“You came,” he finished for me. “The sun did rise on me that night, just not in the way I expected. Do I regret hurting you? Yes. I regret it just as much as I regret letting Lucy die. Do I regret meeting you? Taking you? No. I can’t, Kara. I can’t.”
Anger filled me. “Your feelings for me are putting me in danger!”
His words were clipped. “I cannot help it. Not anymore than you can help your feelings for me.”
“I feel nothing for you except hatred!”
His head tilted. “Really? You couldn’t bring yourself to kill me. You kissed me back. You just admitted to me you are afraid of what you feel for me. And even now, here you are lying beneath me as if this were a casual embrace.”
“Then get off of me,” I said through clenched teeth.
I felt him shift to stand up, but his eyes froze on the pulse pounding at my neck. He began to tremble.
I went cold. “Gabriel, don’t.”
His fangs slipped out. He started to lean down toward my neck, but when I began struggling, he jumped up off of me and went to the other side of the room.
“Sorry,” he said, shuddering.
I sat up, dizzy from the turn of events. I stared at the stake on the floor, wondering how I could have lost my nerve. Wasn’t killing Gabriel what I had wanted all along? How could I have stooped so low as to kiss him back?
“Inola told me you saw Emma. Did she threaten you?”
I kicked the stake, and it rolled under the couch. “She smiled while twirling a butter knife. So yes.”
He sighed. “I was hoping she would stay out of this.”
I rolled my eyes. “What? Afraid you might have to hurt her if she tries anything?”
His fangs retracted once again. “Careful, my heart. You sound a little jealous.”
I stood up angrily. “What did you just call me? And I am not jealous of some bimbo harpy that was stupid enough to like you of all people!”
Gabriel crossed his arms over his chest and laughed softly.
“What is so funny?” I practically whined.
He smiled, chuckling. “Nothing. It’s just . . . I missed you.”
I rolled my eyes again and went to the bed. “Yeah, well, I didn’t miss you. Feel free to take off anytime now. And just because you’re back doesn’t mean I’m giving up the bed.”
He blurred to the couch, resting his hands behind his head. “Of course the bed is yours,” he said sincerely.
I sank down into the pillows. “And the lights stay on. Those drapes make it as black as night in here.”
“I didn’t even consider turning them off.”
I clutched the silk sheets tightly. Every nerve in my body was on fire because of him being near me. My lips tingled from the kiss I never should have reciprocated.
I wasn’t able to close my eyes, and it wasn’t because I didn’t feel safe.
Minutes passed before I gave in. “Gabriel?” I whispered, the word nearly nonexistent.
Suddenly, he was crouching on the floor next to the bed. “I’m here. Are you all right?” His voice was as soft as the silk sheets I held.
I hesitated. And then our minds melded, like two puzzle pieces completing one another perfectly. He wasn’t mad at me for trying to kill him. For a few moments, he had truly wanted to die, sick of the guilt inside. He would have done anything to make his guilt go away, the guilt that threatened to suffocate him every second. He had missed me to the point of physical pain. It was taking everything he had not to kiss me again. He thirsted for my blood.
And I was pouring into him. There was no stopping it.
I stared into his eyes. How could I lie when we were like this? How could I stop what was happening between us? He could feel what I would never admit. He could feel that I cared, that I didn’t want him to die or to be hurt. He knew I was terrified of becoming a vampire, and he knew I wanted to go home.
I licked my quivering lips. “Can I trust you? Can I trust you to not ever hurt me again?”
His eyes dilated. “I would burn alive in the sun a thousand times before doing such a thing.”
He wasn’t lying. It was the most sincere thing I’d ever felt.
“You’re changing,” I admitted. “What I felt from you when you first drank from me, and what I feel from you now . . . You’re not who you used to be.”
He slowly reached out and almost touched my face, but I moved away. He nodded, understanding. “Even so, you will never forgive me. I do not blame you, as I do not deserve it. But because of what I have done, you can never love me, can you?”
I turned away from him. I used to know the answer to that question.
I wasn’t so sure anymore.
“That’s right. I will never love you,” I murmured.
I knew he felt my uncertainty. He lingered beside me for a few more minutes before going back to the couch.
I drifted into sleep, Gabriel’s presence banishing all nightmares.
***
“You two are either fighting or trying to not to think about something that happened last morning,” Thomas pointed out cheerfully.
Inola, Thomas, Gabriel, and I all sat at the table in Gabriel’s room for breakfast. I scowled and continued making a maze out of syrup on the priceless-looking plate. Gabriel ignored the comment as he dug into his chocolate chip waffles.
Inola sipped her coffee warily while Thomas studied us both. “What? Did she try to kill you or something?” he asked.
I dropped my fork. Gabriel ate another bite, completely composed. My eyes flicked to the stake that was still under the couch. Inola’s gaze burned me.
“Did you two kiss?”
My heart palpitated. Gabriel’s eyes went to me briefly, registering he had heard the sound. And if he had heard, so had Thomas and Inola.
“Did you drink her blood again?”
