by Aron Lewes
“What!? Then why did you tell me to formally ask for the wish if you already knew you couldn’t grant it?”
“I’m just having a bit of fun with you is all,” Helmer said, flashing a yellow grin. He pointed at the wayspinner. “But I’ve seen these doohickeys before. It might not be broken.”
“Really?”
“When’s the last time you used it?”
“Umm... yesterday?”
“Ahhh, see? That’s your problem. You usually have to wait a couple of days before you can use them again.”
“A couple of days?” Aurora repeated quietly. “Are you sure about that?”
“Yeah. I’m sure. Now... ask for something else.”
Aurora paused for a few seconds. It was discouraging, to say the least, to have her wishes declined. “Well, I’d like to have some money.”
“FORMALLY!” Helmer bellowed.
“I wish for lots and lots of money.”
“That I can do... but money has to come from somewhere. I’ll have to steal it, if that’s okay with you?”
“What?! Steal it?! Are you serious?!”
“Well, yeah! I can’t make money appear out of the nowhere! I’m not a walking mint, and money doesn’t grow on trees!” Helmer reached out and laid a hand on Aurora’s shoulder. “Let me help you a little bit, girlie. Why don’t you ask for something easier? Why don’t you wish for shiny hair, clear skin, or a new set of teeth... something along those lines?”
“Because I don’t care about my hair, my skin’s not that bad, and my teeth aren’t rotten!”
“What sort of woman doesn’t care about her hair?”
“I don’t care about my hair!” Aurora insisted.
“Well, it looks nice...”
“Listen, Helmer,” Aurora continued with a sigh, “I can’t think of anything else I want. Do you just want to go?”
Helmer gave his pipe an angry puff. “No, I can’t just go away! When you rubbed that urn, it was as if a contract was signed by you and I. Until I grant your wish, all I can do is sit here... or go back in the urn. Actually, I’d probably go back to the urn. It’s uncomfortable sitting here on these rocks. I don’t know how you can do it. At least the urn’s got pillows...”
“Then you might as well go back. I need more time to think.”
“Alright. Fine. Be that way.” He shot her another glare as he turned his attention to the urn. “But you better be ready by tomorrow! Somewhere, there’s a pint of lager with my name on it!”
As soon as he said that, Helmer shrunk to the size of a pea and hopped back into the urn like a cricket.
Aurora’s jaw fell open, and it stayed open for the next few minutes.
Wonders never ceased.
IV
AURORA HAD NEVER BEEN more hungry and tired in her life. As she walked back to town the next morning, she could barely summon the energy for the journey. Her stomach roared, and her head swayed between her shoulders like a rocking chair. She didn’t even have the strength to hold her head up.
As if sensing she was on the verge of making a wish, Helmer popped out of the urn in a cloud of gray smoke.
“Good morning, girl,” he greeted her, taking note of the dark circles under her eyes.
“Hi.”
“Are you enjoying your morning trek?”
“Mmmggr...” All she could do was grumble at his question. There was nothing enjoyable about it!
“So, what’s the game plan for today?”
“Game plan?”
“Yeah. Got any good wishes brewing in that head of yours?”
“Maybe,” Aurora confessed. “I might ask you for a giant meal, sell the urn, and then use the money to buy another giant meal. How’s that for a game plan?”
“Kind of wasteful, if you ask me.”
“Well, I still haven’t decided yet,” Aurora informed him. “Meanwhile, I’m going to wait around and see what happens when the wayspinner hits the two day mark. I’m a little doubtful of that prediction of yours.”
“You doubt me?”
“Yes, as a matter of fact, I do! You haven’t exactly proven yourself to be adept in the ways of magic. If you were, I’d be home right now!” When Aurora saw him flinch at the harshness of her words, she felt a bit guilty. “I’m sorry... I’m tired and cranky. Anyway, we’re going to be in town soon, so you might want to get back into the urn. I don’t know what people will think if they see a little blue man walking around town like nobody’s business.”
