Broken Halo

by Dayo Benson

"I'm off to The Blue Room," I tell her. "See you later."

  Anticipation bubbles in my chest as I drive through town. When I get to there, I have a text from Colby that he's going to be twenty minutes late. I wait in the car for twenty minutes before heading in.

  When I walk through the doors, I don't see him. I request a table for two and order myself a mocktail and a tonic water for Colby.

  I take out my cell phone and see that Gina has called me three times.

  Just then, the door to the lounge opens and a bunch of new patrons arrive. I scan the sea of faces for Colby.

  There's a slam in my chest when I see a familiar face that isn't Colby's.

  I'm convinced that I'm dreaming, so I blink my eyes to make the image go away.

  It doesn't go away.

  What is he doing here?

  My cell phone buzzes in my hand and I look at it. It's a text from Gina: Timothy is in D.C. He asked me where you are and I told him. Then I realized you might be there with Colby. Please tell me you aren't. He's on his way.

  Chapter 16

  Timothy has spotted me and is heading over.

  My heart is pounding for all the wrong reasons: confusion, fear, shame.

  He stops at my table and his gaze takes me in. "Wow. You look really nice."

  I've never dressed up like this to see him. I've never felt the need to.

  He sinks into the seat opposite me. "You look shocked."

  "I am," I manage.

  He smiles. "I figured that the missing ingredient in our relationship is spontaneity. Things like this. We haven't been doing too well over the past week so I figured I'd surprise you. I read that surprise keeps relationships fresh."

  I pop to my feet. "Excuse me for a moment."

  I dash to the ladies' bathroom and call Colby. He doesn't answer. I text him, telling him I have to cancel and that he shouldn't come to the lounge.

  He usually replies right away, but my phone is still—no vibration—and silent.

  Another idea comes to me. Timothy and I can leave. By the time Colby gets here, we'll be gone. That's what I should have suggested as soon as Timothy walked in.

  I'm obviously not thinking straight.

  I hurry back into the lounge. Timothy is talking to a waiter, ordering food from the menu.

  "Let's go to my place," I tell him, interrupting his order. I down the rest of my mocktail and pick up my purse.

  "Let's eat first," he replies. "Sit down. The ribs look good. I ordered steak for you."

  Steak? I was thinking of ordering a burger. "Let's leave, Timothy. We need to talk." I glance nervously at the door.

  "We can talk here." He looks around. "This is quite a nice place. The music is good, not like the loud thumping in most places these days."

  He picks up the tonic water I ordered for Colby and then pauses. "Whose is this drink?" He pauses again, seeming to realize that I must be here to meet someone. "Are your friends here?" he asks looking around. "Gina and Leah?"

  "No." I'm about to suggest that he make his order to go when I spot Colby walk through the door.

  I want to die.

  I sink into my seat and try to make myself as small as possible.

  Colby looks around the small lounge and spots to me. He begins to smile, then his gaze settles on Timothy.

  He immediately begins to walk over with determined steps.

  I know what he's thinking. He thinks I'm being harassed by some dude and he needs to set him straight.

  I have no idea what to do. I try to catch Colby's eye and shake my head, but he's not looking at me. His attention is fixed on Timothy.

  "Hey, buddy," he says. "You've warmed my seat for long enough." He casts me a grin at the referral to my College Life script.

  I don't know what expression is on my face. Whatever it is, it makes Colby hesitate.

  Timothy is giving Colby a dirty, head-to-toe look. "Warming your seat? Who are you?"

  "I'm her—"

  "Friend," I say quickly. I feel like a total jerk when Colby gives me a confused look.

  He still doesn't get it.

  "Yes," Colby says. "I'm her friend and we're about to have a nice meal—"

  "Well, I'm her fiancé," Timothy snaps. "So show some respect. If you don't, I'll forbid her to be friends with you."

  My heart bursts wide open. I don't know how I don't just keel over and die on the spot.

  It's obvious Colby doesn't believe Timothy. Then he looks at me and his face seems to pale.

