Father of the Bride

by Jennifer Dione

  “Of course, I will, but just because you need support. I already found my career, shaking this little ass around a pole.”

  “So how much are you making?”

  “Anywhere between five and ten thousand a night, I made close to twenty thousand one night.”

  “Shut the fuck up! In one night?”

  “Yes, mama, one night.” She put up one finger for emphasis.

  “And you've been hiding all this money where?”

  “I'm saving it. If I get into the dance academy I will probably want to move closer to campus and those apartments are expensive as hell. If I don't get lucky and get the scholarship it's going to cost me a pretty penny and I don't plan on taking out any more student loans, I already can't pay back the ones I now.”

  “So, when are you taking me shopping?”

  “Girl, have your daddy take you shopping.”

  “Ugh, so selfish.”

  “Whatever I learned from you.”

  Chapter 5

  Everything was boring that Friday, work was boring, lunch was boring. I called Yaya, Mya, and Omar. The conversations were dry. Probably due to the fact that we all wanted to talk about the impending meeting with my dad. I made it clear that I didn't want to talk about that. We all danced around the topic while halfheartedly talking about other things. I was so desperate not to talk about meeting my father that I mistakenly brought up that I would be auditioning for the dance academy with Mya 'for moral support' to my Aunt.

  She wasn't happy to hear this.

  “You’re dropping out of graduate school, and what, you're going to get a Master's in dance?”

  “Auntie, I don't even think that’s a thing.”

  “I hope not.”

  “I'm only doing it because I feel like Mya is losing sight of her dreams here in NY and I don't want her to give up on what she always wanted to do.”

  “I don't know baby, maybe it is time for her to give up on it. As her friend you should try to convince her to go to school for something for promising.”

  “You mean I should talk her into getting a degree in science, technology, engineering, or math like you talked me into doing?”

  “Yes, that's exactly what I mean. Like I always tell you I only did that because I love you and I want what’s best for you. You have always been amazing at math and science and I knew that you could be as successful in this career field as any white man out there in the world is right now.”

  “I was also really, really good at dance.”

  “You were amazing at dance as well, but how about you ask Mya how well that degree in dance is working out for her. She is still working at that little dance studio isn't she?”

  “She is and she loves it.”

  “Does it pay the bills?”

  “She's making pretty good money now.” I said with a smirk.

  My aunt laughed, “She must be stripping or something. I know for a fact that place pays her minimum wage.”

  I didn't respond even though part of me knew that it was possible my aunt already knew about Mya stripping. I wasn't going to be the one who let the secret out.

  "I just want her to get in the dance academy, hopefully get a scholarship to pay for it, so then all she has to worry about is working at the dance studio and going to the dance academy. I don't want her to lose herself out here in these streets it's so easy for it to happen especially when you're struggling.”

  “You’re a good friend, and I'm happy that you're going to be supporting Mya by auditioning with her. I just don't want you to lose sight of your goals. Which are?..." She waited for me to finish the sentence.

  “Finish graduate school, and secure a permanent position at a top engineering firm here in NY.”

  “You forgot get married, and have your father walk you down the aisle at your wedding. Those are your goals make sure you don't lose sight of them.”

  “I won't auntie, I promise."

  “I know there is a lot going on in your life right now, and so much has happened and changed for you in the last year or so. I just want to make sure that you are taking care of you. If you need someone to talk to I can still refer you to that therapist I was talking to you about. She’s amazing, changed my life in the last 6 years I have been seeing her.”

  “Yeah she's the one who has you flying all over the world because 'it's what makes you happy' right. Yeah, I don't have time for all of that I have goals I'm trying to accomplish.”

  “Maybe you should go talk to your mom, I know that always helps you.” Yaya was right, if talking to her, or my best friend, or my fiancé didn't help I knew that I could go sit down in the cemetery in front of my mother's grave and she would listen and not interrupt, even though I always hoped she would.

  I would spend hours with her, I would bring some of her favorite food, and her favorite books and read them to her. The same books my aunt said she used to read to me when I was in her belly.

  I would always feel better after talking with her, and I wouldn't leave without asking her for a sign about how I should proceed in life, about what decision I should make if I was at a cross roads, and she always would.

  I TOOK MY AUNTIES ADVICE. I stopped to pick up some snacks and I planned to have a long picnic in the cemetery with my mom.

  When I got there the sun was still up, the cemetery was empty and I was able to spread out my blanket, set up my snacks and lay out my books. I brought a speaker so I could play some of what I knew was her favorite music.

  “Hey ma,” I said as I got comfortable on my pillow and blanket, I laid on my back and picked up my laptop and put it on my belly.

  “I wanted to show you the pictures from my fitting, remember I said it was this Sunday. The dress is so beautiful Ma.” I scrolled through the pictures on my laptop.

  I liked to come to the cemetery on days when not many people were here. That way I didn't have to deal with too many people giving me crazy looks as I carried on a full, one sided, conversation with my mother. I liked to talk to her as if she was here right next to me. I believed that she heard me when I spoke. I didn't think that I needed to be at the cemetery for her to hear me, but there was something about feeling close to her body, or whatever remained of it.

