Darkness Past

by Sherryl Hancock

“It is not,” the older woman said.

  “Yes it is,” the first woman said. “Don’t you think so, Georgia?”

  “I think she’s right, Helen,” Georgia said, a light of excitement in her eyes. “She’s the gay cop who was shot while Midnight Chevalier was running for office. And that’s Palani Ryker, the woman she was just in that article in Cosmo with… Oh my God!”

  “Go talk to her, Cindy,” Helen suggested to the first woman.

  “No way!” Cindy shook her head. “What would I say?”

  “Something stupid probably,” Georgia said, grinning.

  “Shut up!” Cindy said, giving her a sour look. “Okay, I’ll go talk to her.”

  With that, Cindy stood up and walked toward where Kana and Palani sat. Kana, who was as usual sitting with her back to the wall, saw the woman walking up and tensed. Palani glanced over her shoulder and saw a young woman approaching them.

  “I’m sorry to bother you,” Cindy said, her hands clasped nervously together in front of her. She was looking directly at Kana. “But aren’t you Kana Sorbinno?”

  Kana nodded slowly.

  “It is such an honor to meet you,” Cindy gushed, putting her hand out to Kana, who regarded it for a moment, then extended her own hand slowly. “I’m Cindy,” the girl went on, not noticing Kana’s hesitation. “Those girls over there are Helen and Georgia. I just knew it was you.”

  Kana looked amused now. “This is Palani, my fiancée,” she said, feeling weird at having to introduce Palani. Usually it was the other way around. People usually recognized Palani, not her.

  Cindy nodded excitedly, extending her hand to Palani too. “Georgia said it was you,” she said to Palani. “Your pictures are really gorgeous,” she said, “but I have to say that the pictures of the two of you in that issue of Cosmo were just so hot.” She shook her head. “It made me so desperate to find what you two have.”

  “It’ll find you when it’s meant to,” Palani said wisely.

  Cindy nodded sagely, like Palani had just given her a great gift of knowledge. Kana looked on, amused.

  “Can my friends come over and meet you?” Cindy pleaded.

  “Of course,” Palani answered, happy that this woman had actually recognized Kana first and seemed just as excited to meet Kana.

  Palani glanced at Kana, who rolled her eyes, a smile in place, however.

  Cindy motioned to her friends. They walked over.

  “It’s really great to meet you,” Helen said, shaking Kana’s hand. “I think your boss is just amazing.”

  “So do I,” Kana said, smiling.

  “I think you’re amazing,” Georgia put in, her eyes on Kana. “Those pictures of you two in Cosmo. Well, that one, with you two and the white sheet—whew!” She fanned herself. “Hot stuff. It’s up on my wall at home. It was a fantastic picture.”

  “Well, thanks,” Kana said. “It was Palani’s idea.”

  When the women went back to their table, Palani looked at Kana. “You really don’t like fame, do you?”

  “Not particularly,” Kana said.

  Their order came soon after that. The waitress set the food down without a word and walked away. Kana grinned; Palani shook her head. It was an interesting day.

  ***

  Cat lay against Sable’s bare torso. They’d just made love. It wasn’t the first time that day. The sun was setting, the rays of orange, gold, and red playing throughout the room. Cat was drifting in and out of consciousness. She felt sated and relaxed. Sable stroked her hair; she sighed softly. Above her, Sable smiled.

  There had been no end to the excitement she experienced with Catalina. All that Cat’s body and attitude had promised had been realized. Cat was a truly sexual creature like herself. There were many women who weren’t—Sable had found that in a lifetime of being with women. Some thought they had what it took to be sexual with her, but none were ever able to keep up. Cat was not only able to keep up, but able to excite her endlessly. It was a dangerous proposition, one Sable had no intention of denying.

  “Cat…” Sable said softly, stirring Catalina from her languor.

  “Hmm?” Cat murmured against her skin.

  “I want you to stay,” Sable said, her tone sure.

  Cat lifted her head to glance up at the older woman. “Stay?”

  “Yes,” Sable said, touching her under the chin, stroking her jawline. “Stay here, with me.”

