Beautiful Disaster

by C. J.

  “Did you see his face? He had no fucking face. It was there and then nothing. Oh God, oh God. It was like a snake shedding its skin.”

  “Pull yourself together, Kev. Seriously? The fact that he split into two pieces didn’t bother you? How freaking disgusting was that? Freak out later. Now we have to get to our ladies.”

  “Of course. We can talk about our damnation later. You go through the tunnel; I’ll go around to the outside.”

  “Yes, that’s the plan. Why aren’t we moving?”

  “I think we are in shock.” Kevin thought a moment and then punched Danny in the chest.

  “Thank you. I’ll let you know when I’m with Maggie.”

  Danny felt something tugging on his shirt. “What?!”

  Kevin was pointing at Danny’s gas mask.

  “Better wait until we are all out of this house, just to be safe.”

  Kevin gave the thumbs up, and he and Danny both ran out of the room.

  “Maggie, Maggie, Maggie! I’m coming through the tunnel now,” Danny yelled as he shot through a cabinet in the garage, scattering insecticide and car wax ahead of him. He rushed over to Maggie, Cathy, and Humberto. “Oh my God, baby, you look so pale. At least, I think you look pale. It’s hard to see through your mask. How is it? Is it bad?”

  Cathy had found a blanket in the garage and covered up Maggie’s wound and a protruding piece of lawn equipment as well to prevent Maggie from going into shock. She also couldn’t look at the pickaxe anymore without fainting, vomiting or possibly both and really didn’t want to throw up in her mask. There had been several close calls already.

  Maggie’s muffled voice came out of her mask. “I’m Okay, babe, considering the circumstances. I’m glad you and Kev are all right. Is everyone in the, umm, laundry room, are they you know..?”

  “Folding laundry on a different plane of existence? Yes, babe. We didn’t have a choice. They had the notebooks, and various formulas, plus they only had one exit, through this door. We knew they wouldn’t breach it, merrily walk on by and wish you all a lovely day. If there had been another way, we would’ve tried it. Well, Kevin and I better try to blow this door. I just texted him to set up his charges and place them against the southwest corner of the garage. Melissa and I are going to do the same on this side.”

  CHAPTER SEVENTY-TWO

  SEVERAL EXPLOSIONS later.

  “Perfect!” Danny shouted as he forgot to cover his ears when the garage door blew. “Now we have enough of a hole to bash the silver beast through, then we can load Maggie up, get out of here, and get help.”

  “Danny, before you guys move me, I need to say something to you. Just you, Daniel. I’m going to take this mask off. I don’t think we need these anymore. Nothing has been leaking out of that room.”

  “Uh oh, sounds like you are in trouble, bro,” sang Kevin.

  Danny knelt down by Maggie and held her hand. “I’m so sorry, Maggie. I fucked up big-time. My laziness finally caught up with me, and you paid the price. I will never forgive myself for all the pain I caused you. God, I could never let anything happen to you. You, Kev, and Melissa are my family. You are everything to me. I would gladly give up everything I have for you; my toys, my dumb ass inventions, the formula, anything and, everything for you. I love you, Magdalene Elizabeth Penny. I will accept any punishment you give me including sleeping out in the desert with the coyotes for the next month, and finally,” Danny said while raising his right hand “I will never not put anything away in the correct spot again.”

  “Wait, that last bit, I don’t think that made sense, but it was lovely never- the- less, just lovely. Now my turn. Keep holding my hand, Danny, and take off your mask too. Now I want to say this in case things don’t turn out as planned.”

  Danny took off his gas mask. “I don’t like where this is going, babe. It got a little, okay, a lot crazy there for a while, but everything is fine now.” Danny had shifted to his knees and was only inches from Maggie’s face. He cupped her face gently in his hands and said, “We are going to get you out of here, and if someone responds to the signal we sent out, help will be here any second now. I am not going to lose you. Do you hear me?” And he kissed her gently on the mouth.

  “This,” Maggie grimaced as she looked at her leg, “is also partly my fault.”

  “No, babe, no.”

