by Karen Lynch
I’d left that day with the intention of returning in a month or two. Rachel had kept me updated on Beth, letting me know how she was doing and when she’d gotten over her crush. But while Beth’s feelings for me had faded over time, mine for her had not. Shame and guilt followed every thought of her, even though I told myself I would never have acted upon my feelings. In my mind, no male was good enough for Beth, including me.
One month became six, and six became a year. I’d missed Beth, but I’d feared I would do or say something to give myself away if I saw her. Rachel had told me she was happy and doing well in her training, and I hadn’t wanted to disrupt her life. So, I’d stayed away from her, and I’d immersed myself in work and the company of beautiful women, trying to forget the girl I couldn’t have.
After all of that, after the years of keeping my distance from Beth, one touch had changed everything.
How was it possible that we had shared this house and worked together for a week, and we hadn’t touched once until now? What if I hadn’t touched her tonight? How long would we have gone on without knowing what we really were to each other?
Headlights splashed across the lawn as an SUV pulled up and parked outside the garage. Three people got out, two of them going into the house while the third headed in my direction.
Nikolas sat on one of the chairs with his arms resting on his knees. Neither of us spoke for a long moment.
“You look like hell,” he said at last.
“I’ve been better.”
Another short silence followed.
“You know?” I asked him.
“Sara and Jordan said they thought you and Beth bonded, but they weren’t sure.”
“We did.”
“You want to talk about it?” he asked.
If I didn’t talk to someone about it, my head was going to explode. “I can’t believe it’s Beth, of all people. I’ve known her for most of her life.”
“It happens. Remember the Council member who found his mate a year ago?”
I nodded. The Council member’s mate had grown up in the stronghold he led. He’d seen the girl around, but it wasn’t until her induction ceremony when they’d shaken hands that they bonded.
“That’s not the same. He didn’t know the girl like I know Beth. I watched her grow up.”
“You’re right. I’ve wondered how different it would have been for Sara and me if she’d been raised at Westhorne.”
I managed a weak smile. “Tristan probably would have banished you the first time you looked at her.”
He chuckled. “I think you’re right about that.”
I blew out a harsh breath. “How could I have been so close to her and never known?”
“Maybe you two were so close because you did know on a subconscious level, or your Mori did, but she was too young to bond. Until now.”
Until now. His words resonated with me. Was it possible my Mori had recognized Beth as my mate from the very beginning? Could that be why I’d always felt so protective of her and why I suddenly began to want her when she’d become a young woman? Was that why my attraction to her hadn’t faded away in the years since?
I’d beaten myself up for years over my feelings for Beth, and I’d stayed away from her because of them. If I’d gone back to see her, we would have bonded when she was old enough, and it could have saved us so much pain. God, I was such a fool.
“And now she hates me,” I said almost to myself.
“I don’t believe that.”
“You don’t know the whole story. She has good reason to.”
He waited patiently for me to elaborate. With a deep exhale, I told him the truth about why I hadn’t been back to Longstone or seen Beth in four years. It felt good to unburden myself to someone who listened without judgement.
I grimaced. “I felt like a pervert, thinking about her that way.”
Nikolas’s next question took me by surprise.
“Do you think you would have thought your attraction to her was wrong if you’d just met her when she was sixteen? If you hadn’t known her since she was a little girl?”
“I would have wondered what had gotten into me, but it wouldn’t have felt so wrong.”
He nodded knowingly. “Sara was seventeen when we bonded, and I felt conflicted, too. One minute, all I saw was her youth and how much she needed my protection. In the next, I would see my mate. It was not easy at times.”
“That’s putting it mildly.”
The two of us smiled at the mention of his turbulent months with Sara before they’d mated. It hit me then that I was in for the same stormy ride with Beth. Maybe worse.
I groaned. “I’m screwed, aren’t I?”
“That depends. Are you going to break the bond?”
“No,” I replied vehemently.
“Then yes, you’re completely screwed.”
“Thanks for sugarcoating it.” I leaned forward to rest my head in my hands.
He laughed and stood. “Get some rest. You’re going to need it.”
My gaze moved to the guesthouse.
“She’s not going to talk to you tonight, and you’ll drive yourself crazy sitting out here. Trust me on that.”
He went into the house, and I stayed where I was. Nikolas was right, but it was hard to leave Beth when she was so upset. Even without the bond, I could never stand to see her cry. But I also knew my presence would cause her more distress. As much as I needed to be near her, I couldn’t do that to her.
I entered the house and went to my room to shower and stretch out on my bed. But after an hour of staring at the ceiling, I dressed and made my way to the control room. I might as well get some work done as long as I was up. Brock was the only one there, and he shot me a look of surprise when I walked in at 4:00 a.m.
“Something up?” he asked.
“No. Couldn’t sleep.”
I sat at one of the work stations and started the report for tonight’s incident. Technically, the warriors at the scene were supposed to do the report, but I had a feeling none of them would mind me doing the tedious work. Jordan hated reports, and Beth had enough to deal with. Sara didn’t mind reports, but she wouldn’t say no to some help.
