The Pariah Child- Sarafina's Return

by Natasha D Lane

  Paul pushed his chair out. He stood up, still towering over Sarah even though she had grown several feet in the last year.

  “Don’t worry about it,” he said, patting her head. “Your Mama checked on you this morning while you we’re sleep. Said you were sweating like a Christmas ham.”

  Sarah stared past her father. Lucille was placing their dishes in the sink, her focus unmoving from the soapy water.

  Sarah returned her eyes. “I was having some trouble sleeping.”

  He placed a hand on her forehead. “Seems like your fever went down, too. You sure you’re feeling better?” He tilted her head upward so her blue eyes reflected into his own.

  Sarah gave him a weak smile and nodded. “Yes, I feel much better.”

  “Good,” he said and patted her head again. “Can’t be working knowing my baby’s sick.”

  Sarah looked outside. It had to be nearly noon. “Daddy, aren’t you late?”

  “Naw. One of the young boys needed me to switch shifts with him,” he said, grabbing his coat. “His wife’s due to pop any minute and he’s helping her during the day, then working while she sleeps. I’ll start my normal schedule again in a few weeks.”

  “Make sure to tell him I said ‘congratulations,’ Paul.”

  He gave Lucille a quick peck on the cheek. “I will,” he replied, giving Sarah a wink. “Mama made your favorite, by the way. I’ll see you later tonight.”

  Paul left from the screen door and jumped into their little pickup. The engine sputtered a few times before roaring to life.

  Sarah watched him drive away from the farm toward the mountains. Once he was gone, she moved to the steps, ready to return to her room and try to get some sleep.

  “Not hungry?” Lucille asked.

  Sarah looked at her. Her mother wore an uneasy smile and had that same exhaustion in her eyes from a few weeks ago.

  “I’ve got flapjacks cooked in bacon grease.” There was persistence in her voice.

  Sarah stared at the plate of food beyond Lucille. Though Sarah wasn’t sure if she would be able to keep it down, her stomach had other plans.

  It growled and she took a seat at the table while her mother prepared her plate. Lucille placed five flapjacks in front of Sarah along with a container of warm syrup.

  Sarah quickly doused the fried dough and tore into the flapjacks like she hadn’t eaten in days.

  Lucille busied herself around the kitchen. Sarah could feel her eyes on her.

  “Are they good?” Lucille asked.

  “Mhm,” Sarah replied as her mouth was consumed by the sugary syrup.

  “They were always your favorite. Even when you were a baby.”

  Lucille turned to Sarah. The young woman looked away. She began moving the remaining pancake slices around her plate. Most of the syrup was gone now, absorbed by the fluffy dough, but a few drops lingered.

  Sarah wiped up the drops one by one with her finger before licking it clean. Her eyes remained on the plate.

  “I guess it’s just ‘cause they’re always good.” She swiped her finger across the plate again.

  Lucille let out a little laugh that shook her mommy belly. She smiled at Sarah.

  “You know…I do love you, Sarafina.”

  The words rang true, yet sounded odd coming from her mother’s mouth. Sarah’s lips moved to respond on instinct but froze when Sarah realized she did not know what to say. If it had been before, when she was young and eager to please, the words “I love you, too, Mama” would have rolled off her tongue with no restraint. But she was no longer a child, framed by the ideologies of her parents, obsessed with making them proud; and so, she stared at her mother.

  With one sharp inhale, it seemed Lucille had taken all the air in the room. She grabbed Sarah’s hands, her own having become shivers and trembles. Sarah didn’t want to look at her but Lucille’s firm grip forced her to do so.

  Eyes overflowing with sadness.

  Lucille bit her lip.

  “I know what I said…I should have never said it, but I-I don’t understand you, Sarah.”

  “Ma—”

  “The things you do, the things you say, I-I can’t get my head around it all,” Lucille said. “I’ve tried and my mind always comes back to that one answer.”

  “I’m some demon, Mama!” Sarah snatched her hand away.

