magister, who exclaimed, "O CAECA MENSMORTALIUM!--though, by the way, I used that quotation before. But Iwould the classics could afford me any sentiment of power to stop thosewho are so willing to rush upon their own destruction. Hear but, I prayyou, the conditions of this man," said he, in continuation, "ere you areso willing to place yourself within his danger--"

  "A' takes no money for a's work," said the dame, who stood by,enraptured as it were with the line words and learned apophthegms whichglided so fluently from her erudite inmate, Master Holiday. But thisinterruption pleased not the Magister more than that of the traveller.

  "Peace," said he, "Gammer Sludge; know your place, if it be your will.SUFFLAMINA, Gammer Sludge, and allow me to expound this matter to ourworshipful guest.--Sir," said he, again addressing Tressilian, "thisold woman speaks true, though in her own rude style; for certainly thisFABER FERRARIUS, or blacksmith, takes money of no one."

  "And that is a sure sign he deals with Satan," said Dame Sludge; "sinceno good Christian would ever refuse the wages of his labour."

  "The old woman hath touched it again," said the pedagogue; "REM ACUTETIGIT--she hath pricked it with her needle's point. This Wayland takesno money, indeed; nor doth he show himself to any one."

  "And can this madman, for such I hold him," said the traveller, "knowaught like good skill of his trade?"

  "Oh, sir, in that let us give the devil his due--Mulciber himself, withall his Cyclops, could hardly amend him. But assuredly there is littlewisdom in taking counsel or receiving aid from one who is but tooplainly in league with the author of evil."

  "I must ta
ke my chance of that, good Master Holiday," said Tressilian,rising; "and as my horse must now have eaten his provender, I mustneeds thank you for your good cheer, and pray you to show me this man'sresidence, that I may have the means of proceeding on my journey."

  "Ay, ay, do ye show him, Master Herasmus," said the old dame, who was,perhaps, desirous to get her house freed of her guest; "a' must needs gowhen the devil drives."

  "DO MANUS," said the Magister, "I submit--taking the world to witness,that I have possessed this honourable gentleman with the full injusticewhich he has done and shall do to his own soul, if he becomes thus atrinketer with Satan. Neither will I go forth with our guest myself, butrather send my pupil.--RICARDE! ADSIS, NEBULO."

  "Under your favour, not so," answered the old woman; "you may peril yourown soul, if you list, but my son shall budge on no such errand. And Iwonder at you, Dominie Doctor, to propose such a piece of service forlittle Dickie."

  "Nay, my good Gammer Sludge," answered the preceptor, "Ricardus shall gobut to the top of the hill, and indicate with his digit to the strangerthe dwelling of Wayland Smith. Believe not that any evil can come tohim, he having read this morning, fasting, a chapter of the Septuagint,and, moreover, having had his lesson in the Greek Testament."

  "Ay," said his mother, "and I have sewn a sprig of witch's elm in theneck of un's doublet, ever since that foul thief has begun his practiceson man and beast in these parts."

  "And as he goes oft (as I hugely suspect) towards this conjurer for hisown pastime, he may for once go thither, or near it, to pleasure us,and to assist this stranger.--ERGO, HEUS RICARDE! ADSIS, QUAESO, MIDIDASCULE."

  The pupil, thus affectionately invoked, at length came stumbling intothe room; a queer, shambling, ill-made urchin, who, by his stuntedgrowth, seemed about twelve or thirteen years old, though he wasprobably, in reality, a year or two older, with a carroty pate in hugedisorder, a freckled, sunburnt visage, with a snub nose, a longchin, and two peery grey eyes, which had a droll obliquity of vision,approaching to a squint, though perhaps not a decided one. It wasimpossible to look at the little man without some disposition to laugh,especially when Gammer Sludge, seizing upon and kissing him, in spite ofhis struggling and kicking in reply to her caresses, termed him her ownprecious pearl of beauty.

  "RICARDE," said the preceptor, "you must forthwith (which is PROFECTO)set forth so far as the top of the hill, and show this man of worshipWayland Smith's workshop."

  "A proper errand of a morning," said the boy, in better language thanTressilian expected; "and who knows but the devil may fly away with mebefore I come back?"

  "Ay, marry may un," said Dame Sludge; "and you might have thought twice,Master Domine, ere you sent my dainty darling on arrow such errand. Itis not for such doings I feed your belly and clothe your back, I warrantyou!"

  "Pshaw--NUGAE, good Gammer Sludge," answered the preceptor; "I ensureyou that Satan, if there be Satan in the case, shall not touch a threadof his garment; for Dickie can say his PATER with the best, and may defythe foul fiend--EUMENIDES, STYGIUMQUE NEFAS."

  "Ay, and I, as I said before, have sewed a sprig of the mountain-ashinto his collar," said the good woman, "which will avail more than yourclerkship, I wus; but for all that, it is ill to seek the devil or hismates either."

  "My good boy," said Tressilian, who saw, from a grotesque sneer onDickie's face, that he was more likely to act upon his own bottom thanby the instructions of his elders, "I will give thee a silver groat, mypretty fellow, if you will but guide me to this man's forge."

  The boy gave him a knowing side-look, which seemed to promiseacquiescence, while at the same time he exclaimed, "I be your guide toWayland Smith's! Why, man, did I not say that the devil might fly offwith me, just as the kite there" (looking to the window) "is flying offwith one of grandam's chicks?"

  "The kite! the kite!" exclaimed the old woman in return, and forgettingall other matters in her alarm, hastened to the rescue of her chickensas fast as her old legs could carry her.

  "Now for it," said the urchin to Tressilian; "snatch your beaver, getout your horse, and have at the silver groat you spoke of."

  "Nay, but tarry, tarry," said the preceptor--"SUFFLAMINA, RICARDE!"

  "Tarry yourself," said Dickie, "and think what answer you are to make togranny for sending me post to the devil."

  The teacher, aware of the responsibility he was incurring, bustled up ingreat haste to lay hold of the urchin and to prevent his departure; butDickie slipped through his fingers, bolted from the cottage, and spedhim to the top of a neighbouring rising ground, while the preceptor,despairing, by well-taught experience, of recovering his pupil by speedof foot, had recourse to the most honied epithets the Latin vocabularyaffords to persuade his return. But to MI ANIME, CORCULUM MEUM, andall such classical endearments, the truant turned a deaf ear, and keptfrisking on the top of the rising ground like a goblin by moonlight,making signs to his new acquaintance, Tressilian, to follow him.

  The traveller lost no time in getting out his horse and departing tojoin his elvish guide, after half-forcing on the poor, deserted teachera recompense for the entertainment he had received, which partly allayedthat terror he had for facing the return of the old lady of the mansion.Apparently this took place soon afterwards; for ere Tressilian and hisguide had proceeded far on their journey, they heard the screams of acracked female voice, intermingled with the classical objurgations ofMaster Erasmus Holiday. But Dickie Sludge, equally deaf to the voiceof maternal tenderness and of magisterial authority, skipped onunconsciously before Tressilian, only observing that "if they criedthemselves hoarse, they might go lick the honey-pot, for he had eaten upall the honey-comb himself on yesterday even."