“Ah. Good point.”
Another puff of smoke signaled Helmer’s exit.
When he left, Aurora made her way through the town gate and headed straight for the fountain. She sat amid the noise and confusion of the bazaar; the endless commotion wasn’t helping her decide on a best course of action. She did, however, feel that it was a stroke of genius when she picked a copper coin out of the fountain. Someone must have tossed it into the water in hopes of having a wish granted.
“Fountains don’t grant wishes,” she said, trying to make herself feel better as she used someone's coin to buy a shish kabob. “And neither do unfriendly little urn dwellers, come to think of it...”
Unidentifiable meat and steamed carrots on a stick never tasted so good!
When she finished her snack, the familiar sound of a bugle nearly jolted her from her skin. People started lining up along the side of the street, vying for the best vantage points. Aurora, as it happened, was already standing at the side of the road when she heard the bugle’s call.
“Great,” she whispered sarcastically, “I’ll be able to see him up close and personal yet again.”
The old lady wasn’t kidding when she said it was the Every Day Parade. Apparently, the emperor never missed an opportunity to celebrate himself.
In what must have been a rare occasion, the emperor was making the journey on foot. Because of this, the crowd seemed rowdier and livelier than on the previous day. They screamed and pushed; Aurora felt someone dig an elbow into her back in an effort to push their way to the front of the line. She would have gladly given up her vantage point, except the crowd had formed a wall behind her. There was no way out. As the emperor came into view, Aurora saw a young woman scream, “I love you!” before collapsing to the ground. After that, Aurora stared at the emperor for several seconds, trying to decide if he was swoon-worthy. He was handsome, but other than that—
All of a sudden, someone behind Aurora gave her a tremendous shove and she, like the swooning woman before her, went flying to the ground.
Unlike the swooning woman, however, Aurora fell right in front of the emperor’s feet.
“YOU!” the emperor bellowed, recognizing her as soon as he set eyes on her.
“I’m sorry, Your Highness.” She quickly collected herself, bowed her head in feigned fealty and tried to duck back into the crowd. She didn’t need any more trouble for herself.
“WAIT!” He seized her by the elbow and held her in place. “Look at what you’ve done!”
“What I’ve done?”
“My boots!” He tried to direct her attention to his feet. “They’re covered in mud! You fell on me, and now they’re covered in mud!”
“Well, sorry.” She made a motion toward her dress, hoping he’d notice that she was far worse off than him. Her entire dress was covered in muck. Mary’s gift was completely ruined.
“You’re not sorry! You’re trying very hard to make my life miserable!”
“BOOOOO!”
“YOU WRETCHED GIRL!”
The crowd’s heckling made Aurora wince. Obviously, no one was going to take her side on this. Her suspicions were further confirmed when a head of cabbage was pelted in her direction, bouncing off her shoulder and into the mud.
“And why would I do that?”
Without answering her question, the emperor dipped a hand into his pocket and whipped out a handkerchief. As he held it out to her, his nose was pointing to the sky. “Here... clean my boots!”
“Excuse
me???”
“If you’re truly sorry, you’ll get down on your knees and polish my boots until they’re spotless!”
“I’m not going to do that!”
“YOU WILL do it, or it’s the dungeon for you!” He held the handkerchief an inch from her face, and she snatched it from his hand and tossed it to the ground.
“I will not!”
“You rude, stupid girl!” His words were so pronounced, he ended up spitting all over her face as he enunciated. “A month in the dungeon will teach you some humility!”
“You rude, stupid emperor!” she barked back at him. Even though they were meant for her, the boos from the crowd were fuel to her fury. “I wish you’d suffer some humiliation... maybe that would teach you a lesson!”
As soon as she uttered those words, she felt the urn vibrate. She could almost predict what would happen next. “Uh oh...” she said, her shoulders tensing at the thought of her carelessly misspoken phrase.
