Aurora Abroad

by Aron Lewes

  “Yes, I suppose you can say that. You can call me Lyric, if you must.”

  She wished she could call him Gone. Absent. Au revoir.

  “Now that I’ve gone and told you my name, don’t go thinking we’re friends or anything like that.”

  “Oh, I wouldn’t dream of it.”

  “Because we’re not. In fact, as soon as I find my guards, I can promise you this: you will be imprisoned. I’m sure that even you can understand that I can’t let you get away with this. You’ve endangered my life...”

  “...your dignity.”

  “You’ve caused me a great deal of distress.”

  “Distress... undressed.” Aurora had to laugh at her rhyme, even if it was a bit inappropriate. When she turned her head to steal a glimpse of him, he didn’t look amused.

  “And you mock me.”

  She could think of a word that rhymed with mock, but there was no way she could bring herself to say it. “Look, Lyric, I think I see something in the distance. It might be a house.”

  He ignored her completely. “When I get back to my palace, I’ll put you in the stockade. Yes... I’ll put you there and let the townspeople throw tomatoes at you. Or is that too lenient? Maybe I should invent a whole new method of punishment in your honor?”

  “Lyric, look! A house, look!” She pointed to a small, thatched cottage peeking through the trees.

  “Do you care to explain why I should get excited about this? Yes, I can picture it now... we walk up and knock on the door and ask them for a cup of sugar. I’ll let you explain why you’re standing next to a naked man. That should be entertaining.”

  Aurora nibbled on her lip. “Oh...right. That would be awkward, wouldn’t it? Strangely enough, I’ve almost forgotten your nakedness.”

  “Lovely. I’m glad you’re so relaxed. Meanwhile, I’ve got the wind lapping against my naked behind. You’ll have to forgive me if I haven’t quite forgotten about it yet!”

  “Okay, here’s the plan,” Aurora started to propose. “You wait here, and I’ll go knock on the door. If they seem like friendly people, I’ll ask them if they can spare some food, or... or some clothes.”

  “What if it’s dangerous?” Before Aurora had a chance to feel touched by his concern for her, he added, “On second thought, never mind. If something bad happens, at least it’ll happen to you and not to me.”

  “How sweet of you. Okay, here I go!” Eager to free herself from Lyric, if only for a moment, Aurora ran off in the direction of the cottage. She ran up to the front door, took the door knocker in hand, and gave it a light rap.

  “Psst.”

  When no one answered, Aurora knocked again.

  “PSST!”

  Aurora turned to Lyric, who was hiding behind the trees. “Would you stop hissing at me?! I’m trying to listen!”

  “Is anyone home?” he asked.

  “I don’t know! You have to give them a moment to answer!”

  “Well, knock again! I don’t like to be kept waiting.”

  Rolling her eyes, Aurora turned around and knocked a third time. Still, there was no answer.

  “I don’t think anyone’s coming,” Lyric stated the obvious. He stepped out from behind the tree and headed toward Aurora, waddling like a penguin as he tried to conceal his private parts from view.

  “Let’s just wait another minute.”

  “No, I’m going in...”

  “What?!” As the emperor reached for the doorknob, Aurora grabbed his wrist. “You can’t just go into other people’s houses like that!”

  “I can do whatever I want. I’m the emperor.”

  “Not here, you aren’t! Who knows where we are right now?”

  “Trust me, if you were in my position, you’d want to go inside and find yourself something to wear. Though I hate to deprive you of the comfort you feel in the presence of my naked body, I can’t say I’m particularly happy with my current state of undress.”

  “Whoa, whoa!” Aurora was so distracted by his words, she followed him into the house without thinking. “I never said I liked the fact that you were naked! Actually, I hate it!”

  “You hate it.“

  “Yes!” Now that she was walking behind him, his entire rear end was exposed to her view. As soon as she noticed, she averted her eyes so quickly that she nearly gave herself whiplash.

  “Okay, then. If you hate it so much, you can help me look for some pants.”

