“I’m not in a place to get involved with anyone. The kids and I are finally getting used to being just us. But more than that, you live here in Sweet Briar and our lives are in Ohio. Their friends and family are there.”
What she was saying sounded reasonable, but it was what she didn’t say that made him doubt that she was being entirely truthful about her feelings. She might deny it, but he believed she was still in love with her ex-husband. Why else would she insist upon being near someone she’d just said had no interest in maintaining a relationship with the kids.
Not that Carson thought she should uproot herself and her children for him. Especially right now. They weren’t involved romantically. Before tonight, they’d never even kissed. One kiss, no matter how earth-shattering, didn’t make a relationship. They were still in the process of getting to know each other again, as adults instead of as children.
He wished he was in a position to see how things could evolve. But with the shape his life was in, bringing Gabriella and her kids into it would be wrong. Her reluctance to get involved only convinced him of that fact. He hated the idea, but he cared about her too much to do anything else.
“I know. And you’re right. We should remain just friends. You’re the best friend I ever had and I don’t want to lose that. Besides, I’m not looking for love either.”
“Friends for life?” she asked as if looking for confirmation.
“Yes. We’re friends for life.”
He thought the light in her eyes dimmed, but knew he had to be imagining it. After all, she was the one who’d said that she wasn’t in a position to get involved with anyone. There was no reason for her to be disappointed. And given everything that was going on in his life, he shouldn’t be disappointed, either.
And yet he was.
Chapter Nine
“Who is Aunt Mildred again?” Sophia asked as Gabriella pulled the SUV up to the gate leading to the senior community. Exquisite landscaping created a border separating the entry and exit lanes. A manned guard shack was centrally located in front of the decorative yet functional iron gate. Before answering, Gabriella rolled down her window and handed over her driver’s license to the uniformed man, who checked her identification before returning it and opening the gate.
Gabriella was pleased that her aunt lived in a subdivision that took security seriously. Of course, that guard was probably hired to keep out peddlers and trespassers as opposed to hardened criminals.
“She’s my mother’s aunt. So she’s my great-aunt and your great-great-aunt. We’re staying in her house.”
Sophia nodded. Ever since the divorce, she’d been trying to figure out how people were related to her. Or more accurately, where she fit into the family. She’d had a hard time when her father left, and she had been so confused by everything. How could Daddy get another wife when he already had one? Over and over she’d stated that she had a mother and didn’t want another one. As time passed she’d come to understand the situation better, but she still liked to keep relationships straight in her mind.
“Why haven’t we met her before?”
“You have. You were just too little to remember.”
Sophia nodded, apparently content with the answer.
Not for the first time, Gabriella wished that she’d brought the kids to visit Aunt Mildred before now. She’d been such an integral part of Gabriella’s formative years. Her aunt had understood her in a way that her parents hadn’t. Gabriella’s parents had grown up in a small town in rural Georgia, but neither of them had liked country living. They’d moved to Cleveland as soon as they’d been able to afford a house and hadn’t been back to their hometown since. Thankfully, they hadn’t been opposed to Gabriella spending time with her aunt and uncle in a place that she’d loved.
Reggie and his family hadn’t felt the same way about the ranch. They’d been so subtle and clever in their manipulation that Gabriella hadn’t caught on. There were always so many activities keeping her and the kids busy that visiting Aunt Mildred had never been possible. Now Gabriella was furious with herself for not insisting that the kids visit her aunt.
For her part, Aunt Mildred had never complained. She’d called often and sent gifts for the kids at Christmas and for their birthdays. But phone calls were poor substitutes for time spent together. Gabriella didn’t know how much she’d missed her aunt until she pulled in front of the town house and parked. Tears filled her eyes, and she blinked them away before the kids could see them.
She grabbed the box of chocolates that she’d purchased at Louanne’s, and she and the kids got out of the car. Aunt Mildred had been peering through her front window, and she opened the door before they reached it.
Although she’d celebrated her annual fortieth birthday more times than Gabriella could count, Aunt Mildred was ageless. Dressed in faded jeans and a colorful top, she radiated energy. Her brown face was smooth and unlined and Gabriella hoped like heck that she’d inherited those genes.
“Hello. Welcome. It’s so good to see you,” Aunt Mildred said. “You didn’t have to bring me gifts,” she added, taking the candy and setting it on a table in the entry, “but I’m glad you did.”
She gave Gabriella a hug that felt like coming home. All the pain of the past two years lifted from her shoulders, and she felt like everything would be okay. Why hadn’t she come back sooner? Aunt Mildred rubbed her back and murmured, “It’s going to be all right. You just have to give it time.”
Gabriella nodded. She remained in that comforting embrace a few moments before stepping back. The kids were watching with worried eyes and she gestured to them. “You remember Justin and Sophia, don’t you?”
“Of course I do. But they were a lot smaller the last time I saw them.” She smiled at each of the kids, who were suddenly shy. But Aunt Mildred was an expert at dealing with bashful kids. “And I hope you like presents as much as I do, because I brought you back souvenirs from Disney World.”
“We love presents,” Justin said, and Sophia hastened to second him.
