But I wasn’t.
Standing in this moment, I was probably at the weakest I’ve ever been. Even my breakdown at Delaney’s didn’t compare with how badly I wanted to matter to this boy standing in front of me. I wanted him to look at me like he’s been looking at me. I wanted him to forget everything he’s heard about me, good and bad, and just want me.
However, I didn’t want to just have sex with him. I’ve been just having sex all my life. I’ve never made love and I’ve never been fucked. I’ve had sex; completely emotionless on my end. Every guy I’ve ever slept with, my mind was so consumed with making sure I was in control of the situation, it never gave way for complete pleasure. If a guy wanted to switch positions, my mind shut down all pleasure and made sure we didn’t. I was always on top; always my choice. And, while I’ve had great sex before, sex without passion, without feelings, without a connection is just a mechanical release.
Making the decision, I stepped back and let him inside. However, he didn’t stop advancing until my back hit the wall. The jets were hitting my everywhere, but I had put them on low when I turned them on, so they weren’t painful up against my back.
“What are you doing?” I whispered, but he heard me over the water, anyway.
His hands reached out to cradle my face before he answered my question with a question. “What do you think I’m doing?”
“No, Ace,” I stated firmly. “No games. No more games.”
The corner of his lip lifted, and it was the sexiest smirk I’d ever seen on a person. “I’m going to fuck you until you can’t stand up anymore,” he purred. “I’m going to fuck you until you ache with every step afterwards. I’m going to fuck you until you beg me to stop.” My breaths came out short and choppy, but nothing prepared me for what he said next. His amber eyes bore into mine as he said, “You’re going to beg me to stop, but I’m not going to, Ava,” he warned. “I’m not going to stop. I’m going to make you take it-take me, and I’m never letting you escape me.”
Tears mixed with the water raining down over us. I was worried that any future with Ace would be comprised of guilt-ridden tenderness. I feared he was going to start treating me like delicate China, and all the fire, all the desire would be gone. I thought his craving for me would evaporate. But looking into his eyes, dark with desire and anticipation, told me I knew nothing about what made Ace McIntire tick.
“You’re going to take my choices away?” I knew that wasn’t what he was saying, but this was a delicate situation. If I had any hope of moving forward with this boy, there couldn’t be any confusion.
He shook his soaked head, and I gotta tell you, his dark lashes spiked with water around those golden orbs of his, was a mesmerizing sight. “No,” he replied. “I’m going to change everything you fear about being helpless into something you love. Something you crave. Something only I can give you. By the time I’m done with you, you’re going to beg me to do whatever the fuck I want to do to you.”
And by begging that would mean he wouldn’t be taking my choices away from me at all.
I gave him a small nod, and that was all it took.
His lips crashed down on mine and my arms wrapped around his neck and I held on in a way that I’ve never latched on to anyone else in all my life. His hands left my face and the second they grabbed hold of my thighs, I was up and wrapped around Ace completely.
His dick was hot and hard up against my center and I almost started begging right then and there. Turns out I didn’t need to beg or even have time to beg. Ace’s desperation matched mine and in one painful, forceful thrust he was inside me, my back slamming up against the wall, the waters jets pulsing into my back. “Ace!”
“Fucking Christ,” he grunted, his breath tickling my ear. “You feel better than I could have ever imagined. You okay, baby?”
I’d already known his equipment was sizable from the previous times he’d been hard against me, and from when I had gone down on him, but his invasion was so swift, it had been painful and the darkness that lived inside me wanted more. “More, Ace,” I panted honestly. “I need more.”
“Like this?” he asked before pulling out and slamming his full length back inside. “You need it hard, Kit? You need to get fucked?”
I tightened my arms around his neck and nodded. “Yes,” I begged.
