Love Notes (Friends Lovers or Nothing Book 4)

by Chanel, Jackie

  I know this woman on so many levels. Despite her attempt to not look at me, I saw hurt, fear, and remorse in her eyes. I don’t know why. The last time I’d seen her, she’d done us both a huge favor. There is no logical reason for her to be feeling any of those things.

  Except…

  Logic and Erica don’t meet very often.

  “What’s going on with you?” I asked, trying my hardest to sound like a concerned friend and not an angry boss.

  “Honestly, Aiden, I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me. I kinda needed my friend to help me sort through my shit, but instead of coming home, Sunny’s on tour with you.”

  “If you’re mad at Sunny, be mad at her. Doesn’t change the fact that you didn’t answer any of my calls.”

  “I’m not mad at anyone,” Erica huffed. “We were together for a year. We lived together. Do you know how weird coming back to an empty mansion and packing my shit felt? I had so much to do, including finding a new place, and my entire circle of friends was on vacation with you. I made a sudden and life changing decision and I was completely alone. Even my parents went back to Atlanta. I just needed some time to wrap my head around what I’d done and what I was going to do.”

  “But in the midst of all that, you found enough clarity to hang out in San Diego with some football player though.”

  “That’s not any of your business.”

  “Yes, it is, Erica. If you were having a hard time, I can understand that. But don’t give me a sob story when we both know that wasn’t the case.”

  “Yes it was, Aiden. I went to San Diego because I needed a distraction. That was it. I was driving myself nuts in that house!”

  I exhaled a deep sight of relief. I thought she was going to go into some tirade about how she really did love me and had made a huge mistake. Thank God, it was just her female emotions and quarter-life crisis that was causing all this grief.

  “You mean to tell me that this has nothing to do with me and Sunny being together?”

  “Hell no,” Erica said as a small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. “I knew that Sunny was going to stay on that island after I left. She’s always there when you need her. But it wasn’t until I read her journal that I knew that you and her were meant to be together.”

  “What did her journal say?” I eagerly asked.

  “Are you trying to get me killed? I will never tell you what it said.”

  “Whatever. And you can’t be mad because you were alone in LA. That’s not fair to all of us. You ran away like some runaway bride and it didn’t have to be like that. I rented that island so my band and friends could relax before we hit the road. You’re a member of my band. I apologize that I didn’t realize that you may have wanted Sunny to come back to LA. She didn’t either or she wouldn’t have come on tour. You know that. But, you’re here now and surrounded by your friends.”

  “Aiden, please,” Erica sighed. “Don’t try to make this simpler than it is. No one goes from being friends, then lovers, then nothing without doing some irreparable damage to the friendship. That’s what I’ve been afraid of. Our friendship and my career are both in your hands. It just so happened that Sunny took my advice and made a move on the beach. If she hadn’t, you’d still be pissed off at me for dumping you the night before our wedding. It’s not as simple as you think it is.”

  I disagree. Situations are only as complicated as you choose to make them. Erica and I taking our friendship to the level where we both thought it was okay to walk down the aisle was a mistake…a mistake that almost ruined our relationships with Sunny, Roxy, and Kat. As I explained to Erica, what she did saved us both a lot of trouble down the line. I would never let our relationship affect her career. I don’t do my friends that way.

  “I kinda knew that we weren’t going to get married when you insisted on turning our wedding into a beach vacation for our friends,” Erica laughed. “But when I saw you and Sunny walk into the cottage, the look on your face confirmed that we were making a huge mistake. You love her so much, and she’s so happy with you. I’ve never see her like this. You’re good for her, Aiden. I hope you realize that.”

  “Are you about to give me the ‘fuck with my friend and I’ll kill you’ speech?”

  “You mean the one you gave Tristan?” she asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

  “Or the one Sunny gave you,” I fired right back.

  “Touché.”

  I got up from the bed and sat next to my friend; the friend that I’ve known as long as I’ve known Sunny.

