Some Regrets Are Forever (River's End Rescues Book 1)

by Jane Blythe

  Making Meadow talk to keep his town safe made him feel like he was using her, but this was about keeping her safe too, so like it or not, he was going to have to find a way to get her talking.

  He wondered whether kissing her would work.

  * * * * *

  6:23 P.M.

  She hoped Abe would be home soon.

  She knew that he had a job with unpredictable hours, and he had two murders that he was working on solving, so she didn’t really know what time to expect him, but she hoped it was soon because otherwise dinner would be ruined.

  At work today, she had tried to surreptitiously get out of Maggie what Abe’s favorite meal was and was cooking it for him for dinner. Right now the steak was sizzling, the biscuits and gravy were just about ready, and the cornbread was in the oven. She’d started a fire in the fireplace, and she had all the ingredients ready to make S’mores later.

  It was all going to be perfect.

  After Abe kissed her this morning she had thought about running. She couldn’t get involved with another man, she was still married and wasn’t sure that it was a good idea even if she wasn’t. She had a baby on the way, and she had to build a life for the two of them, even thinking about another man was a stupid idea.

  A really stupid idea.

  Meadow knew that, and yet as soon as she had nixed the idea of running and trying to start over someplace else all she had been able to think about was that kiss. As ridiculous as it was, she was developing feelings for him. Abe was everything that she had ever wanted in a man, he was strong, confident, sweet on the inside even though he tried to hide it, and treated her respectfully. He was exactly what she had thought her husband was when he was luring her into his trap.

  Only Abe would never do that.

  He was a good man, and she knew he would be a good husband and a good father to her baby. It would all be so perfect, they could live here in his adorable little cabin, the baby could have the room she was sleeping in now since she’d be sharing Abe’s room and his bed. In the summer they’d take the baby swimming in the river, they’d have so much fun, splashing and laughing. In the winter they’d make snowmen, in the fall they’d rake the leaves into big piles and jump in them, and in the spring they’d plant millions of flowers. She would cook dinner for them every night, and then they’d sit together in the living room and watch TV or play games, and then they’d tuck the baby into bed and read it stories before singing it to sleep.

  Everything would be the way it should be.

  Tonight was going to be the first step in making that happen. While she and Abe were eating dinner, she was going to tell him that she was falling for him. She was expecting him to tell her that it was too soon to even be thinking about developing feelings for one another, but she would easily counter that with the fact that he had kissed her. Why would he do that if he wasn’t feeling the same things that she was?

  Was that his car?

  Meadow ran to the window and looked out, and just as she’d thought, headlights lit up the night, and he parked his car in the driveway.

  This was it, she hoped that things worked out well. She really did like Abe, it wasn’t just about needing someone to take care of her, and she really could see them falling in love and having an amazing life together, but he was going to be a tough nut to crack. He was always so composed, he kept his feelings tightly bottled away, and she was sure he would be resistant to the idea of them being a couple. At least at first.

  “Abe.” She beamed at him as he came through the door. “You’re home.”

  “What smells amazing?” he asked.

  “I’m cooking you dinner; steak, cornbread, biscuits and gravy, and S’mores for dessert,” she said, hurrying to the stove to take the steak off, then buzzing about dishing up the food.

  “My favorites,” he said as he came over to the kitchen.

  “Well, I might have talked to Maggie and found out what you like so I could cook you dinner. Kind of like a thank you dinner, you know, for everything you’ve done for me. Letting me stay here in your home, and getting me a job. I know it’s not enough, but I just wanted to do something nice for you.” Tentatively, she lifted her hand and placed it on his. She wasn’t good at the whole dating thing, her husband had been much older than her and had been the dominant one in the relationship even before he let his abusive streak show.

  “Meadow,” he started, and the tone of his voice said she wasn’t going to like what he was about to say.

  “Dinner’s ready,” she cut him off. She didn’t want him to put a dampener on this night. In her head she had pictured them eating, talking about each other, laughing and enjoying the evening, and then they would do a little more kissing before they went up to bed. Separate beds of course, she wasn’t ready to sleep with him. Not only did she not sleep with guys she’d just met, but she’d also only ever been with two men, and one of them didn’t make love to her, he basically threw her on the bed and did what he wanted to her regardless of how she felt about it or what she wanted.

  “Meadow, stop,” he said, taking hold of her shoulders when she turned to finish dishing up dinner and turning her around to face him. “I know what you’re trying to do and it’s my fault. It’s the kiss, I shouldn’t have done that.”

  She gasped.

  He regretted the kiss?

  She thought he had kissed her because he wanted her so why was he backtracking?

  “It was a mistake, Meadow, I shouldn’t have done it, I’m sorry.” His hazel eyes bored into hers, beseeching her to believe him.

  A mistake.

  While she had spent the day reliving the kiss and daydreaming about what their future might be like, he had spent the day regretting it ever happened.

  Mortified tears burned the backs of her eyes, but she fought them. She was so tired of always being the victim. “Of course you think it was a mistake. You just see me as some poor, pathetic girl who needs someone to look after her, and you know what? You’re right, I am.”

