Symmetry

by T M Caruana

  “What? It was our first kiss?” I mumbled softly to myself, trying to use my memory loss as an excuse.

  And his statement was correct in that the kiss had been a response born out of pride due to Noah and Kora’s treacherous behaviour. Obviously I had had no idea that it had been our very first kiss. It really was ironic or even cruel that we had kept away from each other for hundreds of years and when we finally pressed our lips against each other, it wasn’t due to knowing how long I had wanted it.

  In the next second our lips met again, this time firmly and with passion, which woke me up from my deep thoughts. I felt safe. Comforted. The pains I had encountered in my struggle of the previous day’s horrible event were forgotten. His warm hand held the back of my head steady, forcing our lips hard together, as he was half sitting up having his other hand supported by the floor from behind him. As his tongue touched lightly on my lips, lightly to see if I would answer, I hadn’t been able to control myself anymore. My body longed as much for his body as his for mine. If I let myself go, could I live with the consequences? It must be much easier than to live without Tarus. I returned his kisses eagerly and he laid me down under him to let his dominant body take over all control and entrap me in a haze of pleasure.

  A ring of fire appeared around us, which made him stop and watch in amazement.

  “Fire flares I had aimed for, but this is a little too much,” he murmured, amused at his own overflow of powers. “There,” he concluded satisfied when the atmosphere was perfect and returned his gaze to my eyes, looking deep into them so that I almost wondered if he could see my soul.

  To avoid blushing, I averted my gaze and looked at his power’s creation. He could definitely be pleased with it. The light spots of fire glittered like hundreds of fireflies around us in the dark and gave a very romantic and pleasant atmosphere.

  “I love you, Susy.”

  Without disturbing the deep gaze from my eyes, he confirmed his feelings in a sensual whisper, with no hint of doubt in his words, and seemingly without caring whether they would be answered. He obviously meant every word, all four, in that order. I could feel his emotions and they were overwhelmingly deep. I felt like I was cheating since I could read them so well and he wouldn’t have a clue about how much my feelings reflected his. His determination was focused; he had no conscience or concerns over how long we could stay here together or whether we might soon be at war. His thoughts were only on me. There was no way out and I had already given up trying to resist.

  “I love you Tarus.”

  I ensured that my tone was similar to his; as confident and honest. Even though Tarus couldn’t read my feelings, he knew me well enough to notice that the nervous biting of my lip and my wandering fingers across his chest meant that something was worrying me.

  “Something is bothering you, tell me.”

  He let his gaze wander over my body as he drew his hand over my cold arm to warm it.

  “I’m still upset that I can’t remember our past. What if I forget again what you just said?”

  My concern was genuine, but also a manoeuvre to avoid having to confront my feelings. I wanted to know what all the passion running through my veins specifically related to; every moment that we had spent and every word that had been spoken between us. If I didn’t know, how could I be sure that I read them accurately and wasn’t just being confused by the words the man opposite me had convinced me of? It wasn’t so long ago that I had only had Vic caring for me and now there were a few men who would sacrifice their life for me. It was overwhelming, in a wonderful way, but strange.

  “Don’t worry, I’ll remind you every day.”

  He grinned widely until he realised that my worries weren’t over yet. He let the silence fill the cave, giving me time to think. The only sounds that echoed on the damp cave walls were the soothing chirping sounds from the crickets’ dancing, mixed with the waterfall crashing against the rock edge. Nature was much more beautiful here than on Teli, but shared many similarities in the darkness of the night. The water in the cave smelled like a pond and the fiery flames smelled of burnt matches exactly in the same way I had always known them to do.

  “But the prophecy reveals nothing about love between us. Doesn’t it make you think that we weren’t meant for each other?”

  My question seemed to have troubled him.

  “Those stupid prophecies, you have really taken on board that they will come true. Then allow me to change your destiny a little bit.”

  His serious voice flattened out into a playful cunning as he sat up and reached for my bag that I had thrown on the ground next to him. He opened it again without asking for permission and pulled out the black notebook. He thumbed through until he came to the one with the map and the prophecies. He placed the notebook open in his lap and got out a pen from a side pocket of the bag. On the open page there was an empty space. Tarus started to write something.

  What was he going to write on the map? I wanted to feel in control and my questions bubbled inside, but I had to act like an adult, not as a parent, telling him that he couldn’t just write in another person’s book. My childish side wanted to pull the book out of his hands to see what mischief he was up to, but I persuaded myself to act like an adult and wait until he had finished.

  The chilly air began to embrace my upper arms as Tarus’s warmth no longer caressed them and my impatience grew along with my desire to be closer to his body again. His beautiful face looked up on a few occasions to reflect on something he had just written before his eyes reverted back to the book where his hand was creating carefully-formed letters. Had it been an hour now? Or more? My eyes felt heavy and I lay down on my back again and felt myself dozing off, disappointment at the loss of attention. It only proved to myself how much I really loved him.

