“I’m Nick, and I’m a psychologist here at the hospital.”
“Yeah. Hmmm. You’re not impressing me.” I arch a brow and cross my arms in front of my chest.
“Um.”
“Ugh,” I grunt as I roll my eyes. “I thought you’d be able to help M, instead of a damned loser. If you can’t help her, I’m sorry. We’re not talking to you.”
“We?”
“Yes, we.” M, I’m sorry but you can’t talk to this dick. He hasn’t got a clue what he’s doing.
I don’t have a clue either. Please, tell him something.
“Go.” I flick my hand at him. “Go find me someone else I can talk to. You’re useless.” I roll my eyes at him, and sit back in the chair.
“Who are you?” Nick asks without budging from his seat.
“I’m not explaining it twice. Go, and find someone who can help us. You’re useless.” He continues sitting, scribbling his stupid notes.
“Molly, you need to talk to me.”
“You’re a damn idiot. She’s not here. I am. And I’m telling you to go and get someone who can actually help.” M, I know you can hear me, but I need you to trust me, and go to sleep.
I wait for a moment, and know she’s no longer here. Satisfied, I leap up out of the chair, and walk over to this Nick guy. He’s too busy writing to notice I’ve moved. When he looks up, he startles back. “Why don’t you take a seat so we can talk, AJ, is it?”
I don’t want M living in torment any longer than she has been. I try to comply with Nick. Although I’m certain he’s not the one who can help. I pace a few times, trying to deal with my inner turmoil before I decide to sit, again. “M needs help.”
“And who’s M to you?”
I drag my hand across my forehead trying to ease the tension I feel quickly mounting. “Look, Kate, Neve, and I live inside M.”
“Different personalities.”
“We’re different people, not just different personalities.”
“Why do you live inside Molly?”
Frustrated, I let out a huge sigh. I can’t deal with this level of stupidity. “Do you have any weights anywhere?” I look around, hoping I see a set of dumbbells.
“Weights?”
“Ugh,” I grunt. “Yes, weights. Dumbbells, kettlebells, a bar, anything?”
“Why do you want weights?” He crosses his legs and sits back in his chair.
Looking at him, I squint and tilt my head. “You’re kidding right?”
“What am I kidding about?”
“Do you honestly think you get muscles like this…” I flex my arms to show off the bulging muscles from years of training. “Without doing weights? How about this?” I stand and lift my shirt, showing off my ripped stomach. “You frustrate me, and I need to work this frustration out. You’re not listening, and I’m seriously only moments away from telling you to go fuck yourself.”
“I’m trying to find out what’s happening here.”
“I’m not letting M back until you go and get someone else who can help her. You’re too busy sitting there scribbling your stupid damn notes. My job is to protect M, and I’m going to protect her even from pricks like you.” I sit back down, and cross my arms in front of my chest.
“I think it’s…”
“No.” I shake my head. “I’m done with you.”
“If I can…”
“No,” I say again, more forcefully. “I’m done with you,” I say slower, in case he didn’t get it the first time.
Nick takes several deep breaths, clicks the top of his pen, and finally stands to leave. “Alright, then.”
Good riddance. He’s as useless as tits on a damn bull. He can’t offer us anything of value. And my job, is to make sure M is always protected.
Nick leaves the room, and I stay seated, looking around. The room is large, and I suppose it’s comfortable. The walls are lined with posters for several different medications. Some have help numbers on them if you’re feeling sad and shit. It really doesn’t interest me, I just need to find some weights.
Standing, I pace back and forth. “Come on,” I say to no one.
To pass time, I read each and every poster. Twice.
And I look over to the manky bookshelf housing some old and irrelevant books. I pick one up, and flick through it, noticing the dog-eared pages. “Who does that?” I’m not a reader at all, but even I know you don’t bend the corners of pages.
I huff, and keep looking around. I suppose I can leave, I haven’t tried the door, but I need to get M proper help. She’s buried so much over her life, that I’m actually frightened for her.
