A Jar Full of Light

by Rae Walsh

  “I like it,” he said. “Wow, Shel, you really went all out. Any reason in particular?”

  Sheldon thought about the question. “Do I need a reason to dress up?” he asked.

  Frankie shook his head. “No,” he said. “You don’t. But you’ve been quiet in your wardrobe choices lately. I wondered if anything had changed.”

  Sheldon crossed his arms over his chest and looked at his friend. There was so much more to Frankie than met the eye, like the way he had sussed out that clothing meant more to Sheldon than most people. Clothing for Sheldon could signal a need or an emotional shift, and over the last days, there had been a lot of momentum in his emotional state.

  “I did get to talk to Daniel,” he told Frankie. “It went really well.”

  Sheldon had decided to talk to his friend because of Theresa. She had been brittle, like a delicate sculpture, tension ricocheting off the walls when he was around her. She seemed to know something, but she wouldn’t talk, and after Sheldon had intercepted a few glances between Daniel and Reesey, he thought Daniel might have some answers for him. So he showed up at the post office around closing time. Daniel took one look at him, then heaved a sigh.

  “All right, give me a minute to lock up, and then we can go for a walk.”

  They walked down to the lake, the stones clattering under their feet. The air was chilly, and Sheldon pulled his jacket tight around him as he walked.

  “You want to know if I know who the vandal is,” Daniel said.

  Sheldon glanced at Daniel, surprised.

  Daniel snorted. “You,” he said, “are particularly easy to read. I learned your tells a long time ago. Plus, Theresa was by a few days ago, and I figure that if you’ve been around her at all, you’ve seen how tense she is. This is all that is on everyone’s minds. But I don’t have anything I can tell you.”

  Sheldon frowned out at the water. That was an odd way to put it.

  “What do you mean,” he asked slowly, “you don’t have anything you can tell me? That doesn’t mean the same thing as, ‘I don’t know anything, Sheldon, so it’s no use asking me.’”

  Daniel laughed without humor. He looked at the ground, rocking back and forth slightly on the balls of his feet. After a moment, he bent to pick up a large, smooth stone, holding it in the palm of his hand while he turned it over, looking at the continuous stripe down the center of the stone.

  “Being different doesn’t make me a vandal with violent, racist thoughts,” he said, finally.

  Sheldon was shocked. “Is that what you think I’m asking?” he asked. “If you did it?”

  Daniel looked up. “Are you?”

  “No! You’ve been cleared of suspicion,” Sheldon said.

  “I can recite every known planet and moon in the universe,” Daniel told him. “I can remember dates and addresses so that if you ask me when Dorothy last sold something from her boutique online, I can tell you when and where she sent it. This is why I’m an excellent postal worker, Shel. I am shy, and I have only ever opened up to a handful of people. You and Theresa are two of those people. I was just beginning to open up to George, but I can tell that he is no longer sure of me. Just because I’m reclusive doesn’t mean I would ever harm or threaten anyone.”

  “I know you wouldn’t—“ Sheldon started to say, but Daniel held up a hand to stop him, his fingers closing around the stone in his hand.

  “I can’t tell you who has been doing these things. There is more in the balance than you, or me, or George, or anyone. And so even though I desperately want to tell the whole world that I am not the monster they think I am, my lips are sealed. You need to leave this alone. Let it lie. The graffiti has stopped. I’ve got my eye on the situation.”

  Sheldon held his breath. This was insane. Theresa knew something. Daniel knew something. And Sheldon was supposed to just…what had Daniel said. Let it lie?

  Daniel turned suddenly and flung the stone he had gathered into the lake. It fell with a gentle, anticlimactic plop, and when Daniel looked back at Sheldon, Sheldon saw genuine pain in his friend’s eyes. He reached out and put a hand on Daniel’s shoulder, and after a while, the two men walked back into town in silence. Sheldon had no more clarity. All he knew was that he was supposed to let it lie.

  But he was more certain than ever that Daniel had nothing to do with the graffiti.

