The Flame Game

by R. J. Blain

  “You do realize that’s more because my bites are like an aphrodisiac for you, right?”

  “I may have noticed something along those lines, because gorgon-incubus doohickeys are the best doohickeys, and I have a full claim on the only one. Mine, mine, mine.” I rubbed my hands together. “You act like I don’t con your little serpents into biting me. Although it was sweet they tried to make the hangover better, but really, Quinn? A heart?” I pointed at my chest, where his serpents had indulged in body art. I blamed one of the angels or archangels loitering around the hotel for the scarring, as snake bites didn’t usually do anything other than annoy me for a day or two. “And now it’s permanent body art! I bet one of the fucking assholes is responsible for that travesty.”

  “I like it,” my husband replied, grinning at me. “I like it almost as much as I like our bracelets.”

  “Like is not a strong enough word for what I feel about my man repellent. I will become very upset if it somehow becomes gorgon-incubus doohickey repellent, however.” Considering an archangel had marked us with the magical equivalent of a ball and chain, which bound us together until death did we part, I wasn’t particularly worried about that happening.

  Chuckling, Quinn shook his head. “I thought about bringing my Lakers jersey just to screw with you,” he confessed. “But I decided you were getting the suit model for Christmas rather than annoying you. When you least expect it, I’ll show up in my Lakers jersey, though.”

  Evil, evil man. “Do I still get a picture of you shirtless to carry around in my purse along with a picture of the suit model? I’ll take the dress uniform model, too.” As my husband hadn’t grimaced at the reminder I’d spent a disturbingly long time in the hospital thanks to my immune system shutting itself off, I added, “I am definitely pursuing the naked model later.”

  The elevator made a few too many stops on the way down to the lobby, and I sighed, forced to almost stand on Quinn’s feet when we got shunted into the back corner. While I appreciated being close to him, I contemplated murder by the time we reached the ground floor with the lobby, the canal shoppes, and the location I’d finally get to pick a fight with Quinn’s gorgon grandfather.

  I escaped without killing anyone, but I wanted to scream at the crowd barring us from reaching my destination, a nice mat the hotel had brought out so we’d be able to fight without damaging their pretty floors.

  “We can go around the back way,” Quinn said, taking hold of my hand and dragging me towards one of the hallways that circled the canal shoppes. While there were still people loitering around, we entered the shoppes from the other side of the steakhouse and worked our way back to where I’d have my chance to be pummeled by a gorgon.

  The jerk would probably stand still and sigh while I climbed all over him.

  Quinn’s parents spotted us, and his mother waved, and when my husband didn’t immediately acknowledge her, she waved faster and bounced up and down.

  “She really won’t stop until you tell her you love her,” I whispered to my husband.

  “I know.” According to his grin, he liked it that way.

  Crazy man.

  Quinn’s father had more restraint, although he joined in waving at us, which drew a lot of attention, most of it unwanted.

  “Dad, did you feed Mom sugar again?”

  “She got into some pixie dust earlier.”

  I heaved a sigh at the unfairness of it all. “Just once, I want to know what it’s like to get high on pixie dust. Just once.”

  “I’m sorry, Bailey. But you get high as a kite on napalm. I just get a little frisky and like fire.”

  “That’s so sad.”

  “Not really. I get to watch you get high as a kite on napalm, and that makes everything all right with me. Last time, you wormed through it while on your back with your hooves in the air. Tiffany got a good laugh out of it, too.”

  “Where is that devil woman, anyway?” I needed to tell her a thing or two about laughing at unicorns who could breathe fire. After she finished laughing at me for attempting to tell her off, she’d probably get me in trouble.

  “I’m pretty sure she and Arthur went to bed.”

  “Which type of bed are we discussing here?”

  “The kind where they pass out into an unconscious and exhausted stupor. They both got a fairly heavy dose of influences from succubi and incubi in the past week, and they need to sleep it off.”

  Oops. “You didn’t, did you, Quinn?”

  “It wasn’t me. The Devil’s wife did some, my grandfather showed up to play for a while, and I’m fairly sure the Devil amused himself throughout the hotel. He can’t behave all the time, and Darlene took her eyes off him for ten whole minutes.”

  It took me a moment to remember the Devil’s wife was Darlene. “That poor woman.”

  “Don’t worry about Darlene. She loves all the trouble he creates. If she hadn’t wanted him creating chaos in the hotel, she would have stopped him. Probably. Then again, she is a succubus, and the Perkins weren’t the only people wanting Christmas miracles this year. They’re just getting the lion’s share of miracles.”

  Well, yeah. Perkette being barren until the Devil and an archangel had gotten a hold of her counted as quite the miracle. “If she finds out I’m technically part of the reason she’s having quadruplets, she’ll kill me. Protect me.”

  “And who is the reason we’re having twins?” my husband asked.

  While I could have blamed his grandfather, I shrugged and pointed at myself. “For every one we add to the chaos, we have to adopt one. It’s a new rule I just made up. I expect the adoptees will be gorgons, though. For some reason.”

