Like You Mean It

by Trish Edmisten

  “Is anyone home?” Marcy asked.

  Chelsea laughed. “Don’t you mean is Nick home?”

  “I happen to know for a fact Nick isn’t home,” Marcy replied. “His truck isn’t parked in the driveway.”

  “It could be in the garage,” Danni said, and Marcy paled.

  Danni slid the key in the lock and stepped inside the house. All of the lights were out and the place was devoid of noise. Turning to Marcy, she said, “Guess you’re off the hook.”

  Her friend sighed. “Thank God.”

  The girls dropped their backpacks and purses and headed straight for the kitchen.

  “I’ll grab the pantry stuff if you guys want to get what we need from the fridge,” Danni offered.

  By the time Danni pulled the dry ingredients out of the pantry, Marcy and Chelsea had everything they would need from the refrigerator, besides finding the mixer and a baking pan.

  “Okay, we need music,” Danni decided. “I’ll be right back.”

  Darting into the living room, she turned on the stereo and switched it to their favorite station. Since they would all be in the kitchen, she turned it up louder than usual before rejoining her friends.

  “You are so lucky, Danni,” Chelsea said. “My parents never go out so I never get the house to myself.”

  “I think it might be kind of fun to be in your family with all those brothers and sisters,” Danni said.

  Chelsea rolled her eyes. “It sucks.”

  It wasn’t the first time they had this conversation. For as long as they’d known one another, each seemed to yearn for what the other had. Danni always thought it would be more fun to be part of a large family while Chelsea hated it. Her mom already had three children when she married Chelsea’s stepdad who had two kids of his own.

  “At least neither of you is an only child,” Marcy joined in.

  Danni might as well have been an only child for all the time she and Nick spent together. Like their mom, he was pretty much a ghost around their house, coming home just long enough to shower and eat, before disappearing again.

  Thinking of Nick made Danni think of Justin. Even in the short amount of time she had been around him, Danni could tell he was a much better brother than Nick. No doubt Justin and Darren spent all their time together when they were young. Justin probably wanted his brother around, whereas Nick had thrown a fit every time their mom left him in charge of Danni. It made her a little sad to realize that not seeing Darren would mean not seeing his brother either.

  Maybe tomorrow I’ll swing by the hospital and say goodbye to him, Danni thought.

  Danni immediately dismissed that idea. Justin didn’t care about her any more than Darren did. It was better to walk away and never look back.

  * * *

  One day; that’s how long it had been since Danni stopped visiting Darren, and it had been miserable. Nothing bad happened to make it miserable. She just missed Darren. She missed the way his eyes lit up when he talked about Bogart and Hitchcock and the way he sometimes looked at her like he was trying to guess her thoughts. She missed the sound of his voice and his rare smiles and even more elusive laugh. She even missed his temper but only a little bit.

  “Are you seeing what I’m seeing?” Chelsea breathed.

  The girls were on their way to Danni’s car that was parked in front of the school

  when Chelsea had suddenly stopped walking. Danni saw what Chelsea was talking about all right, and she couldn’t believe it either. Parked beside her sensible sedan was a hot red Camaro, and leaning against it was an even hotter looking Justin Jacobs.

  “He’s super cute,” Marcy whispered.

  “I saw him first,” Chelsea hissed. “You have Nick.”

  “What are you doing here?” Danni asked when they reached her car.

  “You know him?” Chelsea asked, following the words with a blush.

  “D.J. told me what happened, and when you didn’t come by yesterday I figured he might’ve messed things up for good this time,” Justin explained.

  Marcy frowned. “Who’s D.J.?”

  Danni ignored her. “How’d you know which car was mine?”

  “You have personalized plates,” Justin replied. “I took a chance that 4DANNI was you.”

  Danni cracked a tiny smile. “What would you have done if it wasn’t me or if my car wasn’t in this lot?”

  He shrugged. “No clue.”

  “Does he know you’re here?”

  “No. He’d probably be pretty pissed if he did.”

  “So where does he think you are?”

  Justin smiled. “I don’t know. I still need to think of a good excuse.”

