Breaking Down

by Megan Lowe

“Yep.”

  “Then you.”

  “Then us,” I correct. She blushes and beams.

  “That doesn’t seem so complicated.”

  “Well then you’ve got friends, who are basically family as well.”

  “And who are they?”

  “We’ve got Rome and Grayson and their son, Xander. Rome is Ryan Racing’s head mechanic.”

  “Okay. What else you got for me?”

  “Cole and Knley and their twins, Ryder and Nia.”

  “And they fit in how?”

  “Cole is on our racing team. He was runner-up to Liam last year in the NRS, and he’s taking it to him again this year. Knley is in Places.”

  “Wait, wasn’t your ex in Places as well?”

  I shift uncomfortably. “Ah, yeah. Knley and Quinn are sisters.”

  “Oh,” Bentley says, and moves a little bit away from me.

  “Hey,” I say, bringing her back to where she was. “Quinn and I are long over. What I feel for you is a million times more than I ever felt for her, okay?” She nods but doesn’t look me in the eyes. I tilt her head so she does. “I’m serious. With Quinn I was chasing affection. I wanted to be with her because I wanted someone to love me. With you, with us, I’m here for you, because you drive me fucking crazy.” I’m so close to saying the L word, but I’m not entirely sure she’s ready to hear it. And truthfully, I’m not sure if I’m ready to say it and totally and completely mean it. She laughs, and I know I’ve got her back. “Quinn is just a girl I used to bang. There’s nothing there for me, I promise.”

  “Okay, I believe you,” she says, and leans up to kiss me. She goes to deepen it, but I pull away. “What?” she asks, confused.

  “That’s not to say if we do happen to see her she won’t go apeshit when she’s reminded of what she gave up.”

  Bentley shakes her head. “You’re so….”

  “I’m so what?” I ask, pushing her so she’s lying on the couch, and covering her body with mine. She opens her legs and I slip between them.

  “Mmm.” She moans as I grind against her.

  “What am I, Bentley?” I ask as I continue to grind.

  “You’re so, fuck, Jax.”

  “Mmm, no, I don’t think that’s it,” I say as I kiss down her throat.

  “Jax,” she whines, scratching at my back, trying to pull me closer.

  “Tell me what I am, Bentley, and then I’ll let you have it,” I say.

  “You’re mine,” she gasps as I pinch her nipple through her shirt.

  “Fuck yeah, I am,” I say. I prove it to her all night long.

  Chapter 18

  Bentley

  When Jax said there was a lot to his family, he wasn’t kidding. We walk into the family diner, Wheels, and are immediately greeted by his eldest brother, Parker.

  “Oh fuck my life,” he says, “not you too.”

  Jax has the biggest smile on his face, and pulls me tighter to his side. “’Fraid so, biggest bro,” he says, and presses a kiss to my cheek. “This is my girl, Bentley.”

  Parker shakes my hand before turning his attention back to Jax. “Seriously, man, what’s the deal? I thought I could at least count on you to join me in bachelorhood.”

  Jax shrugs. “Sometimes the right one just comes along out of nowhere. Don’t worry, your time will come.”

  “Yeah, that’s what I’m afraid of,” he says, so quietly I’m not sure Jax heard. “Anyway,” he puts on a smile, “come on in and grab a seat. Reed, Bria, Avery, and Chase are at home, but everyone else is either on their way or already here.” He gestures to the dining room of the diner. To my right is a bar area, but taking up most of the space is the seating. There’s a look-through window into the kitchen, but what grabs my attention is the large group of people seated at a long table.

  Jax walks us over there and introduces everybody. “Ryans, this is Bentley. Bentley, Ryans,” he says. “We’ve got Pa, and Pop.” He points to two older men at the table. “Chris, Liam, Mason.” And yes, he is every bit as hot as Jax described, if not more. “Rome, Grayson, Xander, and you know Mav, Aubrey, and Park.”

  “Hi,” I say in a small voice, and give a pathetic wave.

  We take our seats and are about to order when the door opens and two women, each carrying a young child, and a guy walk in. Beside me, Jax stiffens slightly. One of the women, the younger one, stops when she sees him. She looks at me, with Jax’s arm resting on the back of my chair, and continues towards us.