“Good. Then look on the chairs by the window and see what packages have your names on them.”
The kids dashed into the living room and straight to the two chairs piled high with gaily wrapped boxes. Even more boxes were propped against the chair legs. Aunt Mildred had gone overboard with the souvenirs.
“Wow,” Sophia said as she ripped the paper off a box and then turned it around so Gabriella could see. It was the Disney princess doll she’d been longing for. “This is just the one I want.”
“I know,” Gabriella said.
Sophia hugged the doll to her chest before running across the room to give her aunt a hug. “Thank you so much.”
“You’re welcome. But there’s more.”
Gabriella and her aunt exchanged glances as Sophia went back to her packages. She opened another box and gasped. “My own princess dress.” She held the dress up to her body. It wasn’t the cheap costume that was mass produced and sold in stores across the country. This dress was made of good-quality fabric and sewn with tight stitches. “Can I try it on?”
“Of course,” Gabriella said. “Then we’ll take your picture.”
“And what about you, Justin?” Aunt Mildred asked. He hadn’t said a word. But he’d placed his Mickey Mouse ears on top of his ever-present cowboy hat.
“This is just like Christmas.” He swung an authentic-looking lightsaber around. “I can’t wait to show Carson everything.”
“So, they’ve met Carson,” Aunt Mildred said, sotto voce.
“He’s our neighbor,” Gabriella said, trying to sound normal. She didn’t want her aunt to get the wrong impression. Aunt Mildred was all for taking chances and living life to the fullest. She took risks and let the chips fall where they may. Gabriella had once shared that philosophy. Of course, it was easier to live that way when you didn’t have children’s hearts to worry about. Gabriella could
n’t make a mistake that would end up hurting Justin and Sophia, so she had to play it safe. Despite how attracted she was to Carson, given all that needed to be resolved in her life, getting involved with him was too risky.
Aunt Mildred raised an eyebrow, and Gabriella wondered what her voice had betrayed. What she’d said had been true, but she’d sounded defensive. “I was glad to see that he was still around,” she added.
“Yes. To be honest, for a while there I thought he might sell the ranch and start over somewhere else. I certainly wouldn’t have blamed him.”
There it was again. A comment that piqued Gabriella’s curiosity and made her wonder what Carson was hiding. She wouldn’t ask her aunt. Carson had to be the one to tell her. She needed him to trust her enough to be honest and vulnerable with her. And if he wasn’t? Then their friendship wasn’t as close as she believed.
She’d already dealt with one man who’d kept secrets from her. True, Reggie’s secret—he was madly in love with another woman—far exceeded anything Carson could be keeping from her. Still, a secret was a secret. The result was the same. She was in the dark. As long as he kept her at arm’s length, they wouldn’t get any closer.
Knowing all that, why couldn’t she keep her feelings under control? Why was she longing to be closer to him? Why couldn’t she forget the way his kiss felt? Even now, days later, her lips tingled as she recalled how wonderful it had felt when they kissed. It had been like floating off to heaven. When he’d lifted her in his arms and settled her on his lap, she’d experienced a level of desire that she’d never felt before. His touch had awakened feelings that had been slumbering her entire life. Emotions that she hadn’t known she’d possessed had run wild through her.
She’d thought she’d known passion, but apparently she’d been wrong. Not once had she felt the depth of desire with Reggie that she’d felt with Carson. What she’d shared with her husband paled in comparison to the feelings Carson had aroused in her. Feelings that she wanted to experience again. And again.
But she wasn’t ready to be vulnerable with a man who was holding back part of his life. Perhaps he didn’t feel as close to her as she felt to him. Or maybe he was being cautious. He might be waiting for the right time to share his deepest secrets with her. It was possible that they were simply on different timetables. Her feelings for him were unexpected, and she was trying to find her footing. She shouldn’t judge him too harshly, because he might be trying to do the same in his own way.
But not knowing what he felt was driving her out of her mind. If she knew what he felt... If he thought of her as more than a friend, she would... She would what? Uproot her kids? Tear them away from their family and friends so that she could be happy?
“Have you worked it out yet?” Aunt Mildred asked with a smile.
Gabriella frowned. “I’m not sure.”
“Well, the kids and I are ready to go to lunch, so you’re going to have to figure it out later. Of course, if you need an ear, my two are available.”
“Thanks.”
They tossed the wrapping paper into the trash, piled the gifts into the back of the SUV and then drove to Mabel’s Diner.
Aunt Mildred definitely hadn’t lost her touch with kids. By the time they arrived at the restaurant and took their seats, Aunt Mildred was Justin and Sophia’s new best friend and they were telling her their entire life stories. Gabriella managed to get them on track long enough for them to order their lunches. That done, they were back talking nonstop until their food arrived.
Gabriella craved her aunt’s ear and her opinion, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to talk candidly with the kids around. She could barely get a word in edgewise as it was.
“It sounds like you’re enjoying yourselves,” Aunt Mildred said after the kids had taken bites of their burgers.
“This is the best place in the world,” Justin said.
