This suggests to me a very strong indication that a nonrecognized source of systematic errors may have been involved.’”
In a more hopeful tone, he added, “The only people doing interesting, somewhat scientific work seem to me to be those investigating Near-Death Experiences; the International Association for Near-Death Studies (IANDS) publishes a Journal that has some excellent material, particularly where they relate NDEs to brain physiology—but these days, even most Near-Death researchers seem to be going off the deep end into investigations of occultic phenomena: past lives, remote viewing, visionary experiences, mirror-gazing, and such; it’s very discouraging….”
Abraham hesitated before saying quietly, “Do you ever consider the possibility that…well, maybe Ted and people like him are right, after all? That there is no life after death?”
“I’m certainly aware of that possibility, intellectually,” Jobran replied quickly. “Still, the fact that we don’t have any firm scientific evidence for spiritism, ESP, and such, doesn’t prove that personal survival after death doesn’t happen—it just proves that we can’t communicate with the dead.” He shrugged his shoulders, and said, “Which, after all, is what virtually every branch of Christianity has said all along; even with Catholicism’s ‘Communion of Saints,’ whereby you are encouraged to pray to certain saintly persons on behalf of those who have passed on, you don’t ever get to talk directly with them. So from a religious perspective, these results are not unexpected. And besides, even if ESP were scientifically demonstrated, it wouldn’t ‘prove’ life after death—we might just be like radio receivers, than can pick up signals from far away; nevertheless, this power could be strictly dependent upon our physical bodies. For ESP to prove survival after death, you would need to demonstrate that ESP can still take place after the human body has been destroyed by death.”
Abraham hesitated, then spoke tentatively, “Personally, although this whole ‘quest’ thing has been very illuminating for me, I have to admit that it…well, it’s solidified my belief that life after death probably isn’t true.” See Jobran’s surprised look, he quickly added, “Obviously, I can’t ‘prove’ it; but as I told you on the day we first met, surveys show that most Jews don’t believe in life after death, and…well, I guess that I’m one of them.” Jobran still made no comment, but was just looking at him curiously, so Abraham said, “So have you now lost all of your respect for me? Do you think that I’m a totally ‘bad’ person, that you don’t want to associate with any longer?”
Jobran shook his head. “No, hardly; one’s personal belief—or disbelief—in life after death doesn’t determine whether or not it exists. It either does, or it doesn’t—my belief, or your lack of belief, aren’t going to change reality, whatever it may be. And I have to admit that—in my more discouraged moments—I myself have sometimes thought that ‘this whole thing is just a crock; when you’re dead, you’re dead.’” He appeared to be struggling with something internally, until he finally said, “But at the same time, I can’t really make myself consider it a possibility from an emotional standpoint. Let’s face it: If Ted—and you—are correct, and the notion of life after death is false, and dying is no more than sleeping without waking up, then that’s fine; but there certainly doesn’t seem to me to be any advantage to thinking that way. I mean, does that idea really enrich your life, and give you more motivation to carry on? I can see how it might if you were a very immoral person—the kind that Islam and Christianity would consign to Hell— and you didn’t want the notion of religious ethics to interfere with your personal conduct; but for people like you and me….” He gave a small smile, then added, “And of course, if it turns out that Ted is wrong, and there is life after death, his lack of belief certainly could place him in a position of considerable disadvantage: losing his immortal soul, for example.”
Abraham looked exasperated, then said in an agitated voice, “You seem so damn smug about this whole thing; and yet you’re contradicting yourself right and left! On the one hand, you’re putting forward rational arguments against other religions—including mine—but on the other hand, you seem to be accepting things just because you’re emotionally unwilling to consider the alternative, or because the alternative seems less ‘advantageous’ to you. What the hell kind of religious perspective is it that simply calculates the possibilities and probabilities, and then decides on that basis what to follow?”
Jobran grinned unashamedly, and said, “On the contrary, I think my perspective is quite consistent, as well as even traditional. Call it a modernized version of ‘Pascal’s Wager,’ whereby I am choosing to follow the side that leaves open the possibility of the greatest reward.”
“That’s absurd,” Abraham said, contemptuously.