Ace’s hand dug into the flesh of my thighs, and not caring that water jets were hitting us all around, he rammed into me over, and over again with his unbelievable thickness and length. There was still a slight sting, but I didn’t care. I wanted everything he promised. I wanted to finish weakened by his onslaught. I wanted him to take me to a place where thoughts no longer existed and all I felt was him. I wanted him to be my drug away from reality and I didn’t care about Emerson’s warning of how dangerous that kind of co-dependency was. I wanted Ace to be my sex, drugs, alcohol, anger, and peace.
“This,” he growled in my ear, “this, right here, is all I’m ever going to want, Ava. I’m going to spend every free moment I have buried in your hot, tight pussy. I’m going to know every inch of you and it’s never going to be enough.”
“Promise?” I didn’t care how desperate and pathetic I sounded. I didn’t care that my pride had left when Ace had kicked Elise out of my bedroom. I didn’t care about being strong anymore.
Ace pulled back to look down at me. It was hard to hold his gaze because the pleasure he was inflicting was making my eyes roll back into my head, but I did my best to keep hold it. “Baby, I’m going to be fucking you fifty years from now,” he vowed. “I’m never letting you go.”
I wanted to believe him, and in this moment, I did. But I knew once the high wore off I’d be doubting him again. I knew I’d want to push him to be with someone who wasn’t such hard work. But, right now, right now I was going to let his words wash over me and take me to a place I’ve never been.
I was going to let Ace claim me.
I was going to let him own me.
I was going to let him love me.
I just prayed I wasn’t making a mistake bigger than all the ones I’ve made put together.
I just prayed loving Ace wouldn’t destroy me completely.
Chapter 20
Ace~
Everything in me screamed to love Ava tenderly. Everything in me urged me to take her softly and make love to her after everything she’s been through, but I knew-I knew in my mind that taking Ava gently would backfire.
If I started to treasure her now, she’d think I was doing it out of pity. She’d think I’d think she was weak and damaged, and that couldn’t be farther from the truth.
I wanted to make love to Ava to cement my connection to her. I wanted to make love to Ava because I was pretty sure I loved her. I didn’t care that it’s only been two, unbalanced, explosive days. I was pretty sure what I felt for this girl was in the realm of love and happily-ever-afters. I wanted to make love to her so I could take my time tasting every inch of her. I wanted to make love to her so I could savor every experience with her.
But this wasn’t about what I wanted.
This was about Ava and everything she’s been through.
This was about making sure she saw her dark desires as normal. This was about letting her see how I didn’t think of her differently. Sure, I saw her choices differently now, but I saw her as the same. When I first met her, I thought she was fiery with an untamable spirit, and I still saw her that way. I couldn’t change who I was around her or else she’d know she was getting a fake version of me, and she didn’t deserve that. She deserved someone to be completely real with her.
Fuck it.
“I love you, Ava,” I confessed as I bottomed out inside her once again. “I don’t know how or why, but, God, do I fucking love you.”
Her pussy clenched around me and her moan was pure bliss. “Ace, please…”
I was pretty sure she didn’t believe me…hell, who would? It’s been two goddamn days, but like I told her at Delaney’s, I wasn’t going to questi
on what she made me feel. “Please, what?” I taunted.
“Please, fuck me harder,” she cried.
“God, I love how you beg for my cock, Kit,” I grunted. “I can’t wait to do the filthiest things to you.”
“Yes,” she moaned, bouncing harder on my cock.
“I’m going to make you love every rough, dirty, disgusting thing I do to you,” I vowed. “You’re really going to be a dirty, little slut every time you’re in my bed.”
“Ace!” Ava’s pussy gripped my cock like a vise and she was cumming all over me. I didn’t let her catch her breath. I slammed into her harder and deeper through her orgasm forcing another one out of her. “Oh, God! Oh, God!”
I couldn’t take it anymore. Her hot, tight cunt was milking my dick to the point of no return. I knew I wasn’t wearing a condom, and I knew the responsible thing was to pull out. I knew this. I knew this, but I didn’t care. I didn’t care about anything other than marking Ava in a way no one else ever has. Knowing what I know now, I knew she’d never gone bare. I knew she wouldn’t grant anyone that privilege.
I just knew.
