by Emily Bex
Shannon creased her brow again. "So what are you trying to tell me? How did Shade feed?"
Luca looked up at her, locking her in his gaze. "From me, mia belleza, he fed from me. And during this pregnancy, and all future pregnancies, he will continue to feed from me. You need to know he never asked this of me, I volunteered, and he gratefully accepted. They both gratefully accepted. I didn’t know you then. But I can't tell you my decision would be any different. You know my loyalty to him."
Shannon pulled her hands away and asked, "So when he feeds from you. Do you feel...does he feel...?" Shannon stammered over her words, trying to process the information.
Luca didn’t make her formulate the question in her head. "Yes, mia belleza, he feels the same desire you feel when I feed from you, only more intensely, since he is feeding from me."
Shannon stood up from the sofa and paced in the room, quiet for a few minutes as she absorbed what he’d said.
"Okay, but do you act on those desires? I mean, can you ignore them?" She already knew the answer, she knew the power of the desire she felt when he fed from her, and the ability to ignore it would be impossible.
Luca shook his head. "No. We don’t. You understand, in our culture, we make no distinction between sexual encounters with male or female, even though every vampire has a preference. There is no stigma in our world around sex. We don’t even have words for homosexual or heterosexual. That’s a mortal construct. We understand the mortal meaning. We just don’t understand your dilemma."
Shannon didn’t look at him and continued pacing the floor. "So, you’re with Shade in a...sexual way? And Kate knows this?"
Luca watched her closely, trying to read her mood. "I was with him, and yes, Kate understands there is a sexual component to our feeding. After her pregnancy ended, I was no longer with him. He’d never seek me out when Kate is available to him, do you understand? It’s only while she’s pregnant. Shade loves her, wants her. And I want you. I love you, Shannon. But this is our culture."
Shannon felt like her head would explode. She put both hands to her head. "This is too much. Too confusing. Because, if I understand everything you're saying, it’s a choice! He could go to a feeder. He doesn’t need to go to you."
Luca nodded, answering her softly, "It’s a choice, mia belleza. But it’s my choice as well as theirs."
Shannon stopped pacing and looked at him. "So, are you saying if I asked you not to offer yourself to him, you would...you’d tell me no?"
Luca held her gaze, seeing the pain and confusion in her eyes, wishing he could take it away. But this was who he was, and his loyalty to his master would always take precedent.
"I’d say no, Shannon. But it’s in no way a reflection of how deeply I love you. I know you’ll struggle to understand, but he’s my master, he’s done more for me than I can possibly repay. I’m bound by blood to him, and to her. But I want you to know Kate didn’t want me to make a decision that would put you and I at risk. She was adamant that if you objected, I was to ignore any commitment to her or Shade. I’ve searched my heart, and my honor as a Medici requires I remain true to my master. I could keep this from you, hide it, keep it secret. There’d be many opportunities for me to be with Shade and you’d never have reason to know, but I won’t keep anything from you, Shannon. I promised you from the beginning. And if this is the life you choose, to stay with me, then you need to know everything."
Shannon cried soft, silent tears. He saw them wet her cheeks and his heart was breaking. Luca stood and went to her, pulling her close to his chest.
"Shannon, I’d do anything to take away this pain."
Shannon pulled away. "That's not true. You won't change your mind about allowing Shade to feed from you. Why can't I be first, Luca? In anything, why can't I ever be first? You just said Kate would free you from any obligation. So, this is your choice to make!"
Luca let her pull away, giving her space. "Shan, I don't know how to explain to you my commitment to him. He raised me when my father died, I was trained at his hand, I was chosen to be protector to his mate. I’ll stand at his side for the rest of his life, and her life. I’ll guard his children. He saved my father's homestead, preserved it for me. He maintained the lemon groves, which have produced a lot of wealth that has been accumulated for me. He owed me nothing and gives me everything. In return, he asks for loyalty.
