The Essence of Fate

by Alison E. Steuart

  “Wow, Deidra! This is spectacular. Thank you so much.” Grateful to finally be sitting down, I offer her a better smile and an apology. “I’m sorry I’m so out of it. I’m sure your amazing coffee will snap me out of it.”

  “That it will.” She rests her hand on my shoulder and with a reassuring squeeze, she finishes, “Try to relax, dear. This is a vera’ ould place and ye would’na be the first person to encounter something unexplainable. Don’t be frightened, though. ‘Tis always been a happy castle, none o’ that crazy stuff happenin’ here that keep the wee ones up at night. So, whatever spirits ye might come upon are’na here to cause ye a fright.”

  “Yes…uh…that’s good to know and I suppose it’s nothing a long walk through the forest can’t cure. Thank you so much, for this amazing table and your wisdom.”

  “Aye, well…there are more mysteries in that forest than there are in this ould castle. Sit tight, love. I’ll have Amy bring ye a coffee right away.”

  I’m not so sure about that, I think to myself. Bringing out my phone, I pull up the Admiral’s picture. Unbelievable! It’s definitely him. He is the man from my dream; if that’s what it’s called. Vision, premonition, fantasy… God, how I wish Ian were here. He wouldn’t let me overthink this and we’d probably spend the next week doing research and coming up with the entire story of our past lives.

  Past lives. Is that cliche or just an overused reference that everyone takes for granted? Right now it seems as real as the cup of coffee that was just placed before me.

  “Thank you.” I say mindlessly.

  I sit in silence for the rest of my time in the restaurant, lost in thought as I look out over a view that seems to inspire contemplation. My journey from Miami to France was cathartic in a way that I never expected. What I learned from Uncle James allowed me to break free from the burdens I carried from my past. But here, in Scotland…in a refurbished castle of all places, something else entirely has happened and I realize, right here—right now in this moment—that it was meant to be. I was supposed to come here. All of the events of my life, both good and bad, have brought me to this place. The terrible choice I made to let Ian go was part of the path that would lead me here.

  Even before my discovery of Ella and Alasdair, I had felt a strong connection, not only to this ancient structure, but to the trees and the flowers, the pebble lined streams, the heavy scent of brine along the shore, even my view from where I sit speaks to me in ways I could have never imagined. And the longer I’m here the deeper a sort of healing blossoms within.

  I look at my phone again, less apprehensive about the butterflies in my stomach or the tightening of my chest when I see Alasdair. The more I look at him, the more I see a resemblance to Ian. Before it was just his eyes, they are truly the same, but now I see the set of his jaw, the masculine outline of his brow, and the slight depression in his cheek that becomes a beguiling dimple when he smiles. I zoom in to study it closer, smiling as I wonder if Lady Ella found his as alluring as I find Ian’s. Something tells me that she did.

  I click out of my pictures and turn off my phone, the black screen becoming a mirror as my reflection stares back at me. There, I see the remnants of my fading smile and perhaps some of the mischief I recognized in Lady Ella and…it makes me happy.

  I am suddenly impatient to go for a walk through my enchanted forest and make my way to the clearing to meditate again. Did Lady Ella love the forest as much as I do? From the poems Alasdair wrote, it’s easy to assume she spent most of her time there. If I lived here, I know I certainly would, it seems impossible to stay away.

  My pace is quick as I finally enter the woodland canopy. It’s as amazing as it was yesterday—in some ways more so. I’m here several hours earlier, so there is more chill in the air, but it smells so unbelievably good the chill doesn’t matter. I think it adds to the effect. There is a dewy freshness that wasn’t here before, and when I finally make it to the clearing overlooking the sea, I’m so energized, I’d rather swim to the island I see in the distance than meditate. I pace around a bit, taking deep, calming breaths before finally taking my seat, comfortably facing the water, the sun at my back, gently warming away the chill.

