‘Is the Parson in London?’ says Wogan. ‘Say that he is, Mrs. Barnes, and say it quick.’
‘Why, it’s Mr. Wogan!’ cries she.
‘Whisht, my dear woman!’ answered Wogan, pushing through the doorway. ‘It’s Mr. Hilton. There’s no Wogan anywhere in England. Remember that, if you please.’
Mrs. Barnes slammed the door in a hurry.
‘Then you are in trouble again,’ said she, throwing up her hands.
‘Well, there’s nothing unusual in that,’ said he. ‘Sure man is born to it, and who am I that I should escape the inheritance?’ and he opened the door of Mr. Kelly’s sitting-room. He saw the figure of a man bending over the table. As the door was thrown open, the figure straightened itself hurriedly. There was a sound of an iron lid clanging down upon a box, and the sharp snap of a lock. George Kelly turned and stood between the table and the door, in a posture of defence. Then —
‘Nick!’ he cried, and grasped his friend’s hand. The next moment he let it go. ‘What brings you here?’ he exclaimed.
‘My ancestor,’ said Wogan, dropping into a chair. ‘’Twas his spirit guided me.’
‘Then take my word for it,’ cried George, ‘if there’s a Bedlam beyond the grave your ancestor inhabits it.’
Wogan made no reply in words at first. But he rose stiffly from his chair, bowed to Kelly with profuse ceremony, took his hat, and with his hat a step towards the door. Kelly, on the other hand, shut the door, locked it, put the key in his pocket and leaned his back against the panels. Wogan affected to see nothing of these actions, but spoke in a tone of dignity like a man taking his leave.
‘Such insults as you are pleased to confer on me,’ said he, ‘no doubt I deserve, and I take them in all Christian meekness. But when my ancestor Thomas Wogan, God rest his soul for ever and ever, rode with twenty-eight Cavaliers from Dover to Scotland through the thick of his bloodthirsty foes to carry the succour of his presence to the friends of his blessed Majesty of sacred memory King Charles the Second, it was not, I’d have you know, Mr. Kelly, in order that his name should be bespattered after he was dead by a snuffling long-legged surreptitious gawk of a parson who was kicked out of his Dublin pulpit with every circumstance of ignominy because his intellect didn’t enable him to compose a homily.’
At this point Wogan drew a long breath, which he sorely needed. It was not at all truth that he had spoken, as he knew — none better. The Parson was indeed stripped of his gown because he preached a very fine homily on the text of ‘Render unto Cæsar the things that are Cæsar’s,’ wherein he mingled many timely and ingenious allusions to the Chevalier. Nor was there any particular force in that epithet ‘surreptitious,’ beyond that it had an abusive twang. Yet it was just that word at which Mr. Kelly took offence.
‘Surreptitious,’ said he, ‘and if you please what is the meaning of that?’
And then surveying Wogan, he began of a sudden to smile.
‘Ta-ta-ta,’ he said with a grimace.
‘It is a pretty though an interjectional wit,’ replied Wogan in a high disdain, falling upon long words, as was his fashion on the rare occasions when he cloaked himself with dignity.
‘Faith,’ continued George, with the smile broadening over his face, ‘but it is indeed the very picture of Christian meekness,’ and then, breaking into a laugh, ‘Will you sit down, you noisy firebrand. As for Thomas Wogan — be damned to him and to all his twenty-eight Cavaliers into the bargain!’
Mr. Wogan will never deny but what the man’s laugh was irresistible, for the Parson’s features wore in repose something of clerkly look. They were cast in a mould of Episcopal gravity; but when he laughed his blue eyes would lighten at you like the sun from a bank of clouds, and the whole face of him wrinkled and creased into smiles, and his mouth shook a great rumbling laugh out of his throat, and then of a sudden you had come into the company of a jolly man. Wogan put his hat on the table and struggled to preserve his countenance from any expression of friendliness.
‘It is the common talk at the Cocoa Tree that you sailed from Cadiz. It is thought that you were one of the remnant at Glenshiel. Oh, the rumour of your whereabouts has marched before you, and that you might have guessed. But see what it is to know no Virgil, and,’ shaking a minatory finger,
‘Fama, malum quo non aliud velocius ullum.’
Mr. Wogan bowed before Latin like a sapling before the wind. He seated himself as he was bid.
