First Impressions

by Jay Hogan

  It was all kinds of stupid. That kind of attachment had always freaked him the hell out, even with Simon. The need to consider someone else, their feelings, their wants, their hopes. No, he liked being on his own. And it had worked out just fine, hadn’t it? After all, he’d dragged himself off that suicide road all on his own after Marcia had died, and now had a job he loved, was getting laid anytime he wanted, and was more than happy. He only hurt people who tried to get close. He’d proved that. Good people, like Simon.

  Simon. That was a whole other bag of snakes, and Michael hadn’t been able to get Josh’s words out of his brain. About how Jason’s screwing around had so deeply affected him. Now, Michael was no Jase, thank Christ. His treachery had been one guy, once, no more. And he’d done it to force Simon to leave him, to protect the man. Yeah, you tell yourself that. But the truth was he’d let Simon believe there had been others. Just to slam the bullet home. Yep. Asshole didn’t even begin to cover it.

  He’d done that to a man who’d loved him. And Simon had loved him deeply. Enough to put up with all the shit that went down after Marcia died. All the crap Michael had thrown his way: the anger, the depression, the drinking. Michael had believed in his fucked-up way that he was setting the guy free of him. Of course, in the sober light of day and with a fuck ton more perspective, he finally understood what a truly, cowardly, selfish prick he’d really been. He’d just wanted Simon to make the decision for him.

  And now after listening to Josh…. Christ. Had Michael’s betrayal made Simon doubt himself, his judgement, and his self-worth in the same way? That had never been Michael’s intent, and yet somewhere in his fucked-up brain, he had to admit he’d probably known that it would. He just hadn’t cared enough at the time to stop. It wasn’t like their relationship was a box of birds by then anyway. But now, the idea that Michael might have left long-term scars on his ex, well, that just sucked big time and he knew he’d need to fess up and talk to the man.

  And wasn’t that just going to be fun?

  Arriving at Josh’s house, he noted his car out front, and some of the tension he’d been carrying slid away. At least Josh hadn’t liked his “date” enough to be late. Of course, he was probably only being polite and doing what he’d said he would. Still, Michael wasn’t about to let his own screwed up attitude mess with the evening.

  Josh answered the door with Paris at his heels, the shepherd greeting Michael like a long-lost friend. Michael dropped to the floor and took a full-frontal assault, fur, tongue, and wet nose.

  “Hey, behave,” Josh scolded the shepherd. Then to Michael, “He’s not supposed to do that. Bad habits.”

  Michael scuffed the shepherd’s neck. “You hear that, my man?” He held the dog’s head, looking deep into his eyes. “I’m giving you bad habits. What do you think of that?”

  A long, wet tongue ran the length of Michael’s face, and in turn he pressed a kiss to the animal’s forehead. “My thoughts exactly. The world has altogether too many rules as it is.” He fluttered his eye lashes at Josh who rolled his eyes.

  “I give up,” he said and headed off down the hall, leaving Michael to follow. “Between you and Sasha, that dog is more likely to check out the next bad guy for treats rather than rip his arm off. Remember that when you come to my funeral.”

  “Oops,” Michael whispered loudly to the shepherd. “Come on, boy, that man needs a beer.” He caught Josh’s chuckle as he followed him into the kitchen.

  “The beer fridge is through there.” Josh indicated a door to what turned out to be the laundry. “I’ll get the dishwasher going so we have something clean to eat off. Make mine a Mac’s Ale and help yourself to whatever.”

  “Thanks.” Michael headed to the fridge. The kitchen was older in style and somewhat in need of a revamp, with its Formica countertops and dated avocado-green cupboards. But for all that, it was immaculate, tidy, and functional. The stainless-steel appliances were all new, he noted, guessing they’d been purchased with a different kitchen in mind, one that was yet to come to fruition. The fridge was large, modern, and in the laundry since it clearly wasn’t going to fit in the tiny allocated slot in the kitchen.

  “Got a Coke?” he asked.

  “Should be Pepsi in there, if that’s okay? Katie’s at some barbecue thing, staying the night so it’s just us.”

  “Pepsi’s fine.” Michael cracked a beer and handed it to Josh before opening his soda. “So, just us, then, huh?”

