by E. V. White
A couple of hours later, Alex was completely bored. He stopped thinking about what he was doing after ten minutes when he understood that the photographer did not have the faintest idea of how to do his job. His mind began to wander and think about how much his life had changed in those past few days. A talent agent wanted them in the recording studio, he had to write two new songs and a homeless girl was sleeping in his bed at that very moment. The last part made him smile and worry at the same time. He was thinking about what to do with her. Let her stay until she had found other arrangements? Throw her out? There were a lot of questions and doubts running through his head at that moment to which he had no answers. He tried to think of different solutions but none of them seemed to be the right one.
Alex was in the midst of this internal debate when the photographer caught his attention.
“What?” He asked when he realised that he was talking to him.
“I said Adam bought something to eat. Weʼre taking a break,” he said smiling.
Alex thought the lad smiled too much, sometimes for no apparent reason, but kept it to himself. He went to the office he had entered the day before and found not only that Adam was the owner of the place, but also had a completely different idea of “something to eat” compared to his. The desk looked like a wedding banquet, covered with all kinds of sandwiches and pizzas. He grabbed a slice of pizza and devoured it within a few seconds. He then took a second and a third.
“You eat a lot for a model, donʼt you?” the photographer commented.
“Iʼm lucky, I guess,” Alex explained.
The chap had no idea that his opportunities to eat in the last few weeks had been grim, which Alex did not think he needed to know. So when everyone left the office to go back to work, he stayed behind a little longer before meeting up with them because when there was no one in sight, he grabbed a couple of sandwiches and put them in his coat pockets.
*
Emily had gone back to Hoxton Square again. The weight in her chest increased as she approached the same old bench. Only two nights before had she thought that it was a comfortable, familiar place, now it had returned to be her nightmare, the one that reminded her that she was just a junkie without a roof over her head. No matter how Alex had been kind to her, Abigailʼs disgusted look made her go back to reality by reminding her who she had become.
How could she think she could have taken refuge in his place? What would she had done? Would she had gone begging while he went to work? A flood of questions that no longer had any sense continued to bombard her mind. They were all things that meant nothing as she had returned, after only one night, back to the situation she had not been able to defeat for three years.
Emily swallowed another tablet of oxycodone. She did not feel the physical need for it but wanted to turn her mind off and not think of anything else, at least for a while.
Alex opened the door to his flat when it was already late in the afternoon. He walked in and, surprisingly enough, found Matt and Abigail sitting on his couch.
“What are you doing here?” he asked angrily.
“Are you serious?” Matt retorted without answering his question. “A homeless girl alone in your flat?” He continued.
Alex looked at them angrily. They had no right to be there, without any invitation, and to start asking questions.
“Where is she?” He barked.
“We threw her out, what do you think? How could you leave a tramp alone in your own flat?” Abigail questioned in disbelief. “Youʼre fucking her, arenʼt you?” She added in disgust.
Alex looked furious. He had never thought of Emily as someone he wanted to sleep with.
“Is that all you think of me? That I want to fuck?” He asked her. “Do me a favour, get out of my house,” he hissed, increasingly enraged.
“Alex, stop it!” Matt shouted.
Both Abigail and Alex turned toward him.
“What were you thinking? Are you out of your mind?” He lectured, almost shouting.
“No, Iʼm not. Why do you think I am?” He replied angrily.
“Because sheʼs a junkie. Did you know that?” Matt tried to explain.
“So what? Who cares! We all have our issues,” Alex countered.
“Issues? Are you serious? Have you started taking the same shit she’s taking?” Matt shouted furiously.
Alexʼs eyes widened in disbelief, as did those of Abigail who remained speechless during the entire scene. The lad could not believe that Matt thought he was a drug addict.
“Do you really mean what you just said?” He demanded through gritted teeth.
“Youʼre acting crazy. What should I think?” Matt exclaimed.
“Iʼm not acting crazy. Iʼm just tired of your bullshit,” he tried to hurt him.
“Then tell me why a homeless girl was sleeping in your bed this morning,” Matt insisted.
“You know what? I don’t need to explain anything to you,” Alex pointed out. “Give me your copy of my keys and get out,” he continued in a tone that warranted no response.
Matt stood up followed by Abigail, walked slowly to the front door and left the keys on the entrance table before going out and shutting the door behind him. Alex sat on the couch, he was furious. He could not believe that Matt had the courage to do such a thing to Emily. At that point, he did not know whether she would return or not. He stood up, grabbed the keys that Matt had left and rushed out of the flat.
Matt walked in a pace that expressed all his anger, followed by Abigail who struggled to keep up with him.
“Can we do something?” She asked out of breath.
The boy suddenly stopped in the middle of the pavement and looked at her angrily.
“What?” She asked confused.
“You really donʼt get it, do you?” He pressed with irony.
She looked offended, therefore Matt softened a little: he was angry with Alex, not with her; he should not be picking on the first person within armʼs reach.
“Did you see how fucked up he is?” He alleged, hoping he would open her eyes. “Alex is completely gone. I understand that youʼre in love with him but you need to leave him alone.”
