One More Song

by Seabrook, C. M.

  “What is it?” I ask him, taking it and frowning.

  “A song, lass.”

  “Is it one of your new ones?”

  “Aye.” He lets out a long breath. “I wish we didn’t have to pack up and go so soon. This last month has been amazing, for all of us, in different ways. It made me realize I miss my nephews and nieces, my home. It’s been a long time since I’ve been back and maybe Facetime isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”

  “You could get one of your tour dates set in Ireland?”

  “Maybe. But being on the road for a tour isn’t fun and games. It’s long flights, endless days. It’s hard. I think what I really need is to go home for a bit once things cool down. I don’t want to wake up one day with regrets, ye know?”

  “I do.” I swallow, because my past, my regrets have practically swallowed me whole these past six years, they kept me hostage. Ashamed. I didn’t know how to move on because I felt trapped, like I’d always be the girl I was before I had my daughter.

  But I don’t think that’s true anymore. My beliefs about myself have changed since meeting Ash. He didn’t define me because of my past, and in the same way, I didn’t define him by his.

  And yet, we couldn’t make it work.

  God, I wanted Ash to turn to me and say, I have to go to L.A., but I will be back. Back for you. I wanted him to look into my eyes, feel the burning desire, the heat, the passion and say, Ember, I choose you.

  I’m holding out hope that maybe, just maybe, he still will.

  And maybe I haven’t learned a thing.

  Maybe after all this time, I’m still waiting for the wrong man.

  “This song will cheer you up,” Dusky says, patting my knee, then standing. “Trust me.”

  “Alright, if you say so.” I press play, and lean back, closing my eyes. The melody is beautiful, it starts out with a piano solo, but then it moves into a bigger piece of music, as the drums and bass are brought in.

  And then Ash’s voice.

  Raw. Filled with hope. A tenderness I have never heard in other songs by Absinthe.

  When I hear the lyrics, though, tears flood my face.

  Her smile is a sequence of notes, a sound.

  Her laugh is a musical phrase, I’m found.

  She’s a rhythm, a swing, a beat.

  Her face lights up a room and I take a seat.

  I could sit here all day, watchin’ her grow.

  Cadence is a girl I’m glad I know.

  Don’t ever change, little one, time goes fast.

  So hold your mama’s hand, let this moment last.

  I wipe my eyes, my emotions so clearly revealed. “Here, lass,” Dusky says, handing me a tissue.

  “Thanks.” I wipe my eyes.

  “I see the way ye look at him.”

  I sigh. “He’s Asher Stone. I’m sure you’ve seen a million girls look at him the same way.”

  “Nah.” He smirks. “They think they’re in love with us. But what they really want is to say they’ve fuc—” He coughs and glances toward where Cadence is now hanging off Saint’s arm. “That they’ve slept with a rock star. But ye...ye really care about him.”

  “Yeah, I do.”

  He nods. “I wish I could give ye some advice. But I’m shite when it comes to love stuff.”

  “It doesn’t matter anyway. You’re all leaving. And I knew this was only temporary. At least I had the moments I did.”

  “That may be the saddest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.”

  Yeah. It is.

  But it’s the truth.

  I wouldn’t trade my time with Ash for anything.

  Plus, in a way, he saved me - in more than one way.

  My heart had become numb before he came here. My only love was Cadence. I’d forgotten to love myself.

  And I’d fallen in love with him.

  Something I’d believed I’d never do again.

  It’s bittersweet in a way.

  I just need to see him one last time, tell him how I really feel. I know it probably won’t change anything, but before he leaves, I need to feel his arms around me one more time, his lips against mine, and tell him...I love you.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Ash

  Putting on the clothes I wore into this jail should make me happy - but my chest is wrapped in knots. The moment I step outside of this building, the media are going to be on me like a motherfucking tornado, spinning this story into a storm I can’t contain.

  Just one more reason Ember doesn’t need a man like me in her life. She deserves a chance to live a life without the drama I’ll always bring to the table.

  Do people ever really change?

  Mitch sure as fuck didn’t.

  And me? All it took was Maryll telling me I needed to leave town, to end things with Ember, to hop on a bar stool and down half a bottle of whiskey. To punch a man out. To land in jail.

  To fuck everything up.

  “Sir, your lawyer is here, right outside the door, waiting for you,” the jailer tells me. “Here are your personal items.”

  I tuck my wallet and phone in my pocket. “Anyone else here?” I ask, my voice revealing all the hope I carry even though I have no reason to hold onto it.

  Hope that Ember is here.

  “No one, sir,” the jailer says. “But uh, would you mind giving me your autograph?”

  I lift my eyebrows, scoffing at the incredulity. “You have a pen?”

  He produces one, and a sheet of paper and I scribble my name. Realizing that this is who I am. Who I will always be.

  A scandalous rock star. Certainly not the man who could take care of Ember and Cadence, to love and protect them the way they deserve.

  My lawyer, Tina LaBlanc, is waiting for me in the lobby, a grim look on her face. “You know what this charade cost you?”

