Accidentally All Of Me

by Parker, Ali

  “I think that should be a good start,” George said, after we had been talking and planning for nearly a full hour. He might have been in his retirement, but his mind was still as sharp as ever, and he clearly didn’t want me to forget it.

  “I think so,” I agreed, and I sat up and stretched at the desk.

  Tink stirred beneath me, and I realized that he had been sleeping this entire time. I smiled down at him fondly and petted his head. I was getting used to having him around, and now the office just didn’t feel complete without him there.

  “Or you Tink so,” George joked, and I groaned at his ridiculous attempts at comedy. “Speaking of, I would love to see that little guy again soon. You should bring Winnie and Tink around on the weekend. I feel like I haven’t seen you all in far too long.”

  “I’ll see what I can do,” I promised him. “I know they’d both love to see you soon.”

  He bid me farewell and ended the call. I stared at the blank screen for a moment, and I realized that I was smiling. It wasn’t often that I caught myself with a smile on my face at random. For a long time, I felt as though I’d had to plaster one on to keep people from guessing what was going on with me inside my head, but in that moment, I just felt happy. Purely happy.

  I went about the rest of my day with that energy, keeping my mood and my tone light and making sure that I kept focused on the gala. I was going to make sure that they made more money than they ever had before in the whole history of the thing, and I was going to make sure that as much money as possible went to supporting little shelters like Marjorie’s.

  When I picked Winnie up from school, she hopped into the back seat with Tink. He snuffled over at her excitedly, but she could only manage a limp hand on his head.

  “Everything all right, Winnie?” I asked as I pulled away and started heading home.

  “I have a test tomorrow,” she said. “I’m worried I’m not going to pass.”

  “I’m sure you’re going to be just fine,” I assured her, but I could see that she was feeling tension and discomfort. I winced.

  “If I fail, I might have to do the class again,” she replied, maudlin. I wasn’t going to let that happen.

  “Hey, you’re not going to fail,” I promised her. “You’re so smart, remember? And I bet you know more than you think you do.”

  “Will you help me study tonight?” she asked.

  I nodded at once. “Of course, I will,” I promised her. “Tink and I will make sure that you have every answer to that test by the time you get in tomorrow, all right? You’ll come out top of the class.”

  “Right,” she agreed, and she reached over and hugged Tink.

  I smiled at the two of them in the rearview mirror. I forgot sometimes just how vulnerable she could be. It was easy to forget when she seemed so confident so much of the time. But if studying all night long was going to make her feel better, then I would do it until the sun came up.

  We worked together all night long, and I found myself lost in the focus that her work was giving me. And I was glad for the distraction.

  Otherwise, I knew that I would have spent the whole night just thinking about Raina.

  Chapter 33

  Raina

  “So, you want me to go ahead and book you that appointment?” Yara asked, and I found myself hesitating. I knew that I should have come out and said yes. But in truth, I was having second thoughts.

  Yara was calling about getting me set up with a hair appointment so I could look my best for the gala, but I was freaking out about this whole thing. It was one thing to run around town and try on dresses, and it was quite another to actually figure out how I was going to look on the night.

  “They’re quick, and they do great work,” she explained to me gently.

  I chewed my lip. I wished I could just come out and tell her why I was so nervous, but I knew that she wasn’t going to take the truth for an answer. I couldn’t imagine Yara ever second-guessing herself, not as long as she had been alive, and she probably wouldn’t even know the meaning of the notion if I tried to explain it to her.

  “Yeah, sure, that sounds good,” I replied, trying to keep my voice light and bright and failing. “I’ll let you know when works for me, okay?”

  “Okay, speak to you soon,” she replied, and she hung up the phone.

  I took a deep breath and massaged my temples, trying to cool myself off.

  “You all right?” Rita asked as she entered the staffroom where I had been taking the call. I jumped when I heard her voice.

  “Jesus, you really are nervous about this gala, aren’t you?” She furrowed her brow and reached out to put her hand on my arm. Rita knew me well, a little too well for me to get away with just playing off my nerves.

  “Yeah, I am,” I admitted. “I’m just worried I’m going to do something and make a complete fool of myself, you know?”

  “You’re not going to do anything like that,” she assured me. “Besides, you’re going with your new man, right? He’ll keep you on the right track.”

  “I don’t want him to have to do that, though,” I pointed out, aware that I was whining about perhaps the most ridiculously privileged thing I could have been whining about on the planet. “I want it to be... I don’t know. I want it to be easy for him to have me around. I don’t want him bending over backward to make sure that I’m not falling apart.”

  “Honey, you are seriously not even going to come close to falling apart,” she replied soothingly. “I’ve seen you handle so many medical emergencies in here without losing your head. That’s not going to start now, do you hear?”

  “Okay, can I bring you along to talk me up so I don’t let my head get the better of me?” I suggested.

  She laughed and shook her head. “I’d be happy to give you a headset so I can feed you encouragement all night long. But I’m not sure that would go with the look you’re trying to put forward.”