Keeping an eye on the clock, my frustration is escalating into anger. I don’t want to be angry, I want this to be resolved.
Pushing two chairs together, I lay across them and wait.
And wait.
And damn well wait.
It’s been hours since Nick left. What the hell are they doing out there?
Sitting up, I tap my foot on the ground, trying to let this annoyance out. Finally, I’m pushed to my breaking point. Standing, I walk over to the door, and just as I reach for the handle, the door opens and a woman approaches me.
She’s short, and has a nearly shaved head. She’s wearing square, black glasses that sit perfectly on her slightly bent nose. She’s older, yet, quite attractive for someone her age.
“Hi,” she greets me with a genuine smile. “AJ, right?” She holds her hand out to me.
“Yeah, who are you?” I take her hand and shake. She has soft skin and warm hands.
“My name’s Amelia Morgan. I’m a psychotherapist, and I’m here to listen.”
I take a step back, assessing this old chick. Now, that’s interesting. She said she’s here to listen, not here to help. I back away from her, and head toward the opposite end of the room.
“Is it okay if I sit with you for a while?” she asks.
“You know what I thought was interesting?”
“What?”
“You said you’re here to listen. Aren’t shrinks supposed to say they’re here to help?”
She smiles, and lets out a small chuckle. “I’m not your average shrink.”
“Yeah?” I step toward her, feeling kinda okay she’s here. At least that other dick isn’t.
“Yeah,” she responds. “I spoke with Nick, and he told me how you didn’t want to talk to him.”
“I was just thinking how much of a dick he is.”
“I suppose he can be,” she replies. Yeah, I like her. “But you didn’t answer. Can I come in?”
“Yeah, you can.” She comes into the room armed only with a small silver tape-recorder. “Old school.” I pointedly look to the recorder.
“Yeah, I’m a classic sort of gal.”
“Classic as in a Corvette?”
She laughs again. “I haven’t been a Corvette for many years, let’s go with classic as in a Mustang. A Mustang not quite finished with its rebuild.”
I can’t help but let out a full laugh. She’s funny. I like her. I think she might be able to help M. “What experience have you got with people like us?”
“Well, first, I need to know what you mean by ‘people like us.’ From what Nick told me, you live inside Molly.”
“I do.”
“I’m going to sit, and record what we’re talking about. Is that okay with you?” I nod. I feel at ease with Amelia. “I’d like to ask some questions.”
“Okay,” I reply and sit opposite her.
“I know your name is AJ. What do you like to do?”
“Lift weights. I love me some weights. It’s why I look so good.” I stare down at my body, hoping she’s impressed by the hours I put in for my body to look so good.
“Can you describe yourself for me?”
“In what way? My looks?”
“Yeah, tell me anything you want me to know about you. Let’s start with your looks.”
“Now that’s a subject I can talk about for hours. Obviously, I’m hot. I know my mu
scles make people stare at me, and I love getting the attention. Short blond hair, brown eyes, and like I said, damn good looking.”
“I can’t deny that,” Amelia says. “Who are you to Molly.”
Ah, the serious questions. It was bound to happen. “I’m Molly’s protector.”
“What do you protect her from?”
I think carefully, being cautious with my choice of words. “Dangers.” I crack my knuckles then wring my hands together.
“Are you nervous.”
Again, I think before I say anything. “I am.”
“Why?”
“Because this isn’t just my story to tell.”
Amelia’s brows rise, as she nods her head. “Whose story is it?”
“Not only mine.”
“That’s pretty vague. Who else can help me with the best way to help Molly?”
“You want to know how many of us there are?”
“Absolutely. I think it’s important to understand each of you before I can understand Molly. And I don’t think this is something that we can do only after an hour or two. I think this is long term.”
“You think we’re crazy.”
