So Bad for Me: Bad Boy Forbidden Love Romance Collection

by Jamie Knight

  “Well, what would you do?” I asked her, curiously. She looked at me like she wanted to say something, but was nervous about saying it.

  “Have an abortion,” she said.

  The words landed like bricks. I leaned back on the couch and thought for a minute. Could I do that? It seemed like it would make things a lot easier in many ways. But I was certain I would feel guilty about it at some point.

  “No. I want this baby,” I told her, shaking my head. “I would go crazy, regretting that I gave up a baby I wanted, a baby that I could keep and raise myself... ” I trailed off, overwhelmed with my hopes and fears, all colliding at once.

  “So no adoption either…” Grace paused. “Yeah, I totally get it,” she admitted.

  “Okay, well, what else would you do?” I pressed on for her sage advice.

  Grace stopped and gave it some thought, tapping her chin.

  “In this scenario, I would tell the father,” she said. “That way, I wouldn't have to deal with it by myself and I could possibly get some support.”

  I thought about that for a minute and quickly rejected that idea.

  “No way,” I said, shaking my head profusely. “I couldn't tell Bradley about this. He already has been beating himself up about us having sex in the first place. If he finds out that there's a baby involved, he would tie himself up in knots about it. Plus, it's not like it would help our relationship. Telling him that I'm pregnant at this point would probably make him move to Alaska or something because he felt so guilty.”

  I could see the look of horror on his face now as I told him that he was soon to become a father. I didn't think that I could stand to bear any more pain about it. I knew that I would have to keep the news to myself.

  Chapter 36

  Natalia

  Grace got an angry look on her face, frowning and scrunching up her nose at me.

  “You two idiots really deserve each other,” she said. “Why are you thinking about the pain that this would cause for Bradley instead of thinking about your own needs? Do you realize how hard it will be to raise a child on your own? And not just for you, for the baby! We grew up with both of our parents, Natalia. Have you seen the research on how hard it can be for children when they grow up without their fathers? Are you really willing to risk that? Or to take on the job of two parents if you don't have to?”

  “Yeah, but I don't want to make things harder on Bradley. Plus, you forget that he's my dad's friend! I will not only be destroying his life, but also my dad's friendship with him. That's just too much!”

  Grace growled, frustrated.

  “Be reasonable, Natalia,” she said, tapping me on the forehead with the tip of her index finger. “You cannot go through this pregnancy alone and raise this baby by yourself. You don't know the first thing about being a mother. I think you just aren't thinking this through. But, I also know that trying to get through to you right now is useless. So, whatever you decide to do, you have my full support.”

  I smiled and hugged her, laying my head on her shoulder.

  “Thank you,” I said sweetly. “I'm so glad that I have you as my friend. Now, we have to come up with a plan so that no one notices me getting bigger.”

  Grace laughed loudly, head turned up to the ceiling above us.

  “Now, I know you must be out of your mind,” she said, looking down and searching my face to see if I was serious. “And how exactly are we going to do that? What are you going to tell people when they see your huge belly? That's it's a tumor?”

  She laughed again, her eyes wide and expectant as she waited on my answer.

  She had a point. It would be hard to hide a growing belly, even from my father who was often in his own world. He had already made comments of wanting to find the guy who broke my heart. If he knew that I was pregnant, he would definitely hunt the guy down, for sure.

  I had to protect Bradley. Sure, he was tough and experienced and an iron man through and through. But he was still injured, and still longing in his soul for something. I knew it because I was in the same boat, in my own way.

  I saw his vulnerability that night and never forgot it. And I was hog-tied with attraction when I saw that side of him. I’d only seen strong men like cardboard cutouts. But this one, Bradley, he was three-dimensional. He breathed and he bled.

  I simply didn’t want him hurt any more, not if I could stop it.

  Grace was still talking. Her musical voice brought me back to reality. “The only way that you can try to hide a pregnant belly is by avoiding contact with anyone possessing eyeballs,” she said.

  A lightbulb went off. I had seen a movie about a girl who had gotten pregnant and went away to have her baby in another state. She came back after having the baby and no one even knew that she was pregnant.

  I knew that was going to be my best option.

  “You're right,” I said.

  Grace looked at me confused. She put her hand up to my forehead, feeling to see if I had a fever.

  “You don't feel hot,” she said. “Maybe you are showing early signs of dementia. Because that's definitely not possible. What are you planning on, becoming a hermit?”

  “No, I'm planning on getting an apartment,” I said.

  “What? You're going to move out? That doesn't seem like a good idea at all. You're already not looking that well. You need to live with someone who can help to take care of you.”

  I smiled at her, glad that she said that.

  “That's where you come in… room mate,” I said.

  She looked at me for a moment, confused, until she realized what I was planning.

  “You're really crazy,” she said, turning off the movie with a dramatic flip of her remote-filled hand.