  My expression must tell him that Timothy isn't just making it up.

  Timothy glares at me then. "Where's your engagement ring?"

  I can't speak.

  Colby is staring at me.

  I feel as evil as the devil himself.

  I want to tell Colby that I'll explain everything, but if I say that in front of Timothy he'll flip out. I'd rather not cause a scene in a public place.

  "Are you here to meet this man?" Timothy asks, shooting Colby a derisory look.

  I'm still dumbfounded. I don't know how to dig myself out of this hole.

  "Is this your fiancé?" Colby asks me, nodding to Timothy.

  "I've already told you that I am," Timothy snaps.

  Colby is gazing at me. I can't read how he feels in his eyes. His mask is suddenly in place.

  I rake a hand through my hair feeling like it's a hundred degrees in here.

  "What's going on here?" Timothy demands. "You've removed your ring to meet with this man? Why? I hope it isn't what I'm thinking? Now I know that it's God who led me to come unannounced and surprise you."

  "Cool it," Colby says. "Like she said, we're just friends. Since you're here, I'll make myself scarce."

  With that, he turns and walks away.

  Chapter 17

  "You might never make it," Timothy is saying through a mouthful of barbecue ribs. "You might never even succeed in becoming an actress."

  "Exactly," I reply. "So don't insist that I stop. If I don't make it, at least I'll know I tried."

  "But you will have wasted a lot of time." Timothy gulps down half of Colby's drink. He makes a face. "Ugh! What is this?"

  "Tonic water."

  He waves to a waitress and orders lemonade. Then he fixes his pale blue eyes on me. "Acting is not the right career for you. It's not for somebody who is going to be a pastor's wife; somebody who calls herself a God-fearing woman. Do you really believe it's God's will? I'll tell you whose will it is—"

  "Timothy," I cut in.

  "I know this is hard for you to hear," Timothy replies before I can say anything further. "But someone has to let you know. If your mom and nana had done their job in raising you properly, you would know not to harbor silly notions of becoming an actress. They should have instilled proper values in you, never have allowed you to take acting classes as a child. Things should never have gotten to this point."

  We've been sitting here for twenty minutes and already I've had enough. I can't marry this guy. I can't do it.

  It'll break Mom's and Nana's hearts. But marrying Timothy would break mine.

  All along, I've felt I should break my own heart rather than theirs. I've felt that not doing what they want would be selfish of me.

  But they shouldn't demand that I make such sacrifices.

  Timothy isn't right for me.

  I watch him continue his verbal tirade.

  His wan blue eyes make me feel cold. His pale skin and fair hair make him look like he never gets out in the sun. He could be handsome if he wasn't so uptight. His personality magnifies all his flaws and I don't know how to make myself love him.

  Before last Friday, I'd resigned myself to marrying a man I don't love, thinking I could do it. But now I know I can't. Whether or not Colby is the answer to my prayer for the right man, I don't know. But I do know that Timothy isn't the right man.

  I don't have to wait until the weekend to tell him. I was waiting until the weekend because I didn't want to do it over the phone. But he's here before
me in the flesh right now. I can do it now.

  I wonder how to say it. I have no experience of anything like this.

  "I want to break up," I blurt.

  Timothy isn't listening. He's busy talking about my 'upbringing' and lecturing me on what it means to be a Godly woman.

  "I want to break up," I say louder.

  He stops. He's silent for a moment.

  "What?" he asks.

  Tears fill my eyes. "I'm sorry, Timothy."

  "You want to break up?" He sounds shocked.

  He must not think our relationship is that bad. He must not realize how empty and soul-destroying it is for me.

  I don't want to sit there and talk about it. Maybe it's selfish of me not to want to explain, but I just can't do it. Anything I say will just hurt him further, and I don't want to do that. I grab my purse and walk out.

  Outside, I feel even worse when I see Colby's car. Colby probably had to get a taxi over here and I didn't even give him back his keys. If I knew where he lived, I would drive over there now, return his car, and explain.

