The Keith Laumer MEGAPACK®

by Keith Laumer

  You couldn’t hope to snow a man like the Admiral; he wasn’t somebody you could push around. You could sense the solid iron of him from here.

  Nobody else had noticed the solitary diner. The Era man drifted closer, moving unhurriedly, thinking furiously. It was no good trying some tricky approach; his best bet was the straight-from-the-shoulder bit. No point in hesitating. He stopped beside the table.

  The Admiral was looking out across the Gulf. He turned and glanced up at the reporter.

  The news man looked him squarely in the eye. “I’m a reporter, Admiral,” he said. “Will you talk to me?”

  The Admiral nodded to the seat across from him. “Sit down,” he said. He glanced around the room.

  The reporter caught the look. “I’ll keep it light, sir,” he said. “I don’t want company either.” That was being frank.

  * * * *

  “You want the answers to some questions, don’t you?” the Admiral said.

  “Why, yes, sir,” the reporter said. He started to inconspicuously key his pocket recorder, but caught himself. “May I record your remarks, Admiral?” he said. Frankness all the way.

  “Go ahead,” said the Admiral.

  “Now, Admiral,” the reporter began, “the Terran public has of course…”

  “Never mind the patter, son,” the Admiral said mildly. “I know what the questions are. I’ve read all the memoirs of the crew. They’ve been coming out at the rate of about two a year for some time now. I had my own reasons for not wanting to add anything to my official statement.”

  The Admiral poured wine into his glass. “Excuse me,” he said. “Will you join me?” He signalled the waiter.

  “Another wine glass, please,” he said. He looked at the golden wine in the glass, held it up to the light. “You know, the Florida wines are as good as any in the world,” he said. “That’s not to say the California and Ohio wines aren’t good. But this Flora Pinellas is a genuine original, not an imitation Rhine; and it compares favorably with the best of the old vintages, particularly the ’87.”

  The glass arrived and the waiter poured. The reporter had the wit to remain silent.

  * * * *

  “The first question is usually, how did I know I could take the Mancji ship. After all, it was big, vast. It loomed over us like a mountain. The Mancji themselves weighed almost two tons each; they liked six gee gravity. They blasted our communication off the air, just for practice. They talked big, too. We were invaders in their territory. They were amused by us. So where did I get the notion that our attack would be anything more than a joke to them? That’s the big question.” The Admiral shook his head.

  “The answer is quite simple. In the first place, they were pulling six gees by using a primitive dumbbell configuration. The only reason for that type of layout, as students of early space vessel design can tell you, is to simplify setting up a gee field effect using centrifugal force. So they obviously had no gravity field generators.

  “Then their transmission was crude. All they had was simple old-fashioned short-range radio, and even that was noisy and erratic. And their reception was as bad. We had to use a kilowatt before they could pick it up at 200 miles. We didn’t know then it was all organically generated; that they had no equipment.”

  The Admiral sipped his wine, frowning at the recollection. “I was pretty sure they were bluffing when I changed course and started after them. I had to hold our acceleration down to two and a half gees because I had to be able to move around the ship. And at that acceleration we gained on them. They couldn’t beat us. And it wasn’t because they couldn’t take high gees; they liked six for comfort, you remember. No, they just didn’t have the power.”

  * * * *

  The Admiral looked out the window.

  “Add to that the fact that they apparently couldn’t generate ordinary electric current. I admit that none of this was conclusive, but after all, if I was wrong we were sunk anyway. When Thomas told me the nature of the damage to our radar and communications systems, that was another hint. Their big display of Mancji power was just a blast of radiation right across the communication spectrum; it burned tubes and blew fuses; nothing else. We were back in operation an hour after our attack.

  “The evidence was there to see, but there’s something about giant size that gets people rattled. Size alone doesn’t mean a thing. It’s rather like the bluff the Soviets ran on the rest of the world for a couple of decades back in the war era, just because they sprawled across half the globe. They were a giant, though it was mostly frozen desert. When the showdown came they didn’t have it. They were a pushover.

