I sat contemplating that and going over the words in my head to relinquish her from the commitment she’d made in such a way that Double-D would never know. I wouldn’t be the one to hold her prisoner to this life if she hadn’t chosen it of her own free will. Another douchebag move I’d made was in not checking with her first if she really wanted this.
The bathroom was the door at the end of the hall so when Anna came back out she had no choice but to see me seated in the chair drinking my third damn cup of Joe. When it appeared she was just going to run back to her room, I called out to her, halting her in her tracks.
“Anna!” Her eyes finally came up to meet mine as her shoulders slumped in defeat momentarily. Then she squared them off and made her way to the living room with her head held high. “Can you sit so we can talk? It’s important.” I glanced at my phone. We had about 45 minutes before Ever was supposed to show up and whisk her sister away from me.
She sat perched on the edge of the couch looking ready to bolt at any moment, though her hands were demurely folded in her lap giving the momentary illusion that she wasn’t going to flee.
“Anna, I know I’ve handled most of this poorly. You don’t know how sorry I am about that. I was caught off guard yesterday when you thought I might force you…”
“I don’t think that.” She told me in a small voice that was so unlike her, it was startling. “It was just me babbling all the fleeting thoughts I had during my freak out.”
“Regardless, hearing you say that in the middle of freaking out caught me off guard and I didn’t handle it the right way. I was afraid to be alone in the house with you, so I left to give you time to settle in. I didn’t mean to leave you stranded here though. For that, I’m sorry.”
“Okay.” She offered the one word response with a shrug of her shoulders. The quiet stretched out between us for a moment before I carried on, since she didn’t seem to have anything else to say.
“I also didn’t mean for you to take the guest room. I thought we could turn it into a nursery together.” I started to tell her my plan, but her face drained of color when I said that.
“I don’t want to sleep with you,” she blurted out.
“What? I never said that we would be sleeping together.”
She shook her head adamantly. “There’s only one other bedroom in this house,” she confirmed. Then her eyes widened. “Sorry, I didn’t think.” She squirmed on the leather sofa. “This will do,” she said as she patted the couch. “I just need to know where I can put my stuff so it’s out of the way.”
It took me a minute to grasp what she was saying. She thought I wasn’t even going to give her the comfort of her own space, or even a bed, when she was pregnant? What kind of a royal asshole had I been that she would think so poorly of me?
“Anna, I meant for you to take the master. You’re pregnant. I figured being closer to the bathroom would be a good thing; and I can take the couch.”
“But all of your stuff is in there. It’s your house.”
“Did you look around yesterday?” She nodded her head. “Come here a minute,” I demanded as I stood from the chair I’d been sitting in and moved to the master bedroom with her following behind me reluctantly. “Look, I made the bed with fresh linens and blankets for you,” I told her as I moved to the left closet door. “This is completely empty for all your stuff. There are dressers in here so you can keep all of your things completely separate from mine if that’s what you want.” I sighed when I saw her eye my closet. “If I had a garage I could move my stuff into I would. It’ll just have to do for now. I planned to sleep in the spare room until we start working on the nursery, then the couch will be fine.”
“How was I supposed to know that?”
“Well, I was meant to be here, giving you a tour of my vast estate,” I joked to lighten the mood. “Then I had my own freak out when you thought I might be capable of raping you.”
“Sorry,” she apologized.
“Don’t. You’re allowed to feel what you feel, Anna. It’s not like anyone has made this easy on you. I still don’t know why your parents pushed you into doing this.”
“They didn’t,” she informed me.
“I thought…”
“My dad made threats about a shotgun wedding to punish you. Neither of my parents expected me to follow through with it.” Something in her eyes told me that there was more to what she was saying. They might not have expected her to follow through, but she didn’t really expect them to allow it to happen either. They had. I wondered how she truly felt about that now. Still, I was floored by her admission.
“Why did you agree to do it then?”
She placed her hand over her belly. “This is my burden, not theirs. I didn’t want to live in their house, expecting my parents to help raise my baby. They’re ready to retire soon and they’ve always talked about all the traveling they would do once the kids were grown. Me having a baby in their house would have derailed their plans.”
“So you chose to marry me and live here – not knowing what to expect – so that your pregnancy didn’t disrupt your parents’ retirement?”
“Yes,” she answered without any hesitation.
Merc’s words during our conversation yesterday came back to me full force. The meaning behind them suddenly very clear. “That girl has always been selfless. She just wants to make other people smile.” I was contemplating that, and had remained quiet so Anna spoke up again. The nervousness in her voice as she did so was evident.
“It’s your baby too so I didn’t think it would be a problem for you. You’d have access to the baby and you have the clubhouse so you can get away from me and do whatever you need to.” I didn’t miss the dejected tone her words had devolved to at the end of that statement. She imagined every time I went to the clubhouse, it was to get my dick wet in some way. That made me both hate myself, because I knew my own actions had helped enforce her belief, and angry because that wasn’t something I would normally ever consider doing once married or in a serious relationship. The fact that she hadn’t even used an accusatory tone, and instead had been saddened by her own words, but equally resigned to them, caused an ache to form in my stomach. Actually, it was closer to my chest. I had done that to her. I’d made her feel that way, and the regret I already felt re-doubled.
