Two Loves and One Decision

by LeLa Summers

Clarissa said as she put down her pen and envision the lunch date. “Boy he sure did look good”. Rissa said. “Who Allen?” Crissy thought out loud. “No Josh, I just new he would lose his cool and start a fight but he remain very cordial, which is one of the reason I love him so much”. “Rissa! Your gonna have to get over this Josh, concentrate on Allen, he goes to church, he believes in God and his handsome”. Crissy said. “Listen I think Allen is a nice guy but these feelings for Josh are in me and that’s that, I just can’t turn my feelings off like a faucet but I can try to take baby steps in getting over him, which is why I decided to go out with Allen again”. “Well good for you, now your moving forward, by the way shouldn’t you be thanking me for fixing you up with a fabulous guy”. Crissy said throwing the broom in Rissa hands. Crissy always was the I told you so type of child, she could never keep her nose out of anyone business. “If anything I should strangle you, I really didn’t want to be bothered with any guys right now but in this case I will say thank you, I just hope he is worth dating”. Clarissa said as she picked up the broom and headed out front to sweep the store. “What is that suppose to mean”. Crissy said as she watched Clarrisa sweep. “Well Josh and I have not once; well you know...”Clarissa said shyly. “I know what, what you are talking about once…wait a minute….ohhhh, are you serious you guys been together for a year and you haven’t had fun time yet!” Crissy giggled. “Of course not, don’t get me wrong there have been times when we wanted to but we didn’t, he said he would wait until we were married and …” Clarissa stopped in her tracks with her mouth open wide. “What, what”. Crissy said puzzled. “Well were not getting married now, you don’t think he would…I mean you know, go out and be with another woman”. Clarrisa said wide eyed. “Well he has been faithful for a year and he is a man, soooooo I say duhhh! Clarrisa you don’t expect him to stay sex free the rest of his life , remember he is not a Christian so its gonna happen”. Crissy said as a matter of fact. “You know what! I don’t feel like cleaning up, I am gonna go and make some tea”. Clarrisa said as she dropped the broom on the floor. Crissy could be so brutal at times and she doesn’t ever watch the words that come out of her mouth and she has no emotions at time, I can’t believe that we share the same parents. Crissy followed her to the workplace kitchen like a little child wanting more information. “Clarrisa, listen I don’t mean to be mean about it but it is the truth; frankly I can’t believe he held out this long”. Crissy said. “Well he did, he never pressured me and he always made me feel special, that is one of the reasons why I loved him so much and now it is going to be harder to find that again”. Clarissa said as she made a pot of tea. “I can never get through the third month with a guy because he expects me to wiggle his fancy, so yeah I do understand and so if you had a guy like that well he is definitely a diamond in the rough”. Crissy said as she took out a couple of coffee cups. “Yeah but remember he doesn’t believe in God and if he did he would be perfect”. Crissy said “Perfect for me, that is”. Clarissa said with a slight giggle. “Look at me I have been so absorbed in my life and my problems that I didn’t even bother to ask about your life, I know you have been dating a few times already, is there anyone special”. Clarissa said making her tea. “You know Clarissa, I am so about done with dating, it is usually the same thing, and you get so into the guy and wham! He wants to get intimate right away, my dates usually last only a couple of months, men today are not so into the word of God, sure they go to church and may even be in the choir but that is as far as it get, I decided to explore and date outside the church, I figure as long as he believes in God why not give it a chance, I am not getting anywhere with the Christian men”. “Crissy if these Christian men are so into having sex then there not true Christian men”. Clarissa said. “ Isn’t that strange, you have a Guy that is willing to wait to have sex after marriage and he doesn’t believe in God and I have the Christian guys I date that believe in God and can’t control their pants, it is so weird how life works”. Crissy said as she made a cup of tea. “I know, I prayed so long for to have a true Christian guy”. Clarissa said. “That was a given, it goes with out saying”. Crissy said getting up and dumping out her tea. “You know I decided again to give dating one more shot and if it doesn’t work for me this time Clarissa, I am going to retire”. Both of them started to laugh. “So who is the guy you’re dating now, is he a Christian”. Clarissa said. “No but he does believe in God and that is good enough for me for right now”. Crissy said. “Just be careful you don’t want your heart broken over a guy you hardly know”. Clarissa said. “Well this guy is a little different; I only started dating him a couple of weeks ago and so far so good”. Crissy said twirling about making her skirt balloon out. “So when can I meet this new guy of yours”. Clarissa said. “Not so fast, I need to see if this is someone I want to be around for a long time to come, so far it’s kind of iffy”. Crissy said. Crissy was always dating Mr. Wrong, it was always something wrong with the guy, either he was too old, too young, no job, workaholic, he needed to either find himself, lose himself or just plain confused. Crissy is a good person but a little blunt, forward, assertive and a classic comic, were totally opposite of each other, she has always had trouble with getting dates and keeping them, maybe because she was to assertive or maybe she was to outspoken who knows, I really hope that she finds someone that is good to her, she has always looked out for me and I just want the best for her. Our parents never let us believe that we could not find Mr. Right, they always told us to love ourselves so much that when the right one comes he would love us more than that, my parents marriage is an example of what we both would want in a relationship, it is to bad that the men today can’t measure up to the ones from yesterday. It took me so long to find a man like Josh who was so right for me and the only problem is the biggest problem, if he was a sport fanatic, showed up late for every date I could take that but not to believe in God that I can not accept, I have prayed and prayed so long and now I don’t see any results only makes me believe that he is not the one for me, my prays have not been answered so I have to move forward. Now I need to pray that the Lord give me strength to completely let him go.