  I drive a block away so that if Timothy comes out of the restaurant I won't see him. Then I text Colby and ask where he is.

  Five minutes pass and he hasn't responded. I text him again, telling him I want to return his car and I want to speak to him.

  I wait another five minutes, then I summon up my courage and call him. He doesn't answer.

  I continue to call and text, but he doesn't pick up and he doesn't reply to my messages. I sit in the car for two hours, wondering what to do. There's a heavy feeling in my heart that won't budge.

  Eventually, I begin to drive the rest of the way home. It's pretty clear that Colby doesn't want to speak to me.

  When I get home, Gina opens the door as soon as I park in the driveway.

  "I'm so sorry," she says. "I told Timothy where to find you. Please tell me you weren't with Colby? Leah just told me she thinks you were, but I'm hoping you weren't."

  Leah appears behind her. She's now in her pajamas rather than her purple dress, and her face is bare of makeup. "What happened?" she asks.

  "Timothy arrived first. And then Colby showed up."

  "No." Gina makes a face. "Honestly, Chloe, I'm so sorry."

  I shut the front door behind me. I smile at Gina.

  "She's smiling." Gina nudges Leah. "Oh, heck. That means she's really going to lose it."

  I shake my head. "I'm fine. Please don't apologize. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted."

  "Really?" Gina asks. She looks unsure.

  "Yes. I broke up with Timothy."

  Her jaw drops. "You did?"

  "Yup." I look at my cell phone, willing it to ring. I sigh as I slip it into my pocket. "Now, if Colby would just stop ignoring me, I'd be able to apologize and explain."

  Just then, my phone begins to buzz. I snatch it out of my pocket and answer. "Hello?"

  "Chloe Victoria Campbell," comes Nana's voice. She sounds livid. "You had better tell me that what Timothy has just told me is not true."

  I cover my face with my free hand.

  Nana is silent, waiting for my response.

  "Is it true that you ended your engagement?" comes Mom's voice.

  "Yes," I whisper. I want to sound a lot more confident, but all of a sudden, my voice isn't working.

  "How dare you do that without first speaking to me?" Mom demands. "You had better call that man right now and make it right."

  Leah is shaking her head. Gina looks mad.

  I walk away from them and enter the kitchen. I sit down at the kitchen table. I'm hoping for privacy, but my friends enter the kitchen and sit at the table too.

  In fact, Gina takes the phone from my hand and puts it on loudspeaker before laying it on the table.

  "Do you hear me?" Nana is bellowing. She's sixty-five but she has the strength and tenacity of a woman decades her junior. "What a disgrace! What on earth were you thinking?"

  Gina jabs me with her elbow, trying to prompt me to speak.

  "I d-don't want to marry him," I stutter.

  "You don't want to marry him?" Nana bellows.

  "Why?" Mom asks. "Why can't you see Timothy for the amazing gift of God that he is?"

  "You are a very spoiled child," Nana snaps. "Very spoiled and full of yourself. How dare you."

  Gina nudges me again. Sharper this time.

  "I'm really sorry, Mom, Nana. I just…I really don't—"

  "I'm sorry," Nana cuts in, "I didn't know your life is your own to decide. I thought your life belongs to God. I thought it's about what He wants, not what you want."

  I don't know what to say in response to that. Tears sting my eyes.

  "You had better call Timothy right now and tell him that you don't know what came over you," Nana barks. "And instead of apologizing to us, apologize to him until he takes you back. And you had better come home this weekend, young lady, so that we can talk about this."

  "Call your fiancé now," Mom says, "and make things right."

  "Call us once you've done that," Nana says. "We're expecting your call."

  There's a click and the line goes dead.

  I can't look at either of my friends.

  The kitchen is silent for a good while.

  Gina speaks first. "You know what I hate the most about what they just did?"

  "Gina, don't make Chloe feel any worse," Leah says.

  "Okay," Gina says. "But it's criminal when people attach God's name to their own notions of what they think you should do, simply to make you obey."

  "Are you going to call Timothy?" Leah asks me?