  It’s surprisingly easy to come down from the high my walk here induced, but it takes me a few minutes longer to calm my mind as it cannot stop thinking about what happened this morning and the significance of its meaning. But, eventually, my breathing becomes steady, my body and mind are centered, my soul is at peace. I stay like this for quite a while, sensing the passing of time through the increasing warmth of the rising sun, too comfortable in the tranquility to let it go.

  Eventually, I let my thoughts occupy my mind again. Ella and Alasdair are there and I say a sincere thank you to Fate for guiding me here…for guiding me to them. Then, I go to Ian. I see him in my mind’s eye and my heart expands with the love I know we share. I ask him for forgiveness, then pray he offer it without hesitation.

  Opening my eyes and shifting my position to let the blood flow back into my legs, I stay seated while I adjust after such a long meditation. The sun is much higher now, its light glittering across the rippled surface of the water, causing me to squint at its brightness. I haven’t seen it quite this beautiful before, so I grab my phone to take a picture, switching it to panoramic so I can get the full view from my special place. I am truly going to miss being here.

  Standing up, I stretch my arms high over my head and take one last deep breath then walk over to the far end of the clearing where I can follow the curved progression of the coastline before it disappears behind a distant rocky cliff. Pausing to admire this extraordinary scene, I ignore the chills that cover my body, blaming it on my heightened emotions and perhaps the breeze that blew past my shaded location.

  But something in the air shifted. My spine straightens out of instinct, and my skin tingles with need. It can’t be…it simply can’t be him.

  But there is no denying that familiar cadence as it brings him across the rocky path. Its signature rhythm lighting a fire inside my core.

  I can’t move as his steps get louder and louder. I’m frozen, terrified to turn around and see that my mind has played a terrible trick on me.

  “Charlotte.”

  I close my eyes when I hear his beautiful voice say my name. Oh my God…this is real.

  “Charlotte. Turn around.” His voice is commanding, but there is no mistaking the yearning in his tone.

  I turn to face him, and my breath catches on his name as I try to breathe in and out at the same time. My eyes make contact with his, gorgeous and blazing with emotion, for only a few seconds before I drop my face into my hands as the joy of seeing him again—here, where I never expected him to be—overwhelms me. He comes to me then, whispering my name and wrapping me in his strong embrace, holding me while I let my emotions flow freely and grasp onto the reality that I am in his arms once again.

  He waits patiently for me to gain control, his strength protecting me, his scent penetrating every cell in my body, causing my brain to release endorphins that Sibel is engorging herself on now that she is back where she has desperately wanted to be.

  “Look at me, Charlotte,” he says and releases one hand, placing it gently under my chin, bringing my tear-soaked face up to his.

  “Ian…” I whisper. “I can’t believe you’re here… I never thought…” I can’t finish as the lump refills my throat.

  His thumb comes up to wipe away more tears, the look on his face shattering my fear of losing him forever. “Shhhh…it’s okay. Just tell me this was the right thing to do. Tell me this is what you wanted.” His grip on me tightens, his possessiveness relaxing me like the tranquilizer it’s always been.

  “Yes, Ian. Oh, my God, a thousand times, yes!” Reaching up, I wrap my arms around his neck, bringing my nose to my favorite spot under his ear. My lips automatically latch onto his tender skin, moving up to his jaw shadowed with the scruff of traveling across the ocean. He smells so good, I can’t help biti
ng his lip before taking his mouth in a fevered kiss that begs for forgiveness and to take us back in time, where I never let anything come between us again.

  Grabbing onto my upper arms, he pulls us apart. Hard. “Charlotte.” His breathing is heavy, his voice deep with pent-up arousal. “You can’t do that to me here. Do you have any idea what the past six weeks have been like? Kissing me like that is torture.” The look on his face is pained, the tone of his voice even worse. My heart breaks for him and the hell I put him through. I don’t know that I will ever forgive myself.

  Taking his hand, I turn us back toward the path that enters the woodland and pull him with me. About a hundred feet in, I veer to the left—off the main path and onto a smaller one that cuts through the dense ferns and undergrowth. “Where are you taking me, Charlotte?” I turn back to look at him, still pulling him along as I put my finger up to my smiling lips with a silent…shhhh.