  “Hey, guys,” the older woman says. She’s beautiful, with wavy black hair and warm brown eyes. Mav and Aubrey run towards her. She hands off the child in her arms to the man she walked in with and embraces them.

  “Hi,” the second girl says to Jax in a quiet voice.

  “Hey,” Jax says, and shuffles closer to me.

  “How have you been?”

  “Good, really good,” he says, nodding.

  “I can see that.” She smiles at me.

  “Yeah,” Jax says, grabbing my hand. “I have an absolutely breathtaking girlfriend, I recovered well, and am planning my comeback, so yeah, life is very, very good right now.”

  “I’m really glad to see that, Jax,” she says. “I’m Quinn, by the way,” she says to me. She shifts the child in her arms so she can shake my hand.

  “Bentley. It’s nice to meet you,” I say. Even though she’s been perfectly nice, something about her rubs me the wrong way. It’s almost as if she thinks she’s too good to be associated with a bunch of bike-riding adrenaline junkies. She gives me another smile before going to take a seat at the opposite end of the table.

  “Sorry,” Jax murmurs. “I didn’t know she would be here.”

  I turn to face him and cup his cheek with my hand. “It’s fine. Besides, we worked this out the other night, didn’t we?”

  His eyes go glassy, and I know he’s remembering. He adjusts himself and I smile. “Fuck yeah, we worked that shit out,” he says.

  “Good.” I lean in to kiss him quickly. “But feel free to remind me again if you want.” He growls, and I laugh before Parker comes to take our orders.

  Spending time with the Ryans is eye-opening. They are such a great bunch of people and have accepted me, for the most part, easily. I think Jax’s dad is a little unsure of me, but he’s at least polite enough not to let it show too much. Jax’s brothers, though…. I didn’t know it was genetically possible to have five sons who are all drop-dead gorgeous. And the kids. Chris is full of spunk, and Avery has got every member of her family wrapped around her little finger. Cole, Knley, Rome, and Grayson are pretty cool too. All in all, Booker is a pretty great place to be. If I could just avoid Quinn for the rest of my time here, that would be awesome.

  I’m alone at Jax and Mav’s house one day, happily reading Sarah J. Maas’s A Court of Thorns and Roses, when there’s a knock at the door. It’s surprising, as both guys are out doing something bike related with Rome, and Aubrey is over at Cole and Knley’s. Still, I answer anyway. Imagine my shock when I come face-to-face with Quinn.

  “Hey,” she says, smiling her overly sweet smile.

  “Er, hi,” I say, nowhere near as enthusiastic. My hair might be bright and bubbly (at the moment I’ve got a bright purple, pink, and yellow melt going on), but it doesn’t mean my personality matches.

  We stand there staring at each other before she speaks. “Do you mind if I come in?”

  I step aside. “Jax isn’t here, if you’re looking for him,” I tell her.

  “Oh no, I know he’s not.”

  “So why are you here then?” I ask, crossing my arms over my chest. We haven’t moved further into the house than the entryway, and until I figure out why she’s here, we won’t.

  “Can we sit?” she asks, gesturing to the living room. The fact that she’s so familiar with this house pisses me off.

  “Not until you tell me why you’re here.”

  “I just wanted to talk, that’s all.”

  “About what? ’Cause no
offence, but I don’t think we have anything in common,” I say, taking in her appearance. She’s in a cute vintage-inspired top with high-waisted jeans, ballet flats, and a cardy. I, on the other hand, am wearing ripped jeans, Uggs, and one of Jax’s old Ryan Racing jumpers. It has holes in the sleeves and my thumbs are poking out of them.

  “I think we have one big thing in common,” she counters.

  “Just tell me why you’re here, Quinn,” I say, suddenly exhausted. “Do you want him back? Is that it? If it is, I’m here to tell you that that’s not going to happen.”

  She gives me her sweet smile, and I want to slap it off her perfect face. “No, I don’t want Jax back.”

  “So what is it?”

