Not Peachy, Mate

by Wendy Meadows

  Grace bit down on her lip. “I...can do that,” she said and quickly checked her pockets. “I have a pack of matches.”

  Michelle reached out and patted Grace's shoulder. “You have thirty minutes to find the dynamite. When the thirty minutes are up, I'm going to come running with Momma Peach. If you're not ready by then...well, we may have to start shooting our way out of here and we don't have enough bullets to win that way.”

  “No pressure,” Grace said and drew in a deep breath. “Okay, let's move.”

  Michelle nodded and exited the cave on stealthy legs. Grace followed. When they reached the village, Grace broke off to her right and slid off into the darkness. “Hurry,” Michelle whispered and then carefully peeked her head between two huts. The huts surrounded a common area of packed dirt and rocks. The common area sat vacant except for one area. Off to one side, every woman was bowing down in front of a specially decorated hut that had been painted green. Momma Peach was standing in the doorway of the hut, begging the women to stop crying.

  “Momma Peach,” Michelle whispered in a relieved voice as tears of her own began to fall. “You're alive.”

  “Babies...boy howdy...you gals got some tears that just don't stop,” Momma Peach called out in a troubled voice.

  “Help us!” a man called out from the hut Michelle was hiding behind. Michelle eased back and clawed her way into the hut. She spotted four men locked in very small cages. The men were all wearing fancy suits, now filthy and dirty from confinement. “Who are you?” she whispered.

  “Jasmine brought us here,” one of the men whispered back, speaking in a thick French accent. “Do you know her?” He stared at Michelle in shock. “You’re not one of them…who are you?”

  “A cop,” Michelle replied and quickly examined the other three men. All four men appeared young and healthy, in no danger for the moment. They were handsome and possibly not wise enough to realize they had been hoodwinked by a beautiful woman with a dark plan.

  “Jasmine was taking us to see the land,” another man explained. “We are investors. We ended up here. Please, help us.”

  Michelle quickly examined the locks on the cages. The locks were flimsy and, she thought, if the men inside the cages had any sense, they could have easily broken the locks. Perhaps, she thought, they had not disliked their treatment too much, although clearly the cages themselves left something to be desired.

  “Men,” Michelle shook her head in disgust and began breaking the locks, one by one, with the butt of her gun. “Follow the trail back to the cave,” she ordered them. “Another cop is outside...a blond-headed woman...don't bother her. Just run.” All four men nodded their heads and crawled out of the hut as quickly as possible. Michelle shook her head again, eased to the door of the hut, and studied the scene. “How do I get Momma Peach out of here?” she asked. Then an idea struck her mind. She eased out of the hut, circled around to the far side of the village, and nearly tripped over Grace. Grace was pulling a heavy box of dynamite out from behind a large boulder. “You found it!”

  “By the skin of my teeth,” Grace confessed. “I actually tripped over it.”

  “Hurry,” Michelle pleaded. “I've let four men loose. All I have to do now is get Momma Peach.”

  “How?” Grace asked. “She's trapped.”

  “I'm going to fire three shots into the air,” Michelle explained. “Hopefully those shots will bring those women running this way. Then I'm going to run to the hut Momma Peach is in, tear through the wall, grab her, and come running your direction.”

  Grace stared at Michelle. The woman's face was glowing with determination. How could she object? “Okay, let's do it.”

  “Be ready,” Michelle whispered. They clasped hands for luck and Grace stared up at Michelle for a moment, awed by her strength and bravery. Michelle felt her heart beating faster in her chest.

  Grace drew in a deep breath and, with whatever strength she had left, picked up the box of dynamite and began moving back toward the cave. Michelle eased her head around a hut and watched Momma Peach continue pleading with the crying women, throw her hands up into the air, beg for strength, and then shake her head. “I’m not your real momma, babies! Now stop all this here crying before you give poor me a case of the sads!”

  Michelle closed her eyes, steadied her mind, and then waited another ten minutes. “Okay, Grace, I can't wait any longer. I hope you're ready,” she said and fired three shots into the air. All the women in front of the green hut let out a confused cry, jumped to their feet, and looked in the direction the gunfire had come from. One woman yelled out something. Four women yelled something back, quickly rushed Momma Peach, pushed her into the hut, closed the door, and posted themselves as guards.

