Hakomi Mindfulness-Centered Somatic Psychotherapy

by Halko Weiss

  A wounded person may learn to avoid contact with a painful world as well as with his own needs. Or he denies himself the freedom of taking action to get a need met for fear of possible consequences. One may reject the sensory pleasure of satisfaction for fear of a hurtful experience, whereas another may turn against the idea of relaxation or completion for fear of not having done enough to be “good enough.”

  Figure 17.1. The Sensitivity Cycle. With permission from LifeRhythm Publications, Body-Centered Psychotherapy: The Hakomi Method by Ron Kurtz, Copyright 1990, Mendocino, California, USA.

  Each of the indicated barriers has a name specific to the stage in the cycle (Figure 17.2): The barrier to clarity is defined as the insight barrier. The barrier to action is called the response barrier. The barrier to satisfaction is referred to as the nourishment barrier, and the barrier to relaxation, the completion barrier.

  The sensitivity cycle serves as a diagnostic tool for determining where a person may be stuck in her life as well as a procedural guide for therapy. For example, if the client struggles with clarity, the therapist will know to work with the insight barrier. In this case, and in terms of Hakomi character theory, the therapist may be dealing with aspects of a sensitive/withdrawn or an expressive/clinging process.

  Hakomi therapists are taught to recognize a barrier and employ certain techniques for working though them (Chapters 8, 22, and 23). The barriers relate directly to character theory, in that each barrier can be found to play a typical role within the self-organization of the different character strategies (Figure 17.3).

  Figure 17.2. The Barriers. With permission from Life Rhythm Publications, Body-Centered Psychotherapy: The Hakomi Method by Ron Kurtz, Copyright 1990, Mendocino, California, USA.

  The ability to understand and recognize a barrier is essential to therapeutic intervention in the Hakomi method. It requires the skills of tracking and managing consciousness while helping the client discover the nature of his obstacles to maneuvering through the challenges of life successfully. This process for the client involves understanding, freedom, receiving nourishment from the world, and resting to reorient himself to his new core beliefs and to how he now relates to his experience in the world.

  Summary

  Recognizing a barrier greatly improves the efficiency with which psychotherapy can progress. When the therapist can understand the meaning behind a somatic, emotional, or mental response, she can immediately get a ballpark idea of which nourishment or developmental task has been compromised. The specific kinds of nourishment the client is rejecting, and the reasons for rejecting them, direct the therapist to the formative wounding events that are causing the client’s current suffering, thus opening the door toward working through core material and core beliefs (Chapter 19).

  Figure 17.3. The Cycle and Character

  The general strategy to linger at and explore the barrier in mindfulness also helps avoid subtle interactions of pressure and resistance between therapist and client. Instead, the client feels deeply accepted and often relieved to understand himself better. There is less sense of something being wrong with him. Both therapist and client can remain relaxed and curious even when the client shows characteristics within himself that appear to be problematic.

  CHAPTER 18

  Child States and Therapeutic Regression

  Marilyn Morgan

  “Mommy, Mommy,” YoungerOne wails, “Mommy hold me!”

  LOUISE WISECHILD, The Obsidian Mirror, 1988

  IN PSYCHOTHERAPY, IN art and literature, and also in pop psychology and personal accounts, there are descriptions of “the inner child” (Anderson, 2000; Hall, 1993; Miller, 1986, 1988; Parks, 1994; Weinhold, 1988; Whitfield, 1987; Wisechild, 1988). The concept makes sense clinically and resonates with many clients. Working with the “child” is an important part of Hakomi therapy.