  “No, it's perfect,” I said, getting excited and sitting up, tucking my feet under my rump. “You already said that you were thinking of getting your own place because your parents are driving you nuts about what you're going to do once you graduate. This way, you can be out of their hair and moving forward with your life, the way that they wanted, and you can be there to help me out if I need anything. See? It's a win-win.”

  I crossed my arms, satisfied with my solution. It seemed like the perfect plan. I would get an apartment with Grace and once my belly started growing, I would make excuses about why I couldn't come home. That way, my dad would never find out that I was pregnant. I wasn't quite sure what my plan would be beyond that, but I figured that this would be a start until I had more time to think and come up with a better plan.

  “I'm glad that you have it all figured out,” said Grace sarcastically. “For the record, I don't like it at all. But, at the same time, I do want to be here for you. So you have my support.”

  I squealed, leaning on her and hugging and kissing her. She laughed, turning her face away so that she could try to avoid my kisses.

  “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” I said, relieved.

  Things were about to drastically change in my world, but having a plan seemed to ease my mind, even if only for a moment.

  Chapter 37

  Bradley

  My knuckles were white as I clenched my steering wheel, on my way to a restaurant to have lunch with James. He called me up out of the blue. Asked me to meet him.

  “There's a lot going on right now and I could really use a friend,” he had droned, sounding more tired than I had ever heard before. “Do you think that you can meet me at La Señorita for lunch tomorrow?”

  It had been a little over a month since the last time that I had seen him at the barbecue that he had at his house. We hadn't talked at all since then. I know that he had been busy traveling, but I had been too embarrassed to call him, even to say hello. My conscience had been so weighed down with the knowledge of what I had done that I felt guilty whenever I so much as thought about him or Natalia.

  And I thought about her all of the time. Her bright face. Her supple body. Her lilting voice. I still found myself getting hard, imagining being inside of her. Part of me wished
that I could have just one more time with her. But, I knew that that wasn't possible. The thought alone made me stay away from James, however.

  When his name flashed across the screen of my smartphone, I thought that I was going to swallow my tongue.

  This is it, I thought. This is the call where he reams me a new one. My hands were cold when I answered the phone. When he asked if I could meet him for lunch, I obliged. My logical mind said all was fine, but stray fears popped up, that I wasn’t completely positive that he didn't want to confront me about his daughter.

  At any rate, I thought that my best bet would be to meet him in a public place, so I agreed. I figured if he was going to punch my lights out, it would be better to do it at a restaurant where, at the very least, someone could call an ambulance. Or, depending on how things went, the coroner.

  I had the memory of James preparing for battle forever burned in my memory.

  If he ever found out what I had done, I was pretty sure that my life would be over.

  I walked in the cozy restaurant and spotted James already seated in a corner. He waved me down. We shared a small table near a window where we had a clear view of the street outside.

  I saw people walking back and forth hurriedly, not paying much attention to what was going on behind the glass walls separating our two realities. Most on the sidewalk strode with their heads down, their faces buried in phones. I was engrossed in staring out at them through the window when James's voice cut into my distracted thoughts.

  “Thanks for taking the time to meet with me,” he said, flipping through the menu. “Things have been kind of crazy at the house lately and I thought it was time to talk to someone other than the four walls.”

  James wasn't a huge talker from what I remembered about him. So, the fact that he admitted needing to talk to someone were red flags to me. I picked up the glass of water in front of me, willing my hands not to shake as I lifted it to my lips and took a sip before speaking.

  “Oh?” I asked, keeping my voice even. “I know that Natalia is your daughter and you don't want to burden her with your stuff, but I'm sure that having her there for company is pretty nice.”

  He shook his head and stared at the table sadly. He looked like he had lost his best friend.

  “Natalia isn't even at home anymore,” he said. “She moved in with her friend Grace. She's been by the house a few times, but I haven't really seen much of her. I think it's a combination of me being gone all of the time and her just wanting to move on with her life. I feel like I've lost so much time with her because of being in the military, time that I can never get back.”

  He tossed the tortilla chip in his calloused hand down onto the empty salad plate in front of him. He sighed then addressed me.

  Thoughtfully, he said, “Don't get me wrong; I'm grateful for the time that I spent serving my country, but I also wish that I would have been with her for those moments that meant the most to her. And I guess that I thought that, with me traveling less now, I could make up for lost time, that she would want to stay at home longer.

  His eyes looked far away as he continued. “But, for some reason, it was almost like she was itching to get away. I didn't think that it would be as hard as it is.”

  He stopped talking and sat there fidgeting his hands. I really felt sorry for him. But, at the same time, I had a hard time focusing on anything other than the fact that Natalia had left home.

  I wondered if it had something to do with me, and what had happened between us. I had hoped that my leaving would have been enough space between us, but maybe the house brought up too many painful memories for her. The last time I saw her, she looked sickly and depressed. Maybe she was running away from the house in an effort to put the memory of us being intimate in her house behind her.

  I felt so guilty that I could barely look at James. But, I felt like I needed to say something to try easing his mind.