  “No,” Lucille stammered, still grasping the air where Sarah’s hand had been. “But you are my child and you’re not right. You’re not.”

  “Why do always do this?” Sarah felt like her blood was running with fire.

  “And I will love you…”

  “Just stop.”

  “No matter what.”

  “Stop!” Sarah stomped her foot. Water gushed out of the kitchen sink, immediately spilling over onto the floor while the knobs spun in circles.

  Lucille gasped and ran over to stop the water. Sarah rushed from the kitchen door to the stables. She leapt over the stall doors and hopped on Nancy’s back. In one swift move, she unlocked the door and they were off into the woods.

  “Faster, Nancy. Faster! You know where to go,” Sarah screamed into the horse’s ear. The wind made her eyes water. Still, Sarah kept them open. She needed to lie to herself about why she was crying.

  Suddenly, Nancy came to a halt. Sarah rested against the horse, their hearts beating in sync, before finally catching her breath. She climbed to the ground and approached the well.

  Once there, Sarah lowered the bucket into the water like she had done so many times before. She dumped the water over herself and the cool was refreshing to her burning skin.

  Sarah was soaked from head to toe but the sudden chill was good. It stopped her; made her heart and mind pause for a moment when everything inside her told for her to run and never look back.

  Sarah turned to Nancy. The horse’s eyes were jet black. To Sarah, they seemed more human than her mother’s. Behind all of Lucille’s sadness, there was nothing but accusations and disappointment.

  Sarah’s eyes burned. “I don’t want to be here, anymore, Nancy,” she said. “Not like this. I can’t be here like this.”

  Nancy stomped her hooves and neighed.

  “But where am I supposed to run to?” Sarah asked. “Where am I…what the—”

  It was like the world exploded. The earth trembled and the trees shook. Everything was moving at the same time and Sarah found herself on the ground trying to stay steady.

  Nancy moved from left to right, kicking her hooves in the air, unsure of which direction to run for safety. Sarah tried to stand and calm her friend, yet balance evaded her. While clutching onto the earth, on all fours, Sarah turned her head up and looked toward the mountains.

  “No!” she shouted, though the sound of crumbling rocks drowned out all noise. Dust filled the sky above the mountain, permeating the light blue with a blackness that reached out to the town.

  A chill ran over Sarah. Something had happened.

  “Nancy!” She found her footing and wobbled over to the horse. Indulging no pretense of grace, Sarah climbed on and ushered Nancy forward. The horse sped off in the direction of the mountains, Sarah nearly hanging off the side, her red hair almost sweeping the ground.

  Sarah fixated her eyes on the black cloud of dust, watching to see if it would disappear and she would wake up from a horrible dream. But the cloud remained.

  “Please,” she whispered into Nancy’s mane. “Please be okay.”

  The horse picked up speed as they reached the mountain. She turned around the curves of the path like a professional. She was fast but steady as not to lean over too far and stumble. Sarah moved with her, keeping her body at a similar angle to Nancy’s as they charged higher up the mountain.

  Slowly, the sky began disappearing. Soon black overtook the blue sky and the blue became an occasional occurrence. The air grew thin, yet it was filled with particles of coal.

  Sarah leaned her hand out. In no time it was covered with dark specks, which she wiped on
to her dress, leaving streaks of black.

  The path grew steep. Nancy’s gallop turned into a slow trudge.

  “You can do it, girl, come on.” Sarah patted Nancy’s head and stroked her mane. “Just this hill and then we’ll be there.”

  The dirt was loose and gravelly. Nancy would slide back two steps before taking three forward. Sarah could see the top of the hill in front of them. She could hear meshed voices in the distance, making her heart burn with the strongest desire to see what was over the hilltop.

  “I’m coming, Daddy,” she said, her hands balled into fists.

  Nancy slid back, her hooves leaving trails in the earth. Sarah kicked her sides, encouraging her to go on.

  “We can do this!”

  The horse turned skyward and neighed. She snorted, puffs of mist coming from her nose, then leapt forward, over the hill. They remained perched at the top. Nancy dug her hooves into the ground and pulled them ahead, before they could slide backwards.

