Cheated Love

by Kris Buendía

  “Call me Lana, not even Miss or Misses.”

  I laugh at my own joke and Peter seems to understand.

  “Are you a doctor? “ He asks looking at my outfit.

  “Yes, I am a cardiothoracic surgeon. “

  He doesn't seems to understand the term.

  “ I am a heart surgeon.”

  “Than must be very difficult” he admires.

  “You don't know the half of it” I walk to the elevator “ It's been a pleasure, Peter.”

  “Good night, Miss Taynor.”

  I say no with my head. Mr. Peter seems nice and it is a delight that there are people like that in the building. Not like some other neighbor I won`t name.

  I go up to my floor and I walk to my apartment. The keys fall from my hand and onto the floor. My hearts starts to hurt.

  Again.

  “It’s done, Lana” I say to myself “ You did what you could.”

  I close my eyes and I lay my back into my door. I`m not ready to go in. Even though I am not alone right now, when I am at work it is different, thinking that I'm lying to my father makes me feel like the worst daughter in the world.

  A sob leaves my mouth and I fall down and put my knees to my chest and I quietly cry. The floor is quiet, I don't care if somebody sees me like this.

  A moment later, as I`m telling myself that we did all we could in that operating room I feel a warm hand over my shoulder and it startles me.

  “Easy, it's just me.”

  Of course it is.

  Mr. Important.

  “If you are here to mock me, please take your pretty ass home right now and slam the door as usual so you can leave me alone.”

  Duncan stays quite. He doesn't say a thing, but he doesn't leave either, instead he sits next to me in the floor.

  I don`t care. I start crying again. I allow myself to cry in front of this man that I barely know, but that last night seemed to know me enough to analyze me the way he did. I am not ashamed to cry over losing a patient.

  “Don`t worry it's not about Gabe that I`m crying about” I tell him before his own thoughts start driving him crazy.”

  “That makes me feel better, but if you don't want to talk about it, it's fine. I will stay here with you.”

  I look at him and I can't believe my eyes. Is he being nice to me?

  “That frown makes you look really sweet, did you know that?”

  “Oh, so now we are talking about frowns?”

  “I`m just trying to make you stop crying “ He smiles at me.”

  He has some kind of power over me because my tears stop. But I'm still not ready to go inside. I look to my side and see some plastic bags. I hope they are not fruit, and that takes me to look at his bandaged hand.

  “We need to clean the wound” I tell him and he nods.

  “Whatever you say, if you like you can tell me how and I will do it myself.”

  He is letting his guard down. We both are. Or maybe he wants to tell me something or maybe I`ve just lost my mind.

  “I will do it, I'm the doctor. I will not let you get your hands in there. that is something I have to do. You are an idiot, but I don't want you to lose your hand. Even though that might be an exaggeration.”

  “I brought some Chinese food, I was thinking of…”

  “Yes, I want to” I interrupt him and realize my mistake immediately “Oh, wait, you haven't even invited me to dinner and I am just assuming you are, I`m sorry. You can have your Chinese food.”

  Duncan looks at me funny. Sometimes when I'm nervous I tend to say stupid things, although I say them as well when I`m not. Anyways, he hasn't invited me to diner at his house and now I feel like an idiot, and also, I'm really, really, really hungry after all that crying.

  “In fact, for the first time since we've met I was going to invite you to diner, I owe you an apology.”

  “Do you even know what that is? “ My insolence is getting to Duncan`s nerves and his face is getting serious.

  “I`m going to take into consideration that you`ve had a bad day in order to get along with you today. But, don`t go over the line, so come on, bring that nice ass of yours to my apartment that the diner is getting cold.”

  I grab my bag and he helps me get up from the floor with his uninjured hand. I help him with the bags and we walk together to his apartment. The moment he opens the door I just stand there looking in ow of his place.

  It`s like a little model city.

  “Your apartment is incredible” I admire it more and more “ How come mine doesn't look like this?”

  “I`ve been here a bit longer so I've done some things to it.”

  “Except for the door” I mock him and make him laugh.”

  “Yes, except that.”

  Duncan walks over to the kitchen and I follow him.

  “Can I use your bathroom?”

  “You know where it is. “ He answers me as he turns around and starts taking some plates out of the kitchen cabinets.

  I rush to the bathroom with my purse and I look at myself in the mirror. I look even worse than the girl from The Ring. I clean my face up and take a brush from my purse and I start brushing my hair. At least the ponytail I wear daily holds my hair in place when it`s loose. I put some makeup on my face in order to hide my puffy eyes and I put some pink lipstick on so as to give my pale face some color.

  As I come out from the bathroom I hear music. More from his favorite band and I smile a bit. His apartment is pretty luxurious and minimalistic. I love everything about him except that it is not very colorful and his furniture and décor are player worthy, but tasteful.

  “Dinner is served” He tells me as soon as he sees me.

  I put my bag on top of a table near the door and I join him. The wine glasses are already served.

  “I hope they don`t have alcohol like the last one.”