  Gina lets out a groan. "Leah, get out of here before I slap you."

  "It has to be Chloe's decision," Leah replies. She looks at me. "Are you going to call him?"

  "I'm not," I reply.

  I'm shaking at the thought of defying Mom and Nana, but I need to think hard about this. "And I'm not going home this weekend, either."

  Gina grabs my phone, switches it off, and then leaves the kitchen.

  Tears fill my eyes. I can't run from Mom and Nana forever, but for now, I need to keep my distance.

  But there will still be a showdown at some point. Am I just delaying the inevitable?

  I decide, there and then, that I'm going to get a job before I graduate next summer, so that I won't have to go home even then.

  I'm holding out for an acting job, but any job will do. At this point, I just need anything that will keep me in D.C.

  If I go home after college, Mom and Nana will do everything in their power to get me down the aisle with Timothy. We haven't set a date yet, but I figure Timothy will want to get married as soon as I graduate.

  I'm not marrying him.

  What if Mom and Nana decide to come to D.C. when I don't show up this weekend?

  If they do, I'll have to just deal with it. I don't know how, so I won't bother trying to plan or mentally prepare.

  I hardly sleep that night. When my alarm rings at five a.m., I'm already awake.

  I take out my script to get to work, but I can't focus. I give up after twenty minutes and go to take a shower.

  I have breakfast and then I try to focus on the script again. I can't.

  I decide to switch on my phone. I immediately block Mom, Nana, and Timothy and delete every message they've sent me while my phone has been switched off. It's terrible, but I have to do this for my own sanity.

  I check for a message from Colby. There's nothing.

  It's only five fifty, but I leave the house and drive his Aston Martin to a nearby Costa coffee shop. When I get inside, I text him the address.

  I almost burst into tears when he shows up twenty minutes later.

  I stand. "You came. Thank you for coming."

  He doesn't reply, and he doesn't look at me. He drops into the seat opposite me and stares down at the table.

  I reach out and lift his chin to make him look at me.

  The moment his gaze connects with mine, my heart floun
ders in my chest.

  I don't know how my heart has the capacity to feel anything when it's been overloaded with so many conflicting emotions the past twenty-four hours.

  Seeing Colby doesn't take away the pain. It intensifies it.

  He's my catalyst for change. I already wanted a change, but I didn't have the strength to do it. Until him.

  "Explain," Colby says. His voice is gravelly.

  I like his morning voice. It's a few tones deeper than his usual voice.

  I notice that his eyes are red-rimmed and strained. There's a line between his brows like he's been frowning all night.

  "I told you I had a secret," I say. "I told you I was going to confess on Monday."

  "Being engaged isn't a secret. It's wrong. You can't date another guy if you're engaged." He says it slowly like I'm thick and might not understand.

  "I told you I was going to explain on Monday. That's because I was going to end my engagement this weekend."

  "You were going to end your engagement? Why were you going to end your engagement?"

  I say nothing.

  "Because of me?" Colby laughs shortly. "I hope not, because that would be really flaky of you. The fact that you're engaged to that guy means I can reasonably deduce that you've been together for a while, probably known him for a long time. But you would end it seven days after meeting another guy?"

  I open my mouth to explain, but Colby isn't done.

  "Every girl I've ever been with has cheated on me," he says. "Every. Single. One. I don't trust women, but I thought you were different. You're a Christian. You seem so innocent. You seemed so into me." He gives another short laugh. "I think you're actually the worst of them all. At least the other girls didn't pretend to be so innocent."

  Chapter 18

  His words hurt me like nothing else could.

  "I wasn't pretending about anything," I tell him. "I'm not in love with Timothy. Never have been. Our engagement should never have happened. I didn't latch onto you despite being in love with somebody else. I've never felt anything for Timothy."

  "I'm guessing that's how every cheat justifies their actions," Colby replies. "'I don't love them anymore. Our relationship isn't what it should be.' I don't care. You're in a committed relationship. If you want to be with someone else, you first end that committed relationship."