  “Listen,” I said, seriously. “As long as you’re okay, me and you are fine. I’m not mad at you, E. You are still one of my closest friends, and I’m still prepared to propel your career as high as it can go. But,” I paused, “if you don’t feel the same, or if you don’t want to play with me anymore, just say so.”

  “It’s never been about you, Aiden,” Erica said softly. “I just felt so bad. I mean, I spent an entire year letting you believe one thing while I felt something else. I never realized how selfish I am until we got to the beach. Then I just felt like a horrible person that doesn’t deserve to have friends like you, Sunny, Mike, or Joey.”

  I burst out laughing. “I wouldn’t say you’re horrible, but no one deserves friends like us. We’re way too awesome for the likes of you.”

  “Don’t make me laugh.”

  “Then stop it. We’re on the road. We don’t do emotions and chick flicks on the road. You know the rules.”

  “Well,” she said and stood up. “I’m glad to be here. I need to get back in the groove of things. After shackin’ up with you for a year, I’m a little rusty.”

  “And Mike’s single again,” I reminded her. “He dumped that devil-bitch Jessica again.”

  “Good to know one of my wingmen hasn’t lost his touch. You, playboy, are off the market.”

  Together, Erica and I walked to the door. I gave her a hug and went to open the door but she stopped me.

  “Real talk, Aiden. I know I made the right decision about us, but I am sorry for the way I did it. If I hurt you, I’m really sorry.”

  “Hey, I’m fine. I’m just happy not to have another divorce under my belt. The tabloids would love that.”

  “Yeah, but now you have to figure out a way to deal with the workaholic on the fourteenth floor. I love Sunny like a sister, but she’s got more issues than me.”

  “We’ll be alright,” I said as I walked out of the room.

  “Aiden!” Erica called down the hall after me. “If you hurt her, I will kill you!”

  I laughed but Erica’s words worried me, mainly because she’s right. Sunny and I are having fun right now, but reality is going to hit us as soon as we get back to LA, probably sooner. Sunny isn’t going to last three months on the road with us. It’s been two weeks and she’s been home to work and now Delilah is here.

  Our schedules have never worked well together, and Sunny has trust issues on top of trust issues. She loves me, but I know she doesn’t trust me. Personally, and I’ll never say it to her face, but I don’t think she’ll never completely trust any man again.

  Sunny’s really big on loyalty and faithfulness and honesty. Her last two relationships ended because her fiancé cheated and that dickhead Tristan had a wife and two kids stashed away in London.

  Plus, there’s all the shit she claims I’ve done to her over the past decade. She says I rejected her too many times, but what about all the times she’s rejected me? She tends to forget about those.

  I have a problem on my hands. Once this honeymoon of ours is over, am I going to be able to keep Sunny?

  God…I damn sure hope so.

  Chapter 8: Camden

  Almost a month into the tour and I couldn’t have asked for a better start. The band’s back together again, Roxy went back to Atlanta and left us with Perry and Steve, my road managers were handling everything properly, and the crew was performing at their best. We’ve had twelve shows and not one single issue. All
I had to do was be sober the day of the show and play my ass off.

  I was literally on a music high when I was on stage. I may not fill 45,000-seat arenas but I can definitely sell out any amphitheater in the country playing the music that I want to play.

  My second album was called Sell My Soul but not because I did. I named it that because I felt like that’s what Dre and Power were expecting me to do. He thought I could cross over into pure pop or maybe even R&B like Timberlake but that kind of music isn’t a part of me. I’m a white boy who is at his best playing the blues.

  Like Clapton or SRV.

  Am I this generation’s Clapton? That’s hard to say, even for me. My ego is not that unchecked that I can easily answer that question. What I can say is that if someone grew up listing to Pink Floyd, Clapton, SRV, or the Stones because their parents listened to them, those are the folks filling up my shows.

  “Baby?”

  I was stretched out on the bed in our suite when Sunny walked in the room. I felt a grin stretch across my face. I don’t know why every time I see her, it feels different. I saw Sunny practically every single day back in LA. I feel different though. No wonder guys don’t talk about their feelings to each other. I know my guys would clown my ass if they knew all of the mushy shit I felt just looking at Sunny now. When she calls me baby, it feels like Christmas morning. Yeah, I can’t tell them any of that.

