The Price of Passion

by Maureen Child

  “I figured,” Tony said with a half groan. “The things I do for baseball.”

  * * *

  Beth was waiting on the porch when Cam and Tony rode into the yard. A jolt of electricity seemed to hit him dead center of the chest and left him wondering if he would always react to her like that.

  Taking the front steps down to the graveled drive, she waited for them, and in the sunlight her hair looked like gold. Her eyes were hidden behind a pair of oversize sunglasses, and her mouth was firmed into a straight line. She wore cream-colored slacks, an emerald green shirt with short sleeves and a high stand-up collar, and a pair of heeled sandals that displayed toes painted a bright purple. A slight wind lifted her hair off her shoulders and it shone like an aura around her head.

  “Beth!” Tony said as he slid gracelessly from his horse. “What’re you doing here?” He shot a look at Cam. “Are you two on again?”

  “No,” Beth said before Cam could do it. “Definitely not.”

  There was a bite in her voice that hadn’t been there before, and Cam gave her a curious glance. She ignored it.

  “I’m just here to help him with some plans for his guest ranch.”

  “Uh-huh.” Tony looked from one to the other of them, and the expression on his face said plainly that he didn’t believe that for a second. Cam had always said Tony was a smart man.

  Beth shook her head, walked a few steps and hugged Tony. “It’s good to see you, though. What’re you doing here?”

  “Getting the land I need for my baseball camp,” he said with a grateful nod at Cam.

  “Really?” She looked at Cam, too, and he wished she’d take off the sunglasses so he could get an idea of what she was thinking, feeling. Instead, she kept those feelings hidden from him.

  Cam shrugged. “It’s a good deal for both of us.”

  “Better for me, not that I’m complaining.” Tony hugged Beth again before letting her go.

  It was a bitch to be jealous of your old friend embracing the woman you yourself wanted to be holding.

  “But right now,” Tony said, “I’m going to hobble home and get into the hot tub.”

  “Pitiful, man...”

  Tony laughed. “Yeah, we’ll see how you feel when I get you out on the pitcher’s mound for the first time in years.”

  “Deal.”

  Once his friend was gone, Beth plucked her sunglasses off and looked up at Cam. He read the banked anger in those green depths made darker and greener by the shirt she wore.

  “Let’s get out of the sun,” he said, and waved one arm toward the house. She hesitated briefly as if trying to decide if she should go in or not; finally she took the porch steps up to the front door and stepped inside.

  Cam led her into the great room and watched her take it in. He hadn’t been back long, but getting your house furnished quickly wasn’t a problem if you were willing to pay for express delivery.

  Chocolate leather couches and chairs were spread around the room. Heavy oak tables held brass lamps with cream shades, and the rugs on the wide-plank dark floor were in deep tones of red and gold. The stone fireplace took up most of one wall, and a big-screen TV held a place of honor on another. It was a man’s room and he knew it. Most people would say it needed a woman’s touch, but as far as Cam could tell, it was perfect just as it was.

  “The house still needs some work. And I’m going to do some remodeling, but the structure’s sound enough.”

  “Well, it is about one hundred years old, so a little work isn’t out of line,” she murmured.

  “That’s what I thought.”

  Beth turned to look at him. He noticed the anger was still there, glittering like shards of ice in the forest of her eyes.

  “Remember how we used to make plans for this place?”

  “I remember,” she answered. “I remember we made a lot of plans back then.”

  “Yeah.” He pulled off his hat, set it crown down on the closest table and ran his hands through his hair again. “We did.”

  “And now that you’re back, you’re making a heck of a statement. The donation to the hospital. Now Tony’s baseball camp.”

  She didn’t sound pleased by any of it. “Is it so hard to believe that I’m back to stay? That I want to be a part of Royal?”

  “You left before, Cam,” she said. “Why wouldn’t you go again?”

  “Because that’s done. Because I chose to come home. Because it’s where I want to be.”

  “Right.” She nodded stiffly. Her shoulders were rigid, her chin lifted and her eyes were still bristling with emotions. “And I should take your word for that.”

  “What’s going on, Beth?” His gaze locked with hers, and mentally he braced himself for whatever was coming. Clearly, it wasn’t good.

  “I went to see Burt Wheeler today.”

  That would explain the mood she was in. Burt was a hard man to talk to under the best of circumstances. And since she’d been there on Cam’s behalf, it couldn’t have been easy.

  “Yeah? How’d it go?”

  She dropped her purse on a table and looked at him. “As you expected it to.” She tucked her hair behind her ears, and her gold earrings glittered in the sunlight sliding in through the front windows. “He’s not happy, but he’ll put your name up for membership because it’s his job. He just won’t vote for you.”

  “More than I thought he’d do.” Cam ran one hand across the back of his neck and then shoved both hands into his pockets. He didn’t much like the idea of sending Beth to his father-in-law as a go-between. He usually handled his own business. His own problems. But he hadn’t had much choice, either. Joining the TCC was elemental to any plans he was going to set into motion now that he was home. “Thanks. I know it wasn’t easy.”

  “No, it wasn’t,” Beth admitted, then shrugged. “But it was our bargain, right?”

