A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man (Dover Thrift Editions)

by James Joyce

  Yes. Well now, that's all right. O, we had a good walk, hadn't we, John? YesI wonder if there's any likelihood of dinner this evening. YesO, well now, we got a good breath of ozone round the Head today. Ay, bedad.

  He turned to Dante and said:

  You didn't stir out at all, Mrs Riordan?

  Dante frowned and said shortly:

  No.

  Mr Dedalus dropped his coat-tails and went over to the sideboard. He brought forth a great stone jar of whisky from the locker and filled the decanter slowly, bending now and then to see how much he had poured in. Then replacing the jar in the locker he poured a little of the whisky into two glasses, added a little water and came back with them to the fireplace.

  A thimbleful, John, he said, just to whet your appetite.

  Mr Casey took the glass, drank, and placed it near him on the mantelpiece. Then he said:

  Well, I can't help thinking of our friend Christopher manufacturing.

  He broke into a fit of laughter and coughing and added:

  manufacturing that champagne for those fellows.

  Mr Dedalus laughed loudly.

  Is it Christy? he said. There's more cunning in one of those warts on his bald head than in a pack of jack foxes.

  He inclined his head, closed his eyes, and, licking his lips profusely, began to speak with the voice of the hotel keeper.

  And he has such a soft mouth when he's speaking to you, don't you know. He's very moist and watery about the dewlaps, God bless him.

  Mr Casey was still struggling through his fit of coughing and laughter. Stephen, seeing and hearing the hotel keeper through his father's face and voice, laughed.

  Mr Dedalus put up his eyeglass and, staring down at him, said quietly and kindly:

  What are you laughing at, you little puppy, you?

  The servants entered and placed the dishes on the table. Mrs Dedalus followed and the places were arranged.

  Sit over, she said.

  Mr Dedalus went to the end of the table and said:

  Now, Mrs Riordan, sit over. John, sit you down, my hearty.

  He looked round to where uncle Charles sat and said:

  Now then, sir, there's a bird here waiting for you.

  When all had taken their seats he laid his hand on the cover and then said quickly, withdrawing it:

  Now, Stephen.

  Stephen stood up in his place to say the grace before meals:

  Bless us, O Lord, and these Thy gifts which through Thy bounty we are about to receive through Christ our Lord. Amen.

  All blessed themselves and Mr Dedalus with a sigh of pleasure lifted from the dish the heavy cover pearled around the edge with glistening drops.

  Stephen looked at the plump turkey which had lain, trussed and skewered, on the kitchen table. He knew that his father had paid a guinea for it in Dunn's of D'Olier Street and that the man had prodded it often at the breastbone to show how good it was: and he remembered the man's voice when he had said:

  Take that one, sir. That's the real Ally Daly.

  Why did Mr Barrett in Clongowes call his pandybat a turkey? But Clongowes was far away: and the warm heavy smell of turkey and ham and celery rose from the plates and dishes and the great fire was banked high and red in the grate and the green ivy and red holly made you feel so happy and when dinner was ended the big plum pudding would be carried in, studded with peeled almonds and sprigs of holly, with bluish fire running around it and a little green flag flying from the top.

  It was his first Christmas dinner and he thought of his little brothers and sisters who were waiting in the nursery, as he had often waited, till the pudding came. The deep low collar and the Eton jacket made him feel queer and oldish: and that morning when his mother had brought him down to the parlour, dressed for mass, his father had cried. That was because he was thinking of his own father. And uncle Charles had said so too.

  Mr Dedalus covered the dish and began to eat hungrily. Then he said:

  Poor old Christy, he's nearly lopsided now with roguery.

  Simon, said Mrs Dedalus, you haven't given Mrs Riordan any sauce.

  Mr Dedalus seized the sauceboat.

  Haven't I? he cried. Mrs Riordan, pity the poor blind. Dante covered her plate with her hands and said:

  No, thanks.

  Mr Dedalus turned to uncle Charles.

  How are you off, sir?

  Right as the mail, Simon.