  “I just wanted to make sure he’s doing okay.”

  “Why?” I ask. “From what Jax told me, he wanted more but you didn’t. You left him, just like every other woman in his life has done. Until me, that is.”

  “Is that what he thinks?” she gasps.

  “How else is he supposed to see it? I may only have been with Jax for a short while, but we were friends before that. Even then I could tell that he loves deeply.”

  “I never meant to hurt him,” she says, a contrite look on her face.

  “No, you just kept coming back, giving him hope and stringing him along.”

  She shakes her head. “No, it wasn’t like that.”

  “Oh really,” I say, sarcasm thick. “Tell me, what was it like then?”

  “It was me not wanting to let him go.” She looks up at me, her eyes shining with tears. “Surely you know how he is, how he burrows under your skin and attaches himself.”

  I nod, because I do know how Jax does that. “I get that,” I tell her, “but that doesn’t excuse you from stringing him along. Tell me, how long did this thing between you last?”

  “Ten months,” she says in a small voice.

  “And when did you realise his feelings far outstripped yours?”

  “About a week after our first time together.”

  I nod. What a bitch. “And yet you continued to get together with him whenever you could, knowing the relationship was unequal.” She nods, a tear sliding down her cheek. “I get it. Jax is one hell of a guy. He’s amazing, and I can understand why someone would want to be around that. What I don’t understand is why you would want to risk ruining that awesomeness. Do you have any idea how broken he was when I first met him?” I ask. She shakes her head. “He was a shell. He tried to hide it and for the most part he did it well, but I saw through that. It took a long time for Jax to open up to me, and even longer to build him back up to the person he is today.”

  “I’m sorry,” she sobs.

  “It’s not me you need to be apologising to,” I tell her.

  “I really didn’t mean to hurt him,” she says, looking up at me.

  “Treating him the way you did, knowing what you knew, I don’t see how it could’ve turned out any different. Was it some sort of game for you? To see how long you could string along the cute puppy that is Jax Ryan?”

  “No.” She shakes her head violently.

  “Really? Then why do it?”

  “Because….”

  “Because what? I can fill in the blanks if you need a hand,” I tell her. She growls in response.

  “I’m still waiting,” I say, when an answer still isn’t forthcoming.

  “I did it because I liked the way he treated me, the way he made me feel.”

  “Like you’re the only girl in the world, right?” She nods. “And knowing this, experiencing this, you didn’t once feel bad that you didn’t return his feelings?”

  “I was young and confused and there was a lot going on in my life!”

  “Why do you think Jax treated you the way he did? It wasn’t because he likes not having his feelings returned. Couldn’t you see that as much as you like the attention he gave you, that he wanted the same level of affection from you?”

  She sniffs and wipes at her nose. “I’m sorry.”

  “You’ve said that before, but yet, I don’t see anything that backs that statement up.”

  “What do you want from me?” she asks.

  “I want you to leave Jax alone. I want you to forget that you ever knew him, that you ever let him love you.” She nods. “Go back to Melbourne, Quinn. Go back to your big house and your fancy uni with your fancy doctor boyfriend.”

  “O-ok-okay,” she sobs.

  “And don’t worry about Jax,” I tell her. “He’s got everything he’ll ever need in me.” And he does. I may not have realised it straight away, but I’m more than aware of how lucky I am to be the woman in Jax Ryan’s life. I thank God every day that I came to my senses and was able to see the great guy that was right in front of me. That’s what sets me apart from Quinn. She took Jax for granted. She doesn’t know what it’s like not to trust the guy you’re with, to not be able to depend on him, or to trust his love for you. I do, and I swear I’ll never forget that.

  She nods and turns heading out the door. I lock it behind her, confident that’s the last time she’ll ever bother us again.

  Chapter 19

  Jax

  “So that Bentley’s interesting,” Pop says as we work in the garage we own.

  I nod, a massive smile on my face. “She’s incredible.”

  “A bit old for you, isn’t she?”

  “She’s twenty-four,” I tell him.

  “Like I said, a bit old, isn’t she?”

  “Bria’s twenty-four,” I point out.