  “Life will be interesting if our children don’t inherit your immunities. We’re really going to need a new house if that’s how we’re going to approach expanding our family. Also, I’ll be adding to our evening ritual to ask if you’d like to add any new members to the family along with how many new members you’d like.” Still laughing, Quinn dragged me over to his parents, letting me go long enough to hug and kiss them both. “Are you going to be roped into a demonstration, Dad?”

  “Not today, much to my disappointment. Your grandfathers and uncle feel it’s best to let Bailey show off. No demonstrations for you, either.”

  “He better give me a demonstration when we’re back in our suite,” I muttered.

  “I’m sure you can handle any negotiations with my son as you see fit, Bailey. Are you having a good night so far? I was worried when you went under the table.” Quinn’s father chuckled. “But then your father joined you under the table, and at that point, I decided against checking in on you myself.”

  “It’s all right. I just didn’t know how to handle so many presents, so I hid under the table until I could come to terms with them. That, plus so many people!”

  “You’ll have to get used to it,” my husband warned.

  “I don’t have to get used to it right now. Well, mostly. I have to tolerate turning the hotel into a circus, though. I’m going to French braid his snakes.” I bounced on my toes. “He’ll look wonderful with French braided coral snakes. And unlike him, his snakes like it.”

  “They like it because you cuddle with them and don’t fall over dead if they bite you.”

  “That does help. I’ve figured out they have to bite something now and then or they don’t feel well. His serpents give a nudge and a hiss when they need to bite. Yours whine.”

  Quinn sighed. “Do you want me to work on that? We have ways of draining our venom, you know—ways that don’t involve you being bitten.”

  “Why would I want you to work on that?” Had my gorgon-incubus doohickey lost his mind? I frowned and considered him. “Are you feeling okay?”

  Quinn’s parents snickered, and his mother caught me in a hug and pulled me in the direction of the crowd loitering around waiting for the demonstrations to begin. “Ignore him. He’s not happy unless he’s fussing about something. I was warned my children would be weird. M
y fathers did their best to prepare me for that reality, but nothing prepared me for Sam, and his sisters are something else, too.”

  “I haven’t even met his sisters yet,” I replied. “When can I meet them?”

  “They’re around, probably trying to seduce strippers in a different hotel. One of them got the bright idea to start a competition.”

  My eyes widened. “To seduce strippers?”

  “Samuel got the lion’s share of angelic tendencies. His sisters are wicked little seductresses, probably to balance out how goody-goody Sam became.”

  “Mom,” my husband complained. “My sisters are not out seducing strippers, are they?”

  “They really are. I can’t even blame them. We went to a strip club and got a very pleasant surprise. Vegas has some nice men. How could I deny them? They wanted to enjoy the local offerings. It’s not my fault you’re the only one of my children who has decided marriage is interesting.”

  According to Quinn’s sigh, his family would break him sooner or later. “I can’t believe you brought my sisters to Vegas. They’ll take it over, and once they get bored, they’ll probably destroy or sell it because they have nothing better to do, and there’s no adult supervision here to convince them it’s not a good idea to sell or destroy an entire city.”

  “Don’t say such mean things about your sisters. It’s your father’s fault they’re so randy. It’s a gorgon thing.”

  Quinn’s father shrugged. “Says the daughter of an incubus.”

  “Well, that didn’t help matters any, that’s for certain. How did you turn out so angelic, Sam? Where did I go wrong with you?” Without waiting for her son to reply, Quinn’s mother dragged me through the crowd, who wisely made way for the insane woman on a mission. What her mission was remained a mystery, but I’d find out soon enough.

  Three

  I don’t know what I did, but I’m sorry.

  Quinn’s mother dragged me to a mat placed disturbingly close to the canal’s edge and shoved me in the general direction of my husband’s grandfather, who kept me from falling on my face or plunging into the water.

  “I don’t know what I did, but I’m sorry,” I whispered to the gorgon.

  Archambault Quinn patted my shoulders. “My little grandson’s mother is energetic, and she shares certain tendencies with her angelic father. As such, she is hoping all of her eligible offspring start producing children in high numbers.”

  “Well, I’m married to a gorgon-incubus doohickey, so if she’s expecting anything less from her son, she’s even crazier than I am. Considering how often I ask to fight for the right to claim baby gorgons, I don’t even know what she’s thinking. I’m concerned for Sam’s sisters, though. His mother said they were out to seduce strippers?”

  The gorgon pointed to the other side of the canal, where an entire gaggle of dark-haired, tall, and beautiful women bounced behind a cordon the hotel had set up to keep people from falling into the water. “She lies. Those are his sisters. The younger ones are with my bride, who would rather not see me fight with you, as she’d be torn over joining in. As she doesn’t know if she wants to fight with you or defend me, I suggested she take care of the younger girls.”

  My eyes widened, as they were all feminine versions of my husband. “They certainly look like they could seduce any stripper they want.”

  “And they have their fair share of incubus genes, so they’re quite adept at finding men when they want them. Thanks to those genes, they’ll likely become surrogates for hives, as they have inherited tendencies from both sides of the family. Little Samuel is unfit for such a life. His sisters are quite interested, if you please—or even if you don’t. They didn’t inherit any dignity from either side of the family.” The gorgon sighed.