  “Yeah.” Nodding, Cam kept his gaze fixed on her because he had a feeling another shoe was about to drop. “But something tells me there’s more chewing you up inside. So why don’t you just say it, Beth?”

  * * *

  Beth felt his steady stare as she would have his hands on her body. He’d always had the ability to look at her as if he was seeing something deep inside of her. She’d felt at times that she couldn’t keep a secret from him because somehow Cam would know. Apparently, though, he had no problem at all hiding truths he wanted locked away.

  She’d been holding herself together ever since leaving Burt Wheeler’s place. She’d smiled through lunch with Gracie, then made a few more donation stops before dropping her friend off at her home. It was only then she’d given her emotions full rein. Only then that she allowed herself to really think about what Burt had said.

  Julie. Pregnant.

  She looked up at the man standing in front of her and accepted that she’d been wrong about Cam fifteen years ago. She’d believed he’d never leave. And he had. She had believed he loved her—but he’d apparently been sleeping with Julie, too.

  “Beth?” His voice was low, almost intimate, and that was what pushed her into blurting out the truth.

  “Burt told me Julie was pregnant when the two of you ran away.”

  God. Fresh pain welled up and stung her eyes with tears she absolutely refused to shed. He’d betrayed her even more completely than she’d once believed. Just thinking about it now made her want to block everything from her mind so the pain would stop.

  But she couldn’t do that. She had to know. Staring up at Cam, she waited for him to say something. Anything. But his features were cold and hard. His dark brown eyes were shadowy places where the truth lay hidden.

  Yet he didn’t deny it. How could he?

  Beth’s heart ached more with every silent second that ticked past. As she watched him, she saw his eyes fill with sympathy. Regret. That told her everything she needed to kn
ow.

  Shaking her head, she turned away from him until he finally spoke.

  “I’m sorry, Beth. I should have thought that Burt would say something.”

  “Oh, God.” She turned to him again and slapped one hand to her chest to try to ease the pain of her heart being squeezed by a giant cold fist. “Julie was pregnant.”

  “Yes.”

  One word. Clipped. No explanation. Then again, she ranted internally, how could there be? How could he possibly explain getting another girl pregnant while he was Beth’s boyfriend?

  “Thank you for that, anyway,” she muttered.

  “What?”

  “For not denying it. For not lying to me. Again. My God, what an idiot I was.” She choked out a laugh. “No wonder my father wanted to break us up. He knew I wasn’t able to see you for who you really were.”

  “You did see me.”

  “Not then. But I do now.”

  “Damn it, Beth...” Cam stood there, hands at his sides, looking into her eyes as if willing her to give him a chance to explain. But what could he say? And why should she listen?

  “No. There’s nothing you can say that makes this all right,” she murmured.

  “I’m not going to try to explain. You wouldn’t believe me anyway,” he said, and irritation was clear in his tone. “Your mind is set on one thing, and you don’t want to see the other side.”

  “What possible other side is there?” she demanded.

  He scrubbed one hand across his jaw and shook his head grimly. “You’re too emotional about this to hear me out.”

  Beth’s eyes went wide and she actually felt her jaw drop. “Seriously?” she asked, stunned. “I’m too emotional? So I’m the bad guy here?”

  “Who said there has to be a bad guy?” His demand rang out in the otherwise still room and seemed to hang in the air.

  Beth stared at him as if she’d never seen him before. And maybe she hadn’t. Not really. As a kid, she’d seen him through rainbows and flowers. Since he’d come back home, she’d seen him through the fog of memory and maybe it was only now that she was seeing Camden for who he actually was. It broke her heart.

  “One of us cheated on the other one,” Beth said, and gave herself points for keeping a check on the rage inside. “One of us got someone pregnant.” She whirled around, took three quick steps toward the stone fireplace on the far wall, then spun back again to face him. “There is no other side to this, Cam. I was your girlfriend and the girl you married was pregnant.”

  A single tear escaped and Beth swiped it away hurriedly, hoping to hell he hadn’t seen it. She wasn’t going to give him her tears again. God knew she’d cried oceans of them all those years ago.

  Cam pushed both hands through his hair, then let them fall. It was more than regret in his eyes now. There was surprise, as well. And anger. “How can you think I cheated on you?”

  Wide eyed, she stared at him. “How can I not? You married Julie. She was pregnant. What else am I supposed to think?”

  His features were grim as he watched her, and Beth would have given anything to know what he was thinking. Were his thoughts racing, trying to find a way out of this? Trying to somehow make having a child with another woman a happy thing? That thought prompted her next question.

  “And while we’re on the subject,” she added, lifting her chin and locking her gaze with his. “Where is your child? Should be almost fifteen, right? Boy or girl?”

  The muscle in Cam’s jaw twitched as if he were chewing over what he wanted to say. Finally he simply said, “Julie lost the baby when she was five months pregnant.”

  That stopped her for a moment. He’d cheated on her. Beth remembered the never ending wave of pain at being so completely discarded that the echoes of it could make her chest hurt. But she wouldn’t have wished his child gone. “I’m sorry, Cam.”

  His gaze flicked to hers, and his eyes went cool and distant in a second.

