Some Regrets Are Forever (River's End Rescues Book 1)

by Jane Blythe

  Then her gaze fell on pictures of an older Abe in military uniform. “You were in the army?”

  “I was, my father and both of my brothers as well.”

  Her hand found her pocket and curled around the box inside. “My dad was in the army, he died, stepped on an IED. He deployed when I was just a couple of months old so I never knew him, but I have his dog tags, I carry them with me everywhere I go.”

  “I’m sorry,” Abe said, and she could feel the heaviness coating his words. He had no doubt lost friends the same way.

  “My mom decided that she didn’t want to raise a baby on her own, maybe I was a reminder of the husband she had lost, so she gave me up. I grew up in the foster care system,” she told him, not quite sure why she was telling him all of this, maybe it was because she knew that in part he understood the loss she had endured.

  “That’s rough,” he said, and again his words were heavy with emotion, and while she sensed that it had something to do with him and not just her and her lonely childhood, she didn’t ask him about it.

  “Thank you for serving our country, for making it a safer place for me and everyone else,” she said, and she meant it. Those were words that she wished she had been able to say to her father, he had made the ultimate sacrifice for her and she hated that she hadn’t lived a life to honor that sacrifice.

  “It was nothing.” He waved off her words.

  “No, it wasn’t,” she said fiercely. “You gave up your life here to go and fight in another country, knowing that you might never come home, for people that you don’t even know, that isn’t nothing.”

  He offered her a one-sided smile. “Then I accept your thanks. I’m sorry, Meadow, I really am, I can’t imagine growing up without parents, and to know that your mom chose to give you up, that’s really rough.”

  “All I ever wanted was someone to love me. My dad was gone, my mom obviously didn’t care about me, I had friends but it wasn’t the same, my whole life I’ve been searching for that one person who’ll wake me up every morning with a kiss, who’ll hold me in their arms each night when we go to sleep, who thinks I’m the light of their life, who would say something silly just to make me laugh, and wipe away my tears. I thought I had found it once before, but … but now I don’t think that person is out there anywhere.” Tears were brimming in her eyes, and she realized that she had very nearly spilled everything. Jumping to her feet, she thrust the bowl of soup into Abe’s hands. “I’m going to bed.”

  With that, she rushed up the stairs for the second time tonight, only this time instead of seeking refuge in the bathroom, she flung herself down onto the bed. Her tears flowed, and she wondered what was wrong with her that nobody loved her.

  She had tried so hard to find love and yet she always failed.

  It had to be her.

  There was something wrong with her, something that made her unlovable. She was no doubt destined to spend her life alone.

  February 5th

  6:22 A.M.

  Abe rolled over in bed, still half asleep, but when he caught sight of the glowing red numbers and saw it was nearly half-past six his mind snapped wide awake. He was surprised he had slept for five straight hours. He’d waited up for a while after Meadow went running upstairs in case she came back down and needed to talk. When an hour passed without a sign of her, he’d put the fire out and come upstairs, pausing at her bedroom door where he had heard the soft sound of her snoring, and gone to bed. He’d expected to lie awake for hours, but he must have been more tired than he’d thought because he didn’t remember lying awake at all, he must have passed out as soon as his head hit the pillow.

  As he climbed out of bed, grabbed a clean pair of jeans and white shirt from the closet, and headed into his bathroom to take a quick shower, he wondered what he would find when he went downstairs.

  Was Meadow still here?

  Had she fled during the night?

  Although she had opened up to him a little last night, he knew that it would only take one little push to send her running straight back onto the streets.

  If she ran he’d actually miss her.

  He was surprised to realize that, but in the last thirty-six hours or so he had grown accustomed to her presence. She was mixed up, and yet there was a sweetness, an innocence about her that was intriguing. It was like whatever she had been through had left cracks in her soul, but it hadn’t shattered it. She was sweet, and she obviously hadn’t given up on humanity because she had been able to trust him even though she had no reason to.

  It made him want to find who had hurt her even more.

  Who could take something so good and try to destroy it?

  He had been in love once, and he had thought that she was the most precious gift he had ever been given. He would have walked through fire for her, he would have given his life in a second to keep her safe, he would have spent his entire life doing anything it took to put a smile on her beautiful face.

  But it hadn’t been enough.

  She’d left, and she’d taken with her his faith in love and relationships. It had left him too jaded to bother giving romance a second try, and despite the wonderful example his parents had given him, he believed that the odds of finding your soul mate were equivalent to your odds of winning the lottery.

  Seeing the twinkle in Meadow’s eyes when she was excited and the sadness in her voice when she had talked about wanting to find a place to belong in the world and someone to love her, it had him thinking …

  Thinking nothing, he told himself firmly as he shut off the water.

  A little more anxious than he should have been to see if Meadow was still here, he quickly toweled off and threw on his clothes. He paused at the door to the spare bedroom and found it empty, the bed was made, and the curtains were opened, and for a second he thought that she had finally split.

  Half wondering if it was worth jumping into his truck to drive around in the hopes of finding her, Abe was just convincing himself it was a waste of time because she could have been gone for hours already when he stepped into the kitchen.