  There had been a few peaceful days after his visit to the post office. Sheldon, Daniel, and Theresa had gone for a long, lazy lunch at the Aveline Cafe and talked about an anime show that Daniel and Theresa were both obsessed with. While they were there, Theresa had noticed Ani eating by herself and called her over to join them. It was such a purely Reesey thing to do, so effortless and open that Sheldon relaxed even more.

  He went over to Theresa’s house nearly every evening. She threw pots if she had the energy, or they played cards if she didn’t. Sheldon attempted to keep himself from staring at Theresa, but it was nearly impossible. She caught him at it sometimes, and he tried to laugh it off.

  All of this went through his mind as he stood talking to Frankie in the church foyer, and he wasn’t exactly sure how to communicate any of it to his friend.

  “Well,” he said. “It’s a dress rehearsal, isn’t it? And I want it to go well.”

  Frankie shook his head, smiling. “Dress rehearsal, Sheldon,” he said, “means the actors do their parts while dressed in their costumes so the rest of us can see the full effect before the actual event of the play.”

  Sheldon grinned. “Heaven help your narrow thinking,” he said. Francisco burst out laughing, and they walked into the sanctuary together.

  The room was buzzing with activity— actors in costume hurrying around, set building in progress, the choir practicing in the corner. Sheldon spotted Theresa and waved, but didn’t dare go near her. He knew he wouldn’t be able to pull himself away from her if he started talking to her. It was bad enough trying to concentrate with Theresa in the audience. She was there for Maddie anyway. Not for him. Still, he couldn’t help noticing that whenever he glanced over, she was looking back at him. And he couldn’t help how warm that made him feel.

  Chapter Forty

  Sheldon walked backstage to the actors’ dressing room—a converted coffee room—and gathered the cast around him.

  “Are you ready?” he asked. Most of them nodded, although a couple cast members muttered, ‘No.’ “Do you feel good in your costumes?” he asked. Same response. Sheldon smiled, looking from person to person, from Lewis to Maddie, George, Dorothy, Ingrid, Lucy, and all the others. “Well, you look great. Let’s start at the top and go all the way through without interruption. I will only stop you if I absolutely have to, and I’m hoping it will be a quick run, and we can all go home! Let’s make the most of this!” They put their hands in the middle of a circle like a basketball team, and Sheldon gave the call, “Modern nativity!” and everyone broke apart, laughing.

  Sheldon took a seat in one of the front pews to observe, but only after noting exactly where Theresa was sitting. He was very aware of her behind him and struggled to keep his attention on the play. Get yourself together, Kid, he told himself.

  Maddie looked excellent in her costume: ripped up jeans and a dirty T-shirt. Her hair was up in a ponytail that Lucy had oiled and rubbed to look greasy and matted. Lewis depicted José as a little shy, and he acted with a natural quality that was perfect. Lewis and Maddie, as José and a very pregnant Maria, trudged along, thumbs out as they tried to hitch a ride to a nearby town to go to Maria’s immigration hearing, Sheldon’s version of the census. Sheldon thought about the story from the Bible as he watched, knowing he had taken liberties with his modern version of the story. But they had all heard the story too many times to truly take it in: the couple on the road, the census, the stable, and the flight to Egypt. None of it would have been easy, and none of his beginnings would have recommended Jesus to the people in charge.

  Being in costume did something amazing for Maddie, and she played her role
better than she ever had in rehearsal. She shone. Sheldon felt some emotion that was a mix of love, loss, and pride well up inside him. He glanced over his shoulder to see Theresa watching her daughter avidly, sitting forward in her pew, her face open and delighted. Down the aisle from Sheldon, Rosa sat with her Lupe, swinging her legs and offering a running commentary.

  “I wish we had a donkey,” she stage whispered to Lupe at one point, and Sheldon exchanged a look with the older woman. “You want a donkey?” Sheldon heard Lupe ask. “I will get you a donkey for your sixteenth birthday. We will import one from El Salvador.”

  Sheldon was momentarily distracted by this, but he pulled his focus back to the play. He glanced back when he heard a noise, and saw that Theresa had gotten to her feet. “Over there,” she called, pointing to the shelter that was open for the night, the place where Maria would have her baby. Maddie gave her mother a look, and Theresa sat back down. Sheldon chuckled to himself. Theresa always talked to the characters in movies, as well.