I’d thought the work would help take my mind off Beth, but all I could think of was her in that dress, dancing with other men and going back to Brent Lassiter’s place. It didn’t matter that she hadn’t been alone with him and nothing had happened. Just the thought of what might have happened made my heart pound and my nostrils flare.
“You okay, man?”
I looked up to find Brock watching me with his eyebrows raised in question.
“Yes.” I went back to my report, only to discover the mangled remains of my computer mouse.
Groaning inwardly, I tossed the lump of plastic in the trash and stole the mouse from the nearest computer, aware that Brock was watching me with undisguised curiosity. It was clear he hadn’t heard about Beth and me, and I was in no mood to fill him in. By noon today, everyone living here would know Beth and I had bonded.
Not that I cared who knew. The shock was wearing off, and in its place was a lightness I’d never experienced before. Beneath the turmoil and uncertainty, I was elated because I could finally acknowledge what my heart – and my Mori – had been telling me for years. Beth and I belonged together.
Now, I had to convince her of that.
Beth
I shouldn’t have come back here. I wasn’t ready to see him or to face what had happened. The last hour felt almost like a dream. A bad dream where I’d bonded to the man who’d broken my heart and had made it abundantly clear he didn’t want me. He’d stayed away from his home for four years to avoid me. If that hadn’t driven the message home, nothing would.
I rolled over and buried my face in the pillow. God, how could this have happened? How could I have bonded to him of all people?
No one knew what made someone a potential mate. Most people believed it had to do with the compatibility between two Mori.
But some people thought it was because of an even deeper connection. They believed two people who were destined to be together would eventually find each other. Neither of these beliefs was helpful or comforting to me now, not when it was Chris I’d bonded to.
I believed Chris when he said he hadn’t meant to hurt me, but his apologies couldn’t erase the past. His abandonment had cut me deeply and had changed me, hardening me against being that trusting and open with my heart again. I loved Mason, but it was a different kind of love, a safe love, and nothing like what I’d felt for Chris. It was the only kind of love I could trust.
I jumped when someone lifted the pillow covering my face, but it was only Mason, his eyes dark with concern. Fresh tears blurred my vision, and he sat with his back against the headboard, pulling me into his arms. With him I didn’t have to be strong, and I gave into my tears as he held me.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked after I’d finally stopped crying.
I hiccupped. “I didn’t want to believe it.”
He hugged me tighter for a few seconds. “And now?”
“Do you even need to ask?”
“Guess not.”
We were silent for a few minutes before he spoke again.
“Chris said to tell you he’s there when you’re ready to talk. If it makes you feel any better, he’s pretty upset, too.”
“He can’t be too happy about this either.”
Chris was probably out there figuring out the best way to get out of this, although there was only one solution to our dilemma. The question was, which one of us would do it first.
Mason sighed. “I have to admit he seems more worried about you than anything else. All he cared about was how you were doing. I thought he was going to go through me to get to you when I told him you were crying.”
I leaned away to glower at him. “You told him I was crying?”
All I needed was for Chris to know how deeply this affected me. Bonded males were known to act irrationally, and he might think he had to complete the bond out of some misguided sense of chivalry. No, thank you. If I took a mate, it would be out of mutual love, not out of obligation.
Mason’s brows drew together. “I was angry because you came home bawling your eyes out, and he’s the only one who can make you cry like that.”
I let out a ragged breath. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be taking this out on you.”
“That’s what best friends are for.”
He pulled me back so I was propped up against the pillows next to him. I rested my head on his shoulder, and he clasped our hands together.
I’m bonded to Chris.
It sounded unreal no matter how many times I said it in my head. How often had I dreamed of this when I was younger? There’d been a time when I would have given anything to be Chris’s mate. Now I only wanted to come out of this with my heart intact.
“What do I do?” I said more to myself than to Mason.
His fingers flexed around mine. “What do you want to do?”
“A part of me wants to walk out there right now and break the bond.”
“And the rest of you?”
A painful knot formed in my throat. “The rest of me wants to curl up in a ball and cry some more.”
“Then cry if that’s what you need to do. I’ll make sure your room is stocked with Kleenex until you’re done. Just promise me you’ll shower. I still have to share this house with you.”
I let out a choked laugh. “Thanks.”
“Anytime.”
The room grew quiet for a long moment.
Mason cleared his throat. “Can I ask you…? What does it feel like?”
If the question had come from anyone else, I wouldn’t have answered it. It wasn’t a taboo subject, but bonding was a deeply personal experience and people generally didn’t go into the details. I’d always been curious about it, too, and I knew Mason would share it with me if he were in my shoes.
“It’s hard to describe. It’s like finding out I’m no longer alone, only I never realized I was alone until now. I can sense him when he’s near, but even when he’s not, I’m aware of him.”
“Wow. It sounds intense.”
“It is.”