“Please try to see this through my eyes. I understand, in your culture, you have aligned love and sex, and a mate who strays to another for sex is a betrayal of love and loyalty. I have watched Kate struggle with that as well. But in our culture, while there is an expectation of fidelity once mated, there are circumstances where one or the other partner may have to go to a feeder. It’s a matter of survival. Don't misunderstand, a vampire can betray a mate, a vampire can be unfaithful and indiscriminate in seeking out partners for sex, and that is generally frowned upon, unless it’s an arrangement both have agreed to. But when the selection of another partner is related to feeding, it’s not viewed as betrayal. It’s complicated by the fact that our feeding is so closely tied to heightened sexual arousal. It comes unbidden."
Shannon looked back at him. "But does it have to be you? If Kate feels threatened by the idea of Shade being with another woman, then I understand that. If she feels more comfortable with the idea of Shade being with a man, why does that man have to be you? Why not one of his other warriors?"
Luca shook his head. "We are linked, the three of us. It’s the solution that brings the most comfort to all three. Kate knows me, understands my intent, she understands my love for Shade is in no way a threat to her and what they have together. Shade and I have a bond that I’ve already explained. It’s the choice that feels most natural and comfortable for all of us."
Shannon dropped her head. "Except me. Do you even care how this makes me feel?"
"If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t be here. It’s my hope I can help you understand. If we were to someday mate, you and I, and you were to become pregnant, then I too would have to seek out another to feed. Do you understand? This is not a reality we can avoid."
Shannon dropped down in an armchair, placing her head in her hands. “I'm trying so hard."
Luca sat on the arm of the chair, gently caressing her back. "I know this, mia belleza. I feed from you and I can feel your pain. If you choose this life with me, there will be much you’ll have to adjust to. It’s why so many reject a union with a mortal. I can only follow my heart, Shan, and my heart has led me to you. I hate that my love brings you such pain. But there’s more."
Shannon lifted her head from her hands. "More? I'm not sure I can handle more, but go ahead. Let's get it all on the table."
Luca stroked her hair, tucking her thick brown locks behind an ear. "Once Shade starts to feed, it’s one way. I don’t feed from him, he only feeds from me. That means I’ll need to feed more often. I’d need to come to you more often."
Shannon blinked away her tears as she looked up at him. "Luca, that’s the only really good news you’ve given me tonight."
Luca bent over her, kissing the top of her head, stroking her cheek. He whispered her name, his lips brushing her ear. "Shan, I feared you’d reject me. Turn away from me. I can't change what I am. And I won't turn my back on Shade. But I want you in my life. I need you in my life. I need you to come to me willingly, freely."
Shannon lifted her face to him as he cupped it in his hands. "Luca, I know your heart. You need to feed tonight, don't you?"
He nodded his head. "But I won’t impose on you, mia belleza, if this is not something you can live with.”
Shannon stood and took his hand, leading him to her bedroom. “I love you, Luca, heaven help me, I love you. I can't imagine a life without you now. I'm still not sure how I feel. There are things I need to work out in my head. But I can't let you go."
Luca sighed, closed his eyes, and stopped in his tracks, pulling her to his chest.
She clung to him. “I can't let go."
&
nbsp; He rubbed her back as her head lay on his chest. "Nor can I leave you, my beauty."
52
Shannon woke to find herself in his arms. She lay quietly before moving, running the events of last night through her head. Her life had been turned upside down since she’d fallen in love with Luca. She could understand why Kate created the lie for all her old friends and family when she made the choice to move in with Shade. It had been somewhat easier for Shannon to maintain the illusion with her friends since Luca was a day-walker, and Shannon had continued to work and live on the same schedule as before. But she knew she’d move heaven and earth to be with Luca now. This latest revelation, that he’d make himself available to Shade to feed, didn’t feel threatening to her. She knew she wouldn’t lose him to Shade. Luca's devotion to her wasn’t questioned. It came back to that same feeling she’d had when he explained to her that, in a situation where Kate was in danger, he must respond to Kate first. She understood his explanation, his duty and honor would always come before his love, and it made her feel like she was in second place. And yet, she knew he’d die protecting her as well. As she lay in his embrace, she felt his hand gently stroke her bare back.