Aurora and the emperor were engulfed in a huge puff of smoke, which was followed by a collective gasp from the crowd. Having been at the center of the smoke, Aurora had to wait a few more seconds to see what made the crowd so stunned.
And it was, indeed, stunning.
The emperor was standing in front of her, as naked as the day he was born.
Gasping, the emperor made an effort to hide his private bits from view. He covered his lower regions with his hands and incoherently commanded his guards to find him some clothes.
The audience gasped and murmured amongst themselves, but Aurora was the only one who laughed. She didn’t want this to happen, of course, and she might have even felt a bit sorry for him if he wasn’t the most terrible human being she’d ever met. As she chuckled into the palm of her hand, Aurora bent over and picked the muddied handkerchief off the ground. “Here. You can... use this.” She burst into a fit of giggles as she held it out to him. She felt positively horrid for laughing at his misfortune, but she couldn’t stop herself.
“Y-y-you d-d-are to... insult... guards??? SOME CLOTHES, PLEASE! This girl is behind this witchcraft, I’m sure of it!”
“I didn’t mean to!”
“The dungeon! Throw her in the dungeon NOW!”
Out of the corner of her eye, Aurora could see the guards moving in on her. She tried to make a run for it, but she was seized around the waist by the emperor himself. He must have decided that ensuring her punishment was more important than hiding his nakedness from view.
Aurora tried to wiggle free from his grasp, but she was held in place by his rage. The guards moved closer... they reached for her...
It was now or never. She had to try.
Aurora reached into her pocket. Her hand located the wayspinner, and she gave the dial a slight turn. She closed her eyes as the bright light enveloped her, and she felt the familiar sensation of having been turned upside down. The noise of the crowd disappeared, replaced by a sublime silence. She knew she would disappear and reappear somewhere else, just like before.
Only this time, she didn’t go alone.
Chapter Three
I
“WHERE AM I? WHAT IS the meaning of this? This is your witchcraft, isn’t it? You’re responsible for this!”
Aurora tried to avert her eyes as the emperor carried on. “Ahem.”
He paced back and forth, seemingly unaware of something that he should have been very aware of. “This is completely unheard of! How is this happening? How can you be standing in one spot one moment, and then—”
“AHEM!” She cleared her throat a bit louder this time. “You’re still naked.”
“Oh, bloody hell!” The emperor clapped both hands over his nether region and blushed like a schoolboy. “So I am...”
“So you are.” Aurora’s eyes danced in every direction. They were standing in the middle of a forest, but she’d tread through the woods enough times to know she was nowhere near her cottage. The trees in Avalon were taller, broader. “Can’t you find a giant leaf or something?”
“A giant leaf?! For what?!”
“For... you know...” Without looking in his direction, Aurora tried to motion below his waist. “That.”
“How kind of you to notice I’d need a giant leaf. I’m flattered.”
Aurora clapped a hand over her eyes. “No! I mean... I didn’t... I wasn’t referring...” She ran the hand down the length of her face with a groan. “I wasn’t even looking!”
“But you did look.”
“Well...”
“You’re not doing much to dispel my original impressions of you, you know,” the emperor continued. “I woke up one morning and you were in my bed. Now you’ve used your voodoo magic to strip me of my clothes, and you expect me to believe you’re not trying to seduce me?”
“Me seduce you?” Aurora laughed at the prospect. “To be honest, you’re one of the most horrid people I’ve ever met! Why in the world would I want to seduce you?”
“I’m royalty, for one.” He almost lifted a hand to hold up a finger, but he remembered that it was essential to keep his hands where they were. “Secondly... I would need a giant leaf, as you so politely pointed out, and if that doesn’t tempt you—”
“It doesn’t!”
He rolled his dark eyes. “Lies.”
“IT DOESN’T! Ugh! I’ve never even seen a naked man before today! How in the world would I know if you’re giant if I don’t have anything to compare it to?”