  “All right, the next question is why did I choose H. E. instead of going in with everything I had? That’s easy, too. What I wanted was information, not revenge. I still had the heavy stuff in reserve and ready to go if I needed it, but first I had to try to take them alive. Vaporizing them wouldn’t have helped our position. And I was lucky; it worked.

  “The, ah, confusion below evaporated as soon as the Section chiefs got a look at the screens and realized that we had actually knocked out the Mancji. We matched speeds with the wreckage and the patrols went out to look for a piece of ship with a survivor in it. If we’d had no luck we would have tackled the other half of the ship, which was still intact and moving off fast. But we got quite a shock when we found the nature of the wreckage.” The Admiral grinned.

  “Of course today everybody knows all about the Mancji hive intelligence, and their evolutionary history. But we were pretty startled to find that the only wreckage consisted of the Mancji themselves, each two-ton slug in his own hard chitin shell. Of course, a lot of the cells were ruptured by the explosions, but most of them had simply disassociated from the hive mass as it broke up. So there was no ship; just a cluster of cells like a giant bee hive, and mixed up among the slugs, the damnedest collection of loot you can imagine. The odds and ends they’d stolen and tucked away in the hive during a couple hundred years of camp-following.

  “The patrols brought a couple of cells alongside, and Mannion went out to try to establish contact. Sure enough, he got a very faint transmission, on the same bands as before. The cells were talking to each other in their own language. They ignored Mannion even though his transmission must have blanketed everything within several hundred miles. We eventually brought one of them into the cargo lock and started trying different wave-lengths on it. Then Kramer had the idea of planting a couple of electrodes and shooting a little juice to it. Of course, it loved the DC, but as soon as we tried AC, it gave up. So we had a long talk with it and found out everything we needed to know.

  * * * *

  “It was a four-week run to the nearest outpost planet of the New Terran Federation, and they took me on to New Terra aboard one of their fast liaison vessels. The rest you know. We, the home planet, were as lost to the New Terrans as they were to us. They greeted us as though we were their own ancestors come back to visit them.

  “Most of my crew, for personal reasons, were released from duty there, and settled down to stay.

  “The clean-up job here on Earth was a minor operation to their Navy. As I recall, the trip back was made in a little over five months, and the Red Tide was killed within four weeks of the day the task force arrived. I don’t think they wasted a motion. One explosive charge per cell, of just sufficient size to disrupt the nucleus. When the critical number of cells had been killed, the rest died overnight.

  “It was quite a different Earth that emerged from under the plague, though. You know it had taken over all of the land area except North America and a strip of Western Europe, and all of the sea it wanted. It was particularly concentrated over what had been the jungle areas of South America, Africa, and Asia. You must realize that in the days before the Tide, those areas were almost completely uninhabitable. You have no idea what the term Jungle really implied. When the Tide died, it disintegrated into its component molecules; and the result was that all those vast fertile Jungle lands were now b
eautifully levelled and completely cleared areas covered with up to twenty feet of the richest topsoil imaginable. That was what made it possible for old Terra to become what she is today; the Federation’s truck farm, and the sole source of those genuine original Terran foods that all the rest of the worlds pay such fabulous prices for.

  “Strange how quickly we forget. Few people today remember how we loathed and feared the Tide when we were fighting it. Now it’s dismissed as a blessing in disguise.”

  The Admiral paused. “Well,” he said, “I think that answers the questions and gives you a bit of homespun philosophy to go with it.”

  * * * *

  “Admiral,” said the reporter, “you’ve given the public some facts it’s waited a long time to hear. Coming from you, sir, this is the greatest story that could have come out of this Reunion Day celebration. But there is one question more, if I may ask it. Can you tell me, Admiral, just how it was that you rejected what seemed to be prima facie proof of the story the Mancji told; that they were the lords of creation out there, and that humanity was nothing but a tame food animal to them?”