Now Jobran was starting to get a little angry, and said, “Remember, I never said that I was pursuing my quest in an unbiased manner; quite the contrary, I had, and have, but one goal: reunion with Sophia. A perspective like Ted’s—and yours—is out of the question for me, because it would imply something that is absolutely impossible for me to accept: Namely, that I will never see my darling Sophia again.” He stood up, and began pacing around the room. “If I believed that, I would have simply killed myself nearly a year-and-a-half ago, and saved myself all this effort and heartache.”
“You’re talking in circles, Jobran,” Abraham said, testily. “And believe it or not, you’re not the only one with problems.” Taking a swallow of his ice water, he said sarcastically, “So anyway, what’s your ‘bottom line’? The one I drove all the way over here for?”
Jobran stopped walking abruptly. Looking squarely at Abraham, he said, “Essentially, when all is said and done, I have found myself unable to resolve the question of life after death; the evidence is simply too ambiguous, too fragmented, too contradictory.” Before Abraham could offer a rejoinder, however, he added quickly, “But what I have been able to determine is what I can do—what I must do—if my goal is to achieve reunion with my beloved Sophia.”
“And this is…?” Abraham asked, leaning forward as he waited for the answer.
“It seems to me that the best chance I have of going where Sophia went, is to follow the same spiritual path she followed; that is, to become a ‘mainstream’ Catholic—not seeking some level of hyper-spirituality, not seeking to achieve sainthood, but simply trying to achieve and stay at the level where she was.” He sat back down on the couch, and said, “And so starting tomorrow, I am going to resume taking RCIA classes, so that I can complete them in time to take my First Communion next Easter.”
Abraham’s jaw dropped in disbelief. Then, sarcasm oozing from every word, he said, “That’s it? That’s the great revelation that I came over here to hear? After all that effort, you’re just going to blank out your mind, and become a typical, run-of-the-mill Roman Catholic?” He shook his head disgustedly. “I thought you had more integrity than that, Jobran.”
Defensively, Jobran replied, “Remember, my goal is not to personally achieve doctrinal purity or theological correctness; I’m simply trying…”
Abraham cut him off, saying, “Yeah, yeah, I know it by heart. ‘I’m just trying to be reunited with my beloved wife.’” He shook his head disgustedly, and said, “Somehow, your great conclusion seems a little bit too ‘convenient’ for me, not to mention insincere and calculating. You were raised in the Protestant tradition, right? So why would you even think of converting to Roman Catholicism, where you’ll be stuck with two thousand years of Church history of wars, persecutions—mostly of people like me—and intolerance, not to mention having to blindly obey the Pope in everything, including birth control and euthanasia, when you and I know there have been bad Popes, immoral Popes, and Popes that even Dante predicted would go to Hell!” He shook his head again, and added, “If you want to be a Christian, fine; stay a liberal Protestant. How can you even think of converting to Roman Catholicism?”
“Because
I am following Sophia!” shot back Jobran, almost shouting. Trying to regain control of himself, he said, “Look, I feel that I’m taking a position that is very much in the tradition of the ‘Golden Mean.’ Protestants in the ‘mainstream’ or liberal tradition from which I come certainly do not deny the possibility of salvation to Catholics; even those fundamentalist Protestants that believe that the Catholic Church in general is wrong and heretical, still admit that there are sincere Catholics that will be saved, as long as they don’t engage in idolatry, and are trusting in God for their salvation, rather than their own works.” He thought for a moment, then continued, “In Sophia’s case, although she was pious after her own fashion, she wasn’t a devotee of the ‘saints,’ and she didn’t spend her time kneeling and praying in front of statutes; she just genuflected and knelt in Church when it was called for in the Mass. She didn’t visit Lourdes or Medjugorje, and she didn’t take Rosary beads with her wherever she went. Nor did she have an unusual amount of devotion to the Virgin Mary, other than crying out, ‘Santa Maria!’ occasionally in times of extreme distress—and I’ll bet that a lot of Latina Protestants do that, as well. I doubt that she ever read more than two or three Catholic books since she graduated from her Catholic high school, and she certainly never read a Papal Encyclical. So, since I need not be more pious than Sophia, I don’t need to devote myself any more to the more controversial or potentially ‘objectionable’ aspects of Catholicism than she did.”