“Anna, about what you saw that night. I was angry and hadn’t thought everything through yet. I let my anger fuel my drinking and then that killed my judgement. It should have never happened. It will never happen again. I promise.” Her only response was a negligible motion of her shoulders rising and falling in a half-assed version of a shrug. I didn’t get to soothe whatever feelings my words caused that she was trying to hide from me because a knock on the door stopped me short.
When I got up to open the door, Ever was standing there with Deck, both demanding to speak to Anna. I opened the door wider so they could both come in. Ever moved quickly to sit beside her sister, whispering in hushed tones as Deck moved inside the door and stood there looking over the place with a critical eye.
“No,” Anna was saying to Ever while shaking her head back and forth as I sat down in the chair once more. I really wished things were different and I was sitting on the couch with Anna in my lap instead of feeling as though this huge wall stood between us and it was made of some pretty impenetrable stuff.
“Anna, you can’t stay here,” Ever told her quietly while glaring over Anna’s shoulder toward me.
“Why on Earth not?”
“You’re obviously not comfortable here,” her sister answered back.
Anna simply shrugged. “I’m not going with you, but I do have a favor to ask.”
“What?”
“Could you give me a ride to town?”
“Why don’t I just take you to go get your car? I’m sure that dad wouldn’t want you to go without it considering you’re living all the way out here.”
Anna gave Ever an odd look before answering. “Daddy didn’t take my
car from me. He would never do that,” she told Ever assuredly. Ever just gave her a dubious look right back, obviously not feeling the same trust in their father that Anna did.
“Then why don’t you have your car here with you?”
“I sold it,” Anna stated simply.
“What? Why in the world would you sell your car? You obviously need it!”
“I didn’t have any money. Now, I have a little set aside for the baby’s stuff,” she admitted. Her cheeks pinked up, showing the embarrassment she clearly felt about having to sell her car to afford things for our baby. I just sat there, mouth agape for a minute, trying to wrap my head around the fact that I had been such a fucking shit that this girl thought she needed to sell her only real possession in order to help care for our child. Fuck my life. She was going to break me. More to the point, my own stupid actions were doing enough of a number on her that her reactions to it were breaking me.
“You don’t have to pay for any of the baby’s stuff, Anna. I have it all covered,” I informed her as well as Ever and Deck who were both staring at me with hate-filled eyes.
“No, I do. I’m already a burden. I need…”
“You are not a goddamn burden!” I snapped. Judging by her flinch I’d said it a little too loudly, or maybe too passionately. “You can use the truck until we can get you another car. I have the bike so it’s no problem for you to use it.”
“No really,” Anna turned pleading eyes to her sister.
“I’ll have appointments at odd hours with work, Anna. Using his truck sounds like your best option for now.”
Anna’s answer came to her sister in a small voice, “Okay.”
“Now, do you need Deck to grab your things so you can come stay with us?” Ever asked her, obviously feeling as though her little sister was acquiescing to everything. Once again Anna shook her head in the negative.
“Anna, if you’re uncomfortable here, you don’t have to stay. We don’t mind you being at our house. It’s huge.”
“No!” Anna’s statement was firm. “I’m pregnant, Ever.”
“I know. That’s part of why I’m offering.”
Anna huffed out a breath of frustration as she made eye contact with her sister. “Y’all are working on the house. None of the extra rooms are fully done yet and it’s probably not good for me to be around all the construction stuff.”
“Shit!” Ever hissed. Once again, Anna proved she had truly thought about everyone else, and pretty much every alternative scenario they might come up with.
“You could go back home. Momma-Luce didn’t want you moving here anyway.”
“No,” Anna stated adamantly.
“But,” Ever started to argue when Deck finally interceded.
“Babe, why don’t we leave them to it? Anna has our numbers. She can call us any time. And Anna, I finished one of the rooms last week, just in case. It’s yours if you need it, or even if you simply want it.” He smiled over at her before he tacked on a final hit to me. “That goes for if it’s just a night, or if you need to move in for good or until you can get yourself sorted out with your own place, okay?”
“Thanks, Deck.” Anna moved from where she had been sitting cockeyed on the couch facing her sister to stand and go give the man, who used to be my best friend, a hug. I hated to admit it, and wouldn’t do so out loud, but I was jealous as fuck of my club brother in that moment. I hadn’t touched or been touched by Anna in any way since her secret came out. It also looked like it would probably never happen again and that was all my fault. She had even puckered up at the “you may kiss the bride” part of our nuptials and I’d callously declared, “it isn’t necessary,” before stepping away from her. I don’t know what kind of asshole monster took me over that day, but I’d have to spend the rest of my life making it up to Anna. Hell, I’d probably spend most of that time just praying she’d let me try to make it up to her.