  “I brought my laptop here so that I can study. I have a exam due in like four hours, and I'm going to try to cram as much studying in before I take it. I'm going straight to sleep when I get home because I have an even bigger day tomorrow, believe it or not.” I put the laptop down after staring at the pictures of me in my dress at my fitting. I had brought a lot of fruit, and of course I always brought flowers, sun flowers, those were her favorite. My Aunt told me that my mom always had fresh fruit and fresh flowers in the house no matter what. I sucked a few strawberries off of their stems and then decided it was time I tell her.

  “Ma, there's something I have to tell you.” Sometimes telling her felt easier but also harder at the same time than telling my aunt. I knew that she couldn't respond no matter how bad I wanted her too and I also knew that if she could respond she would probably have so much to say. She would be able to tell me things about my father that she knew, that I should know, so that meeting him and getting to know him would be a little easier.

  After a couple minutes of silence, which were never awkward with my mom, I finally let it out.

  “I'm going to meet my father for the first time tomorrow.” Saying the words out loud like that felt so strange, but at the same time a sense of calm fell upon me.

  I was finally admitting it, it was finally going to happen. I was meeting my father for the first time. I was meeting one on my biological parents for the first time that I could remember. Because of course my mother got to hold me in her arms, but she passed away while I was nursing at her breast fifteen minutes later. The doctor said she had massive blood clots in her legs, they couldn't save her. My aunt told me they couldn't pull me away from her, not until I was done feeding, only then did I let her go. That was the first time I meet her, the o
nly time I was around her, and the last time I saw her. My mom died before I was even a half hour old. My aunt was there from that moment forward. I hid from her that I felt something was missing. As I got older that something was more and more evident. I noticed Mya had a mother and father, Omar had a father and he at least knew he had a mother even if she never came around or he never saw her, she did exist.

  When I was young I told my auntie that my life was like a puzzle, I had everything I wanted, all the puzzle pieces were accounted for. Except for two, she helped me fill in the missing puzzle piece that represented my mother. My auntie told me all about my mother. My aunt only had one baby sister, she loved her more than anything. She told me what she was like as a baby and growing up. She told me funny stories about all the stupid fights they got into as teenagers over clothes, and boys, and the bathroom. She let me go through the thousands of pictures she had of her whenever I wanted and let me take as many pictures as I wanted out of the crate in the basement and up into my room. One the other hand, it was almost like my father never existed, no one knew who he was, no one knew where he was, no one knew his name, or where he was from, or the people he hung out with. No one knew how he met my mother, or how he felt when he found out she was pregnant with me. Soon, finally, I would be able to ask him anything I wanted to. I would be able to figure out if all the weird quirks, habits, likes and dislikes that I was sure I hadn't gotten from my mother had in fact come from him. Finally, I would have the missing piece of the puzzle.

  I knew it was my mom who had eased my mind. She approved me speaking to my father. I felt a renewed excitement to meet him. I had been feeling so anxious and nervous about it after the awkward conversation I had with him when I was on my my lunch break with Omar. My mom was telling me to trust him, maybe she was telling me that he wasn't a bad guy after all. I couldn't allow my doubts and my aunts doubts to deter me from having a a relationship with my father. My mother would know better than anyone.

  I knew the signs my mom gave when she approved I would feel a tangible peace fall over me. When she didn't I felt very uneasy. The only time this hadn't worked was when I came and told her that Omar had proposed to me. I felt like I was going to have a heart attack. I literally felt like I was going to die right there in the cemetery with my mom, but somehow someone had found me and called 911. The doctor said that it was just a panic attack from the stress of being in school, working, just getting engaged and starting the process of planning a wedding. Plus not having my mother here for all of that was probably weighing on me, he assumed. It was late when I went to cemetery so he said the anxiety attack could've been triggered by me being genuinely frightened. I didn't tell anyone but my aunt about this. I took my anxiety medication secretly and dodged my aunts' recommendations to speak to a therapist every time she mentioned it.

  This time, thankfully, I had got the reaction I was hoping for.

  Chapter 6

  Saturday morning started with the sun rays squeezing their way between my curtains and nearly blinding me even with my eyelids closed. I tossed over to the other side and screamed out loud when I opened my eyes and was face to face with Omar. He jumped up from his sleep and scanned the room.

  “What happened, what?”

  “You happened, I thought you weren't going to be here until this afternoon.”

  He flopped back onto the bed a look of slight irritation on his face.

  “Another meeting canceled, it happens all the time. I took a red eye, and it was delayed on the tarmac for an hour, I didn't get in until 4 am. I didn't want to wake you up just to tell you I was here, but maybe I should have.” He turned his face towards me and puckered his lips out for a kiss.

  “Yes, you should have, you damn near gave me an anxiety attack.”

  “I'm sorry baby, give me a kiss, I'm sorry.” He reached his arms out to me, his lips still puckered, his face like a sad puppy.

  I pecked him on the lips.

  “Now you have to make breakfast.” I smirked

  He rolled his eyes, “I always make breakfast.”