  Cat lowered her head, kissing Sable’s skin. “I can’t do that. You know that,” she said softly.

  “Why?” Sable asked entreatingly. “You don’t have to work, Catalina. I can take care of you.”

  Cat rolled to her back, looking up at Sable as she did.

  “I don’t need to be taken care of, Sable,” Cat said, her voice serious.

  Sable moved down on the bed, sliding her arms around Cat and kissing her shoulder.

  “I know you don’t need to be, Cat,” she said soothingly, “but I want to take care of you.”

  Cat said nothing for a few minutes. There’d been no way to stop Sable buying her everything under the sun. She’d tried anger, pleading, and downright refusing to accept anything. Sable just went right around doing as she pleased. And what seemed to please her was to buy Cat things.

  “Anything you want, it’s yours,” Sable often said.

  “I don’t want anything,” Cat would respond.

  “Tell me your fantasies,” Sable would reply.

  It was endless. If Cat made the mistake of talking about a fantasy she had, whether it be driving a Lamborghini down the Autobahn, or going to the Moulin Rouge in Paris, or even getting to meet Gwen Stefani of No Doubt, Sable arranged it. Anything she wanted. It was like living in a dream world. It was an enticing place to live, but Cat knew it wasn’t reality, and she needed to get back.

  Thinking along those lines, she turned over on her side, facing Sable.

  “This is a fantasy, Sable,” she said, putting her hand to Sable’s cheek. “A story in a book. And I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, I really do. But this isn’t real, and I need to get back to my reality. My job, my life…”

  “Am I not in your life?” Sable asked, her tone slightly hurt.

  “You are,” Cat said. “Yes, you are. I just… I have my job, my friends… I need to get back.”

  “Your job that almost gets you killed,” Sable said, her voice filled with dread.

  Cat sighed. “That’s not what my job is, Sable. That just happened. Things like that happen sometimes. I’m not dead, because my friends rescued me. And I need to be there to rescue them if they need it. That’s part of the deal. They need me.”

  “I need you,” Sable said, sounding almost desperate.

  “You don’t need me,” Cat said knowingly. “You have so many people here happy to worship the ground you walk on. You won’t even miss me.”

  “Yes I will,” Sable insisted, giving her a searching look. “Are you going back to her?”

  “To Elizabeth?” Cat asked, surprised by the question.

  Sable nodded slowly, her eyes staring into Cat’s.

  “No, Sable, I’m not going back to her,” Cat assured her. “That’s over. She made her choice.”

  “She’s not going to let you go that easily,” Sable said.

  “Well, she’s going to have to,” Cat said, her voice stronger than she felt.

  Sable said nothing, merely taking a deep breath and releasing it in a sigh.

  “When are you wanting to go back?” she asked resignedly.

  “My leave is up in two days,” Cat said.

  “Two days?” Sable exclaimed, horrified. “No, I can’t lose you that soon. I’m not ready for that yet.”

  Cat smiled. The superstar wasn’t shy about what she wanted. “And how long will it take for you to be ready for that?” she asked indulgently.

  “At least a year.” Sable’s expression was serious, but her eyes glittered with humor.

  “Try again,” Cat said.

  “A m
onth?”

  “Again.”

  Sable gave a long-suffering sigh. “A week and a half.”

  Cat raised an eyebrow at that. “A week and a half?”

  “Yes,” Sable said. “I have to be in San Francisco next week for three days. I want you with me. Then I suppose I could take you back to San Diego.”

  “San Francisco, huh?” Cat asked.

  “Yes,” Sable said. “Please come with me. It’s a really beautiful city, and I could show you the sights.”

  “I’ve seen the sights,” Cat said, grinning.

  “No, I mean the ones that normal tourists don’t see,” Sable insisted. “Like the Castro District,” she added, naming the biggest gay community in San Francisco.

  “I spent my entire childhood in the Castro District, Sable.”

  “What?” Sable said, shocked.

  “I grew up in San Francisco, born and raised there.”

  “Really?” Sable asked, surprised by this.

  “Yep,” Cat said. “My mother still lives there.”

  “In the Castro District?”

  “She’s a lesbian,” Cat explained.