  “They don`t, I like wine without alcohol, I think it`s better.”

  “Some people would kill you for saying that.”

  “I know” he nods and touches my plate with his fork” eat.

  I like his order. It's like in a way he cares for people. I doubt that he cares for me. Besides, the rice and pasta are delicious enough that I`m taking bite after bite.

  I wonder:

  Are there any other order from him that would be willing to accept so easily?

  …

  I find it impossible to move from this place. At least not now that I`m feeling better, to think about going back to my apartment and face those demons inside is unbearable. It's not like I want to spend the whole night here with Duncan, I just want one more moment of company.

  “What`s going on?” I take a zip from my wine glass, I forgot how long I`ve been here for, in his apartment`s balcony.

  “You said I was a player “ He reminds me a bit resentful and hurt “I can't even understand that word, but you are wrong.”

  “I know I don`t know you, I`m sorry I judged you. Despite the crazy way we met you are a good guy, or at least you look like one.”

  He smiles as he just heard the most beautiful thing. All of a sudden he gets up from the sofa and walks over to the balcony, up to me but looking at the city from here, it is the first time that he breaks eye contact with me and I find it surprising.

  “I was married once.”

  His confession is unexpected. Not only because someone like him was once married but because he doesn't know me, but just like me, for some crazy reason I feel he is being more honest and more serious than ever before.

  “What happened?“ I'm intrigued to know who could have let him go.

  Duncan sighs and gives me a half smile, he looks at me for a second and the back to the horizon. He looks to the same spot that one looks when their heart is broken and you are thinking about it.

  “I met her at work.”

  “Is she an architect too? “ Duncan looks at me
very seriously and I realize I should shut my mouth and let him speak

  “ Sorry, please go on.”

  He waits a couple of seconds before speaking, I see his throat go up and down, I didn't expect that this would be difficult for him.

  “We were married for three years. We met when she was pretty young in fact. I met her father first, he was a great man and my boss at the time, I think that is how I got to know her so well. It was because of him that she started to work with us. I always knew I was in love with her, and some way or another she cared for me.”

  “She cared so much as to marry you” He bites his lip as if he were remembering her.

  “I guess so, I don`t know. I think she married me because of her father. He didn't want to see her alone and…I was madly in love with her.”

  “So then what happened?”

  He looks nervous now. He touches his short blond hair and bites his lip again. He managed to marry the woman he loved. It's hard to imagine that she didn't feel the same way for him, maybe if she was blind or…

  “I cheated on her” The moment I heard those words I want to throw him over the balcony. How could he cheat on the woman he loved?

  “Of course, something like that had to happen. How could you do such a thing? The fact that she didn't love you the way you loved her doesn't give you the right to humiliate her like that. You are an asshole?”

  “I know, I know!“ He raises his hands as if he doesn't like what he hears “At the time I didn't know what I was doing. Elaine wasn't a saint either, she was cold as ice and very cruel in her insolence.”

  “There is no excuse, Duncan. If you were unhappy you could just file for divorce and that would have been it.”

  “I am a selfish son of a bitch, she told me that she never had enough and she was right. I will always want something else, even more than what somebody can give me.”

  That leaves me beaten.

  “And you? “ I look at his face” Are you willing to give more?

  I`m waiting for him to answer me, when he does something that I wasn't expecting, but that I secretly wanted because I don`t say no.

  He kisses me.

  He kisses me in such a desperate, hungry and desirable way, showing me how much he wants to go on with the others night request. My heart is beating really fast that I know he can hear it because he stops and lays his forehead in mine. Something tells me to run for the hills. I can be an adult and deal with this. But the fact is I don't want to.

  It hurts.

  It hurts to think that as he is kissing me he might be thinking about her. His ex-wife Elaine. I am not Elaine, and I don't want to become her.

  “I`m sorry” he whispers still holding my head. I touch his hands and remove them. My head is a mess right now. I don't know where that kiss came from or what Duncan was thinking when doing it, and even worst I accepted it.

  “I just need to go.”

  And I do.

  “Thanks for the food and the wine.

  Duncan nods and his serious idiotic stare comes back. That image is enough to know what I'm dealing with and I definitely don't want to deal with that.

  I walk towards my purse and look for my keys so I can go into my apartment as soon as possible. Once in my apartment I take off my clothes, jump in the shower and then I go straight to bed.

  I don't think.

  I don`t feel.

  But, since we are talking about feeling, I am starting to feel a lot of things but I don't know what they are.

  CHAPTER

  TEN

  His heart is as broken as mine or more. Two broken souls could never be a good thing and what it could only be is: Compassion and refugee. Two words that I completely hate.

  I need to get away from him.

  I'm supposed to be starting from zero and be myself.

  I'm supposed to overcome the cheating, the abandonment and to concentrate in myself.

  Duncan is not making this easy for me. With him I can be myself and he doesn't seem to hate it. With him I feel sure about myself and there is surely something wrong with me because I shouldn't be feeling like this over someone I don't know enough.