Abraham just looked at Jobran in disbelief, then threw up his hands, without saying anything.
Jobran now began to try and persuade his friend in earnest. With a perceptible bit of desperation in his voice, he said, “Abe, I’m converting to the largest branch of the religion with the largest number of adherents in the world; the Catholic Church certainly thinks that my conversion is a good thing, and the liberal Protestant denominations certainly wouldn’t view what I’m doing as grounds for damnation—I’m only following my wife, not turning away from God. I’m not even disqualifying myself under the terms of any of the metaphysical or ‘New Age’ religions, or Universalism; in fact, if they are true—and quite frankly, I hope that they are—I will almost certainly be able to be reunited with Sophia after death, whether I’m a Catholic or not.”
Forcing himself to adopt a reasonable tone of voice, Abraham said, “Jobe, the problem I have with your position is the same problem that the philosophers that I studied back in college had with Pascal’s original ‘wager’; namely, you can’t just ‘decide’ to believe something. If Sophia had been a Scientologist, would you be able to ‘make’ yourself believe in the efficacy of E-Meters and L. Ron Hubbard’s ‘spiritual technology’? I don’t think so.” Putting his hand gently on Jobran’s shoulder, he said, “I can appreciate your feelings, and why you’ve reached the conclusions you seem to have reached, but don’t you think you’re rushing things? I mean, when I last spoke to you three days ago, you were still completely engaged in your ‘quest.’ Don’t you think you need to take a little more time to think about it, and maybe take a more middle-of-the-road approach…?”
“There isn’t time to be ‘middle of the road’!” Jobran replied, sharply. “Don’t you understand? Catholics believe that one’s position at the very time of death is critically important: that’s part of why Sophia’s parents are so angry with me! Suppose that I was to suddenly die tomorrow while I was reading the Book of Mormon, after—experimentally—praying to God about it? Or what if I was killed in a car wreck while repeating one of the daily exercises in A Course In Miracles? What if I’d had cardiac arrest—if it can happen to Sophia, it can happen to me—while I was attending a spiritistic séance? From the Catholic perspective, I might have damned my soul for all of eternity, not to mention sealed my eternal separation from Sophia!” Angrily, he took a gulp of water, and said acidly, “By having taken such a ‘broad-minded’ approach previously, I was exposing myself to too much goddamn spiritual risk!!”
Somewhat chastened, Abraham said in a quieter tone, “Well, I have to agree with you to a certain extent, there.” With a humorless laugh, he said, “You certainly can’t count on staying alive for your allotted three score and ten years, that’s for sure.” Looking directly at Jobran, he said, “But why Catholicism?” asked Abraham, passionately. “I can’t see why you don’t just stay in the liberal branch of Protestantism you were raised in?”
Jobran looked thoughtful, and said, “Whenever the Catholic Church— although they have spoken in considerate terms since Vatican II about their ‘separated brethren’ Protestants—speaks with other groups such as the Anglicans and Eastern Orthodox about reuniting, it is seldom a matter of ‘meeting them halfway’; Catholics never offer to ‘Reword the statements in the Mass about the Eucharist, so that it’s capable of a broader range of interpretations,’ or make obedience to the Pope an option, for example. No, although the Catholic Church is entirely ready to welcome other groups ‘back into the fold,’ they aren’t proposing to themselves join some ‘neutral’ or ‘compromise’ organization for the sake of ‘Christian unity.’” He shrugged, and said, “You can do that kind of thing, when you’re the biggest. In a sense, Catholics have never totally forgotten the doctrine that ‘Outside the Church, there is no Salvation,’ although it’s not currently interpreted like a lot of Catholics were taught in the ‘40s and ‘50s. So while probably all liberal Protestant theologians would agree that I could still be saved without any major problems even after joining the Catholic Church, the Catholics certainly think that my salvation would be very much facilitated by my following through and converting to Catholicism, rather than remaining a liberal Protestant.”