“Lucky guess.” Suddenly, Aurora got up and started walking off in a random direction. The emperor watched her for a few seconds, then quickly hurried after her. “Wait, where are you going?”
“Away.”
“Where’s away?”
“I don’t know! Why do you think I know where we’re going?”
“It was your witchcraft that brought us here, woman.”
“I had no idea you’d be coming with me. That was a surprise. A very unpleasant surprise, might I add.”
“Do you think I’m happy to be here? This is, quite frankly, the worst day of my life! You can’t expect me to be chipper when I know you’re the one responsible for this, can you? I’m very, very naked, and I’m stuck in these awful woods, and who do I have to thank for it?”
Aurora whirled around and glared at him. “Do you think I’m enjoying myself? Is that what you think? I’m every bit as miserable as you are, if not more so!”
“Oh, I highly doubt that.”
“I have you as company. That makes me the miserable one.”
“Ha ha. Very funny. You could at least apologize or something. You don’t deny that you’re the one who’s responsible for this... that the only reason I’m here right now is because of some sort of wicked magic of yours. If I knew I was responsible for someone else’s misfortune, I would—”
“Apologize?!” Aurora lifted her head and cackled to the sky. “You actually think you’d apologize?! Give me a break. You’re the most pompous human being I’ve ever met, and thank God I’m at liberty to tell you this! Now that you’re not surrounded by your guards, I can say exactly what’s on my mind and there’s nothing you can do about it!”
Aurora was moving very quickly in an effort to rid herself of him, so the emperor increased his pace. “Need I remind you that I’m naked because of you? That, at the very least, deserves an apology...”
“Alright, I’m sorry. But you can’t blame this all on me.”
“I can’t?”
“No! I didn’t mean to... well... the whole naked thing was an accident. And I didn’t mean to take you with me!”
“You didn’t?”
“No!”
“You’re not going to try to assassinate me when my back’s turned?”
Aurora clenched her fists as she charged forward. “No, no, and NO!”
“That was just one question. It didn’t require three no’s. You can’t blame me for being a little paranoid right now...”
Aurora stopped walking and turned to face him. Fortunately, he was
still making an effort to cover himself, so she didn’t turn around to any unwelcome surprises. “Are you going to follow me?”
“Well, yes.” The emperor shrugged. “You got me into this situation, and I’m hoping you can get me out of it.”
“I can’t stand to be around you! If I could get you out of it, I would have gotten you out of it already!”
“Hm. Good point.”
“Anyway...” Aurora took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and slowly expelled the breath. She went quiet for a moment; her stomach growled during the silence. She was so upset, she almost forgot how hungry she was. “Listen, if you’re going to follow me, can you at least tell me your name? I don’t want to have to go around calling you the emperor all the time.”
“You tell me your name first.”
“Aurora,” she instinctively responded. “My name’s Aurora.”
“Okay, Aurora. But I’m not obligated to tell you my name. You can’t expect someone of my status to be on a first-name basis with a peasant.”
With a frustrated growl, Aurora spun around and started walking again. She could have told him she wasn’t a peasant—that she was, in fact, a princess—but it wasn’t worth the effort. He probably wouldn’t believe her, and she didn’t feel much like a princess anyway. She continued to walk at a brisk pace, hoping he’d eventually drift off and go his own way. But he didn’t. She could hear him crunching leaves underfoot as he walked behind her.
“I really wish you’d slow down,” he had the audacity to request. “I am naked, you know. That means I don’t have any shoes.”
“I’ll slow down if you tell me your name.”
“Lyric.”
“Pardon?”
“Lyric! That’s my name!” he yelped at her. As promised, Aurora slowed her pace, and he stepped up to walk beside her. She wished he hadn’t bothered to catch up to her, as there was something profoundly awkward about walking next to a man without a stitch of clothing. “Emperor Lyric Marsapier Grenovich von Fable.”
“Wow, that’s... quite a mouthful.”