“I like the youth center. We have fun there. Plus, we have horses,” Sophia added. “Angel is my horse and Peanut Butter is Justin’s.”
“You have horses?” Aunt Mildred looked from the kids to Gabriella.
“Carson’s horses,” Gabriella clarified. “He’s been teaching them to ride.”
“I heard that part. Several times,” Aunt Mildred said with a smile.
They finished their lunch and after getting doggie bags for the kids, they went outside. Gabriella had intended for them to stroll along the beach, letting the kids gather shells while she and Aunt Mildred talked. But the day was dreary. Heavy clouds hung overhead, and rain threatened to fall any minute. Apparently, she wasn’t going to get that time alone with her aunt today. The conversation would have to wait.
“What are we going to do now?” Sophia asked.
Good question. “What do you want to do?” Gabriella countered.
“Can we go to the youth center for a little while?” Justin asked.
Gabriella glanced at her aunt, who nodded. “Sounds good to me.”
Maybe she’d get to pick her aunt’s brain after all.
They made the short drive to the youth center. Aunt Mildred stayed in the car while Gabriella signed the kids in.
“So what do you want to talk about?” Aunt Mildred said, once Gabriella was behind the wheel again.
“Oh, you know. Life. Love. The future.”
“In that case I’m going to need some tea. There’s a new teahouse in town. Have you been there yet?”
“I didn’t even know it existed until you mentioned it.”
The older woman gave directions. It was on a side street, a ways from the beaten path. Apparently, word had reached everyone but Gabriella because there were quite a few people inside.
They’d eaten a delicious lunch, but the cherry tortes looked too good to pass up, so they decided to share one. They talked a bit about Aunt Mildred’s vacation until their beverages and dessert arrived. Gabriella took a sip of her raspberry tea. Perfect. After setting the delicate china cup on the saucer, she looked up at her aunt. “I don’t know where to start.”
“Anywhere works for me. You can start at the beginning. Middle or end. I’m smart enough to follow along.”
Gabriella sighed. “I don’t know what to do with the rest of my life. I feel like a kid, you know? Except with adult responsibilities. Reggie has been ignoring Justin and Sophia. When I told him we were coming here for the summer, he seemed relieved. It’s as if he knows what he’s doing is wrong, but he doesn’t care enough to change.”
“Is he worried about upsetting his new wife?”
“Who knows? And does it matter?”
“Not to me. But knowing all the facts will make it easier to come up with the best strategy.”
“I don’t follow.”
“If he wants to be with the kids and is afraid to get on the wrong side of his new wife, you can compromise and find a way to make it happen.”
“I shouldn’t have to convince him to spend time with his own kids.”
“You’re right. He should move heaven and earth to be with them. But if he’s not going to do that, you have to deal with the situation as it exists. Now, if it turns out that he isn’t coming around because he doesn’t care about them, that’s a horse of a different color. Then you don’t try to work things out. You just move on and do your best to protect your kids.”
“He called them last week.”
“That’s good.”
“Yeah. But he had the nerve to be bothered about how much time they’re spending with Carson.”
“How does he know anything about Carson?”
“You heard them. Every conversation begins and ends with him. Now that they go to the youth center, they talk about the friends they’ve made there, but Carson is still a big part of their lives.”
“And yours?”
Gabriella sipped more of her tea. There wasn’t any use trying to fool Aunt Mildr
ed. She’d always known Gabriella better than anyone, and she didn’t tolerate nonsense. “Right now? Yes. It’s almost as if fifteen years haven’t passed. He’s the same now as he was then.”
Aunt Mildred laughed and then cut into her half of the torte. “That’s not true. He’s different. And so are you. You were kids before. Now you’re both adults who’ve experienced some things. Good and bad.”
“I guess I should have said that being with Carson feels the same.” Gabriella sighed. “It’s still so easy being with him. He’s easy to talk to. It feels...”
“Right?”
“Yes. And natural. We didn’t quite take up where we left off, but it didn’t take long for us to become friends again. At least I thought we were becoming friends.”
“Why do you have doubts?”
“He’s keeping something from me. Everyone else in town knows, but I haven’t got a clue. I think you know it, too.”
“I do. But it is more to do with his father than with him.”
Gabriella nodded. “I’ve gathered that much.”
“I can tell you if you want.”
“It has to come from him.”
“I agree. And, given time, he will tell you.” Aunt Mildred sipped her tea and then looked back at Gabriella, her eyes serious and all seeing. “What are your plans for the future? What if Reggie doesn’t want to be a father to Justin and Sophia? Then what? What if things progress between you and Carson?”
“I don’t know. I told myself that coming here would help me to figure out things. I thought I would have space to think. Instead, I added one more complication to my life and I’m running out of time.”
“Well, you know you’re welcome to stay in the house as long as you want.”
“I take it you aren’t moving back.”
Aunt Mildred laughed. “Not a chance. I held on to it because I wasn’t sure if I would be happy living in Willow Creek. I didn’t want to be hasty. I wanted to get my feet wet, so to speak, before diving into water. But I love my town house. It’s the perfect size for me. And I like living closer to my friends.”
Redemption on Rivers Ranch Page 13