  What is this inner child? Whitfield equates “the child within” with the true self. He says that when we are being our true self, we are alive and “we tend to feel current, complete, finished, appropriate, real, whole, and sane” (Whitfield, 1987, p. 11). The child is written of in spiritual traditions, as in the Tao Te Ching: “To find the origin, trace back the manifestations. When you recognize the children and find the mother, you will be free” (in Johanson & Kurtz, 1991, p. 79). Jung wrote about the child within: “In every adult there lurks a child—an eternal child, something that is always becoming, is never completed, and calls for unceasing care, attention, and education. This is the part of the human personality which wants to develop and become whole” (1947/1958, p. 286). The creator of psychosynthesis, Assagioli, spoke of subpersonalities (Ferruci, 1982). Eric Berne’s (1964) transactional analysis detailed child, adult, and parent parts. Richard Schwartz (1995) includes exiled child parts in his internal family systems model. John Bradshaw (1990) writes of reclaiming and championing the inner child. Some more conservative Christian sects are embracing the concept: “When we access and heal our deepest wounds, we also access the deepest spaces within us where God dwells” (Linn, Emerson, Linn, & Linn, 1999, p. 9).

  The Child State Intruding Into the Present—for Good or Bad

  The ways in which we were not loved during childhood can be directly read from our adult relationships.

  PAUL SCHELLENBAUM, The Wound of the Unloved, 1988

  Child consciousness may feel like part of an integrated life, or it can appear to limit and sabotage a satisfying adult life.

  Suzie, age 32, was brought up in a loving, stable family. Attachment theorists would say she has a secure base. She is a fun-loving, caring mother and enjoys her relationship with her husband. Suzie has an expressive face; her eyes are sparkling with life. When she is making mud pies with her children you can see how much her child self is there; when she is taking care of the family finances, she is very much a grown-up.

  Peter was not wanted by his parents and grew up in a number of foster families. Recently his wife, Ann, gave birth to their first child, a son. When Peter saw Ann responding to the baby’s cries by picking him up, cuddling him, then feeding him, he became inexplicably furious. He yelled at his wife to stop spoiling the baby, as his son needed to toughen up. When Ann told him to lower his voice, Peter retreated in a sulk. He soothed himself with beer until he fell asleep. When Ann saw her inebriated husband on the couch she muttered, “You are more of a baby than your son!”

  Hakomi trainer Jon Eisman (1989) gives us a useful map regarding child and adult states. He describes how a child who has supportive experiences will grow into a “whole adult” in an embodied way. This was Suzie’s experience. She can have, as an adult, states of childlike wonder; she can feel vulnerable and needy; and she can be spontaneous and playful. The inner child is an integrated part of who Suzie is in the world. In fact, the concept of an inner child is almost irrelevant for Suzie.

  However, if the child is neglected, or suffers trauma, then a fundamental splitting occurs, such as happened for Peter. The pain, too overwhelming for the child to manage, is defended against by survival strategies. The vulnerability and natural child energy go underground, as the “hurt child,” the “spirit in exile,” and the “strategic child” go on to become an “assumed adult.” At the same time, a “survivor part” may fight for intuitively sensed rights. Lurking behind the adult persona are child states that may inconveniently erupt. For Peter, these emerge when he least wants them—for example, when he is trying to be a good father. Peter can be taken over by his child self and he does not recognize that he is not behaving in an adult matter—furiously railing against any confrontation.

  Frozen in Time: Developmental Arrest

  The child will spontaneously contaminate the adult’s behavior.

  JOHN BRADSHAW, Homecoming, 1990

  Eisman asserts that the natural child has core knowledge of her rights. Kohut would agree. He said that the child’s “nascent self ‘expects’ an empathic environment to be in tune with its need-wishes, with the same unquestioning certitude as its lung
s ‘expect’ oxygen” (Kohut, 1977, p. 85). When the conditions are not there to support normal development, then parts of the child or adolescent remain undeveloped—frozen in a time warp. “Emotional energy has the urge to complete itself” (Hall, 1993, p. 21). Physically, the person grows into an adult, but parts are left behind. Schwartz (1995) describes how child parts are often exiled and dissociated from, or disliked and disowned, as other managing parts develop to cope in the world. Some people have their child parts so hidden that they seem too adult.