  “Yeah, you’re right,” I agreed with a dramatic sigh. “I don’t know what I’m thinking. Sorry.”

  “You need to stop apologizing and get some confidence up in here,” she told me pointing at my head. “You know you’re a badass. You can handle some rich people raising money. And besides, you know it’s for a good cause, don’t you?”

  “Yeah, exactly,” I agreed, trying to convince myself that was enough to overcome my nerves. “It’s just... I don’t know. I feel like this is a big moment for the two of us, you know? I don’t want him to regret inviting me along in the first place.”

  “You have nothing at all to be worried about,” she said. “He likes you. He wouldn’t have invited you along if he thought you were going to have a hard time, would he?”

  “You’re right.” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath—in and out, slow and steady. She was right. I could do this. I didn’t know why I was freaking the fuck out so badly.

  Actually, that wasn’t true. I knew just why I was stressing so much about this. This was the first time I would be out out with him, out in the public eye, where other people could see us. After this gala, people would know that we were together, and I wouldn’t be able to hide from the fact that we were in a relationship of some kind or another. I missed the hell out of him, even now, and I knew that my feelings were real, and yet...

  “Stop overthinking and get back to work,” Rita told me playfully. “You don’t need to give this any more space in your brain. You’re fine. Trust me.”

  I smiled, nodded, and did my best to believe her, glad that she was back at work at last so she could help guide me through the mess that was going on in my head right about now.

  I knew that I had to talk to him. I felt like I was thirteen again, needing that assurance that he really did like me, but I couldn’t talk myself out of the truth of how I was feeling. I wouldn’t believe it until I heard it come out of his mouth. I kept on waiting for the rug-pull, for someone to come out and admit that this had all been a sick joke at my expense.

  I had the rest of the d
ay to get through, and then I could go home and talk to him. I didn’t want to make the call while I was still at work. There was something just a little too pathetic about it. But as soon as I got off, I had his number pulled up on my phone, and I dialed it at once. I chewed my lip and then stopped, reminding myself that I was going to have to look good for this gala that was coming up all too quickly for my liking.

  He answered the phone after a couple of rings, and I breathed a sigh of relief as soon as I heard his voice. How was it that just hearing him speak could make everything instantly easier? There had to be some kind of trick to that. A trick that I needed to be able to take in hand for myself.

  “Hey, what’s up?”

  “I’m worried about the gala,” I blurted out before I could stop myself. I knew that this was hardly the cool, calm, collected version of myself that I wanted to put across to him, but it was hard to care about that when I was freaking out about doing something seriously stupid and making a fool of myself at an event that actually mattered.

  “What are you worried about?” he asked, his voice instantly slipping into soothing mode.

  “I’m worried that I’m going to look like an idiot,” I admitted. “I’ve never—I’ve never done anything like this before. I don’t know that I have it in me. What if I...” I trailed off as I tried to search for all the ways that I could mess this up. In truth, I knew the chances of me doing something that awful were pretty slim, but still, I was panicked. And I needed to hear from him that I wasn’t totally crazy.

  “What if you do what?” he asked, prompting me gently.

  I sighed and shook my head, mostly to myself. “I’m just freaking out. There’s a reason nobody’s ever taken me to an event like this before, you know? I’m just not suited to it.”

  “And what part of it are you not suited for exactly?” he asked. “Because everyone who’s met you thinks you’re amazing.”

  “Yeah, but they’re your friends and family. That’s different—”

  “Trust me when I say that everyone here is going to be playing at being my best friend while I’m there,” he told me. “And that means that you’re going to be their best friend, too.”

  “And what if I look stupid?” I asked. I felt like a teenager, but dammit, hearing him reassure me was making everything a little easier.

  “You won’t look stupid,” he promised. “You have the most amazing body I’ve ever seen. And besides, Yara helped you pick out a dress, right? She knows what she’s looking for at these things. I’m sure she steered you right.”

  “Thank you,” I breathed. “I’m sorry I’m acting so crazy. I just don’t want to do something that’s going to—”

  I stopped myself in my tracks. Yeah, I wasn’t going to come out and say that I was afraid I’d embarrass him. I wanted to maintain the illusion of being a woman with at least a small amount of self-respect left, even if I was on the phone with him, practically bawling for reassurance over whether or not I was good enough for this.

  “Nothing’s going to happen,” he promised me, and there was a softness to his voice that made me smile.

  I slumped back into the seat, feeling a little better. “I wish there was somewhere I could go to for prep,” I replied. “Like a mock gala or something. Where I could meet some people like this and show myself that it was actually going to be easier than I thought.”

  “I might have you covered there,” he replied.

  I raised my eyebrows. “Oh yeah? How so?”

  “Winnie and I are going to visit my grandfather,” he explained. “You could come along to that, if you want. You’ll see we’re all the same, really. And George is easy to get along with. You’ll really like him.”

  “Are you sure?” I replied fretfully. “I don’t want to get in the way of your day together. I don’t want to intrude.”

  “Then I practically insist,” he replied firmly. “I’d love to have you there, and I know Winnie would, too. You’re always welcome around us. You know that.”