  “So!” he exclaimed loudly without noticing that I had almost fallen asleep as he turned around to give me the notebook after I bounced back awake.

  “Now the future always links us together, read for yourself what the new prophecy says,” he spoke proudly.

  His expression was smug but also caring and it warmed me unwillingly, considering I didn’t feel comfortable with him taking the prophecy’s guidance with such ease.

  I opened up the old black book to the page he was still holding with his thumb and could easily read his beautiful handwriting.

  Time is upon every person’s mind,

  It can be subtle, short and blatantly unkind,

  I need a partner alongside life’s path,

  That makes me brave and that makes me laugh.

  I need a partner with a gentle touch,

  That gives me the affection I need so much,

  That makes me live, feel every breath,

  Our eternity removes the fear of death.

  A soulmate with the same heart’s inspiration,

  Unlimited possibilities to a utopian creation,

  Give me a warm completeness to a wide extent,

  Make me safe, happy, completely content.

  Make me see, learn, feel every day and every hour,

  To make me strong, grow from a seed to a flower,

  When scattered fear so clear like a starry night,

  You bring calm like a landscaped sight.

  When obstacles make me stumble, crash and fall,

  To know you’ll be there to help me through it all,

  To carry each other when time makes us weak,

  We will comfort, support, be cheek to cheek.

  You are my north, south, east and west,

  Identifying my soul and needs far the best,

  All these things I found in you,

  Our love is real the love is true.

  I will not think ‘what if?’ and ‘why?’

  I know I will love you until I die,

  No future time spent will be spent apart,

  You live within me and ache in my heart.

  From having wanted to break the silence for ages, now I found no words. I was so impress
ed by both his talent and the emotion he had put into the poem. What he had written portrayed every emotion that suited our newfound destiny. He had also raised many questions that didn’t necessarily demonstrate a long and happy life together. How long would he live compared to me? The poem answered everything. However, I couldn’t recognise myself in what he could see in me, but hopefully it was only a matter of time before it could be proved. I still hadn’t spoken a single word since I had finished reading the poem.

  Tarus had lay down on his side to rest. His bones and back must still be aching; he looked exhausted. He didn’t care about praise. He was sure of himself.

  I still wanted to show my appreciation in more ways than the solitary tear that found its way down my cheek. The tear wasn’t like the others, shed out of fear or sadness, but came from joy and tenderness. He was sure of our love and he felt strong, not only physically, but also mentally and spiritually.

  Given the mental, physical and spiritual, I had noticed something about mortal sin when I glanced through the notebook. As I flipped through the pages again it was easy to find because the page only consisted of some words listed under: ‘Physical, Mental and Spiritual mortal sins’. I looked down at the words followed by their categories.

  Restless - Mental

  Apathy - Physical

  Intent - Spiritual

  Neglect - Spiritual

  Bitterness - Spiritual

  Obliviousness - Spiritual

  Wrath - Physical

  Kainolophobia - Spiritual

  Nastiness - Mental

  Indifference - Mental

  Gluttony - Physical

  Hubris - Physical

  Tenseness - Mental

  Complacency - Mental

  Hopelessness - Spiritual

  Irresponsibility - Mental

  Lust - Physical

  Desire - Physical

  Remorselessness - Spiritual

  Envy - Physical

  Naivety - Mental

  The grouping was random with seven different sins in each category. It almost seemed as if they had emerged, and then been added after reflection during a longer period of time.

  I had been reminded of the physical sins recently, when we had met them in the overgrown forest, but which were the others? I had only briefly heard mention of them. Noah had explained a little when describing the stages to access Nirvana, but that was all I knew. However, I didn’t spend more time reading the book because my lust for Tarus, who was only inches away from my body, was still overwhelming. I didn’t want to lose a single second with him, now that I was able to feel his body against mine. Besides, I was sure that what Tarus would appreciate more than words was my soul’s submissiveness. I decided to remain silent and closed in on him to kiss him softly before I huddled in under his arm to fall asleep.

  <><><>

  When I woke up I found myself in the same position, in which I had fallen asleep. I had been shattered and not moved or woken up once throughout the night. The light shining in from behind the waterfall lit up Tarus’s perfect face. With a few days of stubble, it made him even more sensual.

  I snuggled up closer to him and leaned over to give him a morning kiss to start the day. I was a little anxious about starting the journey to the castle, but there was much that still needed to be done. Wait! I couldn’t feel his breath. He wasn’t breathing! Concern spread like wildfire in my body and I threw myself down on his chest to listen for his heartbeat.

  “Hahaha, you can’t live without me for one second, how could you give me up for forever?” teased Tarus between laughter, without opening his eyes until I punched him lightly in the stomach. “Ah…” he moaned through his curved mouth under his wrinkled nose and his eyes opened wide, indicating that my punch had actually been painful.

  “It serves you right, you can’t do that!”

  I called, sounding like a cross wasp after someone had disturbed its nest.

  “Did it hurt much?”

  I questioned and accompanied this with a guilty glance.