  Meadow was in there, she’d obviously found the clothes his mom had dropped off because she was wearing a pair of loose fitting blue sweatpants that matched her sky blue eyes, and a golden yellow sweater that reminded him of the sun as it was rising.

  It was perfect for her.

  “Morning, sunshine,” he drawled, and watched amused as she jumped at the sound of his voice.

  “You did that on purpose,” she accused when she saw him standing there grinning at her.

  “Who me?” he asked all innocent as he took a seat at the table. “I wasn’t sure I was going to find you still here.” The look on her face as she went back to what she’d been doing confirmed his suspicions that she was still unsure whether or not she was going to hang around. Abe knew that she felt safe in his house, and Maggie said that she seemed to have enjoyed working at the hotel, she obviously liked River’s End, and he couldn’t blame her, the town was charming, but she was afraid and fear could fuel you into making some unwise choices. As much as he wanted to force her to trust him and open up so he could help her, he knew that trust had to be earned, so he had to just keep doing what he was doing.

  “I’m sorry for running out on you last night,” she said.

  “Pfft.” He waved off her apology, he didn’t want contrition he wanted her trust. “Did you sleep well?”

  “Yes.”

  “And I see you found the clothes my mother dropped off for you. I know you need some maternity clothes but I thought that they might do until we can get you what you need.”

  “I did, and I can make them work for now, please thank her for me, and your sister too, it was very generous of her to let me use her clothes.”

  “I will, they look good on you.”

  She shot a quick glance his way, and her cheeks heated when she saw the appreciative look he was giving her. “I, umm, well, I need to be at the hotel by quarter to seven, so I need to leave soon,�
�� she said, changing the topic.

  “I’ll drop you off on my way to work,” he told her. “I just need to grab a quick breakfast.”

  “I, uh, I made you breakfast,” she said shyly, holding up something wrapped in white paper. “It’s pancake wraps.”

  “Pancake wraps?”

  “I make the pancakes a little bigger and then I put fruit or something on them and roll them up,” she explained. “I made one with berries, one with apple and banana and added a little cinnamon, and one with Nutella and chocolate chips in case you like something sweeter.”

  “You’re a gem,” he told her.

  Her cheeks pinked again. “I only want one. Which two do you want?”

  “Whichever ones you don’t.”

  “Oh.” She looked surprised that what she wanted should matter. “I really don’t mind.”

  Since he knew it wasn’t her parents who had abused her, and combined with her admission that she had once thought she’d found someone to love her, he suspected that she was a battered wife who had finally had enough, probably when she found out she was pregnant. It made sense that she wasn’t used to someone caring about her needs. Well, she was going to have to get used to it, because although he wasn’t in the market for a wife, he knew how to treat any woman right, here she would learn that she deserved respect and maybe it would start to sink in after no doubt having it beaten out of her.

  “Make up your mind, sunshine, because we have to leave. Grab your coat.” Abe stood and grabbed his from the hook by the door, heading out to get the truck warming up.

  By the time he had the engine running, Meadow had come out the front door, coat on, and the three pancake wraps in her hands. “Don’t you need to lock the door?” she asked as she climbed into the passenger seat.

  “Not in River’s End,” he replied. The notion looked so foreign to Meadow that he wondered whether her abusive ex had locked her up inside the house. “So did you decide which of the wraps you wanted?”

  “Well, if you’re sure you don’t mind,” she hedged.

  “I don’t.”

  “I love berries, so I wouldn’t mind that one.”

  “Perfect, I love chocolate, and apples, especially with cinnamon. You should show these pancake wrap creations of yours to Maggie. I’m sure she’d love to offer them for breakfast at the hotel.”

  “Really?”

  “Of course, they’re a great idea, and perfect for people in a hurry.”

  “You really think they’re a good idea?”

  “Definitely. You’re full of great ideas, Meadow, I’m sorry that someone made you feel like you’re not, like you’re worthless, but it’s not true. Whoever told you those things, they’re the one with the problem, not you. He made you believe things about yourself that aren’t true because he wanted to control you, but he doesn’t. You left. Even though part of you believed the things he told you, you left anyway because you didn’t want your baby to have that life. That takes guts. Guts, and strength, and courage that prove that everything he told you about yourself is a lie.”

  Meadow was quiet for a moment, and then she lifted a hand and brushed at her eyes. “Thank you.”

  The words were simple and yet never in his life had he heard so much emotion expressed in two words. “You’re welcome.”

  * * * * *

  10:52 A.M.

  “Why don’t you take a break?”

  The words filtered slowly through her brain like they had to pass through a maze to get there. Meadow had almost forgotten them by the time they did make it into her brain.

  She was busy.

  Preoccupied.

  She was baking bread, and chopping tomatoes and cucumbers for the salad, and stirring soup that was bubbling away on the stove. Chicken was frying, and potatoes were boiling, and her mind was spinning in a million different directions as she prepared for the lunchtime rush.