  Josh took a long swallow and licked his lips with Michael tracking every movement. Josh caught his stare. Busted.

  The man grinned. “Gotta love focus in a man.” He punched Michael playfully on the arm. “Grab a seat in the lounge. I’ll be there in a sec.”

  Michael did as he was told, appreciating the functional but comfortable family-style furnishings decked out in kid-friendly dark blues and greens and arranged facing the huge-ass television on the opposite wall. Clearly a man after his own heart.

  A sheepskin rug in front of the wide pillow-strewn sofa exhibited hairy evidence of long-standing dog appropriation, and the coffee table supported every game controller known to humanity and then some. In one corner a selection of board games was piled up, their corners soft and creased with frequent use. Two decks of cards sat alongside, and a selection of ring-marked coasters. The whole scene smacked of family, fun, and sickening domesticity. And Michael instantly loved it.

  He detoured to check out the wealth of photos on the far wall. Most were of Josh, his daughter, and sometimes Katie. But there were also a couple featuring an attractive younger woman who Michael presumed to be Anna. Some of Josh in uniform with Paris at his side, and one or two of an older couple standing next to Josh and Katie, parents probably. Lastly, a few with Mark and even one with Jase, the two of them plus Sasha, laughing, arms wrapped around each other, and Josh smiling up at Jason like a man in love. He was still frowning at the latter when Josh sidled alongside, the man’s coconut body wash doing his head in yet again.

  “That was just after Jase moved in,” Josh explained. “I was so damn happy.” He reached out a hand and straightened the frame, then hesitated before removing it from the wall altogether. “Moving on, right?” he said. “Sasha can keep these in her room if she wants.”

  Michael held up his Pepsi. “To letting go,” he said.

  Josh raised his beer. “To letting go.”

  An awkward silence fell between them that Michael wasn’t sure how to break. He made his way to the couch and claimed one end, toeing off his shoes and lifting his feet to rest on a bunch of newspapers on the coffee table. “This okay?” He indicated his feet.

  Josh waved his concern aside. “Go for it.”

  Michael cleared his throat. It was stupid to ignore the elephant in the room. “So, how was the date?” He tried to keep his tone light and casual, but yeah… maybe not so much. “Worth a repeat?”

  Josh sent him a curious look, then took a long pull on his beer before settling at the other end of the couch without answering.

  Shit. “Sorry, just being nosy.”

  Josh’s shoulders relaxed a mite. “It’s fine. I, um, cancelled.”

  Michael’s eyes blew wide. “Really?” Fuck, he sounded way too happy about it. He cleared his throat. “How come?”

  Again Josh didn’t answer for a second, just kept his gaze solid on Michael. Then he sighed heavily. “I don’t really know how to answer that. It just felt… off. Not the right thing to do, to Brent or… you, I guess. Not while you and I… well… not while we’re doing what we’re doing, anyway.”

  Shit. Was Josh saying he’d cancelled… for Michael? Michael’s chest grew tight, whether in pleasure or concern, it was a close fucking call. “I, um… you know, I don’t want you to miss out on anything, or anyone, because of me. If you want to stop—”

  “I don’t… want to stop, that is. At least not right now.” Josh sucked on his beer, his gaze skittering around the room.

  Was he… nervous?

  “So, y
eah, I guess I don’t do complicated, and it didn’t seem fair, to anyone,” Josh finished. “Now, can we just move on, do you think?”

  Michael stared at him for a moment but could read nothing more from Josh’s now carefully guarded expression. “Yeah, sure. And, um… thanks.”

  Josh smiled. “You’re welcome. When the time is right for either of us to stop this, let’s agree to just say so, right?” He raised his beer in a toast.

  Michael responded with his Pepsi. “Agreed.”

  “I guess I’m just trying to do things differently this time around.” Josh spoke quietly. “If there’s one thing the whole fiasco with Jason taught me, it’s that sometimes what you think you want isn’t what’s good for you, long-term.”

  Michael wondered if the man was making a point about the two of them.

  Josh went on. “It’s hardly news that I like edgy, sexy guys who fuck like troopers but who have a commitment factor of zero.” He sent Michael a half smile.

  Ouch. And there it was.

