We sat in silence for a while until I eventually got up from the table and announced I was going for a bath. As it began to fill, I looked around for something to add. I grabbed the first bottle I came across. As I poured it in, the smell of jasmine filled the air and my time with Maria came flooding back to me. My head was so messed up with the events of the day: first Tom not turning up, then coming home to this.
I wondered how Tom was and what was so bad that he couldn’t meet me. Surely his day couldn’t be as eventful as mine! I realised I knew very little about Tom, apart from what he liked in the bedroom. But if only he had turned up, everything would have been fine. I would have never known anything about James, and we could have all carried on as we were. But is that what I really wanted, I asked myself, to continue to live a lie? I didn’t know anymore. I didn’t know what to think. I really just wanted to get away.
After a long soak, I grabbed my bathrobe and made my way to the bedroom. The bed was in disarray from its recent occupants. James’ clothes were strewn all over the room, and Jack’s watch lay on the bedside table. I turned away hastily to face the wardrobe instead and tried to chase the visions from my mind.
I quickly found something to wear, made myself look presentable, picked my jacket up and the weekend bag which was still packed. That should do me for a couple of days, I thought.
James met me in the hallway. “Alex, where are you going?”
“I don’t know.”
“But we need to talk.”
“Not now, James, I can’t.” I walked out of the house and made my way to the car.
I sat in the car, wondering where I could go. I could see James stood at the front door. I searched for my mobile; I hoped I hadn’t left it in the house. I found it in the bottom of my bag. No messages from Tom; he was long gone. I dialled Sal’s number instead and waited for her to pick up. It was ringing for a while and just as I was about to hang up, she answered.
“Hi, Al, how’s it going?” I burst into tears.
“Al, what’s wrong?”
I couldn’t speak. I was wailing again like a child.
“Alex, take a deep breath and speak to me.”
I managed only a few words. “I need somewhere to stay.”
“Oh, shit, James knows. Al, just go to mine now and I’ll go straight home. Just wait if I’m not there.”
“Ok, I will,” I cried through pitiful sobs. I threw my phone on the seat, started the car and inched off the drive onto the street. I could still see James on the doorstep in the rear-view mirror.
Chapter Twenty
I drove over to Sal’s house on autopilot. There was no car outside, so she must still be on her way. I picked up my phone. I wanted to ring Tom and tell him everything. I wanted him to hold me and tell me it would be ok. I found his number and was just about to call him when Sal pulled up. She came running up to the car, opened my door, and as I got out, she held me tight. Once again I began to cry.
“Oh, you poor love, come on, let’s get you in.”
Sal put the kettle on. Her house was very different to ours, typical of a single person. Not a thing out of place. In fact, it hardly looked lived in. Knowing Sal, it probably wasn’t.
” So, come on, how did he find out?” I looked at Sal and shook my head. “So, what?! Did you just tell him?”
I shook my head again. “No, Sal, it was James. He’s been having the affair.”
“You’re kidding me!” Again, I shook my head. “Who with? Someone from work?”
“No, a close friend of ours.”
“Oh my God, not Sarah!”
“No, not Sarah.” I paused before I continued with my reply. “It’s Jack.”
I thought Sal was about to choke, but then she started laughing. “You’re really having me on now!”
“I wish I was, Sal, but I’m not. It’s true.”
Sal stared in disbelief at me and sank into the chair opposite. With a stunned look in her eyes, she shook her head. “Well then,” she said as she rose to her feet, “forget the coffee!” She opened her fridge which was largely stocked with wine and grabbed the nearest bottle.
We began to drink. I cried some more and so did Sal. we dissected James and Jack piece by piece. James repeatedly tried to call me which I continued to ignore, but I heard nothing from Tom.
The next day, Sal had plans and I couldn’t interfere with them, that wouldn’t be fair, so I just stayed in. I didn’t feel like facing anyone, although I wondered how the boys were and what their father had told them. Sal had suggested that I go away for a couple of weeks. She even offered to lend me the money, bless her, but I fortunately had my emergency savings. Some that James didn’t know about.
I went into work on the Monday and briefly explained the situation to my boss, omitting the finer details. She granted me a month off work which I was grateful for. To be fair, I had put in plenty of hours in the past, so I didn’t feel like I was taking advantage.