I stared down at this beauty cumming all over me and commanded, “Open your eyes, Ava.”
“Ace…” she whimpered.
“Open your fucking eyes, Ava!”
Her lids were heavy, but they were opened. “What?”
“I’m going to cum inside you, baby,” I warned her. “I’m going cum deep inside this pussy of yours and you’re going to let me.”
Her eyes widened slightly, but she the small nod she gave me felt like everything. “Okay,” she whispered, and I did.
I surged into her body with so much force I could hear her body being knocked against the tiles. My cock exploded inside her and the feeling was unlike anything I imagined it could feel like. I’ve always worn condoms, so I knew the feeling of being bare inside Ava was going to be phenomenal, but cumming inside her had white spots dancing around in the back of my eyelids. “Fuck, Kit,” I hissed.
I’m not sure how long we stayed as we were, the wall taking all of our combined weight, but cold splatters of water finally snapped me out of my daze. I slowly pulled out of Ava’s body and the wince on her face was a ridiculous validation. I held her steady as she found purchase under her feet, and pushing her wet strands back from her face, I looked down at her ask asked, “Did you still need to bathe, babe?”
She laughed in my face and it was magical. “The water’s cold, Ace,” she pointed out.
I leaned down and kissed her neck. “Good,” I murmured against her wet skin. “I like the idea of your pussy messy with my cum. I’m not ready for you to wash it away.” When I pull back, I looked down, and Ava’s face was bright red. This time I laughed. “Are you blushing?” I asked, not hiding my smile.
Ava pushed at my chest. “Stop it,” she chuckled.
We stepped out of the shower together, but I quickly scooped her up bride-style and carried her to the bed. She didn’t object when I laid her down all wet on the sheets, and she didn’t object when I came down on top of her and cradled my cock in between her legs. In fact, she spread her legs wider to make room for me.
I hated to bring it up, but I wasn’t one for ignoring the big issues. “You know we’re going to have to talk about…everything sooner or later, right?”
Her face softened, but it was in resignation and not sadness. “I know, Ace,” she muttered. “But, not now. Not now while we’re…doing this. You’re laying on top of me and you have no idea how big that is for me. You’re laying on top of me and I’m not freaking out.” She grimaced a bit before amending her statement. “I mean, yeah, it’s a little…uncomfortable, but I’m not freaking out. I’m not panicking, and…that scares me as much as it frees me.”
I nodded, but I didn’t understand. I’d never be able to understand how she felt, and I wasn’t going to insult her by pretending I could. The most insulting thing you can do to a person is pretend to understand what they’re going through when you’ve never been through it yourself. You can offer comfort and sympathy, but to say, ‘well, if it was me…’ when it’s not, and you can only speculate, is not the way to go about helping someone because, well, they’re not you, and you’re not them.
“I’ll never pretend to understand what you’ve been through, Ava,” I told her. “But I’m also not going to pretend to be something I’m not with you. I know you’ve been hurt, and I know you have a lot of things to work out, and…and we might hit some rough patches along the way. And I promise to stop whenever you really need me to. However, I’m not going to stop when it’s just you acting out.”
“Meaning?”
“Baby, unless you’re showing me real terror, I’m going to fuck you in the worst ways, and I’m not going to let anything stop me from enjoying you how I need to or how you need it, too,” I explained. “I meant what I said earlier, Ava. I’m going to flip everything that scares you into everything you’ve always craved.”
“You don’t think I’m sick for enjoying…how forceful you are after everything that’s happened to me? You don’t think I’m messed up in the head?”
I leaned down and placed a kiss on her forehead. “Oh, I think you’re super fucked-up,” I said chuckling. “But I don’t think you’re sick. I think you’re wild and beautiful and amazing.”
“I don’t know how it happened, but I knew you were different when I wanted to scratch Amanda’s eyes out at the party for approaching you,” she confessed. “I’ve never experienced jealousy before then.”
My dick started growing at her confession. “I won’t share, Ava,” I informed her. “I don’t care what or who you did before me, but I will not share now that I have you.”