  “What are we waiting for?”

  “Local law enforcement to oversee everything. It should only be a few more minutes now that you’ve arrived.”

  I nodded, and as I had nothing else to do, I went to work greeting all of Archambault’s serpents, noting most of them were primed to bite. “Is this demonstration to see how many times a coral snake can bite me before I start frothing at the mouth? Their sacs are full.” The worst of the lot made a forlorn hiss and nuzzled my hand. “Look at him. He’s going to burst if he doesn’t bite. The poor baby. How could you be so cruel to him?”

  “I’m sure he’ll get his chance to bite you soon enough. You wanted a fight, and since I can’t petrify you, I came prepared. I have arranged for a little angelic and devilish help on that front, however, as I’d rather you not literally froth—and it will allow some of the humans to experience a gorgon’s bite without death being involved. There is paperwork for most humans, as the partners of those bitten must consent to a heightened chance of pregnancy.”

  I bet the Devil had participated in the creation of that scheme, making full use of the ten minutes his wife had taken her eyes off him. “Seriously? What did you do to your poor snakes?”

  “Rather than your typical response to my venom, you’ll find you’ll become quite interested in my little grandson, rather irresistibly interested. I will cruelly win this fight through the unfair usage of your husband’s body.” The gorgon smirked with zero evidence of shame at the underhanded tactic. “Their venom production was modified to become a rather potent aphrodisiac partnered with a little angelic magic. I have been told if my bride does not get to enjoy the consequences of this meddling, I will be very unhappy for the rest of my vastly shortened life.”

  The Devil and his brother truly loved me and wanted me to be happy. “Have fun, Archambault. For some reason I don’t understand, I even like you, so I’d be sad if you got kicked to death by your centaur bride.”

  “It would be a terrible way for me to go, so I will make certain she enjoys a nip. I am planning on inquiring for a confirmation my serpents are all safe for her after our fight. You will be given, frankly, a rather ridiculous dose, so you return to your suite and stay there for a few days.”

  My eyes widened. “For a few days?”

  “We are planning on taking your whelps to the Grand Canyon and several state parks while you are occupied. They need to be socialized more and learn more about how to interact with other gorgons, so it will help on that front while you get to enjoy your time of rest.”

  If I got a full dose of all his snakes and their venom, there would be nothing restful about the next few days of my life. I rubbed my hands together and smiled. “How does this little demonstration work?”

  “As the whining would be incredible should I actually bruise you, I will demonstrate my various defenses with some stoner bait before I do the same demonstration with you, showcasing your various immunities. There are a lot of people who wish to undergo petrification. It’s usually barred without a special permit, but the hotel opted to get the permits required. You will not be asked to handle any of the cleaning required, as there are CDC recruits who need to learn.”

  Score. “This just keeps getting better and better.”

  Archambault chuckled. “You will particularly like the part where you will get to beat on me to your heart’s content to showcase how durable gorgons are. I will lecture the humans on why it is unwise to do everything you will surely do, including braid my serpents.”

  “French braids, and I’ll make sure they all get their appropriate attention and can bite as needed.”

  “They are being more patient than usual, although I’ve found they do enjoy when they can bite you. And you, insane woman you are, like it.”

  “Well, each type of snake venom is different, and I react to it differently. Darryl’s snakes hurt like hell and itch, so I really don’t like when he bites me. Yours is like getting a little drunk without the hangover.”

  “Ah, I understand. The lack of hangover appeals to you, as you cannot indulge in vices without paying for it in unfortunate ways.”

  “It really does.” My husband, who had his mother hanging off his arm, hauled her over while his father laughed. �
�Grandfather, please tell my mother you’re not going to kill my wife during a demonstration.”

  “My toxin has been modified, and even then, it just makes her drunk. There’s nothing to worry about, my precious little one.”

  I couldn’t tell which one of the precious little ones Archambault addressed, but I figured we all classified to him, allowing him to indulge in his vague tendencies to his heart’s content.

  Quinn’s mother sighed. “Tell this son of mine he should be fighting instead.”

  “If he fights and gets bitten, he may spontaneously combust. I do not think giving the grandson of an incubus an aphrodisiac is a wise idea.”

  That caught my husband’s attention. “Who did what to your snakes?”

  “There are those present who wish to experience being bitten by my snakes. As my bites typically kill a human, my snakes underwent a minor adjustment for the day. Instead of lethal neurotoxins, their venom is now a rather potent aphrodisiac. You can thank your uncle. I believe it was his idea, although he had some help from his brothers to implement it.”

  “Is it weird that I love the Devil?” I asked. “He’s just pure fun wrapped up in complete and total naughtiness. Plus, he likes cindercorns!”

  Quinn bowed his head. “You do not need any aphrodisiacs, Bailey.”

  “Like hell I don’t.” I went on guard and warded my husband away with two fingers. “Stay back, fiend. You shall not pass or take away my playtime with your grandfather. Back, you!”