  When the run through of the play was finished, he jumped up and applauded. He hadn’t had to stop them at all.

  “You’re ready,” he told the cast from his seat. “That’s that, then. Rest up, we have one more week until the real thing.”

  Theresa was talking to Francisco, so Sheldon found Maddie and gave her a big hug. She squeezed him back, her eyes glowing.

  “Thank you for letting me be Maria,” she said. “I feel so much closer to understanding the mother of Jesus now.”

  He smiled down at her. “You are killing it,” he said.

  “So why are you all dressed up?” she asked.

  He looked down at the caftan and was going to give her the same answer he had given Frankie, but she was looking at him with raised eyebrows, so he was honest.

  “I’m walking your mother home,” he said. “And I wanted to look nice.”

  She nodded as if that was what she had figured. “So you’re still working on the plan, are you?”

  He drew his head back and gave her a look. “How do you know about the plan?” he asked.

  “Sam told me you used to always have some kind of plan to get my mom to notice you.”

  “Ah. Well, that’s true. It worked back then, but I’m not sure about now. Do you have any ideas?”

  She laughed out loud. “You want me to help you get my mom to notice you?”

  “More than notice me,” he said. “I want to convince your mom that I am the only one for her.”

  Maddie cocked her head to one side. “Well, I don’t know how you can convince her,” she said, “but I do know that the two things she needs most are for life to be exciting, and to feel safe. And I think you’re doing a good job of both of those things.”

  Sheldon smiled at the short spunky girl who had first caught his heart a dozen years ago. “Thanks,” he said.

  He went to find Theresa, trying to ignore his nerves. Reesey stood in the foyer, watching a conversation that was happening a little way away with a dreamy smile on her face. Frankie, Rosa, and Lupe were talking rapidly, switching between Spanish and English, discussing the donkey and whether or not it was possible to import donkeys from El Salvador.

  When Sheldon looked back at Theresa, her eyes were on his. She wore a long purple dress that made her look queenly. When Sheldon got close, she lifted a piece of the fabric up to his caftan.

  “It matches some of your embroidery,” she said.

  “True,” he answered. His mouth was dry, and his palms were sweaty.

  “I like your dress,” she said.

  “You know it’s not a dress,” he replied.

  One corner of her mouth quirked up. “Of course,” she said. “I remember this. You got it in Morocco. Don’t we have a date?” She switched the topic so fast his head swam.

  He cleared his throat. “Are we calling it a date?”

  “If a boy walks a girl home, it’s a date, isn’t it? But I suppose I wouldn’t really know. I’ve never really dated. It was only ever you.”

  A shadow crossed her face as she spoke, and she ducked her head. Sheldon knew what she was thinking because he was thinking the same thing: It had only ever been him and the man she would never talk about, the one who hurt her. Maddie’s father. He couldn’t ask her that question again, and he didn’t want to. He didn’t want the shadow of that encounter to come anywhere near this evening, this walk together.

  “You seem particularly bright and beautiful today,” he told her, taking her arm as they left the church. “Is it because of your studio opening tomorrow?”

  “Let’s go sit by the lake,” Theresa said in response.

  Going to the lake with Reesey was very different from going to the lake with Daniel, Sheldon thought. He wasn’t incapacitated by Daniel’s mere presence, to the point where he barely noticed the lake or the stars. And why was Sheldon thinking about Daniel? Sheldon’s brain was scrambled by Theresa, and he had the strangest rabbit trails going on in his mind because he couldn’t focus properly. Everything was a distant backdrop for her until it seemed to all be her eyes, her face, her smell, her mouth. She was a painting, and not a Picasso, but she was more than a painting because he could feel her beside him.

  “I feel bright around you, Tazzy,” she said, after they had been sitting for a few minutes in silence. “That’s why I seem brighter today.”