Gabriel shoved the plate away and stood up, disappearing from the room.
Inola glared at her husband. “What is wrong with you?”
Thomas held out his hands innocently. “I’m just curious.”
“Gabriel drinking Kara’s blood is absolutely none of your business.”
I knew they were speaking aloud only for my benefit. I cracked my knuckles. “Are we training today, Thomas?” I asked, hoping to divert the subject.
Thomas pointed to the ceiling. “It’s raining.”
“I won’t melt.”
He laughed. “You sure about that, Red?”
Inola put her head into her hands. “Forgive Thomas, Kara. He is being especially irksome today.”
I stood up. “It’s fine. Just because Gabriel is back doesn’t mean things have to change, right?”
“Whatever you are comfortable with. I will meet you in the greenhouse later if you want,” Inola said.
Thomas winked at me, beckoning me to follow him. I grabbed my breakfast tray, and we went to the kitchen and washed our dishes. I kept my eyes on Thomas’s back, refusing to meet the stares of the vampires in proximity, although I was not looked at as much anymore. It depressed me to know my presence was becoming normality.
Once we were outside, rain pelted my face and soaked my clothes within minutes. Thomas handed me the stake gun. I slid my wrist into the device, tightening the straps before aiming for the tree Thomas had spray painted. I fired.
The stake hit the ring around the red center. Thomas whistled.
“That was really close. Good job.”
I fired again. Missed completely.
“And that one sucked,” he said, laughing.
I fired one more time. Bullseye.
Thomas went to retrieve the stakes. “See, you are getting the hang of it. Just picture Gabriel’s face, and you’ll get a bullseye each time. Isn’t that right, Gabriel?”
I whirled around. Gabriel was leaning against a nearby tree, his face expressionless. He blended in perfectly with the night wearing a dark gray shirt, dark blue jeans, and black boots.
“What do you want?” I demanded. Anger
boiled my blood. I still couldn’t believe I had kissed him back. “Shouldn’t you be combing the woods for Elias or something?”
Gabriel shrugged away from the tree. “I wish to speak to you.”
I reloaded the gun with the stakes Thomas handed to me. “Then speak away.”
“Alone.”
I froze. Being alone with Gabriel was proving to be more difficult every time it happened.
Thomas held out his hand. “I guess I’ll take the stake gun, then.”
“She can keep it.” Gabriel’s eyes gleamed mischievously. “She won’t use it on me.”
I fired the gun. The stake hit the tree he stood beside, sending splinters of wood into the air. Amused shock colored Gabriel’s eyes even though he had jumped a safe distance away, and even though I had aimed at the tree instead of at him. I undid the straps and handed the gun to Thomas, who didn’t look surprised I had fired and missed on purpose.
“You kids play nice!” Thomas called after us as we walked away.
I wiped the rain from my eyes. “I’m not apologizing.”
He fell into step beside me. “I did not ask for you to. And if you are expecting an apology for kissing you, don’t wait too long.”
Thomas’s voice echoed through the rain. “I knew it!”
I looked at Gabriel angrily. “Will you shut up? I didn’t want anyone to know about that! And where are we walking to?”
He shrugged. “I am following you. I just said I wanted to talk to you.”
I stopped under a group of trees near the edge of the woods. “Then talk so I can get away from you.”
Hurt filled his eyes. I tried to ignore the stinging response in my belly.
“I have been careful not to think about this when our minds would touch. I already know the answer to this, but Kara . . .” His next words were quiet. “Do you want to go home?”
The world went silent. I couldn’t even hear the sound of the rain, and it took me a few minutes to find my voice.
“You . . . you’re going to let me go?”
He took a deep breath. “You will forever hate me if I keep you here, even if I am keeping you here to protect you. I know you may not want to believe that, and I also know that to you it is a poor excuse, but it is the truth, although I will not deny there are selfish reasons as well.”
My heart thudded unevenly. “Isn’t hating you what’s best for me, though? Elias wanted to wait for me to . . .” I took a deep breath and forced the words out. “Elias wanted to wait for me to love you back. He doesn’t want a half-baked revenge.”
He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against a tree. “Elias won’t give up easily. He’s patient, but now that you are in my life, there is no stopping him. Even if you never came to care for me the way I do for you, he would kill you eventually. I know him, and for him, it will be better than nothing.”
I was quiet for a while. Gabriel allowed me time to collect my thoughts, and I was grateful to him for it. I could see how difficult this was for him. His hands were fists, and his eyes were as hard as glass. He was somehow paler than usual.
“Yes . . . I want to go home. But your claim on me will end, right?”
He nodded.
“I think we should have some rules, then,” I said.
“I agree.”
“I know I’ll need to wear the stake gun always and have a stake on my person at all times. I’ll keep training to keep my endurance up. I’ll also try to not go outside at night. I need to know I will be safe, but that doesn’t mean I want to see you or anyone else following me all the time.”