  “Okay, time to move,” Michelle said, watching the rest of the women start charging in her direction with fierce eyes. She quickly ran around the village, tore through the back of the hut Momma Peach was in, and smiled. “Ready to go home?”

  “Oh...my sweet baby!” Momma Peach cried out, yanked Michelle into her arms, and hugged her to pieces. “Oh...I knew you would come for me...oh...I love you, Michelle...”

  “Can't...breathe...can't...breathe...Momma Peach...can't breathe...”

  “Oh...sorry,” Momma Peach said. She let go of Michelle. “Okay, I’m ready to go—” Before Momma Peach could finish her sentence, the door to the hut burst open. Four angry faces appeared.

  “Run!” Michelle said and began shoving Momma Peach through the hole she had made in the back wall. One of the women ran at Michelle. Michelle kicked her backward. The woman crashed into her friends and stumbled outside. Michelle dived through the hole, grabbed Momma Peach's hand, and ran for the cave. She fired a warning shot behind her, scattering dirt and reeds in a dusty cloud at the half-destroyed wall of the hut. “Grace...get ready…here we come!” she screamed at the top of her lungs.

  Momma Peach dared to look over her shoulder, saw a whole crowd of angry women chasing after them, and got her short legs moving even faster.

  Grace spotted Momma Peach and Michelle, grabbed a stick of dynamite, lit it, and tossed it into the box. She wasn't an explosive expert and didn't know how to line a cave with dynamite. But one thing was for sure, she knew a whole box of dynamite blowing up at once would surely be enough to stop a mob of angry women. “Hurry!” Grace yelled. “I've lit the—” Grace didn't finish her sentence. Andrea knocked her unconscious before she could.

  “Take your friend and get out of here!” Andrea yelled at Michelle as she dragged Jasmine out of the cave. “Hurry!”

  Michelle didn't have time to stop and fight Andrea. “Help Momma Peach!” she cried. Momma Peach looked down at the box of dynamite and nearly wet her pants.

  “Oh...give me the strength!” Momma Peach screamed, seeing the short fuse sparking against all the other sticks of dynamite. She grabbed Grace's right arm and began dragging the woman. Michelle grabbed Grace's left arm. “Hurry...she's going to go any second!”

  “Let me go!” Jasmine screamed. “Let me go!” Andrea didn't listen. She slung Jasmine into the mob of angry women and then dived down onto the ground, scrambling away. The women, realizing the dynamite had been triggered, began to flee in fear. The world would never see them again.

  “Hurry, Momma Peach...hurry!” Michelle begged.

  “I am hurrying!” Momma Peach pulled on Grace as hard as she could, yanking the unconscious woman into the tunnel. As she did, a dark shadow greeted her.

  “Run!” Evan yelled. He shoved Momma Peach down the tunnel, bent down, and with incredible power, threw Grace over his shoulder. “Get out of here!” he yelled at Michelle. Michelle took off after Momma Peach. Evan followed right on her heels, not daring to look behind him. And then...BOOM! The dynamite went off. The tunnel rocked violently, throwing everyone down onto the floor. Momma Peach grabbed Michelle and threw her body over the woman.

  The cave exploded and then began to collapse. Andrea grabbed one of her girls and covered her. Jasmine let o
ut an agonizing cry. “No…don't trap me in here!” she begged, watching the cave ceiling collapse in a hail of boulders and rubble.

  Momma Peach hugged Michelle as the tunnel rocked with noise and ash, sending plumes of dust into the air. When silence fell, she coughed, raised her head, and looked around. “Still...alive,” she told Michelle in a weak, exhausted voice. “Me and my baby are still alive...”

  Michelle wiped dust from her eyes. “Momma Peach?” she asked in a pleading voice.

  “Yes?”

  “Can we go home now?” Michelle begged.

  Momma Peach nodded. “We can go home now,” she said in a sad voice, looked down the tunnel, and sighed. “I suppose that was the only way to end it...”

  Evan lifted his head. “I guess it was,” he said and then focused on Grace. “Come on, let's get back to town. All of our troubles are over with now.”

  Momma Peach kept looking down the tunnel behind her. “Poor babies,” she whispered. “All they wanted was a momma.”

  Old Joe looked at Momma Peach like she was crazy. “You're jiving me, Momma Peach,” he insisted.