  You, John?

  I'm all right. Go on yourself.

  Mary? Here, Stephen, here's something to make your hair curl.

  He poured sauce freely over Stephen's plate and set the boat again on the table. Then he asked uncle Charles was it tender. Uncle Charles could not speak because his mouth was full; but he nodded that it was.

  That was a good answer our friend made to the canon. What? said Mr Dedalus.

  I didn't think he had that much in him, said Mr Casey.

  I'll pay your dues, father, when you cease turning the house of God into a polling-booth.

  A nice answer, said Dante, for any man calling himself a catholic to give to his priest.

  They have only themselves to blame, said Mr Dedalus suavely. If they took a fool's advice they would confine their attention to religion.

  It is religion, Dante said. They are doing their duty in warning the people.

  We go to the house of God, Mr Casey said, in all humility to pray to our Maker and not to hear election addresses.

  It is religion, Dante said again. They are right. They must direct their flocks.

  And preach politics from the altar, is it? asked Mr Dedalus.

  Certainly, said Dante. It is a question of public morality. A priest would not be a priest if he did not tell his flock what is right and what is wrong.

  Mrs Dedalus laid down her knife and fork, saying:

  For pity sake and for pity sake let us have no political discussion on this day of all days in the year.

  Quite right, ma'am, said uncle Charles. Now, Simon, that's quite enough now. Not another word now.

  Yes, yes, said Mr Dedalus quickly.

  He uncovered the dish boldly and said:

  Now then, who's for more turkey?

  Nobody answered. Dante said:

  Nice language for any catholic to use!

  Mrs Riordan, I appeal to you, said Mrs Dedalus, to let the matter drop now.

  Dante turned on her and said:

  And am I to sit here and listen to the pastors of my church being flouted?

  Nobody is saying a word against them, said Mr Dedalus, so long as they don't meddle in politics.

  The bishops and priests of Ireland have spoken, said Dante, and they must be obeyed.

  Let them leave politics alone, said Mr Casey, or the people may leave their church alone.

  You hear? said Dante, turning to Mrs Dedalus.

  Mr Casey! Simon! said Mrs Dedalus, let it end now.

  Too bad! Too bad! said uncle Charles.

  What? cried Mr Dedalus. Were we to desert him at the bidding of the English people?

  He was no longer worthy to lead, said Dante. He was a public sinner.

  We are all sinners and black sinners, said Mr Casey coldly.

  Woe be to the man by whom the scandal cometh! said Mrs Riordan. It would be better for him that a millstone were tied about his neck and that he were cast into the depths of the sea rather than that he should scandalize one of these, my least little ones. That is the language of the Holy Ghost.

  And very bad language if you ask me, said Mr Dedalus coolly.

  Simon! Simon! said uncle Charles. The boy.

  Yes, yes, said Mr Dedalus. I meant about theI was thinking about the bad language of the railway porter. Well now, that's all right. Here, Stephen, show me your plate, old chap. Eat away now. Here.

  He heaped up the food on Stephen's plate and served uncle Charles and Mr Casey to large pieces of turkey and splashes of sauce. Mrs Deda
lus was eating little and Dante sat with her hands in her lap. She was red in the face. Mr Dedalus rooted with the carvers at the end of the dish and said:

  There's a tasty bit here we call the pope's nose. If any lady or gentleman.

  He held a piece of fowl up on the prong of the carving fork. Nobody spoke. He put it on his own plate, saying:

  Well, you can't say but you were asked. I think I had better eat it myself because I'm not well in my health lately.

  He winked at Stephen and, replacing the dish-cover, began to eat again.

  There was a silence while he ate. Then he said:

  Well now, the day kept up fine after all. There were plenty of strangers down too.

  Nobody spoke. He said again:

  I think there were more strangers down than last Christmas.

  He looked round at the others whose faces were bent towards their plates and, receiving no reply, waited for a moment and said bitterly:

  Well, my Christmas dinner has been spoiled anyhow.