  The words seemed to drift like smoke between them, unlocking something that had been shut away. Sheldon leaned very close to Theresa, pressing his lips gently to hers, breathing her in. She moved closer to him and kissed him back, and they were kissing, and it was happening, and Sheldon couldn’t believe the feeling of home that clicked back into place in his heart. Reesey pulled away after a few moments and stared at him, her large dark eyes moving from his chin to his mouth, his mouth to his hair. She reached up and combed her fingers through the hair on his temple. Then she smiled the biggest, sweetest smile and leaned in for another kiss. He could have kissed her forever, but she moved back again, putting her hands on his chest, running one finger over the embroidery. He made a small sound.

  “You feel so familiar,” she whispered. “You feel so wonderful. How can you still want this?”

  He sighed and sat back. “How can I convince you that you are the only thing I want, forever?” He searched for words to tell her, not wanting the moment to end or for her to push him away. “How can I convince you of how beautiful you are? Not your face, or the things everyone sees, but you. Everything about you. You are perfectly beautiful to me.”

  She kept her eyes on his face for a long moment, and then looked back out to the lake, inky black in the darkness.

  “I think, just a little bit,” she started, then broke off. She took a deep breath. “I think I’m starting to believe you.”

  Chapter Forty-One

  Early on opening day, Mercy, Zoe, and Ingrid showed up on Theresa's doorstep. They rang the doorbell, and Theresa ignored her little jolt of fear, going to the window to see who it was. When she saw the three women, she swung the door open.

  "What's going on?" she asked. "Did I forget something?"

  "Nothing at all," Mercy said. "We're here to take you out for breakfast."

  "Oh?" Theresa stared at Mercy. "Did I miss a text?"

  After a moment, Theresa realized with a jolt that the women were still standing on the front porch, so she moved to one side to let them in.

  "No, it's a surprise," Ingrid said, as she stepped into the terracotta-tiled house. "Surprise!"

  "Oh, this is nice," Zoe said. "What a gorgeous house."

  "Thank you," Theresa said, but her mind was whirling. She had about a million more things to do before she was ready for the opening. She really didn't have time for breakfast, but she thought that maybe this was something that friends did, and she shouldn't tell them about how she didn't like surprises.

  "Do you want some water?" she asked, walking to the kitchen to fill some glasses, giving herself time to think.

  "Water would be n
ice," Mercy said, "but we really need to get to the café. And your mother said not to worry, because she will help you with all the things you need to do later. Just come."

  Theresa smiled. Her mother knew her well, as much as Theresa hated to admit it.

  "We came to get you because we thought it would be nice to walk in together," Ingrid said.

  Theresa looked at each of them in turn. "Well, okay," she said. "Let me get my boots and coat."

  It was nice, actually, to walk along the street in a group. The other women were funny and pointed things out about the houses that Theresa hadn't known before.

  "That house is a heritage house, and the lady who lives there is so proud of it that she is unbearable."

  "The couple in that house have been married for fifty years, and he told me he still takes tea to her every single morning."

  They stood in front of Francisco's house for a moment, until Ingrid urged them on with a giggle. "Do you think he'll ever remarry?" Theresa asked Mercy.

  "Francisco? No," Mercy said. "I've never seen a man who loved his wife more."

  "Ah, it's too bad," Zoe said.

  Then they were at the café, and Theresa saw the real reason for the silliness and secrets. A whole corner of the wide wraparound porch had been festooned with flowers and ribbons, and a sign that said, "Congratulations, Reesey!"

  Theresa stopped and put a hand on her heart. "Wow," she said. "But, you guys," she turned to the women, "I'm already throwing a party for myself tonight!"

  They burst out laughing. "We know that," Zoe said. "There's a difference between a party you throw for yourself and a party your friends throw for you."

  "Yes, I guess there is," Theresa murmured, turning back to look at the porch, following slowly as the others made their way up the walk. She looked to see who else was here. Lucy was standing in the doorway. Maddie and Katie must be somewhere. There was her mother at the table, sitting with—who was…was that…? And then Theresa was running, pushing past the others, as the woman jumped up from the table and met her halfway along the porch, and they were in each other’s arms and then had fallen on the ground, laughing and weeping. Sofía.