  “That gray suit you’re wearing in this fool heat is jiving me,” Momma Peach fired back, slapped Old Joe on his arm, and went back to rolling out a sweet pie crust on the baking table in the back kitchen attached to her bakery.

  Sam didn't know what to think. He leaned back against the kitchen counter, took a sip of coffee, and listened to a hard rain falling outside before speaking. “And no one can find the tunnel?” he asked.

  “No sir, Mr. Sam,” Momma Peach said as she worked on the pie crust. A little flour covered her lovely cheeks, matching the flour sprinkled across the pink apron she wore over her blue dress. “Mr. Evan took the authorities back to that ravine. Those poor people searched for over a week and didn't find no tunnel. Finally, they gave up looking and called poor Mr. Evan a flat-out liar and threatened to arrest him if he came up with any more silly stories. Mr. Evan didn't mind. He has his town and he's being left alone. Plus, all the people that Mitch Taylor person ran off have come back. Mr. Evan has his town back to normal and he is one happy fella.”

  “Oh, come on,” Old Joe said, poured himself a cup of coffee, and looked at Michelle. “You two are putting us on.”

  Michelle nibbled on a donut. “We're serious, Old Joe,” she said in a stern voice. “Momma Peach is telling you the honest truth.”

  “A lost female tribe...two beautiful women who turned out to be killers...a beautiful Australian cop...” Old Joe shook his head. “A hidden village underneath the earth...which nobody can find now, even though four people died, by the way, possibly more...plus all that nonsense about deadly snakes and scorpions and glowing water?” He huffed and rubbed his hand across his stubbly chin.

  “The open side of the land that Evan warns people to stay away from,” Momma Peach pointed out. “I guess it holds some mysteries after all.”

  “Momma Peach, this is all stuff that comes from a fictional book, not real life,” Old Joe insisted. He looked at Sam. “If this jive story is true then Old Joe needs to go to the land down under and find himself a magic glowing Amazonian wife or whatever nonsense.”

  Sam grinned. He had to admit the story Momma Peach had told did sound a little fantastical. Of course, the town he owned in Nevada might have sounded the same to the locals in Georgia. “Well, it sounds like you had some adventure. I'm just glad you're both back home safe and sound.”

  “Yeah,” Old Joe nodded. “And speaking of being back home, it's almost lunch time and Old Joe needs to feed the home in his belly.”

  “Food...food...food,” Momma Peach complained and rolled her eyes at Old Joe. “That's all you ever think about, you alley cat.”

  “Yep,” Old Joe smiled and patted his belly. “And right now, Old Joe is going to go down to the diner and get—”

  “You go down to that woman's diner and I'll kill you dead!” Momma Peach warned Old Joe. She raised a rolling pin into the air. “That woman's cooking is poison!”

  Old Joe flinched and began to back away toward the door leading into the front room. As he did, a woman wearing a white raincoat appeared in the doorway. “Don't move,” Jasmine hissed and pressed a gun up against Old Joe's back. “One move and he's a dead man.”

  Sam lowered the coffee cup he was holding and looked at Jasmine with shocked eyes. “Is that—oh my. You guys were telling the truth.”

  “Told you,” Momma Peach said in a low voice. She put down the rolling pin in her hands and glanced at Michelle, tension filling the room like a fog. “I thought this here woman was still in the land down under...way down under.” Michelle shrugged her shoulders. “What are you doing in my kitchen, woman?” Momma Peach demanded.

  Jasmine glared at Momma Peach. “You idiot,” she yelled. “Do you really think my sister was that stupid? The cave wasn't the only way into the village!” Jasmine narrowed her eyes. “My sister let me live. Oh, she wanted to kill me, but she didn't. She couldn’t. She let me escape and warned me to never come back to Australia.”

  Momma Peach folded her arms together. “Gal, your sister should have snatched a knot in you.”

  Jasmine looked at Momma Peach with murderous eyes. “You're going to die for what you did...you and your friend. And then I'm going to kill your other friends. I went to find them before I left Australia, but it seems they've both gone on a little trip somewhere. No matter, I'll catch them when they return.”

  “Don’t you touch Grace or I swear I’ll…Where are the women?” Michelle demanded. “Where is Andrea?”

  “How should I know?” Jasmine snapped. “Andrea took her girls and vanished into the land. I'll never see any of them ever again...good riddance.”

