Not Quite Whole

by Kaye Draper

  “Thank you,” I whispered. “For seeing me. For waiting for me to figure myself out.”

  He just hugged me again, pulling me in close and smoothing his too-warm hands down my silk-clad back. “Anytime, Viceroy.”

  Epilogue

  I straightened and headed away from the table toward the bar in the corner of the meeting room. Theo was still signing papers and making nice with the city council and the head of the hunter’s association, but for all intents and purposes, the damned meeting was over. Thank the Gods.

  The last few months had been surreal. Most days I was so busy—and so content—that I forgot the world was changing around us. That we were making history. But other times, I’d come up for air and feel the shock ripple through me. We had just signed off on a plan to allow the hunter association in Westhold to work with other hunter associations in the surrounding villages and cities—effectively sharing our resources and encouraging them to do the same. It didn’t sound like a big deal on the surface, but it was. Our hunter’s association was the only one that I knew of to openly employ curs and fiends in its ranks. Once the other cities saw how much this benefitted us, they wanted to see the results of that cooperation in action. Everyone would benefit from Theo’s open-mindedness. And that was just one example of the little ripples Theo’s leadership sent out into the world every day.

  I was seized with the sudden urge to kiss the man. But I refrained. I was getting more and more comfortable with my softer side—hell, I even wore pink the other day—but there were still some lines I refused to cross. Looking like an adoring wife in front of the masses was a hard pass.

  Theo nodded, his head down as he continued to do paperwork while one of the windier windbags yammered on at him about something. I hid my smirk behind my tumbler full of whiskey, happy as fuck that I didn’t have to deal with making nice. Thank the Gods I had come into my title with a pre-established reputation for killing things that annoyed me.

  My smile melted when I felt a presence lingering at my side. I sighed and turned to face Jules as he patiently waited for my attention. “What? Is there something on my face?”

  He arched a pale blonde brow at me. “Your one o’clock appointment is here, Viceroy. I’ve put them in Theo’s private study, since the meeting room was already occupied.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “I don’t have any appointments.”

  Theo finished signing things and shoved the papers at the nearest official, a look of dismay crossing his face. I sighed as he hurried over and clapped Jules on the shoulder. “Sorry about that.” He turned to me with a pained apology on his face. “I meant to tell you and it slipped my mind with all this going on. I made the appointment for you, Sam. I hope you don’t mind.”

  If he thought I wouldn’t tell him to fuck off in public, he was mistaken. I opened my mouth and he held up a hand. “Please, Sam. I ran into Madame Ellis at a charity event and she mentioned some issues she is having at the orphanage. I thought it might help if you spoke with her.”

  I gave him a look. “You want me to talk to the lady who runs the orphanage. The one for kids.”

  Theo snorted a short laugh before he could get control of himself. “Yes, Sam. As opposed to the orphanage where everyone is adult, and they all have parents.”

  I stared him down. “You owe me, asshole.”

  His smile was full of something I didn’t understand. But I hoped like hell it meant blow jobs and chocolate later. Fucking orphans. Yeah. Sounded like a great idea to have me handle something like that. Moron.

  I tilted my head back and swallowed down the last third of my whiskey. Too bad it wasn’t fairy moonshine. I hated dealing with people and being nice. And yet, Theo seemed to somehow find a way to force me into it at least once a damned day.

  I stomped out of the meeting room, ignoring the chorus of nicey-nice goodbyes from the people in the room. They still seemed think I was interested in talking to them when it wasn’t about business. Weirdos.

  I paused in front of the closed study door, taking a second to brace myself. I smoothed my hands down the front of the soft, clingy gray sweater I’d thrown on with my leather pants today. Then I patted the top of my head to make sure nothing was sticking up. Angel was always insisting that we should all dress for whatever situation we were heading into. I didn’t get it. But it made him happy to fuss over everyone, myself included. So I let him. Today, I’d held still long enough to let him pull back the top half of my hair and secure it with the ridiculous shiny leaping tiger hair clip he’d given me.

  So I was a sucker, and I’d tolerate just about anything now if it was couched as a “gift” from one of my guys. What are you going to do?

  Though, maybe, just maybe, I did like feeling a touch feminine from time to time. It couldn’t hurt when you were about to talk to some lady about something to do with a bunch of kids, right?