Abigail widened her eyes in surprise.
“Iʼm not in love with him,” she muttered as if to justify herself.
Matt rolled his eyes: everyone knew she had been sleeping with him for years in the hopes of being able to get something more than sex.
“Look,” he said calmly. “Alex is doomed. He brought an addict inside his own flat and heʼs probably started as well. Donʼt you see how he behaves?” He appealed to her.
“Yet youʼre not going to do anything to help him? Bloody hell, heʼs your friend! Heʼs your best friend,” she protested angrily, raising her voice.
Matt sighed. He did not even know if he still had the strength to help Alex. He said he would let him go but then he had taken a day off to talk him out of drinking. They had fought instead so he left again. He did not even know if he still had the will to help him.
Matt headed for the tube station.
“Youʼre an asshole,” Abigail blurted out through clenched teeth.
The boy thought that perhaps she was right.
Alex had almost reached Hoxton Square. He did not know whether he would find Emily there after Matt had thrown her out of the house, but he strongly hoped so. When he entered the square, he breathed a sigh of relief that he did not notice he had been holding. There she was: sitting on the bench with her legs drawn up to her chest, her arms wrapping her body and her chin resting on her knees. He could not see from that distance if she was crying but he could definitely say she seemed sad.
The phone began to ring in his pocket. He took it out and looked at the screen flashing. Jaden was calling him. He checked the time; he should have already been at the club where they had a concert that night but he did not answer and put the phone back in his pocket.
Alex approached Emily and sat down beside her on the bench. He remained silent for
a while, avoiding looking at her. Instead, he stared straight in front of him. He knew that if he looked at her, he would have not been able to say a word: he was too ashamed of how Matt had treated her.
Although he did not know the details, he was almost certain that his friend had not been the most diplomatic person in the world; moreover, that viper of Abigail had certainly made the situation worse.
“Iʼm sorry…” He began in a low voice, without knowing how to continue.
Emily did not answer and kept staring at the lawn in front of her. No emotion showed through her face. It was sullen and impassive.
“I don’t know what Matt said to you, but you can come back home. Donʼt listen to him, heʼs an arse,” Alex continued, after a momentʼs hesitation.
“Heʼs right though,” Emily said firmly.
“No, he’s not. I swear, if he somehow offended you Iʼll kick his bum and...” he tried to tell her but she interrupted him.
“No. He was very kind, actually. He also gave me some money for a bus ticket,” she replied without looking at him and without any emotion in her voice. “I can’t stay in your flat, Alex. I don’t even know you and I wouldn’t know how to repay you,” she explained.
Alex looked at her angrily. The idea of taking money from her in exchange for a place to stay had never crossed his mind.
“You don’t have to repay me for anything. Who cares if you live with me? I asked you to come and I am sure of this decision,” he almost shouted.
Emily turned and looked at him frustrated.
“Why me? Why are you so nice to me? We don’t even know each other. I am a complete mess. I donʼt know if you’ve noticed but Iʼm a druggie. I don’t have a job and I beg for money on street corners to get myself a dose of oxycodone. Haven’t you got hold of all this yet?” She snapped.
Alex finally looked at those eyes of hers, now full of tears. The girl almost seemed intimidated by the intensity of his gaze.
“Sometimes, I don’t even know how I get home insofar as Iʼm arse pissed. We all have our issues; Iʼm just trying to solve one of yours. I’ve got a flat that I can share. I don’t pay rent so you can stay there for free. Why not? Give me one good reason why you can’t stay,” he almost whispered.
Emily looked down with apprehension.
“I just… canʼt,” she mustered with no further explanation.
Alex stood up and searched in his pockets. He found the copy of the keys Matt had left him and then knelt in front of Emily.
“These are the keys to my flat. You know where I live. Iʼll wait for you, okay?” He told her, taking her hand and making certain she held them in her hands.
He got up and walked away without looking back, hoping she would get up and follow him. Emily, however, just stared at the keys and remained motionless. Alex began to hope with more anguish than before.
*
Emily had been holding the keys for a while now. She pondered over Alexʼs words and especially those of Abigailʼs. She even deeply reflected on how she had treated her. To the world, she was a piece of rubbish to throw away and forget about, but not to Alex. That was what drove her crazy. She could not understand what the lad had seen in her that she wasnʼt able to see herself. She wondered why he had put so much trust in her by giving her his flat keys. She was a drug addict in desperate need of money, how could he not see it?
She was torn about what she felt at that moment. On the one hand, she was flattered by the fact that he had chosen her over his friends; on the other hand, she did not want the weight of having to be a better person, one in whom you had blind faith. A person that she was not sure she could be: she was angry with Alex because he had given her the task not to betray his trust and she was not sure she would succeed. She was afraid to fail again, to let him down.
It took her some time before she could get up again from that bench and leave that park which had hosted her for too long.
Jaden paced nervously back and forth. Matt sat and stared at the stage almost absent while Jordan wrote furiously on his phone.