  “No, you’re not,” he said firmly, but she didn’t believe him.

  How stupid could she be?

  Of course he didn’t want to have a future with her. Fantasizing about what their lives could have been like was so ridiculous. Why did she always have to do this? Why was she always so desperate to be loved that she didn’t see things for what they were?

  “You don’t believe that,” she accused.

  “I do. Meadow, I think the fact that you ran from this man proves how strong you are. You’re not pathetic, and you are fully capable of looking after yourself.”

  “Then why do you think the kiss was a mistake?” she demanded, wishing she didn’t sound so needy.

  “Because you’re already thinking about the two of us as a couple and I don’t want a relationship,” he said.

  She could tell he was trying to be gentle with her, his tone was soft, and his eyes were pleading, and the hands that still rested on her shoulders were massaging. But she didn’t want gentle. She wanted him to like her because she liked him, and although it sounded so childish it was exactly how she felt.

  “Then why did you kiss me?”

  “Because I think you’re beautiful, but we want two different things out of life. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done it, and if I’d known that you were reading more into it I would have been clearer this morning about what the kiss meant to me.”

  “Nothing. It meant nothing to you,” she said dully. She really was an idiot. He didn’t feel anything for her, she was just his charity case, he was doing his good deed for the year.

  That was it.

  Nothing more.

  She had to stop picturing a perfect future with someone who would love her. That was never going to happen for her, it was time to accept it. The only one who would love her forever was the baby growing inside her. From here on out it was just the two of them.

  Extricating herself from Abe’s grip, she silently turned around and walked out of the kitchen, heading upst
airs to her room. She’d take a shower—it might be the last one she could take for a while—then she’d put on the clothes she was wearing when she ran from her husband, take a nap, and then as soon as Abe went to sleep she was leaving.

  * * * * *

  7:04 P.M.

  So much for trying to protect Meadow.

  This was not how he envisioned the evening turning out. He’d planned on sitting her down and gently broaching the topic of the kiss, telling her that it shouldn’t have happened, then trying to get her to open up about her husband so he could find the man and throw him behind bars.

  Instead, he’d come home to find her cooking his favorite meal, a smile lighting her face when she saw him, excitement vibrating off her. It was obvious she had a whole fantasy in her head about how the night was going to pan out, and he hadn’t had any choice but to be blunt with her. In doing so he’d hurt her again, and while he hated shattering her hopes and dreams, it was better than misleading her and letting her believe that something was going to happen between them.

  He was doing the right thing, so why did he feel so awful?

  With a sigh, Abe took the last of the food off the stove and took a plate and sat down with it at the table. How had she managed to find out what his favorite dinner was?

  It was sweet.

  She was sweet.

  He’d never dated a sweetheart before. Things with his fiancée had been hot and heavy, but she definitely hadn’t been sweet, she was one of those sexy girls who knew she was beautiful and used it to get her way. But Meadow had no idea that she was pretty, and somehow that made her even more attractive.

  If she wasn’t who she was, and she hadn’t been through what she had, then he probably would have had a couple of nights of amazing sex, then when he had her husband locked up where he belonged he would have sent her on her way confident that they had both gotten what they wanted. But Meadow wasn’t that kind of woman. She had been mistreated and abused and was just trying to find her way in the world, she needed support not sex while she did that.

  Poking at the food on his plate, he realized he couldn’t eat this. Meadow had made it with the intention of the two of them bonding. To eat it alone while she was upstairs no doubt crying, seemed wrong.

  Leaving the food on the table, he grabbed a mac and cheese packet from the cupboard and filled up a pot with water. The meal wasn’t anywhere near as good as what Meadow had made, but it would suffice. In the morning, he’d try to talk to Meadow again, explain things better, but tonight he’d just give her some space.

  Abe stood and watched as the water started to boil. The little bubbles popped and more took their place, it was almost mesmerizing, the bubbles grew bigger, and the sloshing sound seemed to penetrate his brain until the whole world was nothing more than the bubbling water.

  When his phone rang, he practically jumped a mile.

  Turning the stove off, he pulled out his cell. “Hey, Julian.”

  “I’ve got news that’s going to make you happy.”

  “Oh yeah?” News that was going to make him happy was exactly what he needed right now.

  “We found the car that ran Meadow off the road,” his cousin told him.

  Billy and Darren Sutton had arrived on the scene just moments after Meadow had hit that tree, effectually saving her life, so they had the license plate of the car, they just hadn’t been able to find it. “Had it been set alight?”

  “Nope,” Julian replied, and he could practically hear the smile in his deputy’s voice.

  Since the day wasn’t going well, he hadn’t been expecting the news to be all that good and any criminal worth his salt would have torched the car as soon as he was away from the scene so there would be no evidence left behind, apparently he’d been wrong though. “Have CSU gone through it yet?”

  “They’re on the scene right now, but there’s blood in the vehicle.”

  Blood in the vehicle. If they could connect the blood to Aaron Turner or Carla Briscoe then maybe that would get Meadow talking. “Keep me updated, I want to know the second you have anything.”