‘And you must needs come parading your monstrous person through the thick of London, like any fashionable gentleman,’ continued George. ‘What am I to do with you? Why couldn’t you lie quiet in a village and send me news of you? Did you meet any of your acquaintance by chance when you came visiting your friend Mr. Kelly? Perhaps you passed the time of day with Mr. Walpole—’ and as he spoke the name he stopped abruptly. He walked once or twice across the room, shifting his peruke from one side of his head to the other in the fluster of his thoughts. Then he paused before Wogan.
‘Oh, what am I to do with you?’ he cried. ‘Tell me that, if you please.’ But the moment Wogan began,
‘Sure, George, it’s not you that I will be troubling for my security’ — Kelly cut in again:
‘Oh, if you have nothing better to say than that, you say nothing at all. It is dribbling baby’s talk,’ and then he repeated a question earnestly. ‘Did you see anyone you knew, or rather did anyone that knows you see you?’
‘Why,’ replied Wogan meekly, ‘I cannot quite tell whether he knows me or not, but to be sure I ran into the arms of Captain Montague not half a dozen yards from the corner of Ryder Street.’
‘Montague!’ exclaimed Kelly. Wogan nodded.
‘The man who fought against you at Preston siege?’
‘The same.’
‘’Tis a pity you were at so much pains to save his life in that scuffle.’
‘Haven’t I been thinking that myself?’ asked Wogan. ‘If only I had left him lying outside the barricades, where he would have been surely killed by the cross-fire, instead of running out and dragging him in! But it is ever the way. Once do a thoroughly good-natured action and you will find it’s the thorn in your side that will turn and sting you. But I am not sure that he knew me,’ and he related how the Captain had stopped with an air of perplexed recollection, and had then gone on his way. Kelly listened to the account with a certain relief.
‘It is likely that he would not remember you. For one thing, he was wounded when you carried him in, and perhaps gave little heed to the features of his preserver. Moreover, you have changed, Nick, in these years. You were a stripling then, a boy of fifteen, and,’ here he smiled and laid a hand on Wogan’s shoulder, ‘you have grown into a baby in four years.’
Then he took another turn across the room. ‘Well, and why not?’ he said to himself, and finally brought his fist with a bang upon the table. ‘I’ll hazard it,’ said he. ‘I am not sure but what it is the safest way,’ and, drawing a chair close to Wogan, he sat himself down.
‘It was the mention of Mr. Walpole set me on the plan,’ he said. ‘You heard in Paris that Lady Oxford is a kinsman of his. Well, I go down to Lord Oxford’s in two days. It is a remote village in the north of Herefordshire. You shall come with me as my secretary. ‘Faith, but I shall figure in my lord’s eyes as a person of the greatest importance.’
Mr. Wogan resisted the proposal as being of some risk to his friend, but Kelly would hear of no argument. The plan grew on him, the more he thought of it. ‘You can lie snug here for the two days. Mrs. Barnes is to be trusted, devil a doubt. You can travel down with me in safety. I am plain Mr. Johnson here, engaged in smuggling laces from the Continent into England. And once out of London there will be little difficulty in shipping you out of the country until the affair’s blown over.’
So it was arranged, and Kelly, looking at his watch, says —
‘By my soul, I am late. I should have been with my Lord of Rochester half-an-hour since. The good Bishop will be swearing
like a dragoon.’
He clapped his hat on his head, took up his cane, and marched to the door. His hand was on the knob, when he turned.
‘By the way, Nick, I have something which belongs to you. ’Twas sent to my lodging in Paris by mistake. I brought it over, since I was sure to set eyes on you shortly.’
‘Ah,’ said Nick. ‘Then you expected me, for all your scolding and bullying.’
‘To speak the honest truth, Nick,’ said Kelly, with a laugh, ‘I have been expecting you all the last week.’
He went into his bedroom, and brought out the strong-box which Wogan had purchased in Paris.
‘Sure there was no mistake,’ said Wogan. ‘I sent it to you as a reward for your discretion.’
‘Oh, you did. Well, you wasted your money, for I have no need for it.’
‘Nor I,’ replied Wogan. ‘But it has a very good lock, and will serve to hold your love-letters.’