  “Shushh. Just listen. As usual, I rushed in without thinking and winged it. If I had taken a few more seconds to think about what I was doing, maybe a lot of this could’ve ended sooner and without any horrible fatalities.”

  “Oh no, hon, they caused their own demise. Don’t for one second think anything that happened was your fault.”

  With tears running down her face, Maggie continued. “I need to say this before the cavalry gets here. I just want to let you know you were always a part of the Penny family. My parents didn’t think of you as the guy their daughter was seeing, they loved you like you were their own son. They thought of you like family, babe. Danny, you are the most important person in my life. I love you today more than I did yesterday and tomorrow, baby, and tomorrow, if, God willing, we are all here, I will love you even more than I do now.

  Kevin had cleared away a large section of the garage that had just recently been blown, and now saw a cloud of dust heading toward the house. “Hey, guys we are about to have company,” Kevin said ducking into the garage only to find everyone in tears. Christ, what the hell did I miss?”

  “It was so beautiful,” Cathy sobbed.

  Humberto got as far as, “She said ‘I’... and then collapsed against Cathy, weeping.”

  Any further comments were interrupted by the sound of large vehicles pulling up outside.

  Maggie attempted to turn and look toward the newly formed garage entrance but regretted it instantly as searing pain shot through her thigh. She hadn’t realized she had screamed until Danny fell to his knees beside her and jostled her leg again causing another shooting pain to course through her leg. “Danny don’t” Maggie shouted.

  “Don’t what, babe?”

  “Just don’t.” she panted, trying to breathe the pain away.

  “Ma’am?”

  Maggie heard a voice above her and when she opened her eyes she saw several pairs of boots surrounding her. She also saw tears coursing down Danny’s cheeks.

  “It’s Okay babe help is here.” She then looked closer at Danny and realized that the tears may be due to the fact that she was gripping his right shoulder in one hand and his left hand in the other. His left fingers seemed to be turning a dark pink. “Sorry Danny,” and relaxed her grip.

  The boots around her began moving and a container that looked a tackle box was set down beside her. A man dressed in all in black crouched down beside her looked at her leg, the pickaxe at her and back at the pickaxe.

  “Ma’am how in the hell, did you?”

  “Practice, lots and lots of practice, um err sir.”

  Maggie looked at Danny and back at the compact man in black who was now taking things out of the tackle box and muttering to himself. When the man turned back to her she saw that he didn’t have a name tag on his shirt only a tag that said medic in white scroll.

  “Now what we are going to do.” He stopped for a moment looked at Maggie and laughed. “Practice, that’s a good one. I’ll have to remember that one. In fact that’s what we were doing when we received your distress signal. We were training not too far away from here.” As the medic was talking his hands were constantly moving and with a brief glance to someone behind her she was carefully leaned backwards and a band was wrapped around her leg. He then started to do a countdown and gave some sort of signal to someone behind her.

  Realization suddenly hit Maggie and she screamed, “wait, wait, wait. The last time I checked, this garage did not double as an operating room. This is not the time or place to be removing garden implements from people’s legs.” She heard a squeak come from Danny and realized she was squeezing his hand again. “Sorry babe.”


  A disembodied voice came from behind her and said, “We need to stabilize you and remove you from this house which is extremely unstable. It’s unknown at this time if there are any unexploded devises that remain in the house.”

  Maggie could hear a shuffling of feet moving further away from her and made an educated guess. “Where are you going Montgomery?” The shuffling sound stopped and she could hear not so muted arguing between Melissa and Kevin.

  The medic’s face came into view and told her, “We are going to inject you with a concentrated form of the formula adjacent to the entry and exit wounds before and after we extract it. This should limit any blood loss.”

  “So have you done this before?”

  “Yes.”

  “Successfully?”

  “Um. Yes, very little blood loss. Here we go.”

  Maggie squeezed her eyes shut as she felt the formula going in and then pressure as the pickaxe was removed, then two more pricks from the concentrated formula. With her eyes still closed she heard a commotion off to one side.

  “What’s going on? Have they found unexploded devices?”