I watched as Anna pulled back from Deck and moved to her sister, who had also stood from where she’d been perched on the couch. The two sisters hugged and as they broke the connection, Ever slid her hand into Anna’s and pulled her off down the hall so they could speak in private.
“How are you doing with all of this?” Deck asked, pulling my attention away from the two women.
“You mean when I’m not completely fucking it all up?” I asked.
He grinned at me. “At least you’re starting to see the error of your ways.”
“Yeah, but I think my dawning realization probably came too late. She’s only staying because it burdens other people the least.”
Deck continued to grin at me. “I know. We all know that. Anna operates that way. I’m thinking maybe you should be smart enough to take advantage of that situation, and use the time you have with her to build a friendship, trust, or whatever else you can manage before the baby comes along.”
Instead of filling me with the hope I was sure he meant to instill, I felt the dread of a deadline hanging over my head. What if I wasn’t able to earn her trust before then? Would she take the baby from me? Would they let her – or help her – to disappear? I didn’t think so considering what happened with Double-D and Lucy all those years ago that resulted in the possibility of Ever existing. I’m sure they didn’t regret having Ever in their lives now, but I imagine they all would have given just about anything – outside of their daughter – to have the time and memories that were stolen from them when Lucy’s family hid her away from Double-D while she was pregnant with Toby.
I was pretty sure that looking back on all he missed with the son that was no longer here on Earth with them was the reason Double-D had pushed so hard for the two of us to have to stick things out together for a while. He was hoping that another family wouldn’t have to go through what they did, especially since it was his own daughter and grandchild involved.
Chapter 8
What in the world had I managed to get myself into? That question repeated in my head darn near hourly. I didn’t think there was a right answer to the question though. I could see that Joker felt bad about what he’d done, or how he’d treated me, but that didn’t take away having to live through those things. On the flip side, I was daunted by my family wanting me to move in with them. I had my own plan, but I didn’t want to tell anyone about it because I didn’t want to jinx myself. What if I failed? I had already failed everyone who thought I was a good girl. I couldn’t bear the disappointed looks from everyone again.
The real reason I was waiting for my sister to give me a ride into town was so that I could get a job and make some money. I just didn’t need my family breathing down my neck about it. I knew everyone involved would attempt to open their pockets or buy me what they thought I needed. That wasn’t what I wanted. I figured if I was adult enough to be bringing a child into this world, I should be adult enough to take responsibility for the financial aspects of having that child.
Besides, there was only so long I could stay shacked up here with Joker. Eventually, he would want to bring his women around so he could get laid. Being at the clubhouse was out of the question for him in a few ways since my father, Merc, and Deck would be there to see what he was up to. No matter how much I wished I could make myself indifferent to the idea of it, I couldn’t. It would kill me every time. It was going to absolutely slay me one day when he would get serious with a woman and bring them around our child. There’s no way I could deal with watching the man I thought I’d been in love with play house with our child and some other woman.
So, that brought me back to the issue at hand. I needed to get a job so that I could save up money for a place to live with my baby. At least then, I wouldn’t have to witness first hand when Joker had a woman over with him, or worse, near our child.
“Hey Anna Banana,” Ever called out when she pulled up to ride me into town.
“Hi Ever. Thanks for doing this.”
“You don’t have to thank me for being a big sister and making sure you have a ride.”
�
�Yes, I do,” I insisted.
“Anna?” My name was a question on her lips. “Are you sure about all of this?”
“I’m sure,” I explained again, for what felt like the tenth time.
“I liked Joker. I thought he was a great guy, but what I saw after your split from him, when you told him about the baby. The way he reacted since then…” she licked her lips and side-eyed me as she drove. It was clear she was trying to go easy with what she wanted to point out. I nearly laughed, because there was no need to go easy about things I’d already experienced for myself first hand. “Honey, he’s been a dick. Your wedding night,” she started to tell me something. I was sure she probably was going to shed light on the situation I already knew about, and I didn’t want to talk about it with her.
“Ever,” I called out to stop her. “I already know all these things. I know them, and I still think this is for the best,” I hesitated before I tacked on two last words. “For now.”
She offered up a quick smile and then turned her entire focus back to her driving. “If you say so, but I want you to know I’m here for you. Don’t feel like you’re trapped in this situation. If things get bad…” She stopped and then started again. “I don’t want things to get bad for you. So if anything happens that makes you any more uncomfortable then you’ve already been made, please, promise me that you will come stay with us until you can figure out what you want to do for your future. We’ll help you reach your goals. You don’t have to do it on your own.”
“You did,” I argued with her.
She grinned. “I did because I wasn’t pregnant, but I am stupidly stubborn.”
“That must come from our dad then, because we have that in common,” I told her and we both chuckled a bit then. It felt great to be able to smile and laugh again for a minute.
“Do you need me to stay with you, or did you just want me to drop you off somewhere specific?” Ever finally asked me.
“I just need you to drop me at the library. I have some studying to do and research for a paper I’m going to have to turn in. I’ll probably need to get dropped off a couple days this week if you don’t mind.”
The Princess and the Prospect Page 7