  “Would someone please tell me what’s going on?” Chelsea interjected.

  “Justin, these are my friends, Chelsea and Marcy, and this is Darren’s brother, Justin,” Danni said.

  Chelsea’s jaw fell to her chest. “You’re Darren’s brother?”

  “Yeah.” Justin gave her a confident grin. “It’s nice to meet you.”

  “Look, I’m sorry, but you came all the way down here for nothing,” Danni told him. “If you wouldn’t mind moving, we’re leaving.”

  “Danni, can we talk for a minute?” Justin asked.

  “Isn’t that what we’ve been doing?”

  “Don’t be like this. You’re mad at D.J., not me.”

  Danni sighed. “Okay, talk.”

  “I was hoping we could talk alone,” Justin said.

  “Oh, sure,” Chelsea said. “Just give me your keys, Danni, and we’ll wait in the car.”

  Danni handed over her car keys. Neither she nor Justin spoke until her friends got into the car. When the girls cracked the windows of the car, Danni knew it wasn’t for fresh air. They probably didn’t want to miss a word that came out of Justin’s perfect mouth.

  “What do you want, J.J.?” Danni asked.

  Justin resumed his beautiful smile; the same one he probably used to get a thousand girls before her to give him anything he wanted. “You’re the only person besides D.J. who’s ever called me that.”

  “Should I stop?”

  “Nah, I like it.”

  “Okay, look, I know what you want, but I can’t see D.J. again. I’m trying to be his friend, but I can’t deal with his attitude anymore.”

  “I know he’s kind of hard to handle right now,” Justin conceded.

  “I don’t think that’s it,” Danni replied. “I think he’s a stuck-up jock who’s obsessed with baseball and cheerleaders and thinks he’s too good for girls like me and my friends.”

  Justin’s eyebrows shot up. “Wow, you weren’t kidding, were you?”

  Danni frowned at him. “What?”

  “You guys really aren’t friends,” he said. “If you were, you’d know he’s not like that. Yeah, he’s popular and, yeah, he’s a jock, but he’s not conceited or stuck-up. You might not believe this, but he’s actually kind of shy.”

  Darren Jacobs shy? Yeah, right! The Darren Jacobs she knew spent his days being followed around by tons of girls, and he didn’t look the least bit shy when he flirted with them. Saying Darren Jacobs was shy was like saying she was pretty; a big fat lie!

  “Maybe you’re the one who doesn’t know him,” Danni said.

  “I’ve known him his whole life,” Justin reminded her. “D.J.’s a good guy. Please don’t give up on him.”

  “I wasn’t the one who gave up,” Danni pointed out.

  “Give him a chance. Get to know him,” Justin suggested. “I know he’s a jerk sometimes, but cut him some slack. He lost his arm, and he thinks that means he lost his future.”

  “You mean because he can’t play baseball?” Danni guessed.

  “And he can’t draw anymore,” Justin said softly.

  Darren couldn’t be a shy artist and a stuck-up jock at the same time. It didn’t make sense. He wasn’t supposed to be good at anything but playing baseball and picking up girls. She wondered if she actually knew the real Darren after all. U
ntil two days ago, she never would have known he loved old movies.

  “I didn’t know he drew,” Danni said.

  Justin gave her a sad smile. “See, there’s a lot you don’t know about my brother.”

  Danni felt her defenses dropping and she wanted to kick herself. Why did she have to be such a pushover? Because she wanted to see Darren again. Besides, in the same situation she wouldn’t want her friends giving up on her.

  “Okay, I won’t give up,” Danni said. “I’ll be by to see him later.”

  Justin resumed his smile. “Thanks, Danni.”

  “See you later, J.J.”

  Watching him climb into his car, Danni couldn’t believe Justin Jacobs had just come to her school and begged her to keep seeing his brother. As soon as she got into her car, Marcy and Chelsea started firing questions. They didn’t even wait for Justin to drive away.

  “What did he want?” Chelsea asked.

  “He wanted to make sure I’ll still visit Darren,” Danni explained.

  Chelsea snorted. “I hope you told him no.”

  “I told him I’ll still visit,” Danni admitted.