  There was a snort from the entrance to the garage. “Not exactly. Two of your friends decided to take a sudden nap.”

  “I can only guess who. My heroes.”

  The medic squatted in front of her and said, “Ma’am.”

  “Please don’t call me that. Makes me sound ancient. My name is Maggie. Call me Maggie.”

  “All right, Maggie, we are pressed for time. I will slowly release the tourniquet and see how well you have healed. Are you ready?”

  Melissa came rushing over to Maggie’s side. “I’m here with you Maggie. Our heroes are just waking up.”

  “OK.”

  Maggie looked down at the bandage on her leg as the tourniquet was slowly loosened and did not see anything bleeding through. The medic slowly lifted the bandage and a general sound of disgust came from the group. Under the bandage the wound looked scabbed over and just a small trickle of blood ran down her leg. The blood stopped, and quickly crusted over. “Ugh, I’ve never been happier to see a crusty scab in my entire life.”

  As Danny and Kevin casually wandered over and were inspecting Maggie’s leg, Melissa walked the medics to their truck.

  “Hey did that other incident involving the super concentrated formula go as well at this?”

  “Well there was very little blood loss, but we weren’t sure if that was because of the concentrated formula or...”

  “If it was due to the fact that the dude’s heart stopped beating,” his partner said with a grin as they jumped into their truck and took off around the corner of the house.

  CHAPTER SEVENTY-THREE

  EVEN THOUGH CARL AND the other number crunchers had been given exact longitude and latitude of where to meet after leaving the house of chaos, Carl could not locate the meeting place. They had been driving around in the desert for forty-five minutes without seeing a structure.

  Ryan looked down and said, “Wait, there’s a notation on these directions that says to follow instructions exactly to the latitude and longitude. Stop at these coordinates and wait.”

  Carl glared at Ryan and hissed, “Now you tell me.”

  “Well, I thought once we got in the general area, we would see the house or building or whatever, and I wouldn’t have to read anymore. There’s no reason to get so snippy. Reading while driving makes me nauseous.”

  “You are not driving, and I am not snippy.”

  “You know what I mean. Do you have to drive so fast, urp.”

  “Hey you better not. I have a sympathetic gag reflex. So what are the coordinates again? Never mind, let me read them.”

  As Carl grabbed the directions from Ryan, he saw they were only a few miles from the meeting spot. He was still looking at the directions a few minutes later when he nearly ran down Mr. Millwood. Carl had been reading the instructions when Ryan shouted. When Carl looked up, it appeared that Mr. Millwood had suddenly materialized in the middle of the desert. Carl slammed on the brakes, giving everyone in the car a mild case of whiplash. While Carl, Ryan, Ashley, and Bernard looked battered and exhausted, Mr. Millwood looked as though he was out for a stroll in a sunny garden and had come across old friends. He gave a cheery wave and walked over to the driver’s side of the vehicle.

  “This is quite the unusual house, isn’t it? I must say, I underestimated those two. What you see, or rather don’t see, is the fantastic blending of two architectural designs. Part of the house is mirrored; the rest is a shell-like exterior that mimics the surrounding landscape. Makes it quite invisible. Carl, isn’t it? Just park the Marauder inside.” Mr. Millwood looked at his watch, made a little tsk-tsk sound, and said, “Where has the time gone? I must check in with a colleague. I will explain things in one moment, and attempt to answer any of your questions.”

  He pushed a button on a garage door remote that looked to Carl as if it had just materialized in Mr. Millwood’s hand. An opening unexpectedly appeared in the desert, and the interior of a garage appeared. “I will meet you inside in a few moments. As you enter through the garage, make your way into the living room area. Refreshments have been set out in for you there. Please help yourself. I think you may be quite interested in the news.”

  In the living room, the group found a large, flat-screen TV on, tuned to a news channel. The news anchor seemed to be covering a story about the last few hours inside the house they had just left.

  Mr. Millwood ushered another houseguest into the home’s study. He had just finished speaking into his mic and turned to the person next to him, “Due to a wonderful turn of events, our little cleanup problem is now solved. Gerald, my good man, the remaining problem of the day seems to be your unstable stepbrother.”