Kelly laughed carelessly at the careless words, and laid the box aside upon his scrutore. Many a time in the months that followed Wogan saw it there, and the sight of it would waken him to a laugh, for he did not know that a man’s liberty, his honour, his love, came shortly to be locked within its narrow space.
CHAPTER III
MR. WOGAN INSTRUCTS THE IGNORANT PARSON IN THE WAYS OF WOMEN
MR. WOGAN THEN remained for two days closeted in his friend’s lodgings, and was hard put to it to pass the time, since the Parson, who acted as secretary and right-hand man to Bishop Atterbury, was ever dancing attendance upon his lordship at Bromley or the Deanery of Westminster. Wogan smoked a deal of tobacco, and, knitting his brows, made a strenuous endeavour to peruse one of George Kelly’s books — a translation of Tully’s Letters. He did, indeed, read a complete page, and then being seized with a sudden vertigo, such as from his extreme youth had prevented him from a course of study, was forced to discontinue his labours. At this juncture Mrs. Barnes comforted him with a greasy pack of cards, and for the rest of that day he played games of chance for extraordinary stakes, one hand against t’other, winning and losing millions of pounds sterling in the space of a single hour. By bedtime he was sunk in a plethora of wealth and an extremity of destitution at one and the same time; and so, since he saw no way of setting the balance right, he bethought him of another plan. On the morrow he would write out a full history of his ancestors, as a memorial of their valour and a shame to the men of this age.
The Parson, when he was informed of the notable design, quoted a scrap of Latin to the effect that it would be something more than a brazen proceeding. Wogan, however, was not to be dissuaded by any tag of rhyme, and getting up before daylight, since he had but this one day for the enterprise, was at once very busy with all of Kelly’s spluttering pens. He began with the founder of the family, the great Chevalier Ugus, who lived in the time of my little Octavius Cæsar, and was commissioned by that unparalleled monarch to build the town of Florence. ‘Ugus,’ wrote Mr. Wogan in big round painful letters with a flourish to each, and, coming to a stop, woke up George Kelly to ask him in what year of Our Lord Octavius Cæsar was born into this weary world. ‘In no year of Our Lord,’ grumbled George, a little churlishly to Wogan’s thinking, who went back to his desk, and taking up a new pen again wrote ‘Ugus.’ Thereupon he fell into a great profundity of thought; so many philosophic reflections crowded into his head while he nibbled his pen, as he felt sure must visibly raise him in the estimation of his friends. So, taking his candle in one hand and his pen in the other, he came a second time to Kelly’s bedside and sat him down heavily upon his legs, the better to ensure his awakening. It is to be admitted that this time the Parson sat up in his bed, and swore with all the volubility of a dragoon or even of my Lord Bishop of Rochester. But Wogan smiled amiably, knowing when he communicated his thoughts how soon those oaths would turn to cries of admiration.
‘It is a very curious thing,’ said Wogan, shifting himself a little so that Kelly’s shins should not press so sharply, ‘how the mere inking of one’s fingers produces speculation. Just as great valorous deeds are the consequence of swords,’ here he paused to snuff the candle with his fingers, ‘so great philosophic thoughts are the consequence of pens. Put a sword in a man’s hand! What does he want to do but cut his neighbour right open from the chine to the ribs? Put a pen between his fingers, on the other hand, and what does he want to do but go away by himself and write down great thoughts?’
‘Then, in Heaven’s name, why don’t you do it?’ cried George.
‘Because, my friend,’ replied Wogan, ‘out of the great love I bear for you, I shall always, always communicate my thoughts first of all to you.’ Here the Parson groaned like a man giving up the ghost, and Wogan continued:
‘For instance, you have doubtless heard of my illustrious forbear the Chevalier Ugus.’ At this Kelly tried to turn on his side; but he could not do so, since his legs were pinned beneath Wogan’s weight. ‘The Chevalier Ugus,’ repeated Wogan, ‘who built and beautified the city of Florence to the glory of God in the reign of the Emperor Octavius. How many of the English have loitered in the colonnades, and feasted their eyes upon the cathedral, and sauntered on the bridges of the Arno? How many of them, I say, have drawn profitable thoughts and pleasurable sensations from the edifices of my great ancestor? And yet not one of them — if poor Nicholas Wogan, his degenerate son, were to poke his nose outside of Mrs. Barnes’s front door — not one of them but would truss him hands and heels and hang him up to derision upon a nasty gibbet.’