“Where the hell is he? Heʼs not answering my calls or my texts! Nothing,” Jordan swore.
“Could he be pissed somewhere?” Jaden put forward, stopping suddenly on the spot.
Matt did not answer; he continued staring at the stage. He did not tell the lads about the violent confrontation he had had with him in the afternoon because he hoped Alex would have surrendered to his overwhelming desire to go on stage and sing.
“Matt, are you all right? Weʼre talking to you!” Jordan tried to get his attention.
Matt suddenly got up and left the club without saying a word.
“Where the hell is he going?” Jaden asked in disbelief.
Jordan shrugged and went back to concentrating on his phone.
The audience was starting to get nervous and the club manager was furiously glancing in their direction. Matt returned to the room without saying anything, grabbed his guitar and headed for the stage.
“What are you doing?” Jaden demanded astounded.
Matt looked at him and sighed: it was clearly obvious no one else was showing up.
“He isn’t coming tonight,” he explained.
Jaden looked at him, even more confused. Jordan held his breath trying not to explode with anger; he was livid about the whole situation.
“I donʼt know whatʼs going on between you and that asshole but I swear to you, if you don’t solve your problems, I’ll rip both your heads off. Is that clear?” Jordan threatened Matt.
Matt did not answer and simply got on stage. Jordan took his drumsticks and followed him. Jaden sighed, grabbed his bass guitar and joined them.
“I guess Iʼll have to sing tonight,” he said to himself.
People were confused and wondered where Alex was. Song after song, however, they grew accustomed to the voice of Jaden and everything became easier for the three of them. Some of the audience, mainly the females, left the room before the end, but those who remained enjoyed the unexpected concert. The only one who was quite angry was the club manager. The concert was not bad as it was pretty intimate and subdued; but, when Alex was on stage, people jumped and sweated. And, if they sweated, they would get thirsty and need a drink. Something the manager appreciated very much as his earnings increased. It did not go that way and therefore he decided not to pay them.
“So? He’s not paying us?” Jordan asked.
Matt nodded resignedly.
“Are you pulling my leg?” Jaden shouted.
Jordan was furious and Jaden was simply annoyed.
“He can’t do that,” Jaden continued.
“Believe me, he can. We performed something that wasnʼt what he asked for,” explained Matt calmly.
Jordan stood up and cursed under his breath.
“I want him out,” he hissed.
“Who?” Jaden asked in disbelief. He knew exactly whom he was talking about.
“That asshole who left us in the lurch tonight,” Matt replied.
Jordan and Jaden looked at him, wide-eyed.
“Are you serious?” Jaden asked, hoping he was joking.
Matt did not answer. He was terribly serious. Jordan had never seen him like that. They had met in high school and he had never seen him so angry in his life. The worst thing was that Matt was angry with his best friend.
“He did not show up tonight. He’s always drunk and we canʼt rely on him. Not anymore,” Jordan expressed those he believed to be Mattʼs thoughts.
“You canʼt do it. Heʼs the one who put this band together. You canʼt be serious,” Jaden tried to talk some sense into them.
“Heʼs right,” said Matt with no emotion. “Heʼs completely out of control. He needs to solve his own problems. Then, and only then, can he return.”
“You know what?” Jaden said in a firm voice. “If you kick Alex out youʼll have to look for a new bass player too,” he continued grabbing his bass guitar and storming out of the club in a huff.
Matt and J
ordan looked at each other and sighed.
“Iʼll talk to him. We need to find someone else,” said Matt to Jordan and walked towards the bathroom.
Jordan looked at him and growled in frustration. He, contrary to Matt, said he wanted Alex out in the heat of the moment. However, when he saw how dejected Matt was, he realised that his words had been taken much more seriously than he actually intended. He was not sure it was the right solution; maybe they just needed some time to talk to Alex.
Alex was sitting on the couch, in the dark. He was drinking scotch from a glass and was almost drunk. He kept looking at the phone and the increasing number of calls and texts from the other band members. He knew he had missed the concert but he did not care. He did not want to see Matt, at least not so soon. He was furious with him and, despite his dying desire to be on that stage, he was not ready to forget what he had done. He hoped that Emily would change her mind and would come back but he was pretty sure he should discard that possibility.
He almost jumped on the couch with excitement when he heard the front door open and someone entered the flat.
“Alex, are you home?” Emily whispered hesitantly.
The flat was shrouded in darkness and she was not sure he was there. At that moment, she was not even sure she was doing the right thing. She was about to turn around and go back to Hoxton Square when Alex switched on the light, making her heart jump out of her chest.
“What are you doing here in the dark? You scared me to death,” she reproached him as she caught her breath.
Alex smiled a little embarrassed and looked her straight in the eyes. Every time he looked at her that way she felt her soul stripped naked but the thing that worried her most was that she would let him do it a thousand more times.
“I was... waiting for you?” He replied with a half-question.
A quick look at him, she realised immediately that he was drunk. She wondered why he self-destructed that way almost every day but she did not dare ask.