  There could be neither luck nor grace, Dante said, in a house where there is no respect for the pastors of the church.

  Mr Dedalus threw his knife and fork noisily on his plate.

  Respect! he said. Is it for Billy with the lip or for the tub of guts up in Armagh? Respect!

  Princes of the church, said Mr Casey with slow scorn.

  Lord Leitrim's coachman, yes, said Mr Dedalus.

  They are the Lord's anointed, Dante said. They are an honour to their country.

  Tub of guts, said Mr Dedalus coarsely. He has a handsome face, mind you, in repose. You should see that fellow lapping up his bacon and cabbage of a cold winter's day. O Johnny!

  He twisted his features into a grimace of heavy bestiality and made a lapping noise with his lips.

  Really, Simon, you should not speak that way before Stephen. It's not right.

  O, he'll remember all this when he grows up, said Dante hotly - the language he heard against God and religion and priests in his own home.

  Let him remember too, cried Mr Casey to her from across the table, the language with which the priests and the priests' pawns broke Parnell's heart and hounded him into his grave. Let him remember that too when he grows up.

  Sons of bitches! cried Mr Dedalus. When he was down they turned on him to betray him and rend him like rats in a sewer. Low-lived dogs! And they look it! By Christ, they look it!

  They behaved rightly, cried Dante. They obeyed their bishops and their priests. Honour to them!

  Well, it is perfectly dreadful to say that not even for one day in the year, said Mrs Dedalus, can we be free from these dreadful disputes!

  Uncle Charles raised his hands mildly and said:

  Come now, come now, come now! Can we not have our opinions whatever they are without this bad temper and this bad language? It is too bad surely.

  Mrs Dedalus spoke to Dante in a low voice but Dante said loudly:

  I will not say nothing. I will defend my church and my religion when it is insulted and spit on by renegade catholics.

  Mr Casey pushed his plate rudely into the middle of the table and, resting his elbows before him, said in a hoarse voice to his host:

  Tell me, did I tell you that story about a very famous spit?

  You did not, John, said Mr Dedalus.

  Why then, said Mr Casey, it is a most instructive story. It happened not long ago in the county Wicklow where we are now.

  He broke off and, turning towards Dante, said with quiet indignation:

  And I may tell you, ma'am, that I, if you mean me, am no renegade catholic. I am a catholic as my father was and his father before him and his father before him again, when we gave up our lives rather than sell our faith.

  The more shame to you now, Dante said, to speak as you do.

  The story, John, said Mr Dedalus smiling. Let us have the story anyhow.

  Catholic indeed! repeated Dante ironically. The blackest protestant in the land would not speak the language I have heard this evening.

  Mr Dedalus began to sway his head to and fro, crooning like a country singer.

  I am no protestant, I tell you again, said Mr Casey, flushing.

  Mr Dedalus, still crooning and swaying his head, began to sing in a grunting nasal tone:

  O, come all you Roman catholics

  That never went to mass.

  He took up his knife and fork again in good humour and set to eating, saying to Mr Casey:

  Let us have the story, John. It will help us to digest.

  Stephen looked with affection at Mr Casey's face which stared across the table over his joined hands. He liked to sit near him at the fire, looking up at his dark fierce face. But his dark eyes were never fierce and his slow voice was good to listen to. But why was he then against the priests? Because Dante must be right then. But he had heard his father say that she was a spoiled nun and that she had come out of the convent in the Alleghanies when her brother had got the money from the savages for the trinkets and the chainies. Perhaps that made her severe against Parnell. And she did not like him to play with Eileen because Eileen was a protestant and when she was young she knew children that used to play with protestants and the protestants used to make fun of the litany of the Blessed Virgin. Tower of Ivory they used to say, House of Gold! How could a woman be a tower of ivory or a house of gold? Who was right then? And he remembered the evening in the infirmary in Clongowes, the dark waters, the light at the pierhead and the moan of sorrow from the people when they had heard.