  “I’ll live. I’ve survived everything so far and I’ll probably survive an assault from my girlfriend. And it’s not the first time you have nearly killed me,” he responded sarcastically.

  His speech hit a sore spot. It was true. This was the second time he had been near to death because of me. But it wasn’t the talk of his fragile bones that hit the spot, but the word he just mentioned. The word I had never heard before in my life. The word made goosebumps rise like a wave down my arms. ‘Girlfriend’.

  “I love you,” he whispered softly and his breath went over my left ear as he gently began to stand up.

  He planned to keep his promise. He would actually remind me every day. The surprise brought a contented smile across my face, which made a reply unnecessary.

  “We can begin to move towards the castle today, but we must lead the horse, because I don’t think I can handle a bumpy trip with sore bones.”

  His reluctance to admit his vulnerability made the comment squeeze out from behind his teeth and I noted that this wasn’t a good topic to joke about. Like a gentleman, he helped me up onto my horse although I could tell by his clenched teeth and closed eyes that he was in terrible pain. An ordinary person from Teli would have spent weeks in hospital and months in plaster with similar injuries…if they had survived. He had had but a few hours.

  He took the reins and began to lead the horse slowly towards the castle. As he started walking, I felt his hesitance. His steps were too short only to be caused by his wounds, he dragged them on purpose. Why? Did he still want us to run away together? Didn’t he care about saving the other worlds? Did that make him unsuitable for me? This could have been the reason for all of Hunter’s warnings. I tried to concentrate harder to interpret his feelings. I knew they weren’t based on greed, but I was still worried. Worry, wasn’t a feeling Tarus mastered well, so it was very confusing and I decided to relax on the horse’s back and let the beauty of the world wash over me.

  The clear blue sky left the way open for the sun to shine freely against our skin. The temperature was warm for autumn. The stream that led down from the castle wasn’t as blue as before and rippled quietly without interrupting the birds chirping. Tarus’s white, or now blood red, shirt that he hadn’t changed since the ball was tucked away in my bag, leaving his bare chest exposed. It was difficult to enjoy the sight of the world’s natural beauties when his body was so surreally appealing. My eyes searched their way along his collarbone, down to the tattoo on his chest and stopped at the clearly visible stomach muscles. My lungs forced out an excited breath and Tarus must have seen my desire for he smiled that confident smile that always initiated the butterflies in my stomach.

  “Would it be very painful if you turned into a dragon now? I mean, you would easily be able to fly us to the castle.”

  My question made him halt both the horse and himself. I probably shouldn’t have asked that question, considering I knew how vulnerable he felt without his full strength and powers. He walked round to stand to the side of the horse whilst his warm hand stroked the horse’s neck, making it stamp restlessly.

  “My bones would probably break if I even tried. In addition, while I am walking I have time to heal and it’s more peaceful here than amongst the others who never seem to be able to agree on anything.”

  He was right again as usual, but the set of his shoulders and his shuffling feet led me to believe that there was something more.

  “You know…” he began, but paused as he continued to walk at a leisurely pace, giving the horse only short reins and keeping his eyes on the ground. “A dragon isn’t the only creature I can transform myself into after I had consumed the tiger blood.”

  If I hadn’t already been distracted by the beauty of his body, this new conversation grabbed my attention away from the striking landscape.

  “What? What do you mean?”

  I had no knowledge of any other appearances that the people of Bomi could convert to, but it se
emed as if there was much that I didn’t have control over yet and hence the question was more interesting than scary. It was his tone in pronouncing the words that made them seem slightly negative and hence caused my uncertainty.

  “I figured no one would have told you that before you gave me the tiger blood, and besides, it probably was my only chance to survive anyway,” he murmured matter-of-factly.

  I was none the wiser and I prepared myself for something I didn’t really want to hear. I wanted to confirm what I already knew to eliminate more surprises and quickly shared my knowledge.

  “They told me that a person from Vati would die immediately if they so much as touched the blood.”

  Trying to sound cleaver wouldn’t impress Tarus, especially not when he was well aware that he had more knowledge than me. It was a pathetic attempt, but it succeeded in making him look up at me with those emerald eyes that gave me such a sense of security.

  “That’s correct. Their already magical blood combined with the tiger blood would create war inside the veins as the tiger blood spreads. Tiger blood has a nature that isn’t mixed or absorbed with the rest of the blood and hence will always circulate in my veins alongside my own blood. It’s important that we inform Leo when we see him, so he doesn’t touch my blood in the future. But there are more side effects. Tiger blood is like a call. I don’t know how to explain…it is as if the blood has its own life. It wants to return to its tiger shape and the more time spent as a tiger, the harder it is to turn back into a human.”

  “It means that the tiger that attacked Noah…”

  My wandering thoughts went back to Cezar on Medi.

  “Was once a man just like me before he became a tiger,” he interrupted as he watched me search my memory.

  His eyes as he looked at me were filled with fear that I would judge him, that I would reject his love.