  This was so for Stephanie, who was puzzled and critical when her coworkers stopped work to joke and fool around in a lighthearted way. She told herself that they were silly and irresponsible and withdrew from them. Stephanie’s colleagues teased her for being stuffy and urged her to play a little. She didn’t know how.

  Child parts can emerge during the shattering pain of adult relationship breakdown (Anderson, 2000). Other people have child parts frequently dominating the adult self in present time. It seems like they are childish, or too emotional, or overly dependent on others.

  Michael was like this. His big, soulful eyes always seemed to be pleading for something. When his wife, Marlene, was busy he hung around and complained. Marlene would get impatient, and then Michael would retreat to his bed. He wanted Marlene to look after him and was angry when she didn’t.

  When a new client walks through the door for the first time, it may strike you how much she appears like a child. Sometimes the body structure itself carries something of the developmental arrest. Other clients may move in childlike ways, speak with small voices, or dress like children. Others are grown up in most spheres of their lives, but in therapy, or in intimate relationships, child parts appear spontaneously and may dominate.

  Outdated Perceptions and Decisions From the Past Inhibit the Now

  From the first days of life, the infant’s brain is capable of creating a multimodal model of the world.

  DANIEL SIEGEL, The Developing Mind, 1999

  The child is born with most neural connections yet to be wired up. His brain development is experience dependent and is shaped by his particular environment to function in that environment. Later in life, the world the person inhabits may have changed considerably, and the abilities, emotions, automatic behavior patterns, and beliefs that were formed very early in life may no longer be functional.

  Sandra was brought up in a violent home. She had to be in a constant state of vigilance. Later, in her marriage to Tony, Sandra would go very quiet and shut down when Tony was irritated. When he wanted to discuss things with her, she wouldn’t be able to speak. This annoyed Tony and, as his voice got louder, Sandra became like a robot and would agree to anything.

  Sandra did not know why she didn’t stand up for herself. Her fear dated back to a time in her life that predated conscious memory. It can be hard to change patterns like this by willpower alone, as they are so deeply rooted in implicit memory systems.

  Regressive States

  Becoming so identified with my child and all her sensitivities also made me want to isolate myself in my room because it was such a safe place. So instead of my world expanding it became more and more limited.

  TANHA LUVAAS, Notes from My Inner Child, 1992

  Regression literally means returning to an earlier state of functioning. Michael Balint, a psychoanalyst, writing in 1968, describes the benign or therapeutic form of regression as involving a trusting relationship and facilitation of inner awareness, and with only moderately intense display of demands and expectations. This type of regression, he believed, could lead “to a true, new beginning,” with a real, new discovery (Balint, 1992). In contrast, a person can revert to functioning in a childlike way, which is distressing and even dangerous. The client can be taken over by a trancelike state, losing access to previous resources and awareness. Sometimes this regression can last over time and can be very difficult for both the person concerned and those around him. Being stuck in such a regressed state is not therapeutic, and therapists need to do all they can to prevent such unhelpful states from occurring. Balint (1992) describes this malignant form of regression as involving a desperate clinging by the client, with frequent relationship breakdowns, high intensity of demands for external gratification, development of addiction-like states, and unsuccessful attempts at a new beginning.

  Sally was being treated in an in-patient clinic. The methods of group therapy used were unusual and confrontational. Sally had been raised to do as she was told. She was compliant with those she saw as experts. One of the exercises given to the group was for the participants to be three years old. The facilitators starting treating them like little children, encouraging them to seek nurturing when upset. Sally had had a traumatic separation from her mother when she was three. She regressed during the exercise and began to cling to the facilitators. After a while, they became annoyed. The more they tried to get Sally to grow up again, the more she persisted in being little. Even after Sally left the clinic, she was still regressed, and she went from one professional to another in an unsatisfying search for care, validation, and love. Some mental health workers tried to give Sally what she wanted, and that seemed to reinforce her childlike, helpless state. She became furious when people refused her demands.

