My Vows Are Sealed (Sealed With a Kiss)

by Carmen Richter

  “Zee, this is amazing,” she told me. “You need to put this to music. Brody would have loved it. You know how much he loved hearing you sing.”

  “Sometimes I think it was the only reason he stayed with me,” I chuckled.

  SIX DAYS LATER

  Usually, I just came to open mic night at the St. Augustine’s local hipster coffee shop, The Daily Grind, to listen. But tonight was different. This time, for the first time ever, I was going to participate. It had only taken maybe an hour to put the song I’d written to music, and tonight I was going to try it out on this crowd. There was no way I was anywhere close to brave enough to go first, though. So, when no one else seemed to want to participate, I took a deep breath and went up there, guitar in hand.

  “Hi,” I said nervously. “Um, I’m Zoe. And this is a song I wrote called ‘My Lips Are Sealed.’ This is my first time actually performing it for anyone other than my twin sister, so please be kind.”

  I took another deep breath and started playing.

  So many words left unsaid

  So many things left undone

  And now I’m consumed with dread

  That all of our time is gone

  But you left us way too soon

  Now I’m trapped in this cocoon

  Because now my lips are sealed

  All my secrets still concealed

  If I could go back in time

  If had just one more chance

  I’d say what was on my mind

  And I’d savor one last glance

  But you left us way too soon

  Now I’m trapped in this cocoon

  Because now my lips are sealed

  All my secrets still concealed

  If only I had known

  If only I could see

  I’d have kept you there

  And fallen to my knees

  But you left us way too soon

  Now I’m trapped in this cocoon

  Because now my lips are sealed

  All my secrets still concealed

  Now my lips are sealed

  Secrets still concealed

  Now my lips are sealed

  As I sang, I imagined Brody standing right there. I imagined getting to tell him all the things I never got to say to him. And somehow, it was like turning the page to a new chapter in my life. Like I was really letting him go. It was cathartic and healing, getting everything out like that. Baring my soul to a bunch of people I’d never met before in my life.

  Despite the applause after I was done playing, I just stepped off the stage and went back to the table I’d been sitting at, where my half-finished latte was waiting for me. And suddenly, I was just a girl again. Not a singer or a musician. Just a girl who regretted a missed chance to talk to someone and wrote a song about it, just for herself. Just because she didn’t know any other way to express her emotions.

  “Is someone else sitting here?” I heard a male voice say.

  I looked, and there was a really hot young guy standing there. He was clearly a student at Flagler, or maybe St. Johns County Community College. But something just told me he was a Flagler guy. He looked artsy. He was a little taller than six feet and had short, dark brown hair, and his light blue eyes looked at me with a gaze that made it feel like he was looking all the way into my soul. And oh, my God, that face. Seriously, he was freaking gorgeous. He looked like Ian Somerhalder’s younger, better-looking brother.

  But what really caught my attention was the kindness I saw in his eyes and his smile. This wasn’t sympathy or fake kindness like so many people had shown me for the past several months. This was true, genuine kindness. I could tell that without hearing another word from him. And something told me I needed to talk to him.

  “You, if you want to,” I said, smiling at him.

  The guy sat down, putting his coffee on the table, along with a folder full of papers.

  “Zoe, right?” he asked.

  “Yeah,” I chuckled nervously.

  “I’m Elijah,” he said. “That song you sang was…I have no words. You have a gift.”

  “Thanks. That was my first time performing my own music in front of an audience. I was petrified,” I confessed.

  “But not your first time performing,” Elijah guessed.

  “How’d you know?”

  “You were so calm up there. Didn’t miss a note. No first-time performer would have been that calm. The rest of the people up there weren’t.”

  “Yeah, um, I’ve acted a little. Done school plays and community theater and stuff.”

  “I can tell. And you should keep at it. You’re good. Really good.”

  I smiled. “So, um, you go to Flagler?”

  “Actually just graduated. I got lucky and got a teaching job right out of the gate. I’m a little nervous about starting it tomorrow. But excited,” he chuckled. “Um, what’s your major?”

  I thought for a second about correcting him. Telling him I was turning seventeen next week and still in high school. But I was enjoying talking to him. For the first time in a long time, I was smiling and it wasn’t forced. If I told him how old I really was, he would stop the conversation. And I just wanted to be a normal person again, even if it was just for a few minutes.

  “Well, I’m kind of leaning towards theater, actually. I do love performing,” I said.

  That wasn’t a lie. I’d just left out one tiny little detail: I was at least four years younger than he thought I was.

  “That’s what I’m teaching,” Elijah said. “Well, drama, I guess they call it in public school.”

  Wow. A straight guy who liked theater? That was rare. And yeah, he was either straight or bisexual. I could tell he was flirting—or at least trying to.

  “Rhyme and Reason” by Adam Pascal came on the music system in the coffee shop. One of the reasons I loved this place was because they played music no one else did. Music most other people hadn’t even heard of. Such as music by Broadway artists, like this song.

  “I love this song,” I said, only half realizing I was actually speaking out loud.

  “You really are a theater fan,” he chuckled. “You know Adam Pascal’s solo music?”