He smiled almost wearily. “Then I will be your invisible bodyguard. And I already know Inola and Thomas will help me. I will wake Jasmina and see if she will grant me a special circumstance; maybe she will allow you to remain claimed by me even though you will not reside here.”
I stepped closer to him, trying to ignore the magnetic-like pull his nearness had on me. Being close to Gabriel became more tiring by the second. “And I need you to make me a promise,” I said.
“What do you desire of me?”
I pushed away the mental image of his lips on mine. “I need you to promise me that you will not turn me into a vampire. No matter what happens to me, you cannot turn me.”
It was his turn to be quiet. The rain made his hair appear even longer, nearly obscuring his eyes.
“Gabriel?” I pressed.
He came closer to me. Only inches separated us. “You have my word. I will not turn you.”
“You understand what you just promised, right? I could get into a car accident. I could get cancer. Elias might decide to dismember me. But you can’t change me. No. Matter. What. You have to promise me that you will protect me until I die. It could be seventy years from now. I feel guilty Thomas and Inola are getting dragged into this, but . . . it will be nice to still see them.”
He stepped even closer. “Just them?”
I stared at his boots, not wanting to see his pain because of what I was going to say next. “When I said I didn’t want to see you, I meant that I don’t want to see you . . . ever again.”
I think he stopped breathing. It took a while for me to notice I had stopped as well. Tears burned the backs of my eyes.
“To have a normal life, you can’t be there,” I whispered, still unable to look at him.
Why was I hurting so badly? What was it about him that made me care? Was it because I had seen his past? Because I was beginning to understand him? Was it because I was the one awakening his dead emotions? Because I had glimpsed the kindness and gentleness inside him, buried beneath darkness and blood? Because he was stronger than anyone I knew, and deep down, just as scared as I was?
“Is that what you want?” His words were hoarse.
Doubt filled me, but I nodded. Suddenly, I got a flash of his emotions, and absolute agony ripped through me. I cried out. He reached out and steadied me, holding my shoulders.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m sorry.”
I shook my head. “The blood connection . . . it has to go!”
Whatever walls that were between us shattered as he pulled me into his arms, hugging me to his cold body. “I can’t make it go away. I’m sorry, my heart. And Kara, I know you will deny it with every fiber of your being, but that was not only my pain you just felt. It was yours, too. Even now it is inside me, slicing me apart.”
“You’re lying!” I moaned.
He tightened his grip on me in response. I breathed in his scent of pine needles, and the smell cleared my head, giving me an idea. I grabbed his shirt. “No, the blood connection can’t go away, but you can Control me to not be able to feel it.”
He pulled away and stared at me. I could tell from his face it had never even occurred to him to try that.
“I am not sure if that will work,” he said. It seemed like every movement he made, every word he said, took great effort.
“It will work,” I argued.
He turned away from me, his shoulders stiff.
The next words hurt my throat. “I also need you to move Grandma from Baress Grove. Elias knows she’s there, and she’s not safe there anymore. I have already made my peace with never seeing her, or Lila and Miles, ever again. I need you to move her somewhere else, but don’t tell me where. It’s not safe for me to know.”
He nodded, his back still turned.
“I don’t feel guilty,” I confessed. “I don’t feel guilty that you are paying for her expenses, or that you have to watch me until I die. It’s the least you can do! You owe me!” I wiped my eyes before the tears could fall. “And I need another promise.”
He laughed, but there was no humor in the sound. It was eerie and made my stomach churn, reminding me of how he had been during our first encounters.
“You have already asked the worst from me. What more can you possibly want?”
My hands became fists. “You have plenty of money! You shouldn’t be complaining about—”
Suddenly,
I was backed up against a tree, his body pinning me to the wood. His eyes blazed with more anger than I had ever seen, and I couldn’t deny the curl of fear that coiled inside my chest.
“You honestly think money is what I am upset about? Kara, you have asked me to never have contact with you again. You have asked me to watch you from the shadows until you grow old and die. I never get to speak with you or touch you again. And until the blood connection fades, which could be years from now, when my mind attaches to yours, I get to feel every emotion and thought that runs through your head, but you will feel nothing. And . . .” His head came down and rested against my shoulder.
I trembled against him. “You’ll never get to drink my blood again,” I finished for him quietly. The gravity of that statement would have been morbid and inconsequential to humans, but I understood, at least to a degree. It was close to never being able to have physical contact with someone you were in love with.
“What was the other promise?” he mumbled.
“Just not to hurt or kill anyone for blood.”
He pulled away from me, the walls between us going back up just as suddenly as they had went down. “Done. Anything else?”
I shook my head.
“Give me a few days to get things settled,” he said before disappearing.
I leaned against the tree and let the rain wash over me. Something inside my chest was fracturing. Breaking.
Who would have thought I would be the one to break my own heart?
Chapter 14 One Last Selfish Thing
Now that I knew I was going home, my anger toward Gabriel died down significantly.
Thomas took the news better than Inola. She sat at the counter quietly with her brow furrowed while I helped Thomas prepare dinner later that night.
Rapid Pulse (Violet Memory Book 1) Page 15