  Once again on a flat path, Nancy shook herself and leapt into a gallop toward the mines.

  The meshed voices became clearer. The black cloud faded. There was nothing stopping them from being consumed by the chaos.

  The cuts of wood that had once marked the mine entrance were now snapped into pieces. Rocks were scattered everywhere but the largest of them had fallen into one pile in front of the mine, blocking any possible exit. The earth above the entrance had sunk in like it had been split in half.

  Sarah jumped from Nancy’s back and raced toward the cave-in. She pulled at the rocks, though her moist hands slipped off the smooth surfaces, and she fell to the ground. Again Sarah stood up and grabbed at the rocks, ignoring the pain in her shoulders as she tried to pull them free.

  She clawed at the pile of stone and contorted her hands to move around the rubble for a better grip but found none. The pile would not move.

  If everyone could just leave, I could move the rocks and get Daddy out.

  She cursed the people around her, wishing they would disappear.

  Sarah was getting to her feet again to try to free her father when a calloused hand wrapped around her arm.

  “What are you doing?”

  “My daddy’s in there!” she screamed and wrenched her arm free.

  The man scowled at her with a raised brow, a mixture of hate and pity in his eyes.

  She ignored his gaze and moved to step around him. He mimicked her movements, effectively blocking her way.

  “I’ve got men coming with tools to break through the pile-up. You need to go home to your mama until then.”

  “We can’t wait for your men,” Sarah shouted so loudly that shock replaced the man’s look of hate. Apparently he hadn’t expected much of a fight.

  She tried to calm her voice, tried to stop her chest from rising and falling so quickly, but she knew every moment she stalled was one less moment for her father.

  “Listen,” Sarah said, hands shaking, “there have to be some planks of wood around. If we can all get together and—”

  He grabbed her hand and twisted it hard. Sarah hissed in pain as he pulled her away from the cave-in, firming his grip with each step.

  Sarah dug her heels into the earth and pulled away from him. “No! I’m not leaving. I’m not leaving.”

  He reached for Sarah’s other arm, but she was moving it so wildly he couldn’t find a grip. “You’re as stubborn as a mule. Come on, girl.”

  Sarah waved her arm through the air, averting his grip when someone grabbed her free arm from behind. There was another man with a hold on her now.

  “She’s just as crazy as they say, Jim. Better watch out.” The men laughed and began dragging her away.

  Sarah thrashed and twisted under their holds, hoping to set herself free. They continued to pull her.

  “Daddy!” she shouted, knowing her voice would never find him through the rubble. “Daddy!”

  She pushed and moved against the men but their grip only tightened.

  She yelled, the thought of never seeing her father again filling her with a hollow anguish in her chest. The further they dragged her, the bigger the hole grew, emptiness replacing the spot reserved for her daddy.

  Through a mess of curly red hair, Sarah watched the mine entrance fade into the distance. The only evidence she had ever been there, even attempted to save her father, were the drag trails she left as the two men forced her away.

  Sarah’s eyes stung while tears washed over her face.

  “Daddy…”

  Her gaze fell to the ground. The drag trails grew longer. And then, her eyes widened.

  “Stupid girl.” She could hear Serwa’s voice cursing her. How could she have been so silly?

  Sarah took a deep breath. She tightened her arms and stepped forward, slamming her foot against the land.

  Her body pulsed, the earth shook, and the rocks blocking the entrance to the mine were blown outward. Screams rose into the sky as the families of the miners fell to the ground.

  The men holding Sarah released her, and while the rocks poured over the mountain, Sarah ran for the entrance. Dust surrounded her again, falling from the mine like rain.

  “Daddy, Daddy…” She moved through the mines blind, stretching her arms out toward an unknown. She could hear heavy breathing.

  “He—” Sarah stumbled. She quickly moved to the side, searching for a wall, and reached out to identify who she had fallen over.

  “Daddy? Are you there?”

  A sharp intake. “Sarah?”