  I shook myself and said a few silent, gruff words about my stupid fussing. Then I opened the door and went in, shutting the thing behind me in case I ended up doing something offensive. Kids. Gods, Theo. What the fuck? Next thing I knew, he’d put me in charge of brushing kittens at the animal shelter or something.

  A frumpy middle-aged woman stood from her seat on the couch the minute I walked in. She was wearing a suit and had her hair pulled back into a sleek bun, but she didn’t have the ostentatious polish of the asshats I’d just left in the meeting room.

  “Viceroy,” she said, nodding her head respectfully. “Thank you so much for meeting with us.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “Us?”

  She stepped aside to reveal a kid sitting on the couch behind her, wearing the boring, loose blue orphanage-issued pants and shirt combo. Just fucking great. Now I was probably going to have to watch my language and shit.

  For fuck’s sake.

  I waved her back into her seat and pulled over one of the chairs from Theo’s desk. “So, Theo failed to mention he’d set up this meeting until a few f—freaking seconds ago. But I’ll do my best to help. What’s up?”

  I sank into the chair and leaned my elbows on my knees, trying to look non-threatening to the women and children in the room. There’d better be so much chocolate in this for me....

  “Oh,” the woman said nervously. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to impose, Viceroy. It’s just...well.” She glanced at the kid, then back at me. I was terrible with human ages, but I would guess the spawn was about...seven? Eight? He had bowl-cut brown curls and an upturned, snub nose liberally doused with freckles. His round green eyes studied me intently. It was kind of unnerving.

  I watched as Madame Ellis fidgeted, twisting her fingers in her lap like I might bite her if she said something wrong. Smart woman. I just might. “I really want to do right by Chris here, and Mr. Firebrand said you might be able to help?”

  I arched a brow at her. If Theo was “Mr. Firebrand” for this conversation, then it was a personal issue, rather than a sovereign issue. “I’ll try. What’s the problem?”

  She swallowed convulsively. “We are considering surgery, you see? To help Chris find a family to take him in.”

  I sat back and narrowed my eyes. “Surgery?”

  She nodded emphatically. “Yes. So he’ll fit in with a family, Viceroy. But Chris is a bit...hesitant. And we’re still working on finding the funds, but I thought you might be able to offer some encouragement.”

  The kid muttered something under his breath, and I turned my attention on him. “What was that?”

  He sat up and gave the woman a sullen look. “I said my name’s Christine. Not Chris.” He gave me a mournful look. “They made me get this dumb haircut. I wanted to grow it out like the girls in the magazines!” The woman tried to hush the kid, but it seemed like once he got wound up, he just couldn’t stop. “They keep telling me cause I have a penis I can’t be a girl.”

  The kid floundered, her face beet red and her eyes filling with tears. “But that doesn’t matter does it? I’ve seen your picture in the newspapers. You’
re the viceroy, they say. Are...are you like me?”

  I ground my teeth together and tilted my head to glare at the woman, who had the good sense to sink back into the couch. “Don’t be angry, please,” she said softly. “Mr. Firebrand didn’t say anything about your...anatomy. He only implied you might have some advice, Viceroy.”

  “You think I’m mad because you might know what’s in my pants?” I bared my teeth. “I’m mad because of what you’re doing to this little girl, you twit.”

  She swallowed hard and held out a hand. “Please, Viceroy. I don’t know what to do. I love him like he was one of my own, honestly I do. I’d take him in a heartbeat if I didn’t already have ten kids of my own! I just want him to be able to find a family.” She turned to look at the kid with tears in her eyes. “I love him. I just want him to have the best life he can. If he was normal, he could find a family, I just know it.” She looked at me again, pleading. “Please. Some of the management wants to turn him out on the street. They’re never sure whether they should put him in with the girls or the boys. It causes so many problems. The surgery might help, but it’s so expensive, and Chris says he won’t go through with it willingly. I just don’t know what to do.”

  I tried to snuff it out, but a little bit of growl still made its way through into my voice as I stood. Performing involuntary gender assignment surgery on intersex kids had been a popular option back before the rift. I knew this. But it still pissed me off. Why did anyone think they had the right to alter a kid’s body just to make them fit into some stupid fucking box?

  “The first fucking thing you can do is stop calling her a boy,” I said, not giving a flying fuck about my language. I went and crouched down in front of the poor kid, putting us at eye level. There was a spark of something in her eyes that I recognized all too well—a sort of defiant glint that said she wasn’t about to let the world beat her down. “What do you want, Christine?” I said in as nice a tone as I could manage, what with all the rage trying to swarm me.