  I just know that he has a broken heart. And that is enough to make walk away from him.

  I need to mend my heart first. Face this as a woman and not to get my head mixed up with more issues. I should start by being honest with my father. But something inside me says that it's not time to tell him the truth.

  “I think you don't want your father to know the truth because inside you, you are still hoping there is a chance that Gabe might want to get back together.”

  I have been analyzing the situation with the guys. And, again. Dixon is not there. I really miss him and, despite everything, his advice is always the best. It's not like Agatha and Moe`s advice isn't good, they are, but Dixon looks like he knows what a broken heart feels like and I`m afraid I am the one that caused it.

  “Hell no!”

  “Hell yes” Moe agrees with Agatha`s conclusion “One of the first steps after a break up is to surround yourself with loved ones and mourned altogether the separation. Starting with your parents, then is your closest friends. Or something like that, I read that shit somewhere. And trust me”

  “Trust me, I am over that bastard Gabe. And I can't believe that you are one of my closest friends, Moe. You are asshole.”

  “You know what they say, listen to an asshole and somehow you are going to be ok.”

  Agatha is the first to laugh.

  “In fact, Moe has a point, you should have started by telling your father about the split. Sooner or later he is going to find out. Who knows, maybe Gabe already told him.”

  There is no way, I don't think so.

  “Gabe besides being a cheater is a coward, he has always been afraid of my father so I don't think he would tell him. “

  “Anyways, we are with you, and you know that your father will understand” She goes on with a smile “Besides you have a new friend that could also help you out.”

  Duncan.

  “No fucking way. That guy is even more fucked up than I am.”

  My friends look at me like they are waiting for me to say more. And as soon as they know I know it won't be enough to make them change their mind.

  “He is just an important international architect.

  Also besides being really hot, he is also divorced.”

  The expression on their faces is priceless.

  “And exactly, how do you know this? “ Agatha asks.”

  “I googled him to see what he worked at.”

  “Not that part, silly. The divorce part. I don't think you can find that out by googling him. “

  Fuck, I opened my mouth too much. Anyways, I'm going to tell them because if not I'm going to go mad.

  “He told me” They keep staring at me for more “He asked me to have dinner at his apartment and we talked for a while. Even though he is to blame for his divorce because he cheated on his wife, he was really in love but was rejected by his wife.”

  “That’s not reason enough to cheat on someone. I told you to be careful, I knew that pretty face had baggage with it. “

  Of course, my friend had already thought about it.

  “I told him the same thing. And that is why I am not planning on running into him again.”

  “Why? “ They ask at the same time.

  “Because I already have enough with myself.”

  “Or you are too scared to fall in love again. Come on, it is not a sin for a person to go through the hell that is getting a “Divorce”, as it isn`t to be unfaithful by not being loved back. “

  I see Moe is upset, it is the first time that this guy has talked more than five words without saying something idiotic.

  “Your situation is different, that son of a bitch Gabe used you, it was practically an arranged marriage...only you didn't know. “

>   Now my eyes look at Agatha straight on. I can't believe that my friends agree with my feelings about Duncan.

  Did I just say feelings?

  Fuck.

  “I am not saying that he is the right man for you either, honey” My friend seems to be more excited than I am “It's your turn to live life, or the moment. The guy hasn't even taken you to his bed, it was just dinner. You could just be the type of friends that comfort each other?”

  I look at them and I don't believe it.

  “You two truly are the worst at giving advice. Have you forgotten that Gabe and I aren't even divorced yet? And about his bed, the bastard has already asked me about it, pity sex, how about it? He is just a player!”

  “Come on woman, cut it with all the bullshit about cheating” Moe protests “Have sex, have fun! You are a grown woman, he is a grown man. Whatever happens between you, you can both decide later. That is what happens when you get married too young, you don't know what is pity sex, casual sex, revenge sex, a one night stand, desire sex or payback sex. “

  Now it's Agatha and I that are laughing our asses off. It is true, the only sex I know is the one you have when you are in love and get married. Only that. I don't know what it is to have a one night stand and move on with your life.

  “You are the king of sex” I mock him “I hope that you find your “conscious sex” one day.”

  “I already know them of course, and that is what pity sex is for.”

  “Stop it with the types of sexes. Does anybody know were Dixon is? I haven't seen him around the halls in a while.”

  As soon as I finish asking, my friends stay quiet. There is something they are not telling me.

  “I ask myself the same question” Agatha looks at Moe.

  “You know how he is.”

  This is very strange.

  “I am getting worried, we have to do an intervention right away.

  Moe is the first one to get up and run.

  “Don`t count with me, you know how he is. “

  I look at Agatha as if I was asking for help.

  “I have my suspicions of what might be going on with Dixon. “

  I take one step closer to her. I just hope that it is the same thing I`m thinking. The least I want happening right now is for the guys to be mad at me. But, if it were the same, they wouldn't be as excited for Duncan, so I disregard it. It must be something else that is happening to our friend.