  The Inner Child’s Dark Side

  To worship a precious inner child is to ignore its dark side.

  STEPHEN WOLINSKY, Quantum Consciousness, 1993

  Not all child parts are sweetly vulnerable, or full of innocent wonder. Some are demanding, dependent, full of rage, obsessional, suspicious, manipulative, clinging, terrorized, stubborn, dissociated, cruel, hysterical, seductive, complaining, or even overly devoted, good, or compliant. Stephen Wolinsky describes how protective “child trances” were created in childhood to handle situations that the person could not understand or bear at the time. The child trance is a state of consciousness that the adult can later identify with. The dark side occurs when the child part acts autonomously, causing problems in the person’s life. John Bradshaw, writing the foreword in Wolinsky’s book, says, “The inner child is not all precious and wonderful. By grasping the ways we continue to use the frozen and outdated trances of survival, we deprive ourselves of some essential areas of human experience . . . like curiosity, questioning, resiliency, exuberance, and spontaneity” (1993, p. x).

  Some people may inappropriately reify and glorify the inner child, and others have great loathing for their child parts. Even though child states can be problematic and limiting, it is possible to celebrate their positive origins and protective intent. In psychosynthesis, according to Ferruci (1982), they are seen as degraded expressions of higher qualities. Ferruci says, “Compassion can become self-pity, joy can become mania, peace can become inertia, humor can become sarcasm, intelligence can become cunning, and so on” (1982, p. 55). Jungian writers believe that we begin life whole, already containing archetypes within the psyche (Kaplan-Williams, 1988). Guntrip’s writings affirm Eisman’s assertion that the natural or organic child has an intuitive knowledge of her rights and wholeness:

  If the primary natural self, containing the individual’s true potentialities, can be reached, supported, and freed from the internal persecutor, it is capable of rapid development and integration with all that is valuable and realistic. . . . The total psyche, having regained its proper wholeness, will be restored to full emotional capacity, spontaneity, and creativity. (1968, p. 195)

  Regressing in the Service of Growth: Child Consciousness in Psychotherapy

  Infantile, unrealistic hope is transformed into mature, realistic hope.

  MARTHA STARK, Working With Resistance, 1994

  A therapist who is overly nurturing or who promises more than is realistic can encourage an unhealthy regression. This can be a pitfall for a Hakomi therapist, who may in fact be drawn to the work because of resonance with the Hakomi values of compassion and loving presence. This can make the therapist vulnerable to establishing systems of unhelpful dependence.r />
  To enable the child aspects of the client to grow and become embodied and integrated with the functioning adult self, the therapist needs to ensure that the client is resourced. This means that the adult witness needs to be there, alongside the child state. Wolinsky (2003) emphasizes the need for an “observer” adult self to disidentify from the child, expanding awareness and choice in the present. Ferruci, describing the psychosynthesis approach, says, “When we recognize a subpersonality, we are able to step outside it and observe it” (1982, p. 49). Schwartz talks of the Self as both observer and leader of the system: “[Individuals] can be actively engaged in their lives while in this mind set—a state the Buddhists call mindfulness. The Self then is not only a passive witness to one’s life; it can also be an active leader, both internally and externally” (1995, p. 37). Self-capacity may have to be developed before it is possible to work directly with the child consciousness. The client needs to be ready (Parks, 1994). The therapist will need to set boundaries and not entice powerful, regressed longings by seeming to offer boundless mother love. Grief for what has been missed out on needs to happen along with experiences of the love and acceptance that can be offered and accepted in the present (Stark, 1994).

  The path of mindfulness cultivated in Hakomi training, and with the client in therapy, assists with growth of the witness and disidentification from desperate child parts. With the witness present, a therapist and client can be with intense longings, evaluate potential nourishment, and notice when the nourishment is accepted at a deep level. In fact, the practice of mindfulness can insure against becoming trapped in life-draining systems of malignant regression.