Luca had felt when she awoke, and knew she was processing everything they’d discussed before he followed her to her bed last night, feeding from her, making love to her, feeling her soft warmth in his arms as he slept. He didn’t want to lose this woman, but her decision to follow him would have to come to her freely. He’d watched Kate and Shade closely over the last year and knew there’d be as many conflicts in their path as well if Shannon decided to stay with him. It would break his heart were she to walk away, but his path was clear. "Mia belleza, you are awake."
Shannon stretched and moaned as he smiled at her, brushing her thick brown locks from her face, kissing her nose. When she opened those huge doe eyes and locked them on him, his heart skipped a beat.
"I'm awake, babe. Did you sleep well?"
He gave her a knowing smile. "As a day-walker, sleep has never been important to me. I can go days without sleep. But lying next to you makes me want to spend eternity in this bed."
Shannon flashed him a look and a sly smile. "Not all of it sleeping, I hope."
He pinched the firm flesh of her ass, as he laughed. "Very little of it sleeping, mia belleza. You have me entranced. You have cast a spell, I think."
Shannon shared a wistful smile. "Have I, Luca? Cast a spell?"
"Shan, I hate that my actions give you any doubt." Luca pulled her close to his chest, enfolding her in his arms.
From her cozy spot nuzzled against his chest, she asked him, "Would you take me back to Bel Rosso with you today? I need to talk to Kate. Can you do that for me?"
Luca looked at her, his face serious. "I can, Shannon. And I'm sure Kate would love to see you. But please tell me you’re not going there to try to influence her about my decision to allow Shade to feed. I’ll not change my mind, and I don't want Kate or Shade to feel anymore conflict about this than they already do."
Shannon shook her head. "No, I understand. But if I can talk to her, maybe it will help me to accept what is. I love you, but that doesn't mean everything comes easy…for either of us."
Luca nodded in agreement. "Then let's get dressed, get going. Theresa will wake Kate for you." They climbed from bed, showered, and dressed. Shannon downed coffee and a cup of yogurt before Luca teleported them both to Bel Rosso.
Luca landed inside his suite with Shannon in his arms. He set her down gently and Shannon started to explore canvases that he’d stacked against the wall, displaying his latest work. Luca sought out Theresa, and asked her if she’d wake Kate, and let her know Shannon was here to visit. Luca returned to Shannon while they waited.
"Reynaldo has left for California. Kate is turning the California house into an inn and Reynaldo is going to be the chef there, but there’s still food in the kitchen. Is there anything you want?"
Shannon looked up briefly from the canvases, smiling at a few portraits he’d been working on of her. "Is there any coffee in there?"
Luca smiled and nodded at her. "Plenty of coffee, mia belleza. I think coffee is as important to mortals as blood is to vampires."
Shannon laughed as she stood up to follow him to the kitchen. "Only more so."
Luca led her to the kitchen where Shannon started brewing a pot of coffee from fresh ground beans, and the rich aroma filled the air. Upstairs, Theresa entered the pitch black bedroom where Kate slept next to Shade and gently shook her shoulder, whispering to her that Miss Shannon was here. Kate aroused from her sleep, groggy and warm, as she lay curled against his warm body. She stretched and moaned as she slipped from the bed.
Theresa turned on a small table lamp as Kate pulled on a sundress, her jeans already too tight for the growing swell of her belly. She searched for her sandals. Theresa was following behind her, brushing her hair as Kate headed for the door.
"What time is it, Theresa?"
Theresa responded it was almost 10:00 a.m. Kate headed down the stairs, picking up the smell of coffee and followed her nose to the kitchen, where she found Luca admiring Shannon as she sipped at the large mug of liquid energy.
Kate groaned. "There’s a part of my DNA that still cries out for coffee."
Shannon looked up as she heard her dearest friend enter the room, and slid from the stool at the kitchen counter, wrapping her in a big hug.