  The Admiral sighed. “I guess it’s a good question,” he said. “But there was nothing supernatural about my figuring that one. I didn’t suspect the full truth, of course. It never occurred to me that we were the victims of the now well-known but still inexplicable sense of humor of the Mancji, or that they were nothing but scavengers around the edges of the Federation. The original Omega ship had met them and seen right through them.

  * * * *

  “Well, when this hive spotted us coming in, they knew enough about New Terra to realize at once that we were strangers, coming from outside the area. It appealed to their sense of humor to have the gall to strut right out in front of us and try to put over a swindle. What a laugh for the oyster kingdom if they could sell Terrans on the idea that they were the master race. It never occurred to them that we might be anything but Terrans; Terrans who didn’t know the Mancji. And they were canny enough to use an old form of Interlingua; somewhere they’d met men before.

  “Then we needed food. They knew what we ate, and that was where they went too far. They had, among the flotsam in their hive, a few human bodies they had picked up from some wreck they’d come across in their travels. They had them stashed away like everything else they could lay a pseudopod on. So they stacked them the way they’d seen Terran frozen foods shipped in the past, and sent them over. Another of their little jokes.

  “I suppose if you’re already overwrought and eager to quit, and you’ve been badly scared by the size of an alien ship, it’s pretty understandable that the sight of human bodies, along with the story that they’re just a convenient food supply, might seem pretty convincing. But I was already pretty dubious about the genuineness of our pals, and when I saw those bodies it was pretty plain that we were hot on the trail of Omega Colony. There was no other place humans could have come from out there. We had to find out the location from the Mancji.”

  “But, Admiral,” said the reporter, “true enough they were humans, and presumably had some connection with the colony, but they were naked corpses stacked like cordwood. The Mancji had stated that these were slaves, or rather domesticated animals; they wouldn’t have done you any good.”

  “Well, you see, I didn’t believe that,” the Admiral said. “Because it was an obvious lie. I tried to show some of the officers, but I’m afraid they weren’t being too rational just then.

  “I went into the locker and examined those bodies; if Kramer had looked closely, he would have seen what I did. These were no tame animals. They were civilized men.”

  “How could you be sure, Admiral? They had no clothing, no identifying marks, nothing. Why didn’t you believe they were cattle?”

  “Because,” said the Admiral, “all the men had nice neat haircuts.”

  IT COULD BE ANYTHING

  “She’ll be pulling out in a minute, Brett,” Mr. Phillips said. He tucked his railroader’s watch back in his vest pocket. “You better get aboard—if you’re still set on going.”

  “It was reading all them books done it,” Aunt Haicey said. “Thick books, and no pictures in them. I knew it’d make trouble.” She plucked at the faded hand-embroidered shawl over her thin shoulders, a tiny bird-like woman with bright anxious eyes.

  “Don’t worry about me,” Brett said. “I’ll be back.”

  “The place’ll be yours when I’m gone,” Aunt Haicey said. “Lord knows it won’t be long.”

  “Why don’t you change your mind and stay on, boy?” Mr. Phillips said, blinking up at the young man. “If I talk to Mr. J.D., I think he can find a job for you at the plant.”

  “So many young people leave Casperton,” Aunt Haicey said. “They never come back.”

  Mr. Phillips clicked his teeth. “They write, at first,” he said. “Then they gradually lose touch.”

  “All your people are here, Brett,” Aunt Haicey said. “Haven’t you been happy here?”

  “Why can’t you young folks be content with Casperton?” Mr. Phillips said. “There’s everything you need here.”

  “It’s that Pretty-Lee done it,” Aunt Haicey said. “If it wasn’t for that girl—”

  A clatter ran down the line of cars. Brett kissed Aunt Haicey’s dry cheek, shook Mr. Phillips’ hand, and swung aboard. His suitcase was on one of the seats. He put it up above in the rack, and sat down, turned to wave back at the two old people.