Lily and Susan were huddled together over the desk when I returned from the boss’s office. I know their minds would have been working overtime. They loved a bit of gossip and this would have been like the jackpot for them. I didn’t want to walk out without speaking at all, so I said I would be off for a few weeks due to personal reasons. That would keep them guessing till I got back.
When I left work that day, I returned to what I now loosely called home. As I entered the house, Oliver came into the hall. “Mum, where have you been? Dad’s not well. He didn’t go into work.”
“Didn’t he?” James obviously hadn’t told them anything about what had happened. I was angry; he never explained anything to the boys, always left it to me. I wanted to blurt it all out, tell them the truth, but what would that solve. “Oliver, come into the kitchen, I’ve got something to tell you.”
James suddenly appeared in the kitchen, unshaven and dishevelled. He looked dreadful. “Alex, don’t do this please.”
“Don’t panic, James. Oliver, your dad and I are separating.”
Oliver was so shocked, bless him. “What? Why?”
“We just don’t love each other anymore.”
James began to cry. “Oh, Alex, that’s not true.”
I glared across at James. “Don’t push it, JJ.”
Oliver looked confused. He was blinking away the tears. I moved towards him to cradle him in my arms, but he pushed me away. “So why don’t you love dad anymore?! Have you found someone else?”
His comments broke me, and my emotions welled up once again. I sunk back into the chair and looked back at James unable to speak.
“Well, Mum?”
James finally stepped in. “It’s not that, Ollie. We’re just going to have a break and see how it goes.”
I wiped both hands over my eyes and rose from the chair. “Sorry, I have to pack.”
Oliver barged past me and ran up to his room, his door slammed behind him. As I entered the bedroom everything was the same. Jack’s watch still lay on the bedside table. I grabbed my case from the top of the wardrobe and began to pack. My holiday items were still in it; I just added my bare essentials.
I heard James enter the room. “So where are you going, Alex?”
“I’m not just thinking about it, James. What did you say that for?”
“What!”
“We’re having a break see how it goes!”
“Well, I thought if we…”
I interrupted him sharply. “We’re finished, James. We can never go back, the damage is done.”
“Alex, no, please. I love you!”
I scooped my toiletries up, put them in the case and zipped it up. Just then, Oliver came in. “See Mum, it is you. Dad loves you, he just said, I heard him.”
I turned to Oliver. “Ollie, I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I just hope he tells you the truth one day.”
“What, that you don’t care anymore and you’re leaving us?”
I moved forward to hug him, and he moved away, so I grabbed my case and made my way downsta
irs instead, leaving Oliver crying in his father’s arms. Struggling to hold back the tears, I made my way out the door.
The next few days were a bit of a blur. I wrote letters to my boys, telling them how much I loved them and explaining as much as I could without going into the finer details. I just hoped that one day they would understand what had happened between me and their father, and I wanted to believe that he would sometime soon tell them the truth.
I saw a solicitor and started proceedings. I know it may have seemed a bit hasty, but it turned out that James and Jack had been carrying on together since Uni. I could never love him in that way again. If anything, he would be more like a friend now.
I’d had no news from Tom either. I hadn’t bothered to text him, and there was no point. I knew where I stood. He had probably started his visits to Secret Dreams again to find his next conquest.
Once I had finally put things in place, I decided to go to Skiathos for a couple of weeks. I just needed to clear my head.
Chapter Twenty-One
That week I boarded a plane to Greece. It was strange going there alone; I had always visited with James and the boys in the past. It was only in the last couple of years that we had started to go on our own.
I checked into our usual hotel. Everyone was pleased to see me but were naturally asking where James was. I didn’t want to have to explain to them, so I just said he was back home working.
The next day, I woke early and opened the patio doors to the balcony. Although it felt strange being there alone, it felt good to be back. I looked out, and as the sea rushed onto the shore, I felt like I was home.
After breakfast I picked up my book, or should I say Susan’s book, and found myself a sunbed. Reading it reminded me of Tom. Sal was right, he was somewhat like Mr Grey, and as the sun kissed my skin my senses heightened as I thought of him.
That afternoon I decided to have a walk to the beach. I found myself thinking about Maria and wondering what she was doing now. I wandered along the beach, passing the sunbeds where we met. I continued until I reached Maria’s shack. I noticed the door was slightly ajar, but I couldn’t see anyone around, and I didn’t have the nerve to knock.