  Okay, where in the world had this guy come from? It was like I’d made him in a computer.

  “Yeah, he’s one of my favorite artists, actually,” I said, unable to stop myself from grinning. “Solo and Broadway stuff. I think Aida is my favorite. Though I do love Rent too.”

  “Don’t tell me you’re one of those people,” he teased. “A…what do they call them? Rentheads?”

  I laughed. “Nope. Just a normal fan. Not a groupie. But it is one of my favorite shows.”

  “Mine too, actually,” he said, laughing with me. “It’s really what got me into acting. Made me realize theater could be for anyone. I’d love to play Mark in a production one day. Even if it’s just community theater.”

  “Same here,” I said, completely floored. “I’d love to play either Mimi or Maureen.”

  “Well, why not practice? Are you up for singing a little more?”

  “What? What are you talking about?”

  “Oh, I think you know what I’m talking about.”

  I had to stop myself from laughing out loud at that awful attempt at flirting. I’d had exactly one boyfriend and I’d lived a pretty sheltered life and I would have been able to come up with smoother lines. But it was kind of adorable, really. So I decided to go with it.

  “Are you suggesting that I sing a song from the show right now?” I asked. “Without rehearsing?”

  He smiled. “I’m game if you are.”

  Before I knew it, I was back up on the stage with my guitar. It was the wrong kind of guitar for the song we were about to sing. If I’d known I’d be doing this tonight, I would have brought my electric guitar instead. Yes, I had one of those too. But the acoustic one would work on the fly.

  “So, you guys just met Zoe a little while ago,” Elijah chuckled from his seat at the keyboard. “And I’m
Elijah. And this is not an original song. This is from a Broadway show that we just figured out we both love, Rent. And this is completely impromptu, so it should be interesting since we haven’t actually rehearsed it.”

  I laughed a little and then started playing “Another Day,” one of my favorite songs from Rent, on my guitar while he played the piano part. This was kind of a weird song to be singing, given the circumstances. It was basically the guy telling the girl to get lost because he wasn’t interested in romance. But it was a fun song, and one of my favorites in the show.

  Holy crap. His singing voice. I barely even registered that it was my turn to start singing and almost ruined this impromptu duet by gawking at him. But I pulled it out, and at the end, harmonizing with him…I couldn’t explain it. I’d never felt this kind of connection with another human being before. It wasn’t just our minds that were connecting right now. It was our souls. I felt it, and one glance at his face told me he did too.

  When the Grind closed an hour later, Elijah and I were still talking as we walked out and the baristas closed and locked the door behind us.

  “I hope you don’t think I’m being too forward, but would you like to come back to my car so we can keep talking?” he asked. “We’re like a block away from Lincolnville and it’s ten at night. Not exactly the safest place to just be standing around on the street. Especially not holding your guitar.”

  No one else had ever made me come alive like this. And given what I’d been through in the past several months, the fact that I could even smile at all was nothing short of a small miracle. I didn’t want it to stop.

  “Yeah, I’d love to,” I said.

  I realized how insanely dangerous this could be. For all I knew, this guy was just trying to get me alone so he could do all sorts of horrible and unmentionable things to me. Maybe I’d be the next kid to go missing in this town. But I couldn’t explain it. Something told me I could trust him.

  Elijah led me about a block down the street—in the opposite direction of Lincolnville, which was one of the two main ghetto neighborhoods in St. Augustine—to a small four-door sedan. It was clearly a college student’s, or a recent college graduate’s, car: at least five years old with a less-than-perfect paint job, but obviously maintained.

  He opened the door to the backseat, which had a couple of textbooks and a gym bag on it.

  “Sorry it’s a little messy,” he chuckled nervously. “Obviously, I wasn’t expecting anyone else to see it. Anyway, you can put your guitar back here. And I can give you a ride back to your car whenever you’re ready. Just say the word.”

  I put my guitar in the backseat and then went to sit in the front passenger seat. Strangely, the fact that the car was a little messy actually made me feel better about this. It told me that he wasn’t lying. He hadn’t expected anyone else to see the car, which meant he had no intention of kidnapping me or anything like that.

  We talked for a little while longer, and then out of the blue, he kissed me. It wasn’t exactly just a little peck, but it wasn’t a full-on “let me clean your tonsils while I’m down there” French kiss either. It was soft and sweet and made me feel something I’d never felt when I kissed Brody. Ever.

  He backed up almost immediately, making it clear he hadn’t planned on doing that, and just looked at me and looked like he was trying to find something to say.

  In a move that was very unlike me, instead of waiting for him to talk, I went for another kiss. Which turned into…well, more than just another kiss.

  Making out with Brody had always felt like just something I was supposed to do because I was dating him. It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy it, because I did, but my heart was never really in it. And it had always felt like I was constantly fighting to keep my clothes on and stop him from going too far.