  “Really?” Sable asked again.

  “Yes, really.” Cat chuckled at the look on Sable’s face.

  “Well, then maybe you can show me around,” Sable said, winking.

  “I may be able to show you a thing or two you’ve never seen.”

  “Mmm.” Sable slid her hand over Cat’s skin. “I can’t wait.”

  “Mm-hmm,” Cat murmured, gasping a moment later as Sable’s hands caressed her. “God…” she gasped. “Sable…” Her voice was already breathless—Sable had that effect on her.

  “I love it when you say my name,” Sable said as she continued to touch her, bringing her quickly to the peak of orgasm. “You belong to me, Catalina,” she whispered in her ear as Cat arched against her, moaning and crying out.

  ***

  Elizabeth couldn’t stop running things over and over in her head: what she’d done, how Cat had reacted, how awful she felt… She went over the moment when she’d had the choice to invite the bartender, or not invite him. Why hadn’t she decided against it? She knew what she was risking, but she’d done it anyway. She’d give anything to change that moment, change that decision. A voice interrupted her thoughts.

  “Elizabeth,” Rick said softly.

  She glanced over her shoulder and saw her uncle looking at her. She wasn’t really surprised to see him. Her phone had been ringing a lot, but she’d seen that it wasn’t Cat, and it didn’t matter who it was after that. The fact that her uncle had shown up at her apartment didn’t really faze her.

  “Aren’t you and Aunt Midnight still mad at me?” she muttered.

  Rick kneeled next to her. “We weren’t mad at you, Elizabeth.”

  “No?” she asked, not believing him.

  “No,” he said. “We were disappointed that things went the way they did.”

  “My fucking up,” Elizabeth said, her words betraying her feelings clearly—she hated herself.

  “The circumstances, Elizabeth,” he explained. “The hideous timing of it all.”

  “I made a mistake, Uncle Rick,” she said, feeling the need to push him away. “Not unlike one you made when Mikeyla was only three.”

  She didn’t see her uncle’s pained look, but she felt him tense. She knew her words had hit home, and she felt terrible for even saying it. It had been a horrible time in his and Midnight’s history, a time when Rick had strayed from his marriage; it had almost had deadly consequences for Midnight. Elizabeth knew bringing it up was dirty pool, but at this point she just wanted to hurt others as much as she was hurting.

  “You’re right,” he said. Elizabeth could hear the hurt in his voice. “And I’m sure that people around me were more than disappointed with me at the time it happened. What happened to Cat, though, was related to work, not you. There wouldn’t have been anything you could have done to prevent it. If I’d been where I was supposed to be, then, I could have protected Midnight.”

  Elizabeth turned over, looking up at her uncle contritely.

  “I’m sorry I said that,” she said, wincing. “I just don’t know what to think right now.”

  Rick’s eyes searched her face. “Things will happen the way they will, Elizabeth. Nothing you can do at this point, other than taking care of yourself, will change them.”

  Elizabeth nodded slowly, thinking that the last thing she wanted to do was take care of herself. She wanted to just lie on her bed and let the life drain out of her.

  “What’s that?” Rick asked, pointing to the box Elizabeth held in her hand still.

  Elizabeth smiled sadly, feeling sick again. “The ring I gave Cat. She left it behind at Kana’s house.”

  Rick grimaced.

  “Kana was kind enough to bring it to me when she came to get Cat’s things from the apartment.” She felt the bile rising in her throat as she thought of the confrontation. Kana had been very abrupt and seemed to relish hurting her by handing her the ring box.

  Rick curled his lips in a wry smile. “Kana is one to be rather direct.”

  “Not unlike the threat to break my neck if I bothered Cat again,” Elizabeth said.

  Rick let out a deep breath. “She’d have to come through your aunt and me first.”

  Elizabeth didn’t believe him. She still felt that he and Midnight weren’t really on her side. Then again, she figured everyone hated her right now.

  Rick tried to convince her of his sincerity for a while longer, but nothing he said meant anything to her. Eventually, he gave up and left. Elizabeth spent the next hour crying silently for everything she’d lost.