  It was a summer morning. Brett leaned back and watched the country slide by. It was nice country, Brett thought; mostly in corn, some cattle, and away in the distance the hazy blue hills. Now he would see what was on the other side of them: the cities, the mountains, and the ocean. Up until now all he knew about anything outside of Casperton was what he’d read or seen pictures of. As far as he was concerned, chopping wood and milking cows back in Casperton, they might as well not have existed. They were just words and pictures printed on paper. But he didn’t want to just read about them. He wanted to see for himself.

  Pretty-Lee hadn’t come to see him off. She was probably still mad about yesterday. She had been sitting at the counter at the Club Rexall, drinking a soda and reading a movie magazine with a big picture of an impossibly pretty face on the cover—the kind you never see just walking down the street. He had taken the next stool and ordered a coke.

  “Why don’t you read something good, instead of that pap?” he asked her.

  “Something good? You mean something dry, I guess. And don’t call it…that word. It doesn’t sound polite.”

  “What does it say? That somebody named Doll Starr is fed up with glamor and longs for a simple home in the country and lots of kids? Then why doesn’t she move to Casperton?”

  “You wouldn’t understand,” said Pretty-Lee.

  He took the magazine, leafed through it. “Look at this: all about people who give parties that cost thousands of dollars, and fly all over the world having affairs with each other and committing suicide and getting divorced. It’s like reading about Martians.”

  “I still like to read about the stars. There’s nothing wrong with it.”

  “Reading all that junk just makes you dissatisfied. You want to do your hair up crazy like the pictures in the magazines and wear weird-looking clothes—”

  Pretty-Lee bent her straw double. She stood up and took her shopping bag. “I’m very glad to know you think my clothes are weird—”

  “You’re taking everything I say personally. Look.” He showed her a full-color advertisement on the back cover of the magazine. “Look at this. Here’s a man supposed to be cooking steaks on some kind of back-yard grill. He looks like a movie star; he’s dressed up like he was going to get married; there’s not a wrinkle anywhere. There’s not a spot on that apron. There isn’t even a grease spot on the frying pan. The lawn is as smooth as a billiard table. There’s his son; he looks just like his pop, except that he’s not grey at the temples. Did you ever really see a man that handsome, or h
air that was just silver over the ears and the rest glossy black? The daughter looks like a movie starlet, and her mom is exactly the same, except that she has that grey streak in front to match her husband. You can see the car in the drive; the treads of the tires must have just been scrubbed; they’re not even dusty. There’s not a pebble out of place; all the flowers are in full bloom; no dead ones. No leaves on the lawn; no dry twigs showing on the trees. That other house in the background looks like a palace, and the man with the rake, looking over the fence: he looks like this one’s twin brother, and he’s out raking leaves in brand new clothes—”

  Pretty-Lee grabbed her magazine. “You just seem to hate everything that’s nicer than this messy town—”

  “I don’t think it’s nicer. I like you; your hair isn’t always perfectly smooth, and you’ve got a mended place on your dress, and you feel human, you smell human—”

  “Oh!” Pretty-Lee turned and flounced out of the drug store.

  * * * *

  Brett shifted in the dusty plush seat and looked around. There were a few other people in the car. An old man was reading a newspaper; two old ladies whispered together. There was a woman of about thirty with a mean-looking kid; and some others. They didn’t look like magazine pictures, any of them. He tried to picture them doing the things you read in newspapers: the old ladies putting poison in somebody’s tea; the old man giving orders to start a war. He thought about babies in houses in cities, and airplanes flying over, and bombs falling down: huge explosive bombs. Blam! Buildings fall in, pieces of glass and stone fly through the air. The babies are blown up along with everything else—

  But the kind of people he knew couldn’t do anything like that. They liked to loaf and eat and talk and drink beer and buy a new tractor or refrigerator and go fishing. And if they ever got mad and hit somebody—afterwards they were embarrassed and wanted to shake hands….