  Her hands finally stopped shaking. Her stomach untangled itself and her lungs allowed her to take in more than a pinch of air. He was alright.

  “I’ve got you now. Just lean on me a bit, okay?”

  Her father did not respond but Sarah lifted him up anyway. He leaned against the wall while she heaved him along.

  “We’re almost there,” she said as the first sign of light appeared.

  Paul fell forward. Sarah attempted to lift him but his body had grown completely limp. The panic that had fled clawed at her again.

  Sarah grabbed her father’s arms and pulled him toward the exit. He was taller than her and heavier. Still, Sarah was moving him through the mine like he was a newborn.

  Once they had made it out, Sarah kept going, pulling him several more feet, afraid the mine would somehow swallow him again.

  When they were far enough away, Sarah dropped his arm. She reached down and tried to wake him. He did not stir.

  She shook him and patted his cheeks, praying for any sign of movement.

  He gave none.

  “No…no.” She cupped his face in her hands and sobbed like she was a child lost in the woods again. Except, this time her father would not be able to save her.

  Chapter 6

  One. Two. Three.

  The sound of strangled air and gravel.

  Sarah sat with her back to the door, her eyes watery and staring at the ceiling. There was a hollow exhale.

  One. Two. Three...three?

  Sarah turned her body forward and pressed her ear against the door. There was nothing. The sound of her father’s breathing did not greet her.

  She didn’t feel the coldness of the metal knob as she swung the door open, or the pain of her knee crashing to the floor when she stumbled. Sarah recovered, pulled herself up, and raced toward her father.

  She had left their door open, despite her mother’s warnings. Now she flung it wide, slid to the floor, and placed her ear on his chest. Then, she heard it. The coal dust grinding inside her father’s chest as he inhaled.

  Sarah’s heart relaxed and the water finally spilled from her eyes. She clutched at the bedsheets that covered her father and buried her face into his soft abdomen.

  When she was younger and just taller than his waist, her father would hold her to him. If she were upset, her childhood tears would soak his belly that had come from too many years of pancakes and bacon.

  Clutching onto him now, she knew she’d give anything fo
r him to hold her once more.

  “Don’t leave me, Daddy,” she whispered, forcing a sob down her throat. “Don’t leave me.”

  The moon illuminated the dark night outside. Sarah glanced between her father and the evening outside her parent’s bedroom window. She wondered if the creeping darkness she felt surrounding her was comparable to the darkness in the sky.

  It felt so permanent.

  There was a creak from behind her.

  Sarah spun around. Her mother stood in the doorway, eyes red and puffy, a bowl of soup in her hand. Her lips trembled. She did not meet Sarah’s gaze.

  “Your supper’s on the table. Go eat, Sarah.”

  She glanced at her father.

  The doctor had visited the day of the accident but without much to say. He didn’t know how long her father would be unconscious. It had already been three days.

  “Sarah—”

  “Mama, could I eat with Daddy tonight?”

  “No.”

  Sarah stared up at her mother. Her arm rested protectively over her father. “Please, Mama. I…I just want to be here when he wakes up.”

  Her mother closed her eyes. The grip she had on the bowl tightened. She exhaled.

  “I said ‘no,’ Sarafina.” She looked straight ahead, past Sarah and out the window. “Your father has enough to worry about with all that dirt and earth in his chest.”

  Earth.

  Sarah glanced between her hands and her father’s chest. She smiled.

  “Foolish girl.” Serwa’s words filled her mind again.

  “Wipe that grin off your face!” Her mother had stormed past her. She slammed the bowl on a nightstand and glared at her daughter. “What are you smiling for, huh?”

  Sarah turned away. She pulled her arm away from her father and brought her hands to her lap.

  “Nothing, Mama.”

  There was a sharp intake of air. Glancing up from under her eyelids, Sarah saw her mother’s face fill with red. But not from anger.

  The steady, hard line that was Lucille’s mouth began to tremble. The gloss from her eyes spilled down her cheeks and the woman fell to her knees. She covered her face with her hands as if they could hide from Sarah the fact her mother was weeping.