  Eileen had long white hands. One evening when playing tig she had put her hands over his eyes: long and white and thin and cold and soft. That was ivory: a cold white thing. That was the meaning of Tower of Ivory.

  The story is very short and sweet, Mr Casey said. It was one day down in Arklow, a cold bitter day, not long before the chief died. May God have mercy on him!

  He closed his eyes wearily and paused. Mr Dedalus took a bone from his plate and tore some meat from it with his teeth, saying:

  Before he was killed, you mean.

  Mr Casey opened his eyes, sighed and went on:

  It was down in Arklow one day. We were down there at a meeting and after the meeting was over we had to make our way to the railway station through the crowd. Such booing and baaing, man, you never heard. They called us all the names in the world. Well there was one old lady, and a drunken old harridan she was surely, that paid all her attention to me. She kept dancing along beside me in the mud bawling and screaming into my face: Priest-hunter! The Paris Funds! Mr Fox! Kitty O'Shea!

  And what did you do, John? asked Mr Dedalus.

  I let her bawl away, said Mr Casey. It was a cold day and to keep up my heart I had (saving your presence, ma'am) a quid of Tullamore in my mouth and sure I couldn't say a word in any case because my mouth was full of tobacco juice.

  Well, John?

  Well. I let her bawl away, to her heart's content, Kitty O'Shea and the rest of it till at last she called that lady a name that I won't sully this Christmas board nor your ears, ma'am, nor my own lips by repeating.

  He paused. Mr Dedalus, lifting his head from the bone, asked:

  And what did you do, John?

  Do! said Mr Casey. She stuck her ugly old face up at me when she said it and I had my mouth full of tobacco juice. I bent down to her and Phth! says I to her like that.

  He turned aside and made the act of spitting.

  Phth! says I to her like that, right into her eye.

  He clapped his hand to his eye and gave a hoarse scream of pain.

  O Jesus, Mary and Joseph! says she. I'm blinded! I'm blinded and drownded!

  He stopped in a fit of coughing and laughter, repeating:

  I'm blinded entirely.

  Mr Dedalus laughed loudly and lay back in his chair while uncle Charles swayed his head to and fro.

  Dante looked terribly angry and repeated while they laughed:

  Very nic
e! Ha! Very nice!

  It was not nice about the spit in the woman's eye.

  But what was the name the woman had called Kitty O'Shea that Mr Casey would not repeat? He thought of Mr Casey walking through the crowds of people and making speeches from a wagonette. That was what he had been in prison for and he remembered that one night Sergeant O'Neill had come to the house and had stood in the hall, talking in a low voice with his father and chewing nervously at the chinstrap of his cap. And that night Mr Casey had not gone to Dublin by train but a car had come to the door and he had heard his father say something about the Cabinteely road.

  He was for Ireland and Parnell and so was his father: and so was Dante too for one night at the band on the esplanade she had hit a gentleman on the head with her umbrella because he had taken off his hat when the band played God save the Queen at the end.

  Mr Dedalus gave a snort of contempt.

  Ah, John, he said. It is true for them. We are an unfortunate priest-ridden race and always were and always will be till the end of the chapter.

  Uncle Charles shook his head, saying:

  A bad business! A bad business!

  Mr Dedalus repeated:

  A priest-ridden Godforsaken race!

  He pointed to the portrait of his grandfather on the wall to his right.

  Do you see that old chap up there, John? he said. He was a good Irishman when there was no money In the job. He was condemned to death as a whiteboy. But he had a saying about our clerical friends, that he would never let one of them put his two feet under his mahogany.

  Dante broke in angrily:

  If we are a priest-ridden race we ought to be proud of it! They are the apple of God's eye. Touch them not, says Christ, for they are the apple of My eye.

  And can we not love our country then? asked Mr Casey. Are we not to follow the man that was born to lead us?

  A traitor to his country! replied Dante. A traitor, an adulterer! The priests were right to abandon him. The priests were always the true friends of Ireland.

  Were they, faith? said Mr Casey.

  He threw his fist on the table and, frowning angrily, protruded one finger after another.