  Momma Peach looked at Michelle. “I think Andrea and her girls won't stray far from the glowing water.”

  “Maybe not,” Jasmine grinned, “but when I'm finished with Evan, I'll have my water bottling plant. If my sister dares try to stop me, I'll kill her.”

  “Lady, you've got a head of rocks,” Momma Peach told Jasmine. “Your sister ain't dumb...oh, what's the point.”

  Sam studied Jasmine. Jasmine was pretty on the outside, but her eyes were poisonous as a garbage heap left to bake in the hot sun. “You can't kill all of us,” he warned her.

  “Just those two,” Jasmine told Sam and nodded at Momma Peach and Michelle. “No one gets the better of me and lives, do you hear me!” she yelled at Michelle. “I always win! What, do you think I'm stupid? My dear, darling husband left me quite a bit of money when he died—”

  “When you killed him, you mean,” Michelle corrected Jasmine.

  “But not enough money to be happy,” Jasmine snapped at Michelle. “The water plant is going to make me millions. But first everyone who knows about my little secret must die.”

  “Lady, you look sweet as roses but your talk sure stinks,” Old Joe muttered at Jasmine.

  “Shut up, old man,” Jasmine warned Old Joe and shoved him forward. Old Joe crashed into the baking table and fell down with a moan. “Now,” Jasmine grinned, “the time for my revenge has arrived.”

  Momma Peach stared at Jasmine with furious eyes. “Ain't no one gonna take me down in my own kitchen,” she warned Jasmine.

  “Oh?” Jasmine asked. “And what are you going to do about it, fat lady?”

  “Fat lady?” Momma Peach asked, feeling her cheeks turn red. “Did you just call me a fat lady, you low-down, no-good-for-nothing chump?”

  “Go on a diet already,” Jasmine told Momma Peach and rolled her eyes. “Maybe then you won’t shake the land down under when you run.”

  “Oh, no you didn't—” Momma Peach began to run at Jasmine. Michelle quickly grabbed her. “Let me at her...oh, I’m going to beat some manners into her thick head…”

  Jasmine grinned. “Time to die, fat lady,” she said and aimed her gun straight at Momma Peach.

  “I don't think so,” Michelle told Jasmine. “My partner had my back.”

  “
You bet,” Grace said from behind Jasmine’s back.

  “Huh?” Jasmine swung around too late. Grace threw back her fist and punched Jasmine square in the face. Jasmine stumbled backward and fell down onto the kitchen floor.

  “Now, Momma Peach!” Michelle yelled.

  “Belly flop!” Momma Peach screamed, threw her body into the air, and dived down on top of Jasmine. All Jasmine saw was Momma Peach flying through the air and then her world went dark.

  “Call me fat...I will snatch a knot in you,” Momma Peach fussed to herself, crawled off Jasmine, and stood up. “Call me fat...I will beat you bow-legged...”

  Old Joe stood up and put his arm around Momma Peach. “Now, now,” he said and walked Momma Peach out of the kitchen. “It's all over.”

  “Call me fat...I will take my pocketbook and beat you senseless,” Momma Peach continued to fuss, her knees a little shaky.

  Grace stepped into the kitchen. “Looks like my first day on the job is going well so far,” she told Michelle. “Sorry I'm a bit late. I got lost driving here from the station.”

  Michelle knelt down and checked Jasmine. “Your timing is perfect,” she said and looked up at Sam. Sam was staring at Grace’s long blonde hair in shock. “We weren't lying, Sam.”

  “I...kinda thought you were pulling my leg,” Sam confessed. He shook his head and slowly folded his arms over his blue pearl-snap shirt. “Maybe you and Momma Peach should stay home for a while, huh?”

  Grace slapped a pair of handcuffs on Jasmine. “Evan's flight will be arriving soon. He's going to rent a car and drive down,” she told Michelle and then focused on Sam. “You must be Sam. Michelle has told me worlds about you.”

  “Uh...yeah, I'm Sam,” Sam nodded and said hello. “And you're Grace?”

  “Grace Clark,” Grace said, speaking in her thick, friendly Australian accent.

  “Call me fat...I'll slap you cross-eyed!” Momma Peach yelled from the front room and then added: “Oh, now I done gone and gave myself a case of nervous gas!” A loud fart erupted. Old Joe let out a mighty cry and ran outside into the rain.