  “Gladly!” Aurora started to cross the room to search a nearby cabinet, her eyes were pulled in another direction. She gasped when she saw it. “Oh my god, look!”

  Lyric’s entire body went numb at the sudden urgency in her voice. “What?! What is it?!”

  “FOOD!” Aurora ran to a table in the adjoining room, where three bowls of uneaten porridge were untouched, begging to be eaten.

  “Is that all?” Lyric scoffed. “You were so excited for a moment, I thought you’d found a gold bar. Or some pants. Some pants would have been nice...”

  “You don’t understand. I’m starving!!!” She grabbed the nearest bowl and, using her fingers, she started to shovel the tasteless mush into her mouth. Bland as it was, she’d never tasted anything so delicious. Her stomach was jumping for joy.

  “Well, even if I was starving, I wouldn’t eat that slop.” Lyric turned away and continued his search for clothes. As he walked into the next room, he murmured, “You have the table manners of a heathen, by the way...”

  Aurora didn’t care what he had to say. She hadn’t eaten anything in almost three days, aside from a few cubes of meat on a stick. Before she knew it, she’d eaten every single bit of porridge from all three bowls. A bit embarrassed, and with a full stomach, Aurora got up and went to look for her companion. She followed him into the next room and found him sitting in a large chair.

  Still naked.

  “What are you doing?!” she exclaimed. “Did you decide this would be a good time for a rest?”

  “Yes. Just like you decided it was a good time to enjoy not one, not two, but three square meals.”

  “What happened? You didn’t find any clothes?”

  “Yes, actually. There are clothes in that closet over there.”

  “This?” Aurora walked over to an enormous oak wardrobe and threw open the door. “Then why are you still naked?”

  “Because there isn’t a suitable thing to wear! It’s all women’s clothes, and children’s clothes, and—”

  Aurora pulled a huge pair of overalls from the wardrobe. “What about these?”

  “Oh... I saw those too. But look! They’re covered in stains, they’re far too big, and... sniff them.”

  “SNIFF them?”

  “Yes, sniff them!” The emperor insisted. “They smell putrid... like sour, unwashed bodies.”

  Despite her better notions, Aurora leaned toward the overalls and took a little whiff of them. “Ew. You’re right.”

  “Yes, I’m right! And they’re far too big, by the way. They must belong to a man much larger than me... that’s not to say I’m a small man myself, but you could fit two of me in those!”

  Aurora couldn’t disagree with that either. They were enormous. And disgusting. “Well... even huge, soiled overalls have to be better than being naked, right?”

  “Hmm. That’s what I was sitting here trying to decide, until you walked in. Normally, when someone walks into a room and sees someone sitting there in the nude, they’ll politely excuse themselves, but I see that isn’t the case with you.”

  “Oh, as if you haven’t been naked all day!” Aurora tossed the overalls in Lyric’s direction and peeked into the wardrobe again. “There really isn’t anything else?”

  “No. Trust me, I’ve looked.”

  Aurora pulled an atrocious pink muumuu from the closet and held it out to him. “You could always wear this instead.”

  “Oh, that‘s lovely. I can hardly contain my excitement as I weigh my options. I can dress like a fat, fetid farmer, or I can dress like a someone’s tas
teless grandmother. Oh, decisions, decisions...”

  Aurora had to bite on her knuckle to contain her laughter. But when she heard someone come in the front door, she was cured of her urge to laugh. “Lyric!” she whispered his name and motioned for him to get up. “I think someone’s here!”

  “No, really? Since when did I become deaf? You think I can’t hear someone open up a door?”

  “Shh!” Aurora put a finger over her lips in an effort to shut him up. “Just listen!”

  Lyric stood next to her and put an ear to the door. “I hear voices.” Now, at least, he had the sense to whisper.

  “What are they saying?”

  “I don’t know. I can’t make it out. They’re probably saying something about the slop that you devoured.”

  “Shhhhh... be very, VERY quiet for a minute!!!” Aurora moved her finger from her lips to Lyric’s, silencing him as she carefully opened the door. She nudged it open an inch or so, giving herself enough space to peer into the other room “Oh my God...”