  “What’s up?”

  “Can you watch Summer for a few hours? Erica and I are going to have an early dinner before the show and I really don’t want to take her.”

  “How many times do I have to remind you that I’m Summer’s father, not her babysitter? All you have to say is ‘Aiden, I’m leaving. Summer’s in the room watching TV.’ You don’t have to ask.”

  “You’re right but I’ve been a single parent for so long that I’m just used to asking.”

  I got up and crossed the room. I gathered my girl in my arms and rubbed her back.

  “You’re not a single mom so stop acting like that. I’ve been around from day one. It’s just official now. It’s you, me, and the kid.” I kissed her forehead. “Have fun with E. Remind her that she has to be at soundcheck at six. I’ll take Summer with me. I don’t care what time you get to the amp but Erica better not be late.” I put my fingers under her chin and lifted Sunny’s head so her hazel eyes met mine. “You love me?”

  “Sure do,” she smiled. “Have a good rehearsal.”

  After Sunny left, I joined Summer on the couch where she was watching The Walking Dead. It’s not age appropriate but she loves it. She even has her favorite characters. Summer rarely gets scared by the zombies and if she does, she just laughs about it later. She’s a weird kid. She gets it from her mother.

  “Daddy, the little girl ran away and now they can’t find her. She probably got ate already.”

  “What little girl?”

  “Sofia.”

  “Aww, damn. Yeah, she’s dead,” I chuckled and sat down next to her. “If we’re attacked by zombies, you better not leave my side, got it?”

  “I’m won’t. Sofia is dumb,” she replied as she climbed into my lap with her favorite stuffed tiger that I got her. Her eyes never left the television.

  My mom doesn’t think Summer should be on the road with me. She says the last thing a child needs is to be on the side of a performance stage every few nights. My argument is that she’s with her mom and nothing is going to happen to her but Dina Tyler has always questioned me and Sunny as parents. Besides the fact that our daughter likes zombie shows and wants me to teach her how to play the guitar, our kid is a well-adjusted little girl. We try not to spoil her too much, but she’s so freakin’ cute . when she looks up at me those green eyes like mine and says ‘please, Daddy,’ I immediately punk out.

  When Sunny told me that I was Summer’s father, my entire world stopped revolving around me and began revolving around Summer. Sunny let me tell her the big news. Explaining to a two-year-old that Uncle Aiden was actually her father wasn’t that big of a deal. Sunny and I were the ones making a big deal out of nothing. I held Summer on my lap that next morning and said,

  “Baby girl, I’m your daddy. Do you know what that means?”

  Summer just giggled and continued to stuff her face with strawberries and pineapple. Later, after breakfast, she said,

  “Daddy, I want to swim” instead of “Aiden, I want to swim,” and it was a wrap.

  Sunny and I are the ones who had to adapt.

  “Daddy,” Summer said when her show went to commercial. “Why does Mommy sleep in your bed now and Auntie Erica sleeps in that other room? Is Auntie Erica mad at you?”

  Damn it! I should have known Sunny was going to put this one on me. When Erica and I were together, Summer spent a lot of time with us because Sunny had a new boyfriend and was always working or flying off to be with that asshole. Of course she’s used to seeing me with Erica.

  “Umm...umm,” I stammered. “Well, Erica isn’t mad at me but Mommy is my girlfriend now.

  Summer wrinkled her face in toddler confusion. “Huh?”

  “Sunny is my girlfriend so that’s why we sleep together. Erica is just my friend now.”

  “Auntie Erica is Mommy’s friend though.”

  “I know.”

  “So, Mommy can be your girlfriend and Auntie’s friend at the same time?” she asked.

  “Yes, she can. And you don’t have to worry about any of that because it’s grown-up business. All you need to know is that Mommy and I love each other and, one day we’re going to live together like a real family.”

  “Like Aunt Sara?”

  “Exactly like Aunt Sara. And Aunt Dee-Lee and Uncle Paulie. Okay?”