She let out a deep breath. “Neither will I, Ace,” she replied. “I have to be the only one because…I’ve never done this before. If I have to learn how to navigate a relationship, it can’t be a cheating one.”
It was easy to slide my dick in her pussy because she was still wet from my earlier release. Her back arched, and her lids felt closed as Ava let out a deep moan, “Mmm…Ace…”
I flexed my hips until I was seated inside her as deep as I could go without flinging her knees over my shoulders. “Do we still need to get tested and have the condom discussion?” I asked, already knowing the answer.
Ava’s eyes flew open and her sapphire gaze was filled with hot-white need. She shook her head. “I promise you, Ace, I’ve never had sex without a condom before. And, as wild as I am-was, I still wasn’t stupid about it. I had regular health check-ups and made sure they included sexual health screenings too.”
I took her word for it. I rocked into her body slow this time because I wanted her begging and withering beneath me. I wanted her to feel every inch of my cock and I wanted it saturated in her cream. “There won’t be any part of your body that won’t be covered in my cum at one point or another, Kit,” I promised. “I’m claiming every inch of you and claiming everything you have to give.”
Her legs pulled back, spreading herself wider for me. “I hope so,” she breathed.
“I plan on fucking you like a filthy whore and I just hope you don’t ever come to hate me for it,” I said, admitting out loud how tricky this was going to be.
Ava’s hand reached up and cupped my cheek. “You can make me crawl to you on my hands and knees, Ace. You can treat me however you want, as long as you don’t treat me like a victim.”
Chapter 21
Ava~
My body was deliciously sore all over. Ace hadn’t lied last night when he promised to use me until I was useless. With every brutal thrust and every tender touch, he introduced me to emotions I had thought I was too messed up to ever feel.
I’m not sure where he went off to, but waking up alone in my bed, I was able to rest lazily and contemplate my next move. I had always assumed I’d end up at one college or another, but Ace change my indifferent attitude towards college now. I was registered to go to Georgetown, but I didn’t need to go
to Georgetown. My grandparents on my dad’s side had set up a trust fund for me way before they passed on and or I even existed. They had set up a trust fund for future grandchildren and it was accessible at the age of eighteen. So I truly didn’t need school, but I wanted to go. I just wanted to wait until Delaney left me first. I had wanted it to be her saying goodbye, not me.
The door creaked open, making me sit up. I watched with a smile on my face as Ace sauntered over to the bed, fully dressed, and looking sexy as hell. He had a magnetism that had always pulled me towards him, but now that I knew what he was capable of in bed, it was going to be hard to stay clothed around him.
“Hey, baby,” he greeted. “How are you feeling?”
“Complete honesty, I have a bit of a headache,” I admitted, but it wasn’t all that much of a surprise. Between the fight with Elise, the emotional meltdown at Delaney’s, the fight with Ace, the all-night sex, my head should actually hurt worse than it did.
“Hurt too much for company?” he asked as he sat on the edge of the bed, reached over, and started rubbing my thigh.
“Naked company?” I teased. Even though my body ached, I wouldn’t say no to morning sex.
Ace chuckled “No, babe,” he replied. His head jerked towards the door. “Your friends from last night are all downstairs.”
I froze. “Wh...what?”
“They showed up about fifteen minutes ago,” he informed me. “I told them you were still asleep, but they said they’d wait.”
“They?”
Ace smiled. “Well, Delaney said she’d wait. The others are just backing her play.”
Shit.
I wasn’t expecting this.
I hadn’t been prepared for everyone to show up here. Sure, I expected Delaney to make an appearance, hell, maybe even Emerson, but not the entire group.
No longer consumed with raw emotion and rage, facing these people in the cold light of day was something I wasn’t sure I wanted to do. Of course, I wanted to talk to Delaney, but all of them? The bottom line was that I wasn’t exactly sure where I fit in with this crowd. The doubt came from knowing that had it not been for Deke falling in love with Delaney, they never would have hung out with me.
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