  “Oh my God isn’t good. What is it?”

  “See for yourself.”

  Lyric peeked over Aurora’s head and into the other room. There were giant bears, walking on two legs, talking—

  “...what do you think?”

  “...eaten my porridge...”

  “...maybe they’re still here?”

  Lyric’s jaw dropped. Sensing that he was on the verge of a scream, Aurora clapped her entire hand over his mouth. “Don’t panic,” she tried to talk him down.

  “Don’t panic? Are you serious?!”

  His words were muffled by her hand, but she somehow understood him. “Maybe we’re not seeing what we think we’re seeing? Maybe they’re in costume?”

  “Those are no costumes! Those are bears... bears!”

  “Okay, well, that seems to be the case.”

  “Let’s go into the bedroom... maybe they’re...”

  When they heard what the bears were saying, Lyric’s eyes grew to such a size, they must have been in danger of popping out of his head. Without another word, he grabbed his muumuu and overalls and ran into the wardrobe. Aurora peeked out the door again, saw the bears heading in her direction, and went to join Lyric in the closet.

  As large as the wardrobe was, it was still a bit cramped, and he still hadn’t had a chance to put on any clothes. Aurora closed her eyes and prayed she didn’t touch him—or that they wouldn’t be devoured by bears.

  The door to the bedroom opened, and the three bears trundled in.

  “I don’t see anyone.”

  “Me neither.”

  “Does it look like this chair’s been moved?”

  “This is insane,” Lyric whispered directly into Aurora’s ear.

  “Shh.”

  “This is the strangest thing...”

  “Shh. Just be quiet and stay calm.”

  “How in the world can you be calm? Aren’t you the least bit concerned by the fact that there are giant, walking, talking, bears prowling around outside the closet at this very moment? Or is this something you see every day? Oh... talking bears, yes... they’re second nature to some people, aren’t they?”

  “SHHH!”

  “Daddy, I think I hear voices coming from over there...”

  Aurora and Lyric held their breath at the same time as they listened to the footsteps approaching the wardrobe. They knew what was coming.

  The door opened, and three ridiculously large, humanoid bears looked in on them.

  “Who are they, Daddy?”

  Lyric and Aurora didn’t give Daddy a chance to answer. They burst out of the wardrobe and took off running.

  “I DROPPED MY MUUMUU!” Lyric hollered.

  “JUST KEEP RUNNING!”

  “DON’T LEAVE ME BEHIND!”

  As the three bears watched them flee, their furry jaws dropped.

  “What in the world was that, Sweetheart?” the tallest bear asked, laying a paw on his wife’s shoulder. “Do you think they were scared of us?”

  “You know, I honestly have no idea! Humans are the strangest creatures,” said the female bear, shaking her head with disbelief. “And I think they stole your suspenders!”

  II

  THE BEARS WERE LONG gone, and Lyric was wearing the overalls, but he still found reasons to complain.

  “This is the worst day of my life,” he whined. “I’m sure I might’ve said those words on days that weren’t all that bad, but I mean it this time. This is easily the worst day ever.”

  “It’s hard to feel sorry for you when I’ve been having the worst week of my life!”

  “Oh, yeah? Well this could easily segue into what might be the worst week of my life as well. In fact, this day has been so awful, I think it’s already been bad enough for the entire week. We’ve been walking in the woods for a million hours, my feet have blisters, I’ve spent the better part of the day in the nude, I’m in a pair of stinking overalls and I nearly got eaten by three bears! How does it get much worse than that?”

  “I wouldn’t say we nearly got eaten. We got out of there pretty fast.”

  “You’re not even the slightest bit phased by the fact that they could TALK?”

  “A little bit.”

  “A little bit?” Lyric repeated her words and threw his arms into the air. “You are just... mad. You’re mad, you’re crazy, and you’re completely insane.”

  Aurora clapped her hands over her ears as they walked along, but it still didn’t drown out his whining. She would have liked a little peace, but Lyric kept talking—and complaining. There was never a moment of silence with him around.