  This was so different. Elijah never tried to do anything other than kiss me. Every kiss was full of so much passion and emotion that it took my breath away, but it was like this was all he needed. And this wasn’t something I was doing because it felt like I was supposed to do it. In fact, it was probably the most reckless and stupid thing I’d ever done in my life. I was making out with a guy who had just graduated from college, and I was letting him think that I was five years older than I really was. But I couldn’t stop myself. Because this was an act of passion. I was physically expressing the connection I’d felt with him since the second he’d said hello to me.

  It was almost midnight when I snuck back into the house. Thank God my parents were already asleep, because otherwise I would have been in serious trouble. River and I’s curfew was ten-thirty on school nights.

  “Zee,” River whispered from her bedroom.

  I was actually glad she was still awake, because I really needed to talk to someone about what happened tonight. And try to figure out what the hell to do about Elijah. We’d exchanged numbers before he dropped me back off at my car, but what was I supposed to say or do if he called or texted to ask me out? Say, “Sorry, I should have told you this earlier, but I’m still a minor”? I didn’t see that working out so great.

  “I’ll be right back,” I whispered. “Let me put my guitar away.”

  “I’ll come with you,” she said.

  River followed me to my bedroom, and I quickly put my guitar away and changed into my pajamas, then went to sit next to her on the bed.

  “Okay, spill,” River said quietly. “How’d it go?”

  “I don’t even know where to start,” I admitted.

  “How did people like the song?”

  “Well, no one threw any tomatoes, so that’s something,” I chuckled. “And…um, I caught a guy’s attention.”

  “Ooh, tell me more,” she giggled.

  “I swear, it’s like I made him in a computer. Except for the fact that he’s six years older than us. He just graduated from Flagler and he’s starting his first job teaching drama tomorrow. But oh, my God. River, he’s amazing. So sweet and funny. And freaking gorgeous. We actually kind of bonded over our shared love of theater. And Adam Pascal. The coffee shop was playing one of his songs and I said how much I liked it and he told me he knew it too. Oh, and then he ended up getting me to sing a duet of ‘Another Day’ with him with the acoustic guitar and piano. It sounded absolutely awful, but it was so much fun that I didn’t even care.”

  She snorted. “I so wish I could have seen that. But did you tell him how old you are?”

  “No,” I said guiltily. “And I really should have done that before…um, before we ended up making out in his car.”

  River’s eyes almost bugged out of her head. I knew she’d never have seen that coming out of me in a million years.

  “Now I know why you were late getting home,” she finally said after about thirty seconds of dead silence. “Who are you and what have you done with my sister?”

  “I was asking myself the same question while it was happening,” I chuckled. “But I can’t explain it, River. It just felt…right. It never felt like that with Brody.”

  “Well, I hate to point this out, but you’re going to have to tell him how old you are at some point. Preferably soon. Before anything else happens.”

  “I know,” I sighed. “He deserves to know. I just don’t know how to tell him.”

  “Take a day or two to figure it out. But don’t wait too long, or you’ll lose your nerve,” she told me.

  “You ready for this?” River asked as she turned the car off in the school parking lot.

  “Not really,” I admitted. “But it’s not like I have a choice. Let’s just go in.”

  We got out of the car, and as I was getting my backpack out of the back seat, someone hugged my shoulders.

  “Welcome home!” a familiar voice exclaimed.

  I turned around to find one of my best friends, Madison Powers, standing there. Her ginger hair was longer than it had been the last time I’d seen her, and her green eyes were sparkling with excitement. I stood on my toes so I could at least reach her shoulders as I gave
her a hug.

  “Maddie!” I squealed.

  “Zee!” she giggled, then turned to River. “River. Oh, my God. We missed you so much this summer. How was Middle Earth?”

  I grinned. “It was amazing. Even better than the movies. I’m still going through all my pictures, but I promise, they will be online soon.”

  “I can’t wait,” she said. “How does it feel to be back?”

  “Weird,” I chuckled. “Especially since I keep seeing those missing posters everywhere I look.”

  “Try looking at them for months on end,” she sighed. “I don’t know why they’re still bothering.”

  “I know,” I agreed. “You know how much I hate to say this, but we all know they’re not going to find him. But I guess if they don’t keep up the investigation, the Record won’t have anything to write about.”

  “Oh, my God! Zee! River!” I heard from behind me.

  I turned around to find another one of our best friends, Kelly Frederick, right behind us. Her smile went all the way to her blue eyes and her blonde hair was tied back into a ponytail, just like always.

  I giggled and hugged her. “Hey, Kel. Oh, my God. I missed you guys so much.”

  “We missed you too. How was your trip?” she asked.

  “Great. Much needed,” I told her. “I’ll have pictures online soon.”

  The bell rang, interrupting our reunion. We walked into the gates, staying together for as long as we could before going our separate ways to our first period classes.

  The four of us, along with our other two best friends, Grant Wilkinson and Paisley Jackson, were a tight-knit group that nothing could break apart. I was the musician and drama nerd. River was sort of into drama, but she liked singing more than acting. Paisley was more of a theater nerd than I was, if that was possible. Madison was a straight-A student whose only extracurricular activity was yearbook. Kelly was the only athlete among us, playing lacrosse and running cross country. And then there was Grant, who also loved theater and was clearly gay, but hadn’t come out yet.