  “Are you kidding?” Chelsea demanded. “Didn’t you call Darren a stuck-up jock just yesterday?”

  “It’s not her fault,” Marcy said.

  Chelsea frowned at her. “What are you talking about?”

  “Did you see him?” Marcy asked. “He looks like the kind of guy who could talk a girl into anything.”

  “Okay, you’re right. If that’s what Darren is going to look like when he gets older, he should get down on his knees and give thanks to Jesus,” Chelsea said, and Danni and Marcy cracked up. “So, are you at least going to drive us home first?”

  “D.J. can wait,” Danni answered. “I already made plans with my friends.”

  “D.J.?” Chelsea repeated. “You mean Darren?”

  “Yeah,” Danni agreed, feeling her face grow hot.

  Marcy’s eyes widened. “You call Darren D.J.?”

  “Sometimes,” Danni said.

  “And he lets you?” Chelsea asked.

  “It was his idea,” Danni replied.

  “That doesn’t sound like something a stuck-up guy would say,” Marcy pointed out.

  Danni grimaced. “You sound like Justin.”

  “I can think of worse things to sound like,” Chelsea said.

  “Yeah,” Marcy agreed. “Maybe if things don’t work out with Darren, Danni can date his brother.”

  “Forget that,” Chelsea said. “Maybe she can share the wealth and let me go out with Justin.”

  “Why can’t I go out with him?” Marcy asked.

  “Because you have Nick,” Chelsea reminded her.

  While her friends argued over who should be allowed to date Justin, Danni’s thoughts returned to Darren. Even if he did need someone who wouldn’t give up on him, he sure didn’t make it easy to be his friend.

  * * *

  Danni’s heart pounded against her rib cage as she rode the elevator to the fifth floor of the hospital. As she walked down the hall to Darren’s room, she began to prepare herself for him to tell her to get the hell out and never come back.

  God, why had she let J.J. talk her into this? Danni hoped this would be one of those times when Darren wasn’t awake. Then it wouldn’t matter. With any luck, this time he would be asleep and even the next time. Then, by the time he was awake, he would have forgotten all about their argument.

  Danni barged into the room before she could lose her nerve. Her eyes skipped to the bed. Darren was awake, but he didn’t yell at her. So far, he wasn’t even looking her way.

  It was Justin who looked up at her. “Hey, Danni.”

  “How’s it going?” Danni asked as though she hadn’t seen him a few hours ago.

  “I’ll just give you two a few minutes alone,” Justin offered.

  Before Danni could object to being forced to face his brother, he was gone.

  “You can sit if you want to,” Darren said, but Danni didn’t move.

  “Do you really want me to sit and talk to you, or do you want me to leave?”

  “I want you to sit and talk with me,” he said, and Danni smiled as she took a seat in the chair beside his bed. “There’s something else I want too.”

  “What’s that?” Danni asked.

  “I want you to tell me why you’ve been coming to visit me,” Darren said. “I’ve asked you before, and you always say you don’t know, but I think you do. If you want me to be honest, you have to do the same.”

  “You’re right,” Danni agreed as her smile fell away. “The thing is it’s not easy for me to say.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because guys like you don’t care about girls like me. We’re good for friends, but not the kind of girls you’d ever date.”

  Danni waited for him to laugh or look disgusted. Instead, he studied her with the same intense look she had seen before.

  “What are you saying, Danni?” he asked.

  “Are you seriously going to make me say it?”

  “Just say it.”

  Danni heaved a sigh. “Fine. I’m saying I’ve had a serious crush on you for the past four years.”

  “And that’s why you came?” Darren asked.

  “Yes, but I didn’t come here thinking you’d go out with me now that you only have one arm,” Danni insisted, her face flaming. “I came the first time to find out if I still felt that way, if it made a difference.”

  “So why’d you keep coming back?”

  “Because it doesn’t make a difference. I’ve spent the last four years wanting to date you. It’s not something I can just get over.”

  Darren grinned at her. “Should I be scared?”

  “No,” Danni snapped. “I’m not some stalker. You didn’t even know my name, remember?”

  “I’m sorry about that.”