So far Wogan had flowed on when a sigh from Kelly’s lips brought him to a pause. He leaned forward and held the candle so that the light fell upon Kelly’s face. Kelly was sound asleep.
‘To be sure,’ said Wogan in a soft voice of pity, on the chance that Kelly might be counterfeiting slumber, ‘my little friend’s jealous of my reflective powers,’ and going back to his chair wrote ‘Ugus’ a third time with a third pen; and then, in order to think the more clearly, laid his hand upon the table and closed his eyes.
It was Mrs. Barnes’s hand upon his shoulder, some three hours afterwards, which roused him from his so deep reflections, and to a man in Wogan’s course of life the shoulder is a most sensitive member. She took the paper, whereon the great name was thrice inscribed, very daintily between her forefinger and thumb, as though she touched pitch; folded it once, twice, thrice, and set it on the mantelshelf. There Mr. Kelly, coming into the room for breakfast, discovered it, hummed a little to himself like a man well pleased, and turned over the leaf to see what was written t’other side.
‘That is all,’ said Wogan, indifferently.
‘And it is a very good night’s work,’ replied Kelly, with the politest gravity, ‘not a letter — and there are precisely twelve of them in all — but is writ with scrupulous correctness. Such flourishes, too, are seldom seen. I cannot call to mind that ever I saw a g so pictorially displayed. Ugus — Ugus — Ugus—’ and he held the paper out at arm’s length.
‘I went no further with my work,’ explained Wogan, ‘because I reflected—’
‘What, again?’ asked the Parson in a voice of condolence.
‘That the mere enunciation of the name Ugus gives an epitome of the Wogan family.’
‘Indeed, it gives a history in full,’ said the Parson.
‘It comprises—’
‘Nay, it conveys—’
‘All that need be known of the Wogan family.’
‘All that need be known, indeed, and perhaps more,’ added George with the air of a man turning a compliment Mr. Wogan was sensibly flattered, and took his friend’s words as an apology for that disrespect which he had shown towards Thomas Wogan two days before, and the pair seated themselves to breakfast in the best of good humour.
‘We start at nine of the evening,’ said George. ‘I have commanded a sober suit of grey cloth for you, Nick, since you cannot squeeze into my coats, and it should be here by now. Meanwhile, I leave you to Mrs. Barnes’s attentions.’
Of these attentions Mrs. Barnes was by no means sparing. For the buxom widow of the bookseller, who, to her credit be it said, had her full share of good looks, joined to an admirable warmth of heart a less adorable curiosity. With the best intentions in the world for her lodgers’ security, she was always prying into their secrets. Nor did she always hold her tongue outside her own doors, as Mr. Kelly had bitter reason afterwards to know. In a word, she had all the inquisitiveness of her class, and sufficient wiles to make that inquisitiveness difficult to parry. Not that Nicholas Wogan was at all troubled upon this score, for if there was one quality upon which the good man prided himself, it was his comprehension of the sex. ‘Woman,’ he would say with a sententious pursing of the lips and a nod of the head; and again ‘woman,’ and so drop into silence; as who should say, ‘Here’s a nut I could show you the kernel of were I so disposed.’
This morning, however, Mrs. Barnes made no demand upon Wogan’s cunning. For she took the paper with the thrice iterated Ugus which the Parson had replaced upon the mantelshelf, and, with the same gingerly precautions as she had used in touching it before, dropped it into the fire.
‘And why that?’ asked Wogan.
Mrs. Barnes flung out at him in reply.
‘I have no patience with you,’ she cried. ‘What’s Ugus, Mr. Wogan? Answer me that,’ and she struck her arms akimbo. ‘What’s Ugus but one of your cypher words, and you must needs stick it up on your mantelshelf for all the world to see?’
‘It’s no cypher word at all,’ replied Wogan with a laugh.
‘What is it then?’ said she.
‘My dear woman, the merest mare’s nest,’ said he.
‘Oh, you may “dear woman” me,’ cried she, and sat herself down in a chair, ‘and you may laugh at a woman’s fears; but, good lack, it was a bad day when Mr. Kelly first found a lodging here. What with his plottings here and his plottings there, it will be a fortunate thing if he doesn’t plot us all into our graves.’
Complete Works of a E W Mason Page 263