  ***

  Sierra couldn’t stand it. Not seeing Kashena was making her crazy. She hadn’t realized how reliant she’d become on Kashena’s presence until she no longer had it in her life. One day, a week after they’d broken up, Sierra got so desperate for just a glimpse of Kashena that she went up to their offices on the seventeenth floor. Kashena wasn’t there. She was told by the secretary that Special Agent Supervisor Marshal was out of town on business. Sierra went back to her office, feeling both frustrated and foolish.

  Things at home seemed to get worse. Without the balance of her time with Kashena, Sierra saw more and more what a pig her husband was. She still wasn’t sure if he’d always been this way, or if being in the Middle East had made him worse. Either way, he was almost unbearable to her now. She couldn’t stand the way he looked at her, the way he talked to her, even the way he smelled. Part of her knew that it was because she missed Kashena desperately, but she clamped down on that thought, because it was apparent Kashena had closed her out of her life.

  It had been two and a half weeks since they’d broken up when Sierra finally snapped. Jason was being his usual pushy self. He’d come up to her while she was cooking dinner and pressed his hard-on against her thigh.

  “Jesus, Jason!” she gasped in a harsh whisper. “Colby is in the other room!”

  “So?” he said, his breath smelling of beer. “I’m leaving for Twentynine Palms in a little while. I’ll be gone for two full days… I need something before I go.” With that he rubbed against her.

  Sierra turned around, looking him square in the eye. “Stop.”

  “And if I don’t?” he asked, his tone amused.

  “Jason, just—”

  “When’s dinner ready?” Colby asked as he ran into the room.

  Sierra stepped back from Jason, turning to her son.

  “Soon, babe,” she said, smiling. “In fact, why don’t you come here and wash up? Then you can set the table.”

  “Okay!” Colby exclaimed.

  Jason narrowed his eyes at her but said nothing. A few minutes later he walked away, going to finish packing to check in at the base. Sierra breathed a sigh of relief—she’d thwarted him this time. She made a point of avoiding being alone with him until he left two hours later. After he left, she let out a deep sigh.

&
nbsp; She cleaned up the dinner dishes, her mind reeling at all that was happening. Jason was already making noises about having to move. Twentynine Palms was where he’d received his orders for, and that was close to Los Angeles. He’d already started telling her that she was probably going to have to change jobs. She’d explained to him that as a Chief Deputy AG it wasn’t that easy for her to just change. His response had been, “They need shark lawyers everywhere, babe.”

  He had no concept of what this job meant to her, nor did he care. His attitude was that she belonged where he was, no matter what hellhole that put her in. She’d been relieved when they’d been moved to San Diego and he’d been at Pendleton; at least she was home then. But when she’d gotten the chance to make Chief Deputy AG, Midnight had wanted her in Sacramento. Sierra had insisted. Fortunately, Jason had received his orders for the Middle East shortly after her promotion anyway, so it had worked out. But now, now it wasn’t working out anymore.

  She was going crazy. She needed to get out and think. She called the teenaged neighbor who often watched Colby for her and asked her to come over. Tammy was happy to have some extra money, she was saving for prom, so she came right over.

  “I don’t know what time I’ll be back,” Sierra said, “so feel free to make yourself comfortable.”

  “Great, thanks, Mrs. Youngblood,” Tammy said, smiling.

  Sierra grabbed her car keys and left the house. She drove her Mercedes aimlessly for a while. Then she found herself driving toward Club 21. It was a gay bar in Midtown Sacramento. Kashena had taken her there a few times. Walking inside, she looked around. Many women looked in her direction; she met their looks head-on. She’d learned that from Kashena. “Never look ashamed to be here,” Kashena had told her. The same women looking at her began nodding as they talked to their friends.

  Sierra made her way to the bar. Sitting down, she saw the bartender looking at her curiously.

  “What’ll it be?” the younger woman asked.

  “White wine,” Sierra said, smiling slightly.

  The bartender nodded, picking up a glass and grabbing the wine. As she poured, she looked at Sierra.

  “You looking for Kash?”

  “No,” Sierra said, feeling a sharp pain at the reminder.

  “You were with her before, though, right?”