  “How’s it going with Meadow?”

  “It’s not.” And after the disaster tonight had turned into, he wasn’t liking his chances of making any sort of headway with her ever.

  “What’s going on? You sound strained, is there a problem?”

  “You could say that.”

  “What happened?”

  “I kissed her.”

  “What?” Julian exclaimed. “You kissed her? You were supposed to be trying to get her to talk not playing tonsil hockey.”

  “Tonsil hockey?”

  “You get my drift. So why did you kiss her?”

  “It wasn’t tonight, I kissed her this morning.”

  “And I spent all day with you and you didn’t mention it, why?” Julian demanded. His cousin could be such a gossip sometimes.

  “Because it was a mistake and I should never have done it.”

  “You didn’t tell Meadow it was a mistake, did you?” When his silence drifted on for close to thirty seconds, he heard Julian sigh. “Why would you tell her that?”

  “Because I came home and she had cooked me dinner—my favorite dinner—and it felt like leading her on.”

  “She cooked you your favorite dinner after you kissed her. Why exactly do you think this is a mistake? Crazy husband aside, Meadow sounds like a really sweet woman. Why aren’t you giving this a chance?”

  “Do I really need to answer that?” Meadow was everything Julian had said and more, and any man would be lucky to have her, but the bottom line was he didn’t do relationships and that hadn’t changed.

  “Talia was the problem, Abe, not you. Why are you letting something that happened a decade ago ruin what could be the best thing that ever happened to you?”

  Why?

  Well, he didn’t exactly have a good answer for that particular question.

  He’d never been that warm and fuzzy guy that wanted to discuss feelings and who was good at communication, and after Talia he’d just gotten more closed off. Meadow had a traumatic marriage to deal with plus a baby on the way, and he was hardly the kind of guy to help her with that.

  “Come on, Abe, she’s totally into you. Why don’t you just roll with it, see where things go?”

  “Maybe because her psychotically violent husband is killing people and trying to get her back. Right now, it’s not important that Meadow likes me, what is important is keeping her alive, so I made a decision.”

  “What is it?” Julian asked dubiously.

  “I don’t think Meadow should stay with me anymore. I’d ask Maggie if she can have a room at the hotel since she’s working there anyway, but I want her somewhere safe if her husband tries anything else, so I was wondering …”

  “If she could stay with me?” Julian finished his sentence.

  “Are you up for it? I know that she’s my responsibility, I’m the one who found her, but I just don’t think having her here is working out.”

  “It’s fine, it’s no big deal. If she’s up for it, she can stay with me until we get this sorted out. That is if she agrees.”

  Julian was right. Meadow was uncomfortable around strangers, and there was a chance that she was going to run if he told her that she’d be moving in with his cousin. But it was a chance he was willing to take because he couldn’t keep a clear head around her, and that meant he was distracted which might lead to Meadow getting hurt and that he couldn’t allow that to happen.

  “I’ll convince her it’s the best thing for everyone,” he assured Julian. “Thanks.”

  “You’re welcome. I’ll call you if CSU finds anything. And, Abe, think about the whole Meadow thing.”

  “Sure,” he agreed, although he had no intention of spending time thinking about the possibility of him and Meadow as a couple. The less he thought about that the better. Because if he thought about it too much, he just might try to convince himself that they actually might make a good couple. “N
ight, Julian.”

  Once he hung up the phone, he finished making his macaroni and cheese, and ate it alone in the kitchen, very aware of the fact that Meadow was just upstairs. When he’d washed the dishes and tidied up, he turned off the lights and went into the living room. He wasn’t sure that she wouldn’t try to make a run for it, and he wanted to be there to stop her if she tried.

  Maybe that was why he was so adamant that he and Meadow weren’t meant to be. He’d loved Talia, and not only had she left him but she’d cheated on him and blamed him for her miscarriage. Meadow was still unsure about her decision to stay in River’s End. Whenever she felt threatened, self-preservation was going to have her wanting to flee, and if he ever decided that he wanted to give a relationship a second try it wasn’t going to be with someone who would run whenever she got scared.

  Settling into his comfortable armchair, he prepared himself for a long night.

  February 7th

  2:27 A.M.

  Meadow stretched out her foot and very carefully placed it on the top step. Her whole body was tense. One wrong move and he would know that she was leaving, and she knew Abe well enough to know that if he found out that she was splitting, he would stop her.

  She didn’t know why he was bothering.

  Abe had made it pretty clear that he wasn’t interested in her, so why did he care if she ran? Surely it shouldn’t make any difference if she was here or anywhere else in the world, and if her husband really had managed to find her here, she was starting to think that she was never going to be safe no matter where in the world she was.

  He was never going to let her go.

  He was never going to let her have a life that didn’t include him.

  He was going to hunt her down until he got his claws back into her and dragged her back with him to that house.

  She hated that house.

  It had been her prison for so many years. She knew every inch of it, she had traipsed around it so many times, desperate for a way to escape but knowing that there wasn’t one.