  THE PAST IS ALIVE

  I know I still love Rissa but I know I am still fighting my past, I can’t allow my past to come alive and I am not willing to go that far yet and to think I had waited for her for a whole year but to me it was as if I waited only a day, maybe I need to see the doc and see what he thinks I should do, maybe I should just go on a date to ease my hurt, I mean she is moving on herself and the way it look; it seems she was having the time of her life, yeah why not. Josh said as he straighten his tie as he looked at himself in the mirror, he looked around his condo and took pride in his place a man cave within itself, clean lines, artistic designs of furniture, beautiful mahogany hardwood floors, top of the line appliances, beautiful bay windows, fifty-five inch flat screen television in both bedrooms and a sixty inch in the living room, this is the place where every man dreams come true. Rissa and I had great dinners and beautiful weekends in this supposedly bachelor pad but I was ready to give this up for a white picket fence for the woman of my dream. Before Rissa came into my life this place had many good dates, the ladies were quite impress with my pad, some even thought that they would be able to change it with dollies and curtains, I knew that wasn’t happening. This place was my web and I was the spider and they fell for it each and every time, I couldn’t see myself tied down with one woman, I couldn’t be bothered, when they saw I didn’t want a relationship which I kindly told each one in the beginning, it was like they took my words and threw them out the window, so of course I had to prove myself by avoidance and lack of concern, if I didn’t they would not get the picture but my playboy days came to an halt with Rissa and now I am getting a taste of my own medicine, Payback is brutal and maybe I deserve it but then I didn’t know love until I met Rissa. She is an incredible woman and before her, I was so into appearance; wanting to look good in my Mercedes benz, best cl
othes and tailored made of course, degrees in business, finances, PHD in accounting, yes indeed I had the life I always wanted, the life I wanted to give my mother but unfortunately I can’t but when Rissa came in my life she made me forget all of that, I really miss her. Josh put on his jacket and checked out his hair and contemplated in his mind on if he should release a years worth of waiting, why not pull out the old black book but unfortunately he got rid of it half way through their relationship but of course it is the new potentials that have been hoping for him to break up with Rissa, before he could finish the thought on a date for the weekend the intercom buzzed. “Yes, who is it”. In Josh mind he was hoping it was Rissa sweet voice but instead it was a deep raspy voice. “Joshua Stevens”. The voice said. “Yeah who wants to know”? Josh said. “Josh this is detective Ingram can I speak to you for a minute”. The unfamiliar voice said. Josh did not know a detective Ingram or