Abraham replied in a voice filled with disbelief, “And I thought you were supposed to be the guy who just said he rejected all those ‘majority rules’ kind of arguments. But aren’t you just giving up, and taking the easy way out? Hell, if this is your final conclusion, you should have just done what your parish priest suggested last year. If you’re just ending up where you started from, haven’t you really come all this way for nothing?” He paused, then added passionately, “And more importantly, aren’t you really betraying your own spiritual intuition, your own conscience, by arriving at such a ‘calculated’ solution?” He waited, but Jobran did not reply. “Tell me, why would you abandon your quest so easily?”
“Because it’s not possible to find out the truth in this area!” Jobran replied, almost screaming from emotion and frustration. “I was wrong—originally, I thought that because of my intense degree of commitment, my single-minded devotion to the question, that I could find out the answers. But now, there’s no point in my reading more books, no point in meeting with any other group of practitioners, because the only answers I get are ambiguous, equivocal ones. There are intelligent, highly-committed, absolutely sincere people on all sides of the question of religion. No matter what position I ultimately take, there will be people that strongly disagree with my approach.”
His voice cracking from frustration and anguish, as well as pent-up emotion, Jobran said, “If I was dealing only with the various sects of Christianity and the major world religions, I might have been able to come to a purely rational, non-pragmatic conclusion. But studying the metaphysical and New Age traditions has permanently muddied the waters for me. Should I study one of the secret societies? But how can I choose between the Freemasons, and the Rosicrucians? If I choose the Rosicrucians, do I choose the older and more Christian-oriented Rosicrucian Fellowship, or do I choose the larger group known as the AMORC, the ‘Ancient Mystical Order Rosae Crucis’? Or if I want a ‘Mystery School,’ how about Robert and Earlyne Chaney’s Astara? Or maybe I should join one of the ad hoc groups based on the teachings of Gurdjieff, or his equally famous former student Ouspensky? Maybe I should align myself with Emanuel Swedenborg’s ‘Church of the New Jerusalem’? If I decide to join one of the ‘Mind Science’ groups, do I pick Christian Science, Divine Science, Religious Science, or
the Unity School of Christianity? If I decide to join one of the Spiritualist churches, do I pick one that has a ‘Christian’ focus or not? Suppose that I opt for one of the ‘Ascended Master’ groups—should I join Theosophy? If so, do I follow the teachings of its founder Helena Petrovna Blavatsky, or her successors Annie Besant and Charles Leadbeater? Or do I join one of the later splinter groups, such as the Liberal Catholic Church, Alice Bailey’s Arcane School, or Rudolph Steiner’s Anthroposophy? Or perhaps I should commit myself to one of the post-Theosophy Ascended Masters groups, such as Guy and Edna Ballard’s ‘Mighty I AM’ movement—which has almost vanished—or how about Elizabeth Clare Prophet’s Church Universal and Triumphant, which is in the process of vanishing? Or the more recent Temple of the Presence? Or maybe I should follow one of the Eastern-style gurus, such as Paramahansa Yogananda’s Self-Realization Fellowship? Or Krishnamurti, who Theosophy originally proclaimed as the coming ‘World Teacher’; or Sai Baba, the ‘Man of Miracles’; or Meher Baba, the silent teacher who claimed to be God personified; or Maharishi Mahesh Yogi’s Transcedental Meditation movement, or Muktananda, or Sri Aurobindo, or Swami Kriyananda, or Sri Chinmoy, or Adi Da Samraj/Da Avabhasa/Da Free John/Bubba Free John/Franklin Jones, or Osho—known as the Bhagwan Shree Ranjeesh prior to his death—or the Hare Krishnas? Or how about the UFO groups—prefigured by John Ballou Newbrough’s OAHSPE ‘Bible’ and its followers the ‘Faithists’—then the Aetherius Society, the Unarians, the Raelian Movement, or the Urantia Foundation and their Urantia Book? Or how about L. Ron Hubbard’s Scientology, the ‘spiritual technology’ that can turn me into an Operating Thetan? Or Eckankar, the ‘Ancient Science of Soul Travel’?”
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