Longing poured from my Mori as it tried to reach across the new bond to Chris’s Mori. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like in a few days or weeks. I’d thought it strange when Sara told me she hadn’t really felt her bond with Nikolas until they completed it. Now, I was envious of her. There was something to be said for blissful ignorance.
Mason released my hand. “You should get some sleep.”
I nodded and sat up, my eyes going to the front door, which was visible from my bedroom.
“Do you think he’s still out there?”
“Probably. I can ask him to leave if it bothers you,” Mason said.
“No. It’s okay.”
I wasn’t the only one affected by this. If Chris felt half of what I did, he couldn’t be doing too well either. If it made him feel better to stay near tonight, who was I to send him away? Tomorrow, we’d sort this out and decide the best way to handle it.
Mason got off the bed. “Okay. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Night.”
I slid down into the bed, burrowing beneath the covers. I should have showered, but with everything else that had happened tonight, I couldn’t bring myself to care about much of anything.
I tried to clear my mind to help me sleep, but every time I closed my eyes, I saw Chris’s face. I let out a shuddering breath. It was going to be a long night.
Solmi, whispered a mournful voice in my head.
Chapter 7
Beth
“HOW DO PEOPLE study in a place like this?” I asked Sara as we exited Our Lady of Mercy Academy. It was lunchtime, and the halls were full of girls rushing to the cafeteria. The school was so noisy and crowded, nothing like the quiet classrooms at home.
Sara laughed. “You don’t get much studying done at school unless you go to the library. I spent a lot of time in the library at my old school.”
I watched three girls run past us down the steps. “Was your school like this?”
“Pretty much, except mine was smaller and we had boys and girls.”
We headed for the parking lot where we’d left the SUV. Our visit to Jessica Ryan’s school had turned up no clues about her disappearance, and nothing we’d learned about the missing girl was out of the ordinary. Jessica was well-liked, a straight-A student, and she sang in the choir. She didn’t have a boyfriend, and she’d rarely missed a day of school.
It was similar to what we’d found out about Tracy Levine at St. Teresa’s Preparatory School this morning. Tracy’s friends said she was fun and loved music. She went to parties, but she never did anything reckless. Her friends said they’d all gone to a rave a few days before Tracy disappeared, but nothing out of the ordinary had happened at the rave.
I climbed into the SUV and looked over at Sara. “I feel like there’s something we’re missing here. Some link between Jessica and Tracy.”
“I know what you mean.” She looked thoughtful as she clicked her seat belt. “For two Catholic school girls to disappear within days of each other, there has to be a connection.”
Starting the vehicle, I glanced at the clock on the dash and bit my lip. I’d been hoping it would take us longer to check out the schools because I had no desire to go back to the house. I knew I was being a coward, but I wasn’t ready to face Chris yet.
Mason and Sara had suggested I stay home today after my emotional night, but I couldn’t do it. I’d gotten up at dawn and snuck out for a two-hour run, hoping the fresh air would clear my head. It hadn’t.
“Hey, you feel like grabbing a coffee?” Sara asked as if she’d read my mind. “I could really go for a mocha.”
“I’d love one.”
There was a coffee shop less than a block from the school, so we headed for that one. We went inside, and I wasn’t surprised to see girls in
school uniforms. The place was bustling, so Sara grabbed us a table while I went up to order our coffees.
A tall blonde girl ahead of me in line turned to smile at me. “Hey. Didn’t I see you at my school a little while ago?”
I smiled back and gave her the cover story we’d made up to explain our presence at the school.
“Yes. My sister and I might go there, and I wanted to check out the school.”
“Oh. It’s a good school but kind of boring.” She rolled her eyes. “I wanted to go to public school this year, but Mom and Dad wouldn’t hear of it.”
The line moved, and we both took two steps forward. Then the girl turned back to me. “I’m Alicia, by the way.”
“Beth.”
“Are you a senior?” she asked.
“Yes.”
Her smile brightened. “Me, too. We’ll be in the same class.”
I lifted a shoulder. “I haven’t even started there, and I’ve already made a friend.”
Looking pleased, she went up to the counter to order her drink. I went next, and ended up beside Alicia again as we waited for our coffee. We talked for a few minutes, and I found her to be nice and very chatty.
We got our drinks at the same time, and I wasn’t surprised when she walked with me to the table where Sara waited for me.
“Sara, this is Alicia,” I said as we sat. “Alicia’s a senior at Our Lady of Mercy, and she’s been telling me all about the school.”
“Are you Beth’s sister?” Alicia asked Sara.
“Just a friend who tagged along.”
Alicia was easy to talk to and eager to tell us all about the school and what she and her friends liked to do for fun. I listened to her with half an ear because my mind was occupied with thoughts about last night. It wasn’t until I heard her say the word “rave” that I snapped back to the present.
“Rave?” I asked. “Where?”
“At this cool new club called Luna. It’s an all-ages club, and they have the best music. I went to a rave there with some friends last Friday and had a total blast. They’re having another one Saturday night, and a bunch of us are going. You should come.”