  “It’s okay.”

  “It’s not okay, and I’m sorry.”

  Danni couldn’t think of anything else to say. Her confession hung in the silence between them. Why hadn’t she come up with a good lie? A ton of them came to her mind now. She could have told him she thought he might need a friend or she liked to visit sick people in the hospital. She could have told him anything, so why did she tell him the truth?

  Just when they had finally become friends, Danni ruined it with the truth. Things would be different now; they wouldn’t be friends, let alone boyfriend and girlfriend. Even if Darren agreed to forget about her crush on him, it would always be there in the back of his mind.

  “How do you feel now, Danni?” Darren asked.

  “I told you how I feel,” Danni said.

  “I want to hear you say it again,” Darren said with a wry smile.

  “I still like you, but I know I’ll never have a chance with you. You’re Darren Jacobs.”

  “So what?”

  “So, you’re the most popular guy in school,” Danni reminded him. “You’re the best baseball player and everybody knows your name. You date girls like Whitney Wheeler, and you’re the kind of guy every girl wants to go out with.”

  “Not now.” Darren broke the gaze he had focused on her. “Now I’m the one-armed man, and I’ve lost everything that made me who I am.”

  “You’re wrong, D.J. Your body doesn’t make you who you are. Your heart and soul do that, and your body’s just the carrying case,” Danni said.

  Darren reached for her hand. “Come sit with me.”

  “I am sitting with you.”

  “Come sit next to me on my bed.”

  “Isn’t that against the rules?” Danni asked.

  “I don’t know, but I don’t care.”

  “Why do you want me to sit on your bed?”

  “Because I can’t kiss you if you sit over there.”

  Danni’s eyes widened. Did Darren Jacobs just say he wanted to kiss her? Still holding his hand, she perched on the edge of the bed. The moment their lips touched, he let go of her hand and stroked h
er face. For just a second, Danni thought she might faint, but she still didn’t want the feeling to end.

  “There’s something I have to tell you,” she said, pulling away.

  “What is it?” Darren asked.

  “You’re the first guy I’ve ever kissed.” Danni dropped her eyes. “I’ve never even been on a date with a guy.”

  “Danni, it’s okay.” Placing a finger under her chin, Darren forced her eyes to meet his. “It’s kind of cool to be the first guy you kissed.”

  “It might be cool for you, but it’s embarrassing for me.”

  “If you kiss me again, I’ll tell you a secret.”

  As she leaned in to oblige his request, Danni felt as if she had fallen under some kind of spell. For four years she dreamed of the chance to have just one kiss. The possibility of more never entered her mind.

  “What’s the secret?” Danni asked.

  “I’ve never kissed a girl and felt like this before.”

  “Felt like what?”

  “This kind of intensity,” Darren said softly.

  “But you dated Whitney for a year,” Danni reminded him.

  “Yeah, and I kissed her a lot, but it never felt anything like when I kissed you just now,” he insisted.

  “Maybe you just got used to kissing her,” Danni said.

  “Or maybe I was kissing the wrong girl all along.”

  “I always thought of you guys as the perfect couple.”

  Darren grimaced. “Yeah, well, looks can be deceiving. Can we talk about something else?”

  “What happened to honesty?”

  “I’ll be honest someday. Just not yet, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  “By the way, thanks for your gift yesterday. It’s really cool.”

  “I know you probably already have those movies, but I figured it would be a good way to pass the time in here,” Danni explained.

  “Yeah, it will be.”

  “You didn’t watch any of them yet?”

  “No, I was saving them for when you came back,” Darren said. “I was kind of hoping you’d want to watch them with me.”

  Danni smiled. “What made you think I’d come back?”

  “Honestly, I didn’t think you would, but J.J. was sure you’d give me another chance.”

  “How come?”

  Darren laughed. “J.J. thinks he knows everything.”

  “Guess he was right this time,” Danni pointed out.

  “Yeah, and I’m really glad he was,” Darren said, and Danni could have sworn she detected a touch of shyness in his voice. “So, you wanna watch Casablanca with me?”

  “As long as you promise it doesn’t suck.”