  Gerald smoothed the few hairs he had left on his perspiring head and smirked. “I don’t think that will be a problem. It looks like he is about to fall on his own leopard.”

  Millwood gaped at Gerald, nonplussed, started to say something, stopped, paused, and with great effort managed to say, “Oh, what the hell. You mean petard?”

  “Yes, I was giving it the French pronunciation, pleopardt.”

  “Oh, Lord. Shall we adjourn to the other room? Our other guests shall be arriving shortly.”

  Mr. Millwood addressed the group in the living room, “Why don’t all of you freshen up a bit, and then I think we can expect some people to drop by.” A flurry of questions came at Mr. Millwood. He held up his hands. “Yes, yes, I know I said when you arrived I would answer any questions. However, it will be much easier to wait a few minutes, and things will become clearer. In the meantime, you must be famished. Please head down the hall to refresh yourselves, and when you return a warm meal will be waiting for you. I am expecting the rest of your friends shortly, and we can all have a long chat over a lovely meal.”

  At the mention of food, the grumbling turned to happy sounds.

  “Hot meal! I haven’t thought of food until he mentioned it, and now that’s all I can think of,” Ashley said to the others as they all headed down the hall toward the bedrooms.

  CHAPTER SEVENTY-FOUR

  IN A MODEST THREE BEDROOM eco-friendly house that blended perfectly with its surroundings several miles from the open-air home...

  “Well, I for one am going to miss that house,” Maggie sniffed and wiped away a tear. “Melissa and I put a lot of time and effort into it.”

  “How so?” asked Kevin. “Oh yes, we can’t be tied to the house.”

  Danny suddenly jumped up and shouted, “Oh shit, damn it, damn it. I’m so screwed.”

  Melissa jumped up as well and started throwing things in a duffel bag. “What? What is it? Should we leave? Do have time?”

  “We left our last movie rental in the house. Now we are going to have to buy it,” Danny moaned, walked over to the window, placed both palms on the glass, and looked out at the house in the distance. “Man oh man, the library on wheels is going to be pissed. Mrs. Zahne is
super sweet but, man, when she gets riled up, she’ll put you in a corner and lecture you until you wish you had walked the fifty miles to the closest library to return that book or DVD on time. I remember that one time I had forgotten about a book for three of her trips, which is like an eternity in library time. I swear I was clean-shaven when I went in the bookmobile and by the time I exited, I had a beard down to.” Danny had his hand at his navel and suddenly realized the room had gone silent. He decided not to finish his story given the stares aimed at him.

  “Okay, who wants to go first,” asked Melissa as she rolled up her sleeves and dropped her duffel bag.

  Kevin, Maggie, Melissa, Humberto, and Cathy circled around Danny who had scampered away from the window and retreated behind the loveseat. “You rent library movies and books, you, you. I am at a loss for words. I am so mad at you right now, Danny. You said you got those movies and books from town” Maggie said in a low even tone inches from Danny’s face.

  “You dumbfuck, that’s probably how they traced us!” shouted Kevin.

  “No, no, it’s alright. I’m not that stupid. I used Sebastian’s name. Sebastian, from the general store, I wouldn’t use my name. Now that I think about, Sebastian is the one that is going to be pissed. Phew, what a relief,” Danny said with a sigh, sat down amongst his still glaring friends, and wiped his brow.

  But almost immediately Danny jumped back up peered over Kevin’s shoulder and shrieked in his ear, “Hey am I seeing things or did Harpo just drive by!?”

  “No, you are not off the hook just yet, Dumbo,” Kevin said, grabbing the front of Danny’s shirt.

  “No, seriously. Hey, Humberto, it looks like two of your guys just went by in Harpo. Look, they are coming around for a second pass.”

  Kevin had turned around and was looking out the patio doors. “You weren’t shitting us. Yeah, that’s Harpo. Humberto, do those guys belong to you? They look like they are on your team since, all your guys sort of dress alike.