Shannon stepped back to admire her. "You can tell you’re pregnant already!"
"This pregnancy only lasts six months, so everything moves faster, but I have to say, it doesn't give me much time to adjust to the idea." They both slid onto the bar stools at the kitchen counter. Kate looked at her friend. "I didn't know you were coming. I would have stayed awake."
Shannon swallowed down more coffee as she answered, "I didn't know I was coming either. It was sort of spur of the moment. I guess your pregnancy doesn't give either of us time to adjust."
Kate flashed a look at Luca, his eyes telling her everything she needed to know before she locked eyes with Shannon. "Luca talked to you...about the feeding."
Shannon nodded. Kate reached out, placing her hand on Shannon's arm. "Shannon, you're okay? You understand?"
Shannon stared into the depths of the empty mug. "Understand? I don't...I guess...I think the decision is made, regardless of what I understand."
Kate shook her head. "No. That's not true. I told Luca this couldn’t come between you."
Luca answered her in a soft voice, "Kate, the decision is made. I’ve made my choice. Shade will feed from me. I went to Shannon to tell her. This isn’t up for discussion."
Kate looked at the two of them. She knew better than anyone the depths of the loyalty that lie between Shade and Luca, and knew from his tone, he wouldn’t bend on this. He’d sacrifice everything. She turned to Shannon, laid her head on her shoulder. "Do we need to talk, Shan?"
"I'd like that. And Luca...I love you, but…"
Luca nodded. "You want privacy. I understand, mia belleza. I'll be in my suite." Luca left them and returned to his room.
Kate slipped from the stool and took Shannon's hand. "Come on. Let’s go for a walk outside. Everything’s in bloom in the gardens. Maybe we'll walk down to the stables." Shannon followed her as Kate led her out the rear patio doors and down the garden path.
Shannon hesitated as the large grey wolf approached slowly, and Kate held out her hand, scratching the wolf behind the ears. Kate looked over at her. “You know about them, right?”
“Yeah, Luca told me, but seeing it is a little surreal.”
Kate snapped her fingers at the wolf and pointed, and Aegis wandered back to her spot on the patio and curled up in a ball.
Shannon breathed in the fresh air and the strong scent of the lavender mixed with the roses. "It smells heavenly out here."
Kate nodded, still holding her hand. “I know, right? I love the lavender. I was thinking of planting more, a lot more. Like big fields of it. We ha
ve the land. I'll have to look into it, see what's involved. But you didn't come here to discuss gardening. Talk to me."
Shannon looked at her feet as she walked along the gravel path. "Luca says Shade fed from him before...when you were pregnant the first time."
"Yes, he did." Kate led her to a garden bench under a large maple tree and pulled her down beside her.
Shannon sat on the bench, pulling her knees to her chest. "And the sex thing..."
Kate nodded. "I know, Shannon. Trust me, I understand your conflict. It’s taken me a while to come to terms with it. But you know for yourself, the feeding and sex go hand in hand. Part of my conflict comes from my mortal views of sex, and there’s no amount of explanation that can make that go away. Maybe with time, I’ll view it differently now that I’m immortal, but who knows, right? All I know for sure is Shade loves me, and is faithful to me, in the only way he can be. He can't change what he is, or what his body needs to survive. His heart belongs to me. His soul is bound to mine. The first time I was pregnant, I asked that he not go to a feeder. The very idea of him lying with another woman, regardless of the reason, was more than I could bear. But now that I’m turned, even he seems more adamant that he not go to another female to feed. We know Luca. We love him. Luca isn’t a threat to our relationship. Do you understand? Even knowing what I know, about what they both will feel, what they’ll experience, I know it will enhance their bond to each other, but not in a way that takes him away from me. I’m speaking to you woman to woman, friend to friend. Does that make any sense to you?"
Shannon sighed and laid her chin on her knees. "Oddly, yes. I still can't tell you this doesn't hurt. But I understand what you’re saying, on an intellectual level."