  “You wouldn’t believe what I found in the pocket of these overalls.”

  Aurora glanced over her shoulder at Lyric. “What?”

  “A giant lint ball.” He cradled it in the palm of his hand and held it out to her. “Do you know what this means?”

  Aurora rolled her eyes at his over-dramatics. “No. What does that mean, Your Highness?”

  “Those bears must do their laundry. How fascinating!”

  She responded to his fascination with a sigh.

  “You know, you haven’t exactly been encouraging or kind.”

  Aurora turned toward him, arms crossed. “How haven’t I been encouraging or kind?”

  “Well, you haven’t been encouraging about this whole situation. You got us here. You could at least give me some hope about whether we’ll ever get back or not.”

  “I don’t know! How would I know that?!”

  “And you haven’t been kind... you know... about my blisters or anything like that.”

  This time, she rolled her eyes so high, they felt like they were in danger of rolling back into her head. “You threatened to put me in a stockade! That doesn’t really inspire me to be nice to you.”

  “Oh, right. I’m sorry about that.”

  “So you won’t be putting me in a stockade?”

  “No.” Lyric paused for a few seconds as he reassessed the situation. “That is to say, I might not put you in a stockade if I can think of something more creative and cruel.”

  “You should have gotten eaten by bears...”

  “Pardon? What were you whispering just then?”

  “Uhh, nothing.” Aurora stopped walking and turned to face him, even though the sight of him made her a bit nauseous. “Listen, if you have blisters, we can rest for a minute.”

  “Ah, great. That would be lovely.” Without another word, the emperor sunk to the ground and started tending to his bare feet. Aurora leaned against a tree and watched, winching at the bright red bottoms of his feet. She almost felt sorry for him.

  Almost, but not quite.

  “That looks painful.”

  “Of course it’s painful! I’ve never been in so much pain in my life. And I’m not just talking about physical pain. I mean emotional pain... mental pain. This whole day has caused me a great deal of distress. When I ask you to show a little repentance for having gotten me into this situation, wel
l... I don’t think I’m asking too much!”

  “Sorry.”

  “And I don’t think I’m... AHHH!” Lyric leapt to his feet and grabbed onto Aurora’s arm. “What is that?”

  “What is what?”

  “There... in the leaves.”

  Aurora dipped a hand into the foliage and picked up the most harmless-looking garter snake she’d ever seen. “Are you talking about this?”

  “Yes, yes! Don’t touch it! Are you crazy? It might be lethal!”

  Aurora held the snake in front of her face, locking eyes with it as it flicked its tongue. There was something immensely satisfying about remaining fearless in the face of Lyric’s panic. “Aww... you’re a cutie, aren’t you?” she cooed at the snake.

  “It might be poisonous!”

  “It’s not poisonous.”

  “It might bite you in the eye!“

  With a smile, Aurora kissed the snake’s head and returned it to the ground. “There, see? It was harmless.”

  “Thank you for that brilliant display of madness. Now, can we get going?”

  “What about your blisters?”

  “Um, I’d rather keep walking until we’re a comfortable distance away from the snakes and the bears.”

  Aurora wiped her hands on the sides of her dress, which made Lyric sneer. “Alright, then. Let’s get going.”

  “God, what I wouldn’t give for a nice, warm bath, or a bed with fluffy pillows. Some candles... maybe a violinist... and a beautiful woman who dances while the violin plays.”

  Without commenting on his ramblings, Aurora started walking again. The emperor stayed on her heels, as usual; it seemed he enjoyed being the destroyer of her peace. If she could say anything positive about his presence, it was that he was a distraction. If not for him, she knew she’d be tormented by her own thoughts and worries. At the moment, Lyric was worrying enough for both of them.

  A few minutes after their clash with the snake, they reached the edge of the forest. They were, quite literally, out of the woods. They found themselves standing in front of a very wide river; a structure in the distance made Lyric’s eyes light up.

  “I know this place!” he exclaimed, nearly leaping into the air at his epiphany. “See that castle in the distance? I know where we are!”