  A lot of organization went into cooking, making sure everything was timed down to the last second so that it was ready all at once, making sure everything was done just right but also as quickly as possible so that things didn’t burn or overcook. Her brain was wired to work like this, it was why she had always loved to cook. Even as a child in a group home she would often cook dinner for herself and all the kids who lived there, it gave her a purpose, and …

  Meadow was embarrassed to admit it, but she also hoped it would make people like her.

  Hungry tummies led to warm hearts, right?

  Back then, baking cookies and cupcakes and brownies to give to the other kids had earned her friendships, but over time she had learned that you couldn’t buy people off. One by one those people had drifted out of her life, and no amount of chocolate was going to keep them there.

  Still, that love of cooking hadn’t faded, and when she had been alone in her house, day after day, she would spend the time cooking because she knew she was good at it, and more than once, it had saved her from a beating.

  “Meadow.” A hand rested lightly on her shoulder, and she very nearly jumped out of her skin, she had forgotten anyone else was even in the kitchen. “Why don’t you take a break? You’ve been working nonstop since you got here.”

  Maggie was standing beside her, looking at her with anxious brown eyes coated with concern. Because she didn’t want anyone to be worried about her, she pasted a smile on her face. “I don’t really need a break.”

  “I disagree, and since I’m your boss I insist that you take a break. Do you like tea?”

  Well, she didn’t know what to say to that. Maggie had very generously given her a job here and she didn’t want to do anything to upset her boss, so reluctantly she set down the knife that was in her hand and left the half chopped carrot on the cutting board. “I like tea.”

  “Good.” Maggie nodded, satisfied. “Why don’t you get some of the cookies you baked this morning, and we’ll sit together, get to know each other a little better.”

  Obediently she collected some cookies, set them on a plate, and took them over to the small table in the corner of the kitchen. The morning rush had ended at ten, and the lunch rush wouldn’t start till noon so although they had time for a quick rest she wanted to get back to work. Meadow was worried that if she messed up, if she didn’t work hard enough or do everything perfectly that she would be out of a job. And if she was out of a job then she could hardly expect to stay in Abe’s house for free, leaving her and her unborn baby out in the cold. Literally.

  “You can stop fretting,” Maggie said as she set two mugs of tea down on the table and dropped into the chair beside her. “You’re the best employee I’ve ever had, by far. You have this job for as long as you want it which is why I thought we should get to know each other a little better.”

  Meadow raised a suspicious eyebrow. Was this an attempt to get her to talk about why she had been on the run?

  “Relax,” Maggie said with a small chuckle. “I just thought we might have some things in common.”

  “Things in common?” she echoed. She wasn’t sure what she could possibly have in common with a beautiful, smart, successful business owner.

  “I don’t mean to pry, honestly I don’t, I only want to help. You’re running from someone, right? Someone who hurt you.”

  When she had run up the stairs and gone to bed last night she had been consumed with thoughts of him. All night he had plagued her dreams, taunting her, promising her that he would get her back. This morning when she had woken, the urge to run again and never stop was strong, but she owed it to her baby to give this a proper try, so she had put on her big girl panties, made breakfast and come to work, she wasn’t going to let him take anything else from her. But this she hadn’t been expecting. Had she really found someone who truly understood?

  “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I just thought that you might like having someone to talk to. I know how lonely it can be, and I can’t imagine being pregnant and afraid like that, so …” Maggie trailed off, looking like maybe she
shouldn’t have brought it up.

  “Thank you.” She wished that she could offer an appropriate amount of thanks for the gratefulness that was inside her heart. Those two little words didn’t feel like enough, not when she had said them to Abe this morning and not now. “Who hurt you?”

  “Pretty typical stuff.” Maggie shrugged. “Alcoholic Dad, drug addict Mom, I was lucky to get out, my grandparents took me in after my dad went to prison and life for me was better after that.”

  “How old were you?”

  “Twelve.”

  “My dad died when I was a baby, my mom didn’t want me so she gave me up. I know what it’s like to be a kid and all alone. All I ever wanted was to find my place in the world, that place where you just … belong.”

  “I know that feeling.” And from the look on Maggie’s face she truly did.

  “Do you think that everyone has a place? Do you think that for some people there isn’t anywhere they belong? That they’re destined to spend the rest of their lives alone and searching for something that doesn’t exist?” That was her greatest fear, that she would forever be alone, trying to hunt for something that wasn’t even there.

  “I don’t know,” Maggie replied, and the wistful tone in her words said that she had the exact same fears.

  It was rough not growing up in a real home, with people who loved and cared about you, people who helped you form the foundation for which your entire life would be built on. Meadow was about to ask Maggie more about what had happened to her in the hopes that it would make her feel more comfortable opening up when the door to the kitchen was flung open and Abe bustled through, striding purposefully toward them.

  “Hey, Maggie. Sunshine.” He nodded at each of them.

  Every time he called her that it was like a little sliver of light crept into her dark world. She wondered what would happen if she let him all the way in. Would her whole world erupt into light like the sun rising at dawn? “Hi, Abe.” She smiled shyly.