  “And look at her. Married with two beautiful children and a successful career.”

  “Bentley’s got just as successful a career. Plus, this isn’t the twenties, women are putting off having children later so they can focus on their jobs.”

  “Don’t want to put it off too long though, does she? Got that ticking biological clock.”

  “Actually, Bentley can’t have children,” I say.

  “Oh?” Pop asks.

  “Her ex was abusive. Put her in the hospital after beating her to a pulp and stabbing her. Her ovaries had to be removed because of the damage.”

  Pop whistles. “That’s a whole lot of baggage she’s got.”

  “I can carry it. Besides, she’s been great helping me with my recovery, and has been supportive as hell about my comeback.”

  Pop drops the wrench he’s using. “Comeback?” he asks, shocked.

  “Well, yeah,” I say. The “duh” is implied. “I’m a BMX rider. I can’t do that if I’m not competing.”

  “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

  “Why wouldn’t it be?” I’m confused. Pop has always been behind our careers. For him to start questioning mine now is just weird.

  He sighs. “It’s just your recovery took so long this time. And it was your fourth concussion; who knows what damage has been done.”

  “This is who we are,” I tell him, pointing to the large Ryan Racing logo we have hanging above the door to the workshop.

  “I know it is,” he says, scratching his neck, “but, Jax, this is your health and well-being we’re talking about here. Head trauma is not something you want to be messing with, son. Who knows, maybe your next one will cause permanent damage.”

  “So what do you suggest I do then?” I ask, crossing my arms.

  “I thought maybe you could come on board as a scout for the team. You have an eye for talent, so I thought we could put it to good use.”

  “You want me to sit behind a desk?” I ask, shocked to my core.

  Pop shakes his head. “Not necessarily. Sure, there would be videos you would watch, but we’d also send you out to see these guys in person.”

  “What type of guys?”

  “Any. BMX, FMX, motocross, NRS, SuperMoto, doesn’t matter. Bria’s got us onto a good wicket, and Reed and I want to capitalise on that, build something that your kids can inherit someday.”

  “I told you,” I grit out, “Bentley can’t have kids, so there won’t be any kid
s of mine to inherit shit.”

  Pop waves that off. “Jax, you’re twenty years old, use that. Go out and play the field like you used to. Who knows, a week or two down the track you’ll be moving on to someone newer, more exciting.”

  “Right, because I’m such a flake I can’t commit to someone for longer than a month,” I say.

  “I’m not saying that,” Pop says. “I’m simply suggesting that maybe you might find someone who’s more… suited to you, your personality and lifestyle. You two seem serious. I just want you to be sure that she’s the one.”

  “Bentley is absolutely the one. Plus she’s perfectly suited to my ‘lifestyle,’” I tell him, making air quotes. “Fuck, the first time I met her she gave me shit about the Extreme Games. Tell me, how is that not suited to my lifestyle?”

  “She’s damaged, Jax,” he says, placing a hand on my shoulder. “Life with her isn’t going to be easy. The last thing I want for you, or any of my kids and grandkids, is a difficult life. We’ve already had enough hardship to last several lifetimes. I just want to make sure you know what you’re doing and are going into this with your eyes open. I don’t want…” He trails off. “I don’t want you to look back on your life and say ‘I wish I hadn’t done that, or I wish I had stopped before I did serious damage to myself.’ We only get one life, Jax, and I want you to live it to your full potential.” He sighs. “I just want to keep you safe.”

  “You don’t think I have my own damage?” I ask. “I get that you only want the best for me, but shit, Pop, Bentley is perfect for me. It’s not like she’s the only one with baggage, she just doesn’t hide it like the rest of us do. I know she’s not who you envisioned me with, hell, she’s not who I envisioned myself with, but I’ll be damned if she isn’t exactly what I need. I love her and I know I want to be with her for the rest of my life.” I put down my tools and start to head to the door. “You know,” I say, turning to face him, “she has a shit relationship with her parents, but I told her, ‘forget about them, with mine you’ll have more family than you can handle.’” I shake my head. “Never in a million years did I even consider that you wouldn’t take her and love her like I do.”