  “Well, these things happen,” I said. “I know that it must be hard, but we all had to leave the nest at some point. And Natalia is a smart girl. She's mature. Even though you may not have been as active in her life as you would have hoped to be, you can tell that you instilled some great values in her. She will be okay. And you, old man, need to get a dog or a hobby. Maybe even a girlfriend.”

  We both roared with laughter at that.

  “You're probably right,” he said. “I just need to learn to let go. It's just really lonely in that house, lonelier than it's ever been. And even though I'm hardly there at all, there's just something haunting about being the only person there now. I'm sure I'll get over that, though.”

  I understood what he meant. Living in my new apartment brought on a loneliness that I had never experienced. I went from living in a house full of people to the military where I lived with a bunch of guys. Then, I lived with James and Natalia.

  This was the first time in my life that I had been completely alone. And I was struggling with it. Getting a taste of living with Natalia, even if only temporarily, made me wish that I didn't live solo. The only person I could imagine living with and being around was Natalia. But, for obvious reasons, that could never happen.

  “Loneliness is just a part of the deal sometimes,” I said shrugging. “I know I'm not a father, but you should feel proud that your daughter feels secure enough in her adulthood to even want to move out. Some kids never feel that strong and never leave the nest.”

  “Oh, I'm sure that she'll figure it out,” he said, waving me away. “It's just that... when she left, she wasn't looking her best. She was very sickly looking and still hadn't recovered from her heartbreak.”

  I winced at the reminder of her heart being broken, knowing that I was the reason for it.

  “I understand. Sorry, man, I wish there was something that I could do to help.”

  Right then, he perked up, smiling at me, like a lightbulb had gone off above his head.

  “Actually, I'm glad that you said that,” he said. “There is something that you can do to help. I want to check on her without feeling like I'm spying on her or intruding on her space. Do you think that you can stop by her house and see how she is doing? I can give you a few things to take to her so that she doesn't feel like I'm spying on her. She knows and trusts you, so I'm positive she'll be happy to see you. What do you say? Be a pal and check on her for me?”

  Everything in my head was screaming to respectfully decline his offer. I wasn't sure what would happen if I were to face her at this point. The last conversation that we had was right after I told her that I was moving out. Even when we saw each other at the barbecue, we didn't say much to each other.

  But, I felt so guilty about how things had happened and didn't want to raise any alarms with James, so I figured that a quick trip to pop in and make sure that everything was alright would be okay. Plus, it would give me an excuse to see her and at the same time help to ease James's mind about her well-being.

  “Sure, old buddy, I'll go check on her and let you know what's going on,” I said, saluting him from across the table.

  “Good,” he said, his shoulders easing, looking like a weight had been lifted off of him.

  “Now, let's eat. I feel like I haven't eaten in ages. As a matter of fact, I can't remember the last time that I sat down to a decent meal. I've been on the go so much, I've been pretty much surviving off of power bars.”

  As if on cue, the waitress, a plain looking girl with a flashy personality, rounded the corner carrying a tray with our food.

  “Here's your food,” she said, plunking a steaming plate of carne asada with rice and vegetables in front of us.

  My mouth watered as the smells drifted up from the plate. James rubbed his hands greedily and started shoveling food into his mouth. I ate, but not with the same vigor that James did. The nerves that I arrived with had gone away but now were starting to return as the new thought of seeing Natalia permeated my mind.

  What would she say? Would she be happy to see me? Would she be upset?

&n
bsp; That uncertainty put me on edge. I tried to hide it from James and willed myself to put the thoughts of her out of my head at least until lunch was over. We sat and chatted a little bit longer after we had finished eating, but I made an excuse to leave, saying that I had to start work soon and we parted ways.

  “Don't forget to visit Natalia and give me a status report,” he said.

  “Sir, yes sir,” I said, standing at attention and saluting him as I had done plenty of times before while under his command in the Air Force.

  As if I could forget, I thought, while doing this rather ridiculous routine. Even though we were friends, it was funny how we would always seem to snap back into our roles while in the service. I found some comfort in that, not surprisingly.

  “Is there any way that you can do that tomorrow?” he insisted.

  I had hoped that I could have some time to get over there, to prepare myself mentally for what I would say. But, I supposed that it would not have made much of a difference. In fact, the more that I thought about it, the better it might be for me to get it over with, like pulling off a Band-aid in one rip. I just hoped that my visit wouldn't make things any worse for anyone.

  “I can do it in the morning if she'll be around,” I said.

  “She should be,” he said, scribbling onto a napkin and pushing it in my direction. “Here's her address.”

  I stared at that napkin for a minute, the words seeming to swim before my eyes. I felt like the napkin was a treasure map. But, it was a map to a forbidden treasure, one that I could never have.

  Chapter 37

  Bradley

  I went to bed that night and tossed and turned all night. When I finally did fall asleep, I dreamed that James had turned into a flying dragon and was trying to burn me alive with his fiery breath.