  “That’s cool. But you know what, Daddy?”

  “What?”

  “This is a big ass mess.”

  I tried to keep my composure because you’re not supposed to laugh in your kids’ faces but what the hell does my child know about big ass messes?

  “Who told you that?”

  “Nana.”

  “Your Nana needs to mind her own damn business. You ain’t got nothing to worry about, Summertime. Daddy’s got this.”

  ***

  “If you’re still feeling some type of away towards him, then maybe y’all should talk.”

  I shouldn’t have been listening to Erica and Sunny’s conversation but the bedroom door was open when I walked into the hotel room. I didn’t come up here to eavesdrop. I came up here to find out what the hell was taking Erica so long to change. Sunny and Erica both talk extremely loud so not hearing them wasn’t an option.

  “I don’t have feelings for him, E. I’m pissed that he did me like that. Married with kids after all the fuckin’ promises he made! That still hurts.”

  “If you’re still hurt, what makes you think jumping into another relationship not even six months later is a good thing. You think Aiden is going to understand that shit? You know he’s going to think that you still love Tristan.”

  “First of all, no he’s not. He’s not dumb and he knows how I feel about him. And second, you’re the one who encouraged me to be with him!”

  “Heffa,” Erica laughed, “don’t put your confused feelings on me! I said that you needed to admit that you have real feelings for Aiden and get you some. Believe me, I didn’t expect for the two of you to be talkin’ that I love you shit thirty days later. You and your man take everything to the goddamn extreme!”

  “Kiss my extreme ass,” Sunny laughed.

  “Whatever. Are we finished with your relationship drama for today? I need to go get drunk with my boys since your lame ass is staying here to pine over an ex that no one really gives a shit about, including his wife.”

  “I’m not pining. I told you...I don’t care about Tristan. I don’t love him and I damn sure don’t want him. What I want is to grind his balls up in my blender and tell his wife about us.”

  “Well, the first one is a felony but I’m down for a revenge trip to London
. Just say the word. Goodnight Miss Rain. Don’t wait up for your man either. We ain’t about to let you throw a wrench in our post-game partying. He’ll be back when he gets back.”

  “Like I care what time y’all get back. If y’all need to get wasted after every show, that’s between y’all and his road managers. I know my limits and I gotta fly back to LA in the morning. Y’all just be safe out there.

  Erica shut the bedroom door behind her. When she noticed me standing near the kitchenette, she just shook her head.

  “Nosy ass,” she muttered.

  “I was looking for you. We’ve been downstairs waiting on you for half an hour.”

  “I told you I had to change. I wasn’t about to hit no club smellin’ like I just walked off stage. Let’s go, Superstar.”

  As we made our way to the elevators, I didn’t bother to resist asking what she and Sunny had been talking about. Their conversation left a bad feeling in my gut and I wasn’t about to let that shit go. If Sunny is thinking about her ex then I need to know this.

  I know how things ended between them and Sunny isn’t the type of woman who easily lets shit go. She doesn’t bounce back from relationships easily either after a breakup. Shit, she’s still entertaining Xavier’s texts and phone calls and they broke up years ago. But Tristan wasn’t that long ago. As much as it pisses me off, I think Sunny loved that douchebag more than she loved the basketball jerk she was about to marry. I know she loves me too but the question remains. Will she ever love me as much as she loved him?

  “Stop trippin’,” Erica groaned. “We just played one of the best concerts of our lives and we’re about to turn up and drink until we can’t anymore. I don’t care how deep in love you are, Aiden; I did not come on tour with you to be your goddamn marriage counselor. And let me tell you the same shit I told Sunny,” she said as the elevator doors opened to the lobby. “I’m her best friend. I’m your friend and I work for you. But what I’m not is the middleman in your relationship. Both of y’all know enough about me to know that I’m not good with relationship advice. It’s going to be best for both of y’all to stick to your usual channels for advice and don’t be coming to me with that bullshit ‘cause all I’m gon’ do is laugh and say that’s y’all business so handle it.”