  The stupid orphanage lady probably really did mean well. She was trying to understand, trying to find some solution in her little backwater brain, when most people would just toss the kid out and be done with it. There were enough normal orphans to worry about these days. Survival of the fittest and all that bullshit.

  The little girl chewed her bottom lip, glanced at Madame Ellis to make sure she wasn’t about to get swatted, then met my eyes. “I just wanna be me.” She shrugged, sullen and defiant. “Why does it gotta matter what parts I have? Why can’t I still have a mom and dad anyway?”

  I swallowed, fighting fucking tears. “It shouldn’t matter one damned bit,” I told her firmly. “You be whoever you want. But sometimes people are going to be complete assholes about it. They can’t help it. They aren’t as fucking awesome as we are.”

  She blinked those big green eyes at me and swiped a hand under her nose. “Are you really like me, Viceroy? Or are you a real girl?” Her eyes lit on my shiny new tiger hairclip.

  I reached up and pulled the stupid accessory out of my hair. Angel could just buy me another one. He’d live. Holding out the hair clip to the little girl, I nodded. “Both. Can’t I be like you and be a real girl? Or a boy? Whenever I want to be?”

  She took the tiger and clutched it to her chest, staring up at me with what I suspected was a stupid case of hero worship. “Yep.” She nodded. “You’re so handsome. I want to be like you, Viceroy. Don’t let them sew my holes shut!”

  The woman on the couch next to me nearly had a stroke at the language coming out of the kid. I laughed so hard there were tears streaming down my cheeks. “Not on my watch, pal. We’ll keep all the holes you were born with intact, okay?”

  She nodded so fast I thought her head would fall off. I gave in to the stupid urge to pat her head.

  Then I stood and crossed my arms over my chest to level a disappointed look at the woman who’d brought the kid to see me. “This is absolutely unacceptable,” I said keeping my voice soft, but letting some of my alpha influence creep in, just for good measure. “All the kids should be given the same chances. If you care about her, like you say you do, then for fuck’s sake leave her be. She’s perfect just how she is. Forcing her to be something she isn’t won’t do anything but fuck her up.”

  She nodded. “Of course, Viceroy. I’m sorry.”

  I held up a hand. I didn’t want to hear it. “You didn’t know any better. Now you do. Do better. Just...let Theo—I mean, the sovereign, let the sovereign know if you need any help dealing with the higher-ups at the orphanage. Okay?”

  She nodded. “Thank you, Viceroy.”

  I watched her gather up the round-eyed kid and herd her out of the room with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

  Gods damn it.

  Theo met me in the hallway as we headed toward the stairs. He’d probably only just managed to get the clinging councilmen and councilwomen off his back and out of the mansion. “How did it go?” he asked as he studied some note he’d written on a piece of paper.

  I snorted. “I’ve never wanted to eat a civilian quite so badly as I did just a few minutes ago.”

  He huffed a laugh. “That good then?” Tucking the paper into his pocket, he kept pace with me as we headed up the stairs. “Let me know what you think needs to be done. We can draft policies for the orphanage and enforce them by threatening to cut funding. I’d be happy to set up an organization to help lookout for children in similar situations and we could—”

  I whirled, stopping one step up in front of Theo and almost knocking him down the stairs. “I want her,” I bit out, shocking myself with my words.

  He stared up at me, then forced his face into some stupid thing that was probably supposed to look like utter shock and surprise. “What? Sam are you saying you want to...adopt that strange little child?”

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “You fucker. You planned this the whole time, didn’t you?”

  He couldn’t keep up his pretend shock any longer. His expression folded into a pleased smile. “Perhaps.”

  I considered shoving him down the stairs for real this time. “Asshole.”

  I turned and headed up the stairs again, Theo jogging to keep up. “I may have noticed that look you get in your eyes sometimes, Sam. You aren’t fooling anyone when you pretend you aren’t a little wounded by your inability to carry children. And the opportunity presented itself quite naturally....”

  I rolled my eyes. Of course he’d noticed. They all probably had. I could pretend all I wanted to, but my mates always saw right the hell through me.

  “Would you like to be listed as ‘mother’ or ‘father’ on the paperwork Jules is preparing?” Theo said, as smug and calm as ever.

  I touched the knife that was strapped to my thigh. “Guardian. I’ll be her guardian.”

  He just smiled and slid an arm around my waist. “Of course you will.”

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