  “Anyway, let's go, I'm hungry.”

  “It's only 7am, I'm running on three hours of sleep.”

  “Well, now I'm never going to get back to sleep so you might as well just make me breakfast so I can stop bugging you and I will let you go back to sleep after.” He knew I wasn't bluffing.

  I hated cooking, but I loved eating a big breakfast, especially on weekends. It was a tradition when I was younger for my aunt and I to get up early on Saturdays, mainly because I had so many extracurricular activities and clubs to attend on Saturdays but also because my aunt loved cooking and she would always say food was the key to anyone's heart. The only thing I knew for sure was that food was the key to my heart definitely. She would try to get me to help her, but as I got older and older my disdain for cooking but obsession with eating was clear. She would tell me that my mother was the same way, she loved to eat but refused to cook. My aunt said she could burn a pot of water if you left her in the kitchen long enough by herself. For the longest I thought she was over exaggerating until I actually burned a pot of water that she had asked me to put on. It is possible.

  “What do you want to eat?” He asked reluctantly as he pulled his long body out of the bed and followed me to the kitchen.

  “Huevos rancheros.” I said back without skipping a beat.

  “You've been on a Hispanic food kick lately, haven't you?”

  Yeah, I guess.” I said shrugging my shoulders.

  “Speaking of Hispanic, have you talked to Mya?”

  “I went to see her yesterday.” I said lifting myself up onto one of the stools that sat at my small breakfast bar.

  “And?...” He started pulling pots and pans from the cabinets.

  “Everything's good.”

  “Everything's good?” He was mocking me.

  “Yes.”

  “It's funny how when you guys get into an argument I am forced to hear every single detail, but when you make up all I get is, ‘Everything's good’.”

  I laughed, “I went by her job and brought her some vegan Mexican food.”

  “I knew Mya had to be behind you liking that restaurant, she's always doing some type of Vegan, gluten free, all organic, mess.”

  “You're grumpy in the morning.”

  He nodded and I laughed because it was true. I was the one in the morning who was chipper and ready to eat, while all he wanted to do if he didn't have to go into his office, or go to a meeting, or catch a flight, was sleep until noon and order some Chinese food when he woke up. Then once late night rolled around he was jumping up and down trying to talk me into going to the gym with him, or running three miles around the neighborhood. First of all, this neighborhood is not that nice to be running around at nearly midnight, and secondly, I'm going to sleep.

  “What did you guys do get drunk afterwards, and cry on each other shoulders about how much you love each other and how sorry you were, then go do each other's makeup and eat ice cream?”

  “Wow. That sounds great, but no.” I paused. “Is that how you think girls make up?'

  “I have no idea, honestly I've already forgotten what I just said, I'm delirious, where are the eggs?” He slammed the refrigerator door.

  I got up from the stool and went around the breakfast bar, I opened the refrigerator and pulled the eggs out and sat them on the counter.

  “Thank you.” He said almost in a whisper. "All I know is, how you and I make up, and I just know that you better not make up like that with anyone else."

  "How do we make up?" I asked curiously.

  "You know, kissing, touching, heavy petting."

  I laughed. "Well Mya and I are both virgins at nearly 30 years old-"

  "You call 25 nearly 30?"

  "I'll be 26 in a few months."

  "Soo old." He was mocking me again.

  "Anyway, I guarantee if we have never gone that far with a man, we won't be going any distance with a woman."

&
nbsp; "Maybe you, but I get that vibe from Mya."

  I thought for a second and then just finally asked the question, "What vibe?"

  "You know what vibe."

  This is why I loved waking him up early in the morning because despite how cranky and grumpy he was he was always so honest. It was the best time to ask him his honest opinions on things and get genuine advice from him. I dug a little deeper.

  "No, I don't know what vibe."

  "Um," He thought for a second, possibly about the best way to say it without offending me since we were talking about my best friend, "You know that vibe like, 'maybe she hasn't been with a man before because she doesn't like men'."

  "Wow."

  "Are you telling me that you have never been curious?"

  "No baby I have never been curious." I must have had a shocked look on my face because he burst out laughing.

  "I'm not asking you if you are bi-curious, I'm asking you if you've ever been curious that Mya is bi-curious."

  "No, I haven't."

  "You probably just feel like it's normal because you are probably bi-curious as well."

  "Again, no."

  "OK, if you say so. For the longest time I refused to think that you didn't want to date me because we were too young, so I convinced myself that you were a lesbian. Maybe I just drilled it so far in my head I can't let go of it, not that that would be a problem, except for that it would be a problem if you were a lesbian because we are getting married in a few months. So, if you are just tell me know and I'll let Mya know. I'm sure she will be thrilled, I know she has a crush on you."

  He must be really tired this morning because he was divulging information that he probably vowed to never let out of his head.

  "Mya? Has a crush? On me?"

  "Yeah."

  "What?"

  "You remember my lesbian cousin Missy, right?"

  "Yeah."

  "Yeah, she said that Mya is definitely gay. She said that you are probably gay, and that I should watch Mya around you because she definitely has a crush on you."