  “I’m not talking about this with you,” he muttered. “Not now.”

  She laughed and the sound scraped across her throat. “Not then and not now. Perfect. That’s great. You didn’t tell me you were leaving and now that you’re back, you won’t tell me why any of it happened. Fantastic.”

  Beth grabbed her purse and slung the slender gold chain strap over her shoulder. “Enjoy the TCC membership, Camden.”

  When she stalked past him, he reached for her, but she pulled her arm away before he could grab hold. “No. You don’t get to do that. Touch me as if we still have something between us.”

  “There will always be something between us, Beth.” His voice was so low she could hardly hear it. And maybe that was just as well. She was trembling, hurting and so furious at her own gullibility that she could hardly see.

  “No, Camden. That ended a long time ago. When you betrayed me.”

  “Oh, no,” he countered. “I’m willing to stand here and take everything else you said to me because I figure you’ve got a right. But you don’t get to say I betrayed you.”

  Beth nodded jerkily. “Right. I forgot. You’re the injured party here.”

  He didn’t rise to that bait. Instead, he said simply, “You tore my heart out.”

  She pushed her hair back. “And you stomped on mine. Do we call it a tie?”

  “We call it over.” His eyes never left hers. His features were tight and his voice a deep whisper when he said, “It’s done, Beth. Fifteen years done.”

  Her breaths were short and fast. Her heart was beating ferociously, and she told herself to get a grip. How could he stand there so calmly? She felt as if she were going to explode, but she couldn’t as long as he was being so damn reasonable.

  She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing just how he could still affect her. Stiffly she nodded, though it cost her. How could she look into his eyes and want him so much it made her ache—in spite of their past?

  Was he right about calling the past done and over? Could she leave it where it belonged and move forward? How could she if she couldn’t trust him?

  “And what are you suggesting?” she asked, suddenly tired and sure that her wildly swinging emotions were to blame for that. “We start over?”

  He sighed, tipped his head back and stared at the ceiling for a slow count of three. Then he looked at her again. “We’re not starting anything up, right? We’re just going to learn to deal with living near each other again. That was the deal.”

  “Yeah, we’re full of deals,” Beth murmured darkly. She hated it, but he was right. They weren’t starting anything. They weren’t a couple any more than she and Justin were. And a part of her ached with that knowledge. “Fine. We go from here. Not friends. Not lovers. Just...what, exactly?”

  “Hell if I know.”

  She laughed again and this time it was a little less painful. “That, at least, is honest.”

  “I didn’t lie to you.”

  Beth held up one hand. “I don’t want to talk about it.” Taking a breath, she reached for something—anything to get them off the subject of their past. “You wanted to show me what you had in mind for your guest cottages, right?”

  “Yeah,” he said, keeping a wary eye on her as if half-waiting for her to explode again. “The plans are in the dining room.”

  “Great.” Better than great. This gave her something to do. Something to think about besides a pregnant Julie and a cheating Cam. She followed him across the foyer to the formal dining room.

  There was some truly hideous red-and-black-flocked wallpaper, but the space was huge and boasted windows on both walls. At the moment, the drapes were drawn as if Cam didn’t want anyone else to have to see that wallpaper.

  A huge reclaimed pine table sat in the center of the room and had ten chairs pulled up to it. The light fixture over the table was brass, with long arms and clear glass light globes attached to the
ends.

  Architect renderings and blueprints were scattered across the table, and Beth had to wonder why he needed her. At a glance she saw he had the layout of the cabins well planned.

  “It looks like you’ve already got things set,” she said, and took a closer look at the first sketch of a would-be cabin.

  “They’re bare-bones and—no offense to the LA architect—pretty cookie-cutter.” He sighed. “I had these drawn up a year ago.”

  Surprise flickered through her. She shifted her gaze to him. “You’ve been planning to come back for a while, then.”

  He nodded. “It’s been on my mind for a few years now. Having these done made it seem more real. Immediate. Most of the new developments out in California look like they’ve been stamped out on an assembly line, so that’s what they design.”

  She half-laughed. “You really didn’t like California.”

  He looked at her thoughtfully. “It’s really not that bad. Its main problem for me was that it wasn’t Texas. I wanted to be here. Now that I am, I want something different. I want the cabins to look like they belong there. A part of the ranch itself.”

  “Yeah, you said that.” Idly Beth picked up a pencil and sketched a porch on one of the cabin drawings, then added window boxes and rockers on the porch. She had never been much of an artist, but it didn’t look too bad to her eye. “Better?”

  “Yes.” He smiled at her, and her breath caught.

  She didn’t want to feel for him. Didn’t want to be drawn to him. But it seemed what she wanted and what was happening were two separate things.

  “You can make each cabin different by adding little finishes or even by differing the structures themselves. Arched doorways, painted different colors.” She lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “Log cabins, Victorians, bungalows, hobbit houses. Give them each a personality.”

  “You’re good at this,” he mused.

  His voice was too soft. He was standing too close. He smelled too good. Beth had come here riding on fury, but that had passed, leaving her feeling hollowed out. She still didn’t have answers, but what she did have, as always, was this driving need for Camden Guthrie.