  He stops abruptly and he pulls me to him. “Jesus Christ!” He says against my mouth. “Do you have any idea how much I’ve missed your smile?” He takes my mouth fully then, eventually pausing to rest his forehead against mine. “I missed you so fucking much…everything Charlotte…everything about you.”

  Looking up into his eyes, I cradle his face in my hands. The joy of seeing him again, of touching him, of knowing that we have been and will be together forever; is so profound, I can feel it racing through my veins. And that’s when it hits me. I let go, not taking my eyes from his and slowly begin to undress.

  “Charlotte.”

  “It’s okay, Ian. I promise.” I say through the thickness in my throat.

  When the last of my clothing lands beside me and the chilled air surrounds my naked body, I say, “Stay here,” then turn to slowly walk away, continuing down the path.

  I let myself become her, see myself as her, just as he did. I walk with the same poised grace and confidence, and with each step I let go, let myself be free…let myself be me.

  A breeze blows through the forest, the smell of fresh leaves and moist soil surrounds me as it lifts my hair, swirling it around me, making my skin tingle and my lungs expand. I stop, knowing Ian is where I left him, watching me, craving me, loving me. I let the knowledge wrap itself around an unfamiliar place buried deep inside, awakening powers I didn’t know I possessed. I stay with it, letting the budding flower within completely bloom, each petal gently unfolding, exposing its truest beauty. Then, as the last of the tension leaves my body, I realize I truly am everything I envied about the portrait Ian drew of me. It is part of me and always has been. The strength and confidence he admires, the natural beauty and sensuality that invigorates his desire, and the mystery and mischief that drives his curiosity and need to know more. I can fully sense the magic of what nature intended, that need for balance, the attraction of opposing forces. His masculine to my feminine, so fantastically different, yet similar in their need to be connected, to come together as one.

  The wind blows from a different direction, rustling the plants surrounding me. In the movement I see a flower, easily contrasted against the blanket of green. It’s small and purple, but it will do. I reach down to take its delicate stem between my fingers, breaking it free. Standing up straight, I roll it this way then that, admiring its unique beauty, so different from the one that’s lived in my mind since that unforgettable day.

  Shifting my body, only slightly, I bring it to my nose and am happy to find it has a subtle scent—more plant-like than perfume—and it makes me smile.

  Still holding it to my nose, I turn to Ian, still several paces away, and offer him a coy grin. “Follow me…just a little farther.” He does, and I guide him toward a massive oak tree in the distance. It caught my attention yesterday. It must be 500 years old at least, and I swear it was in my dream last night. Finally, we reach its canopy that expands out forever, long ancient branches stretching up and out, eventually making their way back to the ground. I pull him around to the side facing away from the main path.

  “Did you recognize her?”

  “Charlotte…I’ll never be the same. That was a gift…One I will never be able to repay.” The emotion in his voice is making want to cry again.

  “Yes, you can,” I assure him.

  “No. You don’t understand what that meant to me.”

  “Yes, I do.”

  I reach forward and start unbuttoning his shirt.

  “I have so much to tell you, Ian. You were right about us…our souls reuniting. We have loved before and it was here, in this enchanted place.” I stop to kiss his mouth as it turns up in a sexy smile. “But right now, I need to speak to you without words, because words will never be enough. I need to show you…”

  My hands sweep across the warm skin of his shoulders, sliding the shirt down his strong arms. I can’t resist leaning in to touch my lips to his chest.

  “…With my body, with my heart…”

  I continue removing his clothes.

  “…With my soul.”

  Kneeling down, I remove his shoes, then his pants. I run my hands up his strong legs, gently gliding them across the base of his stunning erection.

  “Char…lotte…” He grinds out my name through gritted teeth. “I can’t…”

  “Shhhh…it’s okay. Lie down.” My hands drift up his tight abdomen, gripping his sides to guide him down to the soft grass beneath us. Once he is comfortably in position, I take a moment to soak in the intoxicating image. Ian McAlistair, beautifully naked, beautifully aroused, lying on the greenest grass under a majestic oak so old, it’s vibrating around us with centuries of time and knowledge trapped inside its rough exterior.