  “How much?” I ask, running a hand over my jaw, the three-day stubble a not-so-subtle reminder that my life is all kinds of fucked-up.

  “It’s not the money…it’s the story. Brace yourself, Ash. There are reporters lined up outside.”

  She isn’t exaggerating. We step outside, her arm raised to shield me from the onslaught of photographers, microphones shoved in my face, and camera crews documenting it all.

  “No comment at this time,” Tina shouts, but no one listens.

  Finally, the black town car is in view and a door is opened for us. Tina climbs inside before I do, and I turn back to the crowd.

  I look at the reporters straight on. “For the record, my actions have hurt people I care deeply about and for that, I am truly sorry.”

  Then I slip into the car, pull the door shut, and bury my face in my hands.

  Some things never change. Turns out, this is the story of my life. Me, pulling away in a car, hurting everyone in my wake.

  “Maryll is upset, as I’m sure you could imagine,” Tina tells me as we drive toward Ember’s house.

  “Yeah? Am I kicked out of the band?”

  Tina smirks. She was with me back at my ma’s place the week after the video leaked. She did her best to scrub my image, but the damage was done. She helped me with the settlement for the women involved in the footage. It wasn’t my responsibility, but I didn’t want their lives destroyed by our one reckless night together.

  She has seen me at my worst - and like any good lawyer, she has my back.

  “As much as Maryll is pissed off with you, she would never let you go. You’re tied to her contract for two more albums and she’s gonna make sure you deliver them.”

  “I’m just done with this. All of it.”

  Tina clears her throat. “You don’t really have that option, Asher. Your bandmates are counting on you to get to L.A. and finish this album. If you don’t, Maryll is going to tie you up in court until there isn’t a penny to your name. Would you really want to do that to your mother? To the other people you care about?”

  “You’re guilt tripping me now?”

  Tina shakes her head. “No. I’m t
rying to be a voice of reason.”

  I turn to look at her. She is a no-nonsense woman in her early fifties, in a modest suit and blunt bob. She is the best entertainment lawyer money can buy and I trust her.

  But that doesn’t mean I want to hear what she has to say.

  “Let me guess, you talked with Synn?”

  Tina nods. “I did.”

  I snort. “What did he say? My cock makes all my decisions? That I’m ruining everything he built?”

  “No. He said that this new album is going to be the best thing you guys have ever recorded. That the songs have a deeper, more raw edge and that your fans are going to fall flat on their faces when they hear it. He said that maybe everything really does happen for a reason because all the shit you put everyone through, resulted in twelve songs that are all going to hit the charts.”

  “He really said that?”

  Tina nods as the town car pulls up to Ember’s house. “Look, you want my advice?”

  I nod, needing her clarity, because from where I’m sitting everything is a fog.

  “Tell this woman, whoever she is, goodbye. Then go to L.A. and do your job. If it’s meant to be, she’ll be here when the album is done, waiting.”

  I swallow. “And what if she doesn’t want me to come back?”

  “Then the price you’ve paid for your best music to date, is a broken heart.”

  * * *

  I step into Ember’s house, but it’s empty. The guys are already at the private airport, waiting on the plane. There isn’t time for a long goodbye.

  Part of me doesn’t want to go. Doesn’t want to take Tina’s advice.

  But another part of me knows she is absolutely right. Maryll will make my life a living hell if I break my contract. And I may have screwed the guys over before, but dropping them now would mean completely destroying any hope of a friendship. And they are more than friends, they are family.

  I can’t do this to them.

  But damn, it hurts.

  The floorboards of the hundred-year-old house creak, there is a sweet scent of fresh-baked cookies in the air. Our music equipment has already been packed and shipped. The living room where we spent the last month making music feels empty. And my heart tightens, not ready to let go.

  Upstairs, I shove my clothes in my duffel, put my journals in my messenger bag. But first I open the journal up and flip to the song that I wrote for her. For us. I rip it out, and fold it up, putting it in my pocket. Then I double check that I’m not leaving anything behind. Each step I take is heavy, and I set my bags in the foyer, wanting Ember and Cadence to walk back in the door before I have to go.

  Tina is waiting, the town car is idling. I know I don’t have much time. Heading down the hall, I knock on Ember’s bedroom door. She’s not here, but it pushes open. I step inside, breathing her in. Hating the fact that something I want is still out of reach.

  Her.

  A dark green fern sits on her desk, a pile of sketches beside it. Wood shavings rest beside a sharpener, a mason jar of colored pencils filled to the brim. My fingers run over the drawings, and I take one, half-finished. Knowing I’m stealing but needing a piece of her with me when I go. I can’t bear to leave without any tangible proof of her.

  Blinking away tears, I wonder when I became such a goddamn sap. But then knowing, without a doubt - it was when I fell for her.

  I fell hard. And so damn fast.

  Outside, I hear a noise, and I slip out of her room. Through the kitchen window, I see her and Cadence laughing. They’re on their knees digging a hole in the grass, a small tree beside them, preparing to plant it.

  Part of me wants to go out there, say I’m sorry, pull them close. Never let them go.

  The other part of me knows that Dusky, Saint, and Synn are waiting for me.