Amelia smiles and sits back in her chair. “I think there’s crazy in all of us. Normal is just a word, a subjective word. My normal and your normal aren’t the same. Does it make your normal wrong? Nope, it makes us human. It makes us different. How boring would the world be if all our normals were the same?”
“You don’t think we’re crazy?”
“I think you’re a part of Molly for a reason. And I’d love to find out that reason. Does Molly know why you exist?”
I stare down at my sneaker covered feet. Slowly, I shake my head. “She’s pushed it all so far down, we’re buried. But little glimpses are coming through, and I have to protect her.”
“What do you have to protect her from?”
“From…” I don’t know exactly how to answer this. “From suffering.”
“Is she suffering with her family?”
“She loves her family so much. But now that Tina’s dead, I don’t know if M can cope. I need to keep her safe.” I feel lost in my head. I have this huge responsibility to shield M from everything bad, and I feel like I’m failing.
“AJ?”
“Sorry what?” I look up at Amelia.
“Where did you go?” I gaze at Amelia. “Just then. Where did you go?”
“It’s all my fault. I feel like I’m not doing enough to protect M.”
“AJ, you’ve done a wonderful job of protecting Molly. But now, you can let me help you both.”
“Both? You mean all four of us.”
“I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting anyone but you. Do you think I might be able to?”
I lift my gaze to look into the eyes of Amelia Morgan. She really does want to help. She’s not judgmental or dismissive. I like her. “I’ll have to talk with the others, make sure they’re okay to talk to you.”
“I think that’s a reasonable request. I’d like to get to know all of you. Do you think I could talk with Molly?”
I’m debating if I can trust her to M. M’s incredibly special, and I don’t want her hurt. “I’m not ready for you to meet her yet.”
“Okay. That’s fair. Tell me what your role is among the four of you.”
“I told you already, I’m the protector.”
“I know. And I respect the fact you are. Because that’s an especially important job. How do you protect her?”
A shiver runs up my spine. Having to tell another person what I have to do, makes me sick to the stomach. “It’s my job to get Neve to take over when…” I pause, struggling with my words. Trying to find the correct wording makes me look like some kind of sicko, someone who doesn’t care. But I do, I care so much for M. “… when it’s time.”
“Time for what?” Amelia asks in a gentle tone.
“When I hear the door closing, I get the bunny out of the box in my cupboard, and take it to Neve. I loathe the moment I have to do that. Absolutely abhor it with every fiber of my body. It makes me sick.”
“Okay,” she says while looking at me. “Then why do it?”
“Don’t you see?” I jump to my feet, and walk over to the furthest wall. “I don’t have a choice. If I don’t do it, then M would have to deal with it by herself. She’s not strong enough; she can’t.”
“Deal with it? As in it’s happening now?”
“No, not now. Not since she was adopted. Before that.” My frustration is mounting, and it’s nibbling away at me. I’m angry at myself because I seem to making everything worse. “She wasn’t able to cope. And she can’t cope now. I have to do this to make sure she’s safe. M is…” My arms tremble with irritation. Turning, I make a fist and punch the damn wall. My hand goes through the wall, and as I pull back, I notice there’s a cut above my knuckle. It’s bleeding, but not a lot. Just enough for a few drops to fall to the ground.
“AJ, show me your hand,” Amelia says as she jumps up off her chair, and runs toward me. She grips my hand in hers, and looks at the wound. “Now, that was stupid, wasn’t it?” she scolds me.
I’m not sure how to take that remark. I start laughing. “You just reprimanded me like you’re my mother.”
“Well, if you want to behave like a child then I’ll treat you like one,” she says with a smile. “Let me get a nurse to come in and look at you. I’ll be back in a moment. And by the way, I think you’ll need a stitch.”
I flick my other hand at her. “I’ve suffered worse.”
Amelia shakes her head, then walks out of the room. I stand looking at my knuckle, and blame myself for being a hot-headed jerk.
Holding my throbbing hand up, I wait for someone to come back into the room.