  “Plus I have Sasha to consider, and so stability is pretty important to me, to us, at this time. And if my dick isn’t in it quite so wholeheartedly with a stable guy, well, maybe that’s not the most important thing in a relationship, maybe not even in the top three. But right now, I’m not quite willing to give up the great sex we have going, not just yet.”

  What. The. Fuck. Michael didn’t quite know how to respond to that. He took another swallow and thought a minute before answering. “You don’t think you can get both?” he finally asked softly. “A guy who turns you on and who’s steady as well? I get the whole ‘avoid the players and assholes’ rule, but settling for someone who doesn’t fully do it for you seems just as… I don’t know… risky? Not to mention boring.”

  Josh snorted. “Chance would be a fine thing. There’s not exactly a wealth of guys who tick both those boxes hanging around waiting for someone like me, with an eleven-year-old and a job with crap hours.”

  Michael levelled his gaze Josh’s way. “Are you fucking kidding me? Any guy would be lucky to have your gorgeous ass in their bed and their life. Don’t you dare sell yourself short.”

  Josh held his gaze. “Yeah, well, know any guys like that who want to settle down?”

  Michael felt the heat in his cheeks and dropped his eyes. “You’ll find one.”

  THE CONVERSATION died a depressing death after that, and Josh realised he’d had enough angst for the day. Raking his gaze over Michael sprawled on his couch, he was done wasting time. Relationships be damned. Josh had a stunning guy sitting less than three feet away who thought Josh was pretty hot stuff, and Josh could sure work with that.

  “So, Dr Oliver.” Josh put his beer on the table and slid a little closer. “We have a house to ourselves and a whole night to fill. Whatever shall we do?”

  Michael met his gaze with a heated one of his own. “I’m open to suggestions.”

  Josh’s cock twitched.

  Michael continued, “And I mean ‘open’ in the broadest possible meaning of the word.” He spread his legs to make his point clear.

  Fuck. Did that mean what Josh thought it did? He pushed Michael flat on the couch and crawled up his frame, loving the light whisker scruff and the man’s sharp jawline under his lips. “Mmm. Are you telling me you’re packing, handsome?” he mumbled against the man’s throat.

  Michael turned his face into Josh, claiming a kiss. “Maybe.”

  Josh’s heart picked up, and his dick sprang to attention. “You’re gonna be the death of me, you know that?”

  Michael laughed, pulling back to eyeball him. “So, no pizza yet, I take it?”

  “Fuck pizza,” Josh growled, running his tongue over Michael’s lower lip and nipping gently. “Or rather, fuck you, then pizza, if you’re saying what I think you are.” He covered the other man’s body head to toe, doing his best to be gentle with the bruising he knew patchworked Michael’s torso. They fit together so well.

  “Now that would be telling,” Michael said thickly.

  Josh stared down at the sexy man laid out for his taking. “Fuck, you’re beautiful,” he whispered, surprised to see the faintest hint of red bloom on the man’s throat. Adorable. It was nigh impossible to reconcile this shy reaction with the arrogant player he’d first run into at the club. Michael Oliver was a mystery, one that currently had him salivating.

  “Strip,” he ordered.

  Michael’s eyes went dark and he obeyed instantly. Then he scooted back on the couch, took himself in hand, and began a languid stroke as he watched Josh doing his level best to get on with the whole naked idea himself, his feet caught in the bottom of his jeans. Finally free, he aimed a finger Michael’s way.

  “Do not move. Not a fucking inch.” He sprinted to his bedroom and returned, throwing lube and condoms next to the couch.

  Michael regarded him coyly. “Can I move now… sir?”

  Josh didn’t think his cock could get any harder. “No. And hands off,” he rasped.

  Michael did as he was told.

  Goddamn. Josh was so turned on, he couldn’t think straight. Didn’t even know he had a leaning to that particular kink, but damn, if it didn’t crank his shit like crazy, not least because it was so unexpected from the toppy arsehole. Michael caught his eye and winked like he’d read his mind.

  “Spread ’em.”

  Michael pulled both his legs to his chest, exposing that delicious arse in all its glory, and, whoa, a stars-and-stripes butt plug planted in full view.

  “Have at it, wolf-man. Tell me how you want me.”

