Man of Ruin
Page 17
I stared at him.
“Oh, Dave,” he said. “If you could see your face.”
“You didn’t mention that in your big talk.”
My voice seemed to be getting quieter and quieter.
“You didn’t ask,” he said, laughing, putting a hand over his mouth as he did so. I could see his eyes moistening with it all. Clearly, I was the funniest thing since Mr Bean.
“What?” he said through the chuckles. “You didn’t think you’d be moving in with Mum, did you? Joining the family?”
“Well . . .” I said, feeling the strain. Perhaps unconsciously, that assumption had played a part in my decision. Yes, a corner of me was looking forward to going back to that house, to relaxing and seeing the doc again. And London? I hated London. Sprawling and smelly and full of miserable people with oversized egos. Manchester would have been better!
The car joined the motorway, heading north, straight for the dirty metropolis, and Daryl burst out laughing. Far too freely for my liking, and in such a horrible way it was clear he found me both pathetic and not worthy of keeping his trap shut. Yes, he had his mega-dega-whatever-it-was-called material, the salary and the hope of peeing in a normal loo again, but I was regretting my decision already.
Daryl, Daryl, Daryl, I thought. I fell for your pitch—hook, line and sinker. I was a nitwit to ever think you were anything but a smug bastard.
THE END (of the first bit . . .)
FINAL WORD FROM DAVE
Okay, yes, that is not the actual end of the whole story. Yes, there is PLENTY more, but you know what? This writing stuff is knackering, and I need a break! Plus, it seemed a good point to take a breather as the stuff that happened afterwards is proper, next-level mental. I mean, if you thought my story so far was bonkers, wait till I tell you about London! Jeez. So basically, hold your horses. I need to gather my thoughts, have a nosh and maybe go for a bit of a chill in the Ents section. You can read about all the awful stuff that went down during my time at Leading Edge bloody Solar Ray sodding Research Materials Ltd in Book Two—er, when I’ve written it, which will be soon. I promise. I really just want to get it all off my chest and hopefully forget about it completely and forever after that.
Peace out.
Dave
A note from the publisher: Book Two of the series, Rocket Fuel Pee: Curse of the Potency, is in fact available on Amazon right now. You can use this easy link to find it: books2read.com/curseofpotency
NOTES FROM THE AUTHOR
Hi there and thanks so much for reading!
For those who are interested, I thought it would nice to include a few notes on the background and writing of this book. Just a quick request first though. If you enjoyed this book, please consider leaving a review on Amazon to let other readers know what you thought. It only takes a few minutes and it makes a massive difference. This is my first published novel and I am very much in need of whatever help I can get. Here is the easy link to find the book page and do so now: books2read.com/manofruin
So, onto my notes. I have often had the thought that I was mad to write this book. Originally it was only going to be a novella, experimental, just to see if I could pull it off, and it had the rather rude title of Rocket Fuel Pee. Then, when I got down to actually writing it, I had so much fun, and found there was actually so much story that needed telling, I couldn’t limit it to just one book. There were three very definite phases to the tale and, well, if I had put it all in one book, it would have been a very long book. Plus, I was just itching to see what the covers would look like for all three phases of the story. Each one was its own unique fantasy and I so wanted to see the ridiculousness of it all made real.
Believe it or not, the entire idea for this came out of one single creative writing exercise of less than 10 minutes. I was attending a class, a couple of years back, and when we got to the lesson on magic realism, we were told to just sit there and write the first crazy, unreal thing that came into our heads. Examples were given, and I do recall one specifically – a writer who cries ink. Well, I thought, that makes no bloody sense at all. But then I had a strong idea of my own that made no bloody sense – that of a man who pees rocket fuel. I have no idea why, or where it came from. Perhaps I’d be better off not knowing. But there it was. So in precisely seven minutes (timed by the clock), I just let myself go and wrote the bit where Dave destroys the pub toilet which you will have read in the first chapter of the book. What a silly idea, I thought. My tutor and classmates enjoyed it though, when I read it to them (barely able to keep a straight face as I did so, I might add). They all noted of course how bonkers it was. But it was fun. And I enjoyed it too. So I kept on. And on. And a year or so later, now there are three bonkers books out in the world for you all to read!
The real madness was the complete lack of commercial sense in spending so much time and effort and money on a project that many people would surely find disgusting and never read past the first couple of pages. I mean, seriously, a book focussed on one mans’ fantastical troubles with peeing? No, wait, three books? As I write this, I do not know if this book has found an audience, or made enough sales to even pay back the investments in editing and covers. I really hope so. All I do know, is I certainly believe in the story, in the project, and so, crazy bastard that I am, I went for it. Sometimes you do just have to go for things, don’t you?
Well anyway, I hope you enjoyed Man of Ruin, and I really hope you will read on to the second and third books, and maybe also stay with me on my career as a fiction author. Just to remind, Book Two, Rocket Fuel Pee: Curse of the Potency, is available on Amazon right now, and you can use this easy link to find it: books2read.com/curseofpotency
Finally, I do have one other book out at the moment, a collection of four short stories with the title The Unbelievable Death of Joseph Goldberg. It’s completely unrelated to what you just read, but with a dark comic tone running through it none the less. Well, for the most part anyway. So it’s possible you might like it. A few people have so far, but who knows eh? This book can be had for free if you join up to my newsletter email list on my website:https://oliverfranksauthor.com/
Enough waffle from me. Happy reading and have a great day!
Oliver
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
A very big thank you to all the people who have made this book possible, especially:
Michael Aikenhead, for enthusiastically reading those rough early versions and giving me insightful and honest comments all the way.
Bernadette Mckechnie, for freely giving your valuable time and professionalism in service of an aspiring author (who just happened to be your nephew).
Jake Caleb, for creating an amazing cover design and taking the project seriously when it may have seemed you were the victim of an elaborate practical joke.
Bodie Dykstra, for your highly professional editing and enthusiasm.
Gaby Michaelis, for your amazingly useful and intelligent critique.
Catherine Smith, for encouraging me in that writing class at the very, very beginning.