  My family.

  I owe them more than this.

  I owe everyone more than this.

  But how am I supposed to be the man that everyone needs? It doesn’t feel possible.

  Not wanting to add more pain to Ember’s already shattered heart, I grab the notebook on the counter and leave her a note. Telling her things I wish I didn’t have to say.

  Dear Ember,

  The first time I heard your name, I couldn’t help but think of what it means.

  A piece of burning wood in a dying fire.

  That’s me.

  I’m the dying fire … and Ember, you’re the light, the glowing coal. And you deserve more than ash.

  Right now, I can’t give that to you. God, I wish I could.

  When we’re together, we’re a blaze.

  And I don’t want us to burn to the ground.

  I have to go and your life is here. I wish everything was different.

  I wish that you were mine.

  I’m sorry. So damn sorry.

  Always,

  Asher

  P.S. Tell Cadence that I know I still owe her piano lessons and concert tickets. I promise I will make good on my word, Ember.

  I pull the journal page from my pocket and tuck it in with the letter, then I close the notepad back up, and leave it where I found it. Brushing tears away, I try to pick up the pieces of my breaking heart before I grab my bags as I walk away.

  On the plane, the guys give me space.

  They see the pain in my eyes. Even Synn gives me a sympathetic look.

  I take out my journal, knowing there is only one way to move through this heartbreak. Alcohol sure as hell won’t do a damn thing.

  So I write another song for Ember. A song for us.

  This one isn’t filled with promises.

  It’s filled with longing. For what we could have been.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Ember

  Cadence doesn’t understand why Synn, Saint, and Dusky said goodbye, but Ash didn’t.

  I keep looking up at the house as we kneel side-by-side, planting the apple tree, thinking that any minute he will walk out here. Pull me in his arms. Tell me that somehow, we can make this work. That he chooses me. Chooses us.

  I know he is getting released from jail this afternoon. Millie says reporters are live-tweeting it. My phone buzzes with a text and I pull it from my back pocket.

  Millie: There’s a photo on IG, showing them boarding the plane. Ash is on it.

  She attached the image and sure enough. Asher Stone is waving to the crowd, along with the other members of Absinthe.

  He’s really gone.

  Really left without so much as saying goodbye.

  Me: Guess another one bites the dust.

  Millie: You need anything?

  Me: Thx but I’m good.

  I look at Cadence, shovel in hand, working on the hole.

  Me: I’m gonna stay close w/ C today. Xoxo

  I set the phone aside and give my girl a smile, refusing to cry in front of her over a man.

  “I think it’s deep enough,” I tell her. “Let’s plant the tree.”

  When we finish, we stand back, proud.

  “And it will be here forever and ever? Like, when I’m all grown up, it will be as tall as you?”

  “Taller even.”

  Cadence grins. “We’ll always live here, right? In your grandma’s house?”

  “I think so, yeah.”

  “Good.” She tucks her hand in mine. I look at the tree, then up at the house where I have created the best memories of my life. This is where we are putting down roots. Where we will grow.

  * * *

  Millie and I stand at the playground after school watching Tabitha and Cadence run around, letting off steam. A week has gone by since Ash left, and my heart is as wrecked as ever.

  “Are you sleeping?” Millie asks.

  I laugh, taking a sip of my iced coffee. “Is that code word for you-look-like-crap?”

  “You just don’t seem yourself.”

  I exhale, looking up at the clear blue sky. It’s late April, soon enough school will be out. Summer vacation will be here. And my time with Absin
the will seem like a distant memory.

  “I’ve been working extra shifts at the grocery store. I figure since I still have savings from renting the house, might as well stockpile extra cash while I can.”

  “Saving for a rainy day?” she asks.

  “I was actually thinking of taking Cadence on a trip this summer. Get ourselves passports and go somewhere new. I’ve spent all of my life right here in Stanton.”

  “You always say you love Stanton,” Millie says, stirring her straw around her iced latte.

  “I do love it. But I’m only twenty-four. I feel like there is a whole wide world out there and I haven’t begun to tap into any of it.”

  “You’re going to leave me, aren’t you?” Millie asks.

  I laugh. “Hardly. My grandma’s house will always be our home.” I smirk. “Not like you’d miss me. Sounds like you’ve had your hands full.”

  Millie’s cheeks turn bright red. “I knew I never should have told you about last weekend.”

  “I think it’s hot.” Her, Keith, and Granger had another threesome. And apparently there are plans for more rendezvous in the future. “You are going for what you want. No apologies.”

  “Why don’t you do the same?”

  “I tried, Millie. And I crashed and burned. He never even said goodbye.”

  “I know, babe.”

  We look out at the playground, I can’t bear to meet her eyes, I’m scared I’ll start blubbering over Ash again. My heart hurts, knowing that to him, it was all just sex.

  When to me, it felt like everything.

  “I keep torturing myself, following them on Instagram,” I admit.

  “Me too. Looks like they are almost done recording their album. It’s kinda cool to see all the footage in their stories.”

  I squeeze my eyes shut, knowing I should take Cadence home before I start crying at the neighborhood playground.