  Holy shit. Holy, holy shit. Josh’s legs buckled, and he nearly came on the spot. If he’d had any idea the doc was packing a plug, the guy wouldn’t have made it two feet inside the front door before Josh nailed him against the wall. Jesus Christ. This sweet nut job was everything Josh had fantasised about in a lover, which only served to prove that the universe was unbelievably fucked-up at times.

  So maybe Josh couldn’t have it long-term with this particular man, but his body could damn well enjoy every second in the meantime, gift horses and all that. He claimed Michael’s lips in a searing kiss while his hand travelled south, grazing his rigid cock before delving deep between Michael’s thighs to grasp the plug. Getting a firm grip, he began a gentle slide in and out of that delicious arse.

  A needy rumble vibrated deep in Michael’s throat as Josh thrust his tongue in rhythm with his other efforts. Arms circled his shoulders and held him in place, letting him know Michael was as much into this as he was. Then he pulled back and grazed his lips in soft kisses along Michael’s jaw, relishing the heady male scent.

  “I fucking love the sounds you make,” he breathed against Michael’s neck, nipping and sucking at his throat and then lower, alternately laving and blowing cool air across each nipple, all the while maintaining the slow butt plug fuck he had going on below. He had to be pegging Michael’s prostate, if the shivered jerks and arched back were any indication. “All in good time, babe,” he murmured against Michael’s taut belly. “I’m gonna enjoy every minute of this.”

  “Can’t… wait.” Michael hauled Josh up, dislodging his grip on the butt plug in the process. “Need you inside me, wolf-man,” he growled face-to-face. “Unless you want this over sooner than expected.” He tugged Josh’s hips snug against his own, aligning their slick cocks and starting a sensual grind.

  It was all Josh could do to hang on, his balls pulling up as he edged closer to losing his shit. It was so tempting to just finish like this, but that wasn’t what he wanted for either of them. So, with gold-medal-winning determination, he yanked his mind from his dick and wriggled free, enough to straddle Michael and put some cool air between them.

  Michael stared up at him from under a fringe of dark lashes, pupils blown and lips swollen. He looked totally fucking debauched, and the sexiest goddamn thing Josh had ever seen.

  “Just… damn,” Michael murmured, his tone dripping sex all over the place.

  Josh swa
tted the man’s butt, causing him to jerk in surprise and release a rumbling groan of appreciation. Huh. He squirreled that tasty titbit of information away for another time.

  “Nice as that was, handsome,” he growled softly, “this is my show.” He added a slap to the man’s other buttcheek just because he could, and Michael’s body shivered and stilled beneath him… waiting. Damn.

  Michael grinned. “Yeah, I got the memo.” He hung his head back, exposing a flushed throat and fluttering pulse. “So, are you gonna fuck me, wolf-man, or are you just gonna dick around all night?” He reached for Josh’s cock, running his thumb over the slick head.

  Josh replied by latching on to the man’s throat, imparting a solid bite before sucking and licking the sting away. When he pulled back to survey the deep red imprint of his handiwork, his chest fired hot. Good luck hiding that, hotshot.

  Fuck. Was he really that guy now? He’d always dismissed marking as childish, refusing to indulge in it either way. But with Michael, yep, seemed like he was that man with fucking bells on.

  Michael either didn’t notice the bite or didn’t care, wiggling to realign their cocks and forcing Josh’s attention back where he wanted it. Giving him what he wanted, Josh scooted down Michael’s body with a stripe of kisses ending at his cock, where he laved his tongue up and down its length a few times before taking the whole shaft down his throat in one swallow.

  “Oh. My. Fucking. God,” Michael hissed, throwing his head back and thrusting his hips up.

  Josh pulled off.

  Michael threaded his fingers through Josh’s short hair in an attempt to steer him back where he wanted, but Josh resisted. “Keep your hands by your side.”

  “Asshole,” Michael grumbled but complied immediately, and Josh went back to work.

  The doc’s dick was a beautiful thing, and Josh loved giving head almost as much as he loved fucking. He paid the organ some serious attention, enjoying Michael wriggling in pleasure and frustration beneath him. Then he let his fingers wander behind the man’s balls, tapped the plug, and Michael bucked in response.