  I move closer to sit by his side and run my hands across his body again, both of us trembling with anticipation. Leaning down, I kiss his lips, softly. “I’m so sorry, Ian. You didn’t deserve the pain I caused. I’m so sorry.” My forehead rests on his as I try to hold back the tears.

  Grabbing my head in his strong hands, he pushes me up, so I can see him. “Don’t. Just don’t. We’re here now. We both made mistakes…ones we will never make again. But we are here now, and that’s all that matters.” His eyes are glazed, his lashes damp, and I swear my heart explodes with love for him.

  “Okay,” I whisper and sit up, bringing my leg over to straddle his hips. I stay that way, upright on my knees, his glorious body displayed beneath me, eyes black with excessive hunger.

  I place my hands on my thighs, fingers spread, and wait for his eyes to lock on them. They do, and my stomach flips with excitement. Gliding them up over my hips and across my abdomen, chills race across my skin as my fingertips barely graze my most sensitive place.

  His engorged cock jumps against the tight muscles of his abdomen as a moan escapes from deep in his chest. My hands continue up past my ribcage to firmly cup my breasts and a moan of my own echoes through the silence. When I take my nipples between my fingers, my eyes close as I whisper his name. “Ian…” When they open, I find him up on one elbow, his humorless expression a warning of what is to come. My body instinctively translates his unspoken promise as it readies itself with a warm release at the same time his hand reaches forward to touch me where I’m screaming with excruciating need.

  My hips involuntarily press down against his gentle touch, desperate for more pressure. It’s not enough and he knows it. He draws out his play, teasing me so masterfully, letting the pleasure build without completion. Then he pulls away as my breath catches and brings his wet hand down to himself, coating his thick shaft, stroking it once…twice…smirking as a whimper escapes my throat.

  I fall forward, my hands landing on his chest as I push him to the ground, fingernails digging into his skin. He growls out my name when I take his mouth in a kiss that is still desperate to turn back time and mend what I have broken. His arms wrap around me, so tight it’s hard to breathe. I try not to fight it, I don’t want him to let go, but my brain is screaming for oxygen. Finally breaking free, I fill my lungs with cool air, making my head dizzy from the s
udden rush. Before I can take another breath, his hands lock onto my hips to pull me down as he drives into me, igniting an orgasm that forces me upright so I can ride him hard through its completion, crying out as he grinds himself into me harder and harder.

  He’s straining, trying to maintain control, but it’s no use. The anger is there, the hurt. He needs this, he needs to release the pain that he thought would never end. That will likely leave a permanent scar. “Let it go… Let it go, Ian. Please… I love you. I trust you. I know you won’t hurt me.” That was all he needed—to know that I trust him, that I need him to be who he truly is and not hold back.

  Sitting up straight, he wraps his arms around me, squeezing me hard to his body while he pulls me down to meet his thrusts. “Say it again,” he says against my mouth, wet and hot.

  “I love you.”

  “No. Say it again.” Another hard thrust, then he bites my lip.

  “I trust you.” I can barely get the words out, though my body is screaming the truth.

  “Again.” He holds me tighter.

  “I trust you, Ian.”

  Without flinching, he stands up, my arms and legs wrapped around him, and turns to press me hard against the trunk of our tree, devouring my mouth in a punishing kiss that steals my breath once again. Then slowly, one at a time, he puts his arms under my knees to hold me in place and spread me wide, allowing full access so he can take what he wants. Knowing he could push it too hard, he eases up, pulling back just enough to make the pain of the bark digging into my back a pleasant complement to the second orgasm building in my core.

  “Look down.” Ian growls out the command. “Watch my hard cock fuck your wet pussy.” My head feels like it weighs a thousand pounds as I bring it forward and watch as his huge shaft drives in and out, my body giving and taking at the same time, the evidence of my pleasure building up around him. An indescribable sound escapes him as he pushes me harder. His entire body is flexed with exertion and passion and rage as he strains through gritted teeth, “You…are…mine, Charlotte.”