Amelia comes in holding a small first aid kit. “The nurse was going to come in, but I thought you’d be more comfortable with me.” She juts her chin, indicating for me to sit. “Do you know where we are?”
“Of course, in the hospital. You’d think that would’ve been one of the first questions to ask.”
She smiles as she takes a cleaning solution out of the kit. “You’re a smart-ass,” she sasses.
“Only to people I like,” I counter.
“Good. You like me.”
“And to people who irritate me,” I quickly add.
She smiles again, even bigger this time. “Definitely a smart-ass.” She cleans the small wound, and we get a better view of it. It’s more like a scratch than anything else. “It’s not as bad as I thought.”
“I was just thinking the same thing.” I look at my rough hands, and notice how small the wound is on my knuckle. “That’ll bruise by tomorrow.”
“Yeah, it will.” She finishes cleaning, then quickly dresses it. “How are you feeling?” Amelia sits back in her seat, and places her finger to her chin.
“You look like a therapist when you do that with your finger.”
“Do I? Funny thing is, I actually am.”
I roll my eyes. “I know,” I say. I cradle my hand, but try to keep it elevated so it doesn’t throb so much when the blood runs to it.
“How are you feeling? We were talking about you and how you help Molly.”
“I feel like I don’t do enough for her. I’ve always tried to protect her, but I’m failing.” I run my hand through my short hair.
“AJ, I think what you’ve done for Molly, is exceptional. You’ve kept her safe, and you’ve guarded her from things she couldn’t deal with. Honestly, I think you saved her when she needed you the most.”
I look up at Amelia. “You think I saved her?”
“I do. And, I think it’s important for me to get to know all of you, including Molly.”
A huge knot forms in my stomach. My throat becomes parched, and I try to swallow to moisten it, but I can’t. I’m worried. So damn worried.
“What’s wrong? You’ve gone white,” Amelia says as she sits forward, leaning her elbows on her knees.
&nb
sp; “I’m terrified of what can happen to M. I feel it, in here.” I make a fist with my good hand, and lean it against my stomach. “I’ve protected her for so long, I don’t know if I’m ready for you to do this.”
“Doesn’t she deserve to heal? Don’t you deserve to heal?” It’s never been about me. Ever. I blink at Amelia, trying to focus on her words. “Your hardened eyes carry a mixture of shock, and sadness.”
“I’ve never really thought about myself. Everything I’ve ever done has all been for M.”
“I know. And I respect you for everything you’ve done. But I’m here because I want to help, and I think I can.”
I stare blankly for a few seconds. “I think you can too.”
She gives me a half-crooked smile. “Yeah.” She nods her head. “I think it’s time I meet everyone else. But not today. Today we’ve had enough, and you should be exhausted.”
One cue, a huge yawn overtakes me. She’s right. How did she know I’m tired? I didn’t even know until she mentioned it. “When will you come back?”
“I’m going to talk with Molly’s parents first, because it’s important we’re all on the same page. We want what’s best for all of you.”
“What if they think we’re crazy?”
“Would you like to talk to Molly’s parents? They know I’m here.”
“M’s parents are here?”
“Yep, and Dylan.” Her boyfriend is here too? I shake my head. “When you’re ready to meet them, you can. Baby steps first. We’ll start with Molly’s parents, when you’re ready.”
I nod my head. I can do that. I like her Mom and Dad; I always have. “I’m tired, do you mind if I go back to my room to get some sleep?”
“I’ll take you,” she offers.
“I can take myself.” I stand to leave, but hesitate. “You best go first. I’m not ready to face M’s parents yet.”
“I’ll see you soon. Right, AJ?” I nod my head. “Nice meeting you.” She gives me her hand, and I shake it.
Yeah, I like her. And I think she’s right, she’ll be able to help us.
I stretch in the bed and open my eyes. Looking around, I’m temporarily displaced. Where am I?
“Mom?” I call as I notice her asleep on the chair.
“Sweetheart,” she says as she leaps to her feet. “Molly?”
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