As I walked away, I heard my name being called.
“Alex!”
I turned in the direction the voice had come from. Maria stood in the doorway, her bronze skin accentuated by the long white skirt she was wearing, and a white cotton shirt which donned her shoulders and tied under her breasts in a tight knot.
“Hi…” I replied nervously. She came out to greet me with a kiss on each cheek.
“How are you?”
“I’m fine, thank you, and you?”
“Oh, I am good, busy you know, but that’s good. Yes! Come in we will have a drink.” Maria beckoned me into the shack. “You would like a wine?”
“Erm, no, could I have a coffee please?” “Frappe?”
“Yes, that would be lovely, thank you.” I thought back to the last time I had drank wine with Maria; maybe it wasn’t such a good idea.
We chatted again like old friends until we eventually came around to the day we first met.
“Why did you leave so suddenly that day?”
“It was late, my husband would wonder where I was.”
“So, it was nothing else?”
“No, why?”
“I thought I had offended you.”
“No not at all!” I felt myself blushing. “You see it never happened before; I hadn’t done anything like that until then.”
“No, me neither!”
We both laughed nervously at our embarrassment. So, Sal was wrong I thought. It wasn’t what Maria did all the time.
As we immersed ourselves in conversation, I found myself telling her all about Tom and what James had been up to. I watched as her eyes widened. I wondered if she believed me. I’m not so sure I would.
We were interrupted by an attractive, sculpted man, who filled the frame of the door way. He was unshaven and had the most amazing warm eyes. Maria interrupted my train of thought. “Alex, this is Stavros, my husband.”
I rose from the chair to shake his hand, then was quickly reminded we were in Greece. He held my hand and kissed me on either cheek. “Yassou,” he said.
Maria laughed and said he was teasing and could speak perfect English. He asked if I would like to stay for tea but I declined. As lovely as the offer was, I felt I couldn’t stay and make small talk with the man whose wife I had slept with a few months ago. I promised I would drop by again before I went back to England.
On my way back to the hotel, I couldn’t help but feel relieved that I had not been so gullible on the day I met Maria, and that the whole thing was a new experience for us both. I felt my life was like shifting sands at the moment, not knowing which direction it was going to take.
That evening I made my way to our small bar at the edge of the beach. Dimitrious brought me my usual drink, and as the sun was setting, I looked out to sea. My head was all over the place, recalling the last few months. It had been a real roller coaster. One I could never have imagined.
There had been so many changes in such a short time. It dawned on me how little I knew about the people closest to me. My thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the sound of a familiar voice. “I was told I might find you here.”
I quickly turned around to find Tom standing behind me. I leapt up and held him tight, once again I cried.
Tom explained he had revisited Secret Dreams in the hope of seeing Sal to find out where I was. He wanted to speak to me face-to-face to explain everything. As he hadn’t heard from me, he wasn’t sure that I would want to see him again, especially after letting me down.
He knew briefly what had happened to me as Sal had given him a few of the details. I asked him what had happened the day he cancelled on me.
“It was my daughter, she was ill…”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Is she ok now?”
“Yes, she’s fine now, thank you. She had a burst appendix and was rushed into hospital. I thought I was going to lose her. It brought everything back; it was awful.”
It was then he told me that his wife was killed in a road traffic accident five years ago. His daughter was twelve at the time and he had brought her up on his own ever since. I didn’t know what to say. I felt that same pang of guilt rush through me for all the thoughts I had had about him and his wife.
We chatted till the early hours and really got to know each other. Eventually we made our way back to the hotel room and I invited him in. He kissed me in a way that he never had before. As we lay on the bed, he caressed my body with tenderness, and for the first time since we met, we made love.
As we lay side by side afterwards, I thought about how different our previous meetings had been, and although wild and exciting, nothing could compare to what I had just shared with him.
Tom turned to face me, resting his head on his hand, he tenderly kissed my lips.
“Well, Alex, you seem to have fulfilled all my fantasies. Now what about you?”
“Me?!” I said.
He nodded. “Yes, you, what are your fantasies?”
I lay back on the bed and answered, “Mine is easy.”
“Really, and what is that?”
“Well, I just want to make love on the beach.” He smiled at me and said, “Do you know what? I think we can just about manage that one.”
I looked across at Tom and smiled. Fantasy or not, I was something I hadn’t really been for a long time – happy.
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