  I smiled. He was right. “Yeah,” I agreed. “I do.”

  “Besides, those two always go off together and leave me with nobody to talk to but the housekeeper,” he joked. “It would be nice to actually have someone around who was there for me for a change.”

  “Well, I’m sure I could see my way to that.” I laughed, already excited about the thought of meeting his family. “You think I should wear my gala dress or...”

  “I mean, you could,” he joked back. “Though I’m sure that I would get a little distracted if I saw you in that.”

  “Hmm, could be fun,” I replied flirtatiously. I liked the thought of him checking me out in that dress. It was always sexy, knowing how much he wanted me. Though perhaps sexiness shouldn’t have been at the front of my mind, given that I was going to be hanging with his family pretty soon.

  “I guess I’ll see you then?” I told him.

  “You will,” he replied warmly. “And I can’t wait. You’re going to love him. Trust me.”

  “Hmm, a wealthy older man?” I teased. “You might be out, buddy.”

  “Hey, no need to give me anything else to worry about.” He laughed. “I’ll pick you up on Sunday around two, all right? I’m already looking forward to it.”

  “Me too,” I agreed. “I’ll see you then.”

  “See you then,” he replied, and he waited on the other end of the line for a second longer, as though there was something else that he wanted to say to me. But whatever it was, he clearly decided that it could wait. Maybe until he could see me again in person.

  “Bye,” he murmured, and he hung up the phone.

  And I was left with nothing but the sweet sound of his voice ringing in my ears.

  Chapter 34

  Harry

  I made sure my tie was straight, pulled on my blazer, and looked at myself in the mirror. I had no idea how I looked. It had been so long since I had gone out to an event like this, I had basically all but forgotten exactly how I was meant to function.

  I glanced over at Winnie, who gave me the thumbs-up from her spot on the couch, and I had to go ahead and trust that it was all systems go.

  “You look nice,” she remarked with certainty.

  I grinned at her. “You sure I won’t get kicked out for looking too sloppy?”

  “Sure,” she replied, and she nodded as though she was decreeing it so.

  I was picking Raina up in twenty minutes, but I wanted to make sure that Winnie had been picked up by the friend’s mom she was staying with tonight. Normally, I would have given her to Yara, but Yara was going to be at this thing with her new man.

  Damn, why was I so nervous already?

  By the time that I handed Winnie off to the mom who was going to be taking care of her for the rest of the night, I honestly felt like my head was going to explode. I wanted to make a good impression on Raina no matter what, and it had been a long time since I had been to an event like this, and yes, I was freaking out more than a little bit at the thought of having to stand there and play the cool, calm, collected billionaire again.

  More than that, I was a little freaked about the phone call I’d had from her earlier in the week. She had sounded seriously shaken by the thought of going to this thing in the first place, and that made me really sad.

  I thought that I had made it pretty clear that her presence was more than welcomed. It was preferred. I thought that I had made it clear that I couldn’t even think of doing something like this without her. But clearly, I hadn’t. Clearly, my interest in her was still something that she was questioning. I would have to go out of my way tonight to prove to her that she was the only thing that was on my mind these days.

  I drove to her place and headed up the stairs to her apartment. I passed one of the neighbors on the way up, who gave me a funny look. I guessed that they didn’t often get people dressed for galas in here. I ignored her and knocked on the door.

  When it opened a moment later, my jaw dropped.

  She
looked fucking incredible. Beyond incredible. As far as I was concerned, she had always been about the hottest woman in this city, but now? Yeah, now she was something else entirely.

  She bit her lip as she looked at me, twisting back and forth and waiting for me to react.

  “You look fucking edible,” I announced finally, after realizing that I had just been standing there staring at her. “I’m going to kill Yara. I’m not going to be able to keep my hands off you all night.”

  She burst out laughing, and I saw a flush run up her cheeks.

  “So this works for you?” she asked.

  I nodded. “And it works for you.”

  She leaned over and gave me a kiss on the cheek, and being that close to her, I had to fight the urge to rip that beautiful dress right off her gorgeous body and forget about everything that we were meant to be doing for the rest of the evening.

  “You look great,” she told me, and she ran her fingers through her hair. It had been tamed into a long, sleek ponytail that hung down her back, and I couldn’t wait to run my fingers through it as I undressed her.

  “I guess we should get going then, huh?” I suggested. “Before I get too distracted.”

  “I guess so,” she agreed with a giggle, and she gestured for me to lead on.

  I managed to make it to the actual gala without driving her straight to some secluded side-of-the-road spot and ripping that dress right off her body, which I considered a win all around.

  When we got there, she climbed out of the car and gasped.

  “I don’t know if I’m ready for all of this.” She tucked a strand of hair back behind her ear and looked over at me nervously.

  “You are,” I promised her at once. “Do it for the shelter, right? Even if you can’t do it for yourself.”

  She took a deep breath and nodded. She might have been sure that she was going to